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Glad to see our glorious FLOTUS out in the world, getting work done, being productive, making progress. Her latest attention whoring benevolent gift to the nation is a guest appearance on the children's show iCarly on Nickelodeon.

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I don't even know what to say.

In light of the leftist corruption and new homosexual agenda of the Girl Scouts of America, it's only appropriate their cookies be renamed:

“Lemonades” will now be known as “Lemon Labia”

“Dulce de leche” will be known as “Douche le lech”

“Trefoils” will be known as “Trib foils”

“Peanut butter patties” will now be known as “Peanut butter Patty”

“Thin mints” will be known as “My former boyfriends”

In honor of lesbian oral sex, the flavors of “Thank u berry much,” “Savannah Smiles,” “Thanks a lot” and “Shout outs” will remain unchanged.

To honor Al Gore and acknowledge man-made global warming, “Caramel de lites” will be known as “Turn off de lites”

And finally, a new merit badge will be awarded for Girls Scouts who achieve a high level of “Heteroflexibility”

One scene cut from the final production showed Dear FLOTUS demonstrating to the children in the studio exactly how one can consume six lobsters from a trough without once using any hands (or a bib, for that matter...)

...Or a shell-cracker, thus demonstrating the need for a federal program to promote strong healthy teeth.