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My People's Congress Has Failed You. But Who Cares!

POLL: Can you, The People, ever forgive me?

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Fellow comrades, distinguished members of the Politburo, Party members in good standing, Party members in decent standing, Party members slated to be executed at noon and, of course, Todd from accounting. Oh, and his lyfe partner Jim:


I know you're mad at me for cutting the surrender date from the surrender bill. I am so very very sorry.... no, really, I am! I'm really really really sorry.

For more on our defeat and what it is doing to the Party. I, your speaker, want you to go here.


NOW GO EAT SOME CAKE, PEASANTS!


xoxo,

Nancykins!

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Nancy, I do not mind your failure; after all I don't give a rat's ass about truth and lies, like there's a difference. Pardon me while I change my shorts; I soiled them from laughing. The problem, dumpling, is that you had the bad taste to <i>seem</i> to be better than the madding crowd. You and I, and Meow and Zampolit and Pravda and HRC and SMO--well, she's a wild cannon in the canon, love her though--are of course a lot better than the unwashed beasts of burden.

It's the jet, darling: the jet. I don't care if you nationalize Boeing--you can't by the way; I'm on an inside track--and if you'd asked, I could have put you onto some really nice mothballed Concordes and one or two of the pilots still got it. I know first hand. Well, maybe not that pilot for you, but they're not dead in the head.

The problem was letting people <i>see</i> that you didn't care. Care, schmare. I don't. Zampolit doesn't. Meow doesn't, during his rational spells when he's not locked behind a door. And Our Empress care? It is to laugh. But you just gotta make 'em <i>think</i> that you care because people are so goddamned stupid these days, made children from MTV and constant polls, that they don't think. They care. It's easier.

So you have to think about seeming to care. That's all.

So go and do just what you want to do. But don't let them see you not care.

xoxox
Theo baby

I am astonished. I am ashamed to be a Demokrat. Victory may be possible now, and if that dreaded thing happens, we will lose seats unless we can get even more deceased voters to the polls. WE HAD A MANDATE. As our comrades at the Kos pointed out, 70% of AmeriKKans want out of Iraq. Never mind most of that figure don't want to leave right now, but still. We are the party of the peoples' will. The American people want to be defeated! That's what the November Revolution was about! But we have let them down. Why, Nancy, why? Why don't you care?

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Comrade Branish with his beedy little eyes wrote:Why, Nancy, why? Why don't you care?

Help me, Theocritus! HELP ME! Look at them, just look at them! Frothing at the mouth and asking me to... to... do things!? THE NERVE! They don't understand that we are weak and incapable of doing the things we promised to do back in Nov. They just don't understand!

Forgive them Stalin for they know not what they do or something to that effect!

I can feel Jack Murtha's breath oozing down my hairy neck. Yes <expressionless dramatic stare into the distance>, it won't be long till they get me too. Even I can't control the nutroots... and if I can't do it... Hillary sure the hell can't. Maybe I should take my jumbo jet and fly out to Monaco for... oh I don't know... the rest of my term. Yes, I would like that very much. <kicks back scotch> Hillary, maybe it is almost time to bring the big guns into TPC, squash whatever rebellion is going to take place here. I can feel the angst, Hill. I can feel their beedy little eyes on my midly deformed face after this latest Bu$hitler victory. I'm calling <thunder/lightning> JANET RENO! Lupe, bring me my Kermit the Frog phone... Mama Nancy has to make a phone call.

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Jeepers, there certainly are a lot of angry posts over at dKos. So many vowing to never vote Democrat ever again. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!! Maybe they ought to run Ned Lamont for president in '08 on the third party dKos Party ticket. Hahahahahahaha!!!! What a bunch of numbskulls. 70 percent?! hahahahahaha! Thanks Nancy, you folks on the Left are getting funnier and funnier each and every day. Hey lady, have a smile :)

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Nancy, dahlink, settle down. I'll build a wing for you at Rancho del Rio Grande de Teocrito, right next to the Meow wing, and perhaps they might be the same thing. We won't let these awful people bother you; after all, you're the leading exemplar of one of the Party types: rich, shallow, selfish, stupid, insensitive--what's not to love?

And we do, we do. After all, with all that we have invested in you? You're our hope, baby, for the future. Hill, dear thing that she is, just doesn't have quite the sex appeal that you do. Now I know that Bruno, in one of his queeny moods, has likened your neck to the turkey we had for Thanksgiving but I bitch-slapped him for you. Can't have a menial dissing one of the the Party stalwarts. But you over Hillary for sex appeal? You win hands down.

And anyway, considering what a lot of these people look like, Wonder Warthog would serve nicely.

So buck up, dear. I'm on your side. And why don't you fly your jet down to the Rio Grande? I've got a switch hitter here for you that you might like, and I'm having some trouble keeping him off the seraglio that I keep on hand for Meow.

I like to keep my friends happy. Wouldn't do for people to think that I, the ultimate progressive, am heterophobic.

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No surrender date?!?

<Darth Vader Voice>

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

</Darth Vader Voice>

What will we do? We cannot have innocent freedom fighters being mercilessly slaughtered for fighting for their beliefs! Only kkkapitlaists should die for that reason.

Meow, please select some poor peasant from the crowd. I need to kill something before I explode and I know that you have extensive knowledge in the field of random selection.

Hurry, before I just start randomly killing! My guillotine must be fed!!!

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Premier Betty wrote:Meow, please select some poor peasant from the crowd. I need to kill something before I explode and I know that you have extensive knowledge in the field of random selection.


I select that one in the corner! <points to some ugly fat women with moles and other unsightly deformities> Commissar Theocritus, bring the accused forth to be summarily executed for the Greater Good of Premier Betty. What is your name dear? Julie is it? Well now, Julie, because of your hideousness, you will be executed to feed our bloodthirsty vengeance for this latest defeat. Do you have any last request? Oh, I see... well, we can't take you to Dennys for an all-you-can-eat dinner before your execution. Theocritus, cuff her up (if possible, she must have 50 pounds of lard for wrist). Alright, on the count of three, everyone... 1...2...3 <swoosh> YaY! Another prole bites the cold steel of revolutionary people's justice! Praise Hillary!

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Oh piss... the blade didn't go all the way through! Ugh, this woman is huge! Julie, dear, just hang tight for a second... Blokhayev, sharpen these blades for Darwin's sake! Ugh, hurry... she is wailing like a disgruntled beached Rosie O'Donnell.... ugh, make her stop! MAKE HER STOP! Done? Alright... once again, on the count of three... 1... 2... 3... <swoosh> <thunderous cheers> Alright, is it dead yet? Someone poke it with a stick this time to make sure.

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Betty, I hate to rain on your parade but I don't use a guillotine. If you check the Grainger catalogue you can get a three-phase garbage grinder. It's guaranteed up to #300 of gristle, bone and fat, which will do for a lot of people. Michael Moore was over the other day and kept throwing proles down it, laughing because they believed that he was going to make a movie about them, and the fools believed him. Well, stupidity is fatal, or with Michael it is.

But since it's so close to May Day, I'll rustle up a prole for you. Have you been a good girl? I think that I can find a Young Democrat who poped to Berkley and who is the first Progressive in six generations of RepubliKKKans. Silly fool--she ought to know that we always eat our young. But you may have her if you want.

Meow, since you have so wisely decided to cut me in on the deal, 50% was it? Or will it be? And since you're going to buy the lucite box with the shredded Constitution in it--you are, aren't you?--I'll let you have some particularly fat and nasty proles for your enjoyment.

But I warn you. Not much fun in target practice for they're big. But if you score by the number of shots--now there's a game for you. Hard to hit a vital spot, you know, in all that quivering lard.

