Comrades, have you ever wondered what businesses our progressive heroes would be in if they hadn't consented to putting self-interest aside to dedicate themselves to leading us Forward to Final Victory? I, your oracle of Party Approved Nonsense decided to dip heavily into my beet vodka stash and go into an altered state (at least that's what the police told me when they stopped me on I-80) in order to peer into an alternative universe one in which socialist policies sometimes almost work to bring you a novel perspective on the lives of the icons you and the MSM fiercely adore...


Axelrod & Plouffe, Custom Tailoring....
Even the dullwitted and incompetent can dress for success!


Elizabeth Warren Plastic Surgery Centers
Specializing in creating Cherokee cheekbones and other pseudo-scientific genetic markers that will boost your career by enabling you to pretend to be a member of an oppressed minority group. Phrenology our specialty!

Harry Reid, Private Dick Investigations
No job too sleazy! Marital cases our specialty! Se habla blackmail!


Rahm's Chik-Pluck-U Chicken Sandwiches
The Chicken Sandwich made with Chicago Values!
"We Don't Serve Nobody That Nobody Sent!"

ALGORE Heating and Cooling
"It's settled, we are the climate experts!"

And last, but not least, Barack Obama....

What about next round of "stimulus" when we see the opening of Pelosi Rest Homes and Processed Foods? (Remember the Kollective in your will because It will collect you so the voters get fed.)
Sunstein Deconstruction Co. will tear down everything the government and unions didn't build.
And for the bitter clingers there will be SPASCAR: Solar Powered Assn. Stock Car Auto Racing.

Here's a few idea for my more Photoshop handy comrades and comradettes...

• John Kerry as an actor in B-grade "Rambo" style movies, or perhaps editor of Soldier of Fortune magazine.
  
• Hillary Clinton as a transgendered actor in B-grade "Rambo" style movies, or perhaps editor of Soldier of Fortune magazine.
  
• Bill Clinton as... well... sorry, I can't imagine Bill Clinton being anything other than what he is.
  
• Ted Kennedy as a swimming and/or driving instructor.
  
• Janet Napolitano as a proctologist.

Comrade L C
I recall a set of trading cards from the early 60's when dinosaurs taught children to read in schools. They were of imaginary products that nobody would ever want to buy. Yellowdent Tooth Paste as touted by a toothless twit. Max Crackter Cosmetics featuring the first likeness I saw of Helen Thomas, who's face wouldn't improve with application of anything this side of a sledge hammer. S M E LL O, sans one Cosby who was unknown at the time.
In our Glorious New Age these kind of products are on Government party controlled market. And You will buy them, and you will like them!! Mercury light bulbs are electric cars have purpose unlike mood rings and pet rocks but do not satisfy individual desire which is not Government objective.
Nostalgia ain't what it used to be but gives pause to the memory of words spoken by the late Sir Ralph Richardson in film of Dr. Zhivago. Comrades born before 8/13/91 of old era are proscribed from reading or hearing by order of Commissar Bloomberg.
"Watch closely. I'm about to ignite the last half of the last cigar in Moscow. Farewell the pleasures of the flesh."
Sexual deviants need not comply with the last sentence.

Joe Biden would buy Kentucky Fried Chicken chain. After donning a white goatee to make his "Colonol Panders" picture the iconic symbol of the chain, he will immediately announce that the chicken he sells supports gay marriage.


He's pretty sure it will be a big hit, because he knows African Americans love their fried chicken. He also plans on adding watermelon to the menu, because he heard those people love that too.