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Millions on disability after not being given eclipse glasses

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As the total solar eclipse of August 21, 2017 comes to an end, we have seen an unprecedented surge in claims for government support based on the premise that people are now blind. We all know that this was, in fact, a racist solar eclipse, since there were a disproportionate number of non-whites outside of the path of totality.

While the ACLU files discrimination lawsuits against the sun, the masses are overwhelming the People's Department of Labor. The sun was not equally blocked for all people, as it should have been. This, combined with not being given solar-filtered glasses for eclipse-viewing has caused a systemic eye-damage problem resulting in blindness for everyone outside the path of totality. Therefore no one but those in the path of totality are required to work again.

A special thanks goes out to dear comrade Clara Illbustyourballs Zetkin for bringing to our attention how non-equal this eclipse was. We know this is against the current truths, and must do everything we can to stop it.

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Even a cursory glance at the eclipsonomics would have shown the gross inequities in this, our first racist eclipse. I have a cousin who's air conditioner repairman knew an attorney's brother in the Army and who would be happy to connect him (the Attorney, not the brother) up with any interested parties to file suit.

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#notmysun #resistthesun #imwithmoon

Why did it take so long for the sun to become black, and why does it only last one day? This smells of racism, comrades. I demand government action now!

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It's Trump's fault.

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I must wonder: why during all the mass idiocy, oops, I mean, righteous anger over racist monuments, have the images of Leif Erikson not been torn down? And why has the Uber Racist Trump not mentioned the omission? This is a monumental (pun intended) oversight by the hysterical,er, roused masses.

As can be seen in this Wikipedia article, Leif Erikson was the first racist white European to exploit the New World, and, as a Norseman, was much whiter than Christopher Columbus ever was.

I denounce this tragic oversight, and demand it be corrected for The Common Good™.

As for the unfortunate Underserved unwashed masses blinded by the most racist eclipse ever, our Dear Leader, President Obama, has ushered in the era of dependency, and a few million more added to the Welfare rolls will likely not even be noticed. Besides, it's all Trump's fault.

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Comrades,

We can now definitively see the unequal impact not having government provided solar-eclipse-viewing-glasses in oppressed areas such as New York. This is a travesty.

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Comrade Vladimir Poutine - welcome to the Cube and thank you for your fearless investigative reporting. This chart deserves to be filed in our "Life imitates the People's Cube" archive.

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I really want my social security disability check, but I don't want to blame our Communist Chinese friends for selling me a pair of defective Ecripse Grasses.

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More residue from the first racist eclipse.

Evidently JOEY BADA$$ isn't as badass as the sun yo.

(This shit just writes itself.)

Rapper defiantly stares at eclipse, cancels Toronto show as he complains about his vision

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Please ensure all liberals are provided with the latest in sunblock SPF 70 for future sun gazing. Apply liberally to eyeballs. Some discomfort may occur.


 
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