Let me know and I'll send over a few tons. Or would you prefer more, say five proles?

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UGGGHHH! The damn it is still wailing! Josef H. Stalin, you people! We are Communist for Darwin's sake... if anything should work it should be the damn guillotine! Alright, raise the blade up again... no, wait... install the other two blades this time. Alright, OK... slowly but surely, Julie. OK... count of three...1...2...3 <swoosh> ??? Gimme that damn stick <pokes>. Alright, it is dead now... everyone go about your business and be mindful that we can thank Queen Hillary for providing us with public revolutionary executions. Praise the Party and blah blah I will see you all at the next purge.

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Dammit... I have cellulite all over my fine Italian shoes! OK... OK, what were you saying? 50% was it? Ummm... no deal. Her Excellency is only giving me 15%. I made an earlier offer in another forum for 5%... take it or leave it. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to get my great coat to the cleaners... I have whoppers and french fries from Julie all over it.

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<Pokes fat Julie with very sharp stick> I think she's dead, if not we will have to get another one.

<drooling> Yes, more... more! I need more! KIIILLLLl!!!!!!

*POP*

Oh, S**t! Eeewww! What is this stuff? It smells like... cheap mayonnaise! Someone get me a towel, this stuff is worse than silly putty....

Nuts... now she's deflating like an éclair that has just been run over... ick, LUPE! Get in here and clean my guillotine! If you don't do it right, the blade might just slip and cut off something important.

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Mayonnaise! Who let them have mayonnaise! Miracle Whip is all they're worth and that made with casinghead gas.

Just who has been spoiling the proles?

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Ewww... that is disguting! Here, everyone take a poncho... this thing is obviously not down spewing prole filth all over everyone. Ugh, now my tie had splotches of Julie on it! Dammit... does anyone have any club soda? Anybody at all? Dr. P, I know you have club soda on you... here, let me see it.

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Someone get the forklift in here to clean this up! That and a fire hose. Hurry! Get rid of her, we need a new peasant to sacrifice to the God of Global Warming!

Betty, I hate to rain on your parade but I don't use a guillotine. If you check the Grainger catalogue you can get a three-phase garbage grinder. It's guaranteed up to #300 of gristle, bone and fat, which will do for a lot of people.

Sounds like the plastic recycle machine Saddam used... Hmmmm....

Have you been a good girl?

No. No I haven't. Probably because I am in fact of the male species. Even though The Chose One pointed that out, I still chose to keep Betty instead of Master Paine.

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Girl, schmirl. Gender is what we say it is. Reality is what we say it is. The sun rises because we tell it to. Haven't you figured that out yet? Do our plans work? Hell no. Can they work? Get real. Should they work? For us, of course. For others, hell no.

And if you believe in Darwin, as I do, then you believe that things don't have to do what they're supposed to do; they only have to be seen as having a chance to do what they'd supposed to do, a good enough chance to let people do what we want to do anyway. Saves on the bullets--which come later. And Saddam's recycling bin--he stole that one from me, by the way, and his untimely execution in December stopped my patent-infringement suit against him.

So down is up, left is right, or always left that is, and if you're Master Paine or Premier Betty, it doesn't really matter. And I'll really come out of the closet. I've been shacking up with Meow's toaster ex-wife Helen. Boy that gal can butter my buns.

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Boy that gal can butter my buns.

MORE BAD IMAGES!!!

Fist Julie exploding all over us, now this! I'm going to need some more BrainWash™ and Brain Opener™ for this.

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Let me suggest that you gargle with a BEQ. I promise not to put the slow-acting poison in yours, as I did in HRC's.

Hillary! Uh, how are you? You're feeling, uh, better now? Oh? Was there something wrong? Really? You managed to fill the Capitol rodunta with shit? Well, considering it was your shit, it was good for the rotunda.

Betty, I'll get back to you. Our Empress has extended me an invitation to a tete-a-tete and I hope the same number of tetes come out of the room as went in. Three to be exact although considering the look in her eye I might be glad to have just one.

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*gurgle gurgle gurgle*

*cough cough* *hack* *cough*

Ack! Can't breathe! *cough* *cough*

<puking noises>

Eeew! now there's cheap mayonnaise, old club soda, buttered buns, and Darwin knows what else! Someone's not going to like cleaning this up... SMO. After all, your teh Kommissar of Housekeeping, and even though we aren't in a house I believe this falls under your jurisdiction.

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The High Autocrat Red Square does not share your optimistic appraisal of the situation. Nancy, I hereby call for the politburo to exile you to a shadowy existence as congresswoman non-person. If John Kerry, who contributed greatly to undermining confidence in the Amerikan war for (What was Amerikan Imperialism in Vietnam about?) could be reduced to non-person, you, with no such gallant record of accomplishments for the people should also be relegated to obscurity. You have failed us for the last time...Speaker. For the common good, and for the children (who will have to grow up under the continue shackles of freedom) I hereby call for revocation of your world citizenship. You have emboldened Bu$h-hitler. Any further emboldenment might result in his realization that "comprehensive" immigration reform (Always use superfluous adjectives when describing legislation) does not favor the Republikans. Your continued presence is a threat to all we have worked for. I'm sorry, it's nothing personal against you, grandma, but'chu gotta go. You are Ob-so-lete!

Rik

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Ah. Rikalonius. A purge? Can I help? I know that I kissed old Nansky's crepy neck--turns you queer you know--but when there is blood in the water I'm always ready to dig in. For I love nothing so much as a purge.

Set the time and date. Is this a Bring Your Own Bomb party? I have some particularly good knives with an excellent provenance: when they made a show of closing down the Vladimir Prison in Moscow not everything was thrown away. And I did get to Saddam's Meat Locker before the military did and I have some of the original rotating knives.

So I'm on. Set the time and date.

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I'm thinking Mime.
Troops died and the Mime lied.
The Mime said Bush would be impeached by Memorial Day and the Troops would be home before the 4th of July.

Well?

A sacrifice must be made. I say the Mime.

Nancy is my friend. After all, it now turns out the Republicans threw the election in 2006 so they could make the Party look bad. They've fixed every election since 2000.
The Mime set us up. The Mime is a Mole! A double agent!

BTW Theocritus ....thanks for BEQs. That pinch of arsenic and twist of belladonna with the hemlock stir stick was the extra touch that I needed.
Very tasty and invigorating.

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Just where is this Mime? I think that you're taunting me with fresh, red meat. I want a Mime! I want a Mime! Theocritus want a Mime!

Ah, Empress, I'm so, glad, yes, glad to see you so invigorated--Lupe, I thought you felt her wrist and she had no pulse? Didn't you? DIDN'T YOU?--and Empress I shall be glad to make BEQs for you any time that you want. --Lupe, just where the hell is that black bag that Menegele had muled into me just before they got him? I don't care if it burned a hole through the floor into the basement. Put on your Haz-Mat suit and get the goddamned thing. No, I don't care if it is glowing. You've had your children already, and I don't care about me, you silly woman.

Ah yes, Empress. Will you come to the Rancho del Rio Grande de Teocrito some time? I have a luxury suite that Meow was uncomfortable in, but it might suit you. Lots of chrome and black leather, and crimson. Doesn't show blood. And the floor is concrete with a hole in the center, to be sluiced down. When I turn on the high-pressure hose, it drains the Rio Grande, and that lets in 1,000 more wetbacks, who are instantly given job training on my Rancho.

So by all means come down. And borrow Nansky's jet. Knowing you, she won't need it. Why remember all the people whom you and Bill had 100% confidence in? Now what were their names?

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Get Scary Harry! Purge that old kook! You Excellency, we need a real man to be Sen. Maj. Commissar, not some silly old man making real estate deals. I nominate Babs Boxer