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Latest Figures Reveal Obama Leading Romney, 117 to 55

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Comrades, before I report on this exciting, excellent news, I must take some time to tell you how much I resent the insinuations of Rethuglicans, Tea Baggers and other uncivil bastards who claim that I, your official Purveyor of Party Approved Nonsense, as well as my associates in the MSM are somehow biased in favor of Barack Obama. Nothing could be further from the truth. We treat all sides of a story equally!

For example, in 2008 we reported:

LOUSY ECONOMY IS THE FAULT OF THE PRESIDENT!

While in 2012 we are reporting:

LOUSY ECONOMY IS NOT THE FAULT OF THE PRESIDENT!
https://ace.mu.nu/archives/330799.php

See, right there is proof that we are flexible and willing to consider both sides of an issue. If that does not demonstrate objectivity, I don't know what does.

Now, for today's excellent, exciting totally unbiased news...

Latest Figures Reveal Obama Leading Romney, 117 to 55

Speaking in Sandusky, Ohio on July 5, President Barack Obama used the first-person pronouns “I” and “me” a combined 117 times in a speech that lasted about 25 minutes and 32 seconds.

Republican presidential candidate Mitt Romney also frequently used the first-person pronoun in his most recent speech that has been posted in its entirety on C-SPAN. Speaking in Salem, Va., on Jun 26, Romney used the first-person pronouns “I” and “me” a combined 55 times in a speech that lasted about 18 minutes and 13 seconds.

https://cnsnews.com/news/article/i-me-o ... s-1-speech

Wow, that puts President Obama well ahead in the all-important swing state electoral personal pronoun usage count. I don't know how Romney can catch up at this point no matter how much money he raises from the Koch Brothers and the other greedy millionaires who live in the Hamptons. Maybe Romney should just withdraw so we go back to reporting on important things like the very important policy meeting George Clooney will be hosting for Barack in Switzerland.

In other news, President Obama had some very important and inspiring words of hope and wisdom on the economy today. Do take some time to partake of the man's genius...

I want you to know that when I ran in 2008, I said I wasn't going to be a perfect man and I certainly wasn't going to be a perfect president, but I'd always tell you what I thought. I'd always tell you where I stood,” Obama said. “And, most of all, I would wake up every single day thinking about you…”

[sniff] Every single day the man wakes up thinking about me... no wonder he doesn't have as much time for golf and stuff as George Bushitler did.

And now, a word from our sponsor, Barack Obama....

EMBEDDED VIDEO NO LONGER AVAILABLE

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New figures indicate Michelle Obama is no longer the 800-pound gorilla in the room.

After some adjustments, she is now the 700-pound gorilla in the room.

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Another song of Dear Leader paying homage to himself.[attachment=0]rewind-me-myself-and-i-by-de-la-soul.jpg[/attachment]



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After some adjustments, she is now the 700-pound gorilla in the room.

Is it true that the Flying Buttress has been grounded for the duration of the campaign? I heard an ugly rumor (is there any other kind of rumor regarding Big Mo?) that she was being forced to abandon all her globe-trotting (and deeply deserved) foreign vacations this year, because the knuckle-dragging teabaggers might misinterpret these trips as mere self-indulgent luxury.


 
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