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Mueller bombshell: Trump turned me into a newt

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According to a story by our reliable subsidiary, the Babylon Bee, former FBI director Robert Mueller ordered that Trump be weighed against a duck to determine whether the sitting president is a witch.
Because of the clearly established pattern of Russian collusion, Mueller stated that Trump may actually be an incarnation of Baba Yaga. "I wouldn't be surprised if we find out he eats children," said Mueller.
Mueller's controversial comment has ignited a political firestorm. Indignant members of New York's state legislature, feeling their reputations were impugned by association with Trump, wanted to make clear that they, and not Trump, are the real consumers of infants.
Unfazed, Mueller finally broke the most damning testimony yet proving Trump's culpability regarding Russian interference in the 2016 election: "He turned me into a newt!"
A somewhat startled Christiane Amanpour blurted, "A newt!?" Appearing momentarily befuddled, Mueller seemed to recover himself and offer a rational explanation: "Well, I got better," he said to satisfied nods among the press corps.
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was deeply concerned by revelations of Trump's magical powers. "If he has power to turn good men like Mueller into a newt, he may have power to cast spells and confuse members of our party. No wonder Maxine thought Russia had invaded Korea. It was Trump! Impeachment is definitely back on the, er, table, and we're not ruling out military options."
Trump, of course, denies the allegations tweeting that any speculation about him turning anybody into a newt was, in his words, "fake news."



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trashmouth wrote:
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It looks like his "higher calling" involves selling t-shirts online.

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Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:Trump, of course, denies the allegations tweeting that any speculation about him turning anybody into a newt was, in his words, "fake news."
OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE!
INDICT!
IMPEACH!

And why is he once again making it all about the media? Nobody believes his claims about fake news anymore.

Right?

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Oh how horrible of Trump, to have turned that honest and benevolent man into a Rethuglikkkan! (I assume the Newt in question is of the Gingrich variety, is it not? Or perhaps I am confused again, which is all Trump's fault.)

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Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:
trashmouth wrote:
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It looks like his "higher calling" involves selling t-shirts online.

He could be a AAA guy with that spare tire of his.

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RedDiaperette wrote:Oh how horrible of Trump, to have turned that honest and benevolent man into a Rethuglikkkan! (I assume the Newt in question is of the Gingrich variety, is it not? Or perhaps I am confused again, which is all Trump's fault.)
His evil knows no limits.

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Red Square wrote:
Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:Trump, of course, denies the allegations tweeting that any speculation about him turning anybody into a newt was, in his words, "fake news."
OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE!
INDICT!
IMPEACH!

And why is he once again making it all about the media? Nobody believes his claims about fake news anymore.

Right?
It's an assault on free speech which is extremely dangerous to our democracy. No doubt he wants to silence women and minorities next. Isn't that exactly what Hitler did?


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Papa Kalashnikook - I have copied your 640px image that didn't fit into a 600px box, saved it as 600px wide, and uploaded to the Cube server using our Editor for the Rich.

For the sake of the common good, I would appreciate if you do the same next time.

One of the reasons for this is that quite a few images that our comrades had posted in the previous years have now become defunct and invisible because they were hot-linked from other websites and disappeared when either the website or the user account had been canceled.

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Turned him into a newt? Well that's an improvement.

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Trump's magical powers must have also turned this distinguished journalist into a parrot.


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Red Square wrote:Image
Papa Kalashnikook - I have copied your 640px image that didn't fit into a 600px box, saved it as 600px wide, and uploaded to the Cube server using our Editor for the Rich.

For the sake of the common good, I would appreciate if you do the same next time.

One of the reasons for this is that quite a few images that our comrades had posted in the previous years have now become defunct and invisible because they were hot-linked from other websites and disappeared when either the website or the user account had been canceled.
Thank you Comrade. I will try, sometimes my computer skills are rather ...Medieval.

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Papa Kalashnikook wrote:
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"And it shall come to pass in those days that the children of the Progressives shall lift up their voices and cry out, each to his neighbor, that which was said of old time, Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live!
And each shall take unto himself a torch in one hand and a sword in the other hand, and each shall go forth in his innocence and wot not that but yesterday the very saying was despised in his eyes."
-II Opinions 4:11-12

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Red Square wrote:Trump's magical powers must have also turned this distinguished journalist into a parrot.

Yep. In fact, the World's Dumbest Parrot.

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I never thought I would hear a progressive talk about the Soviet Union undermining the US as if that were a bad thing.


 
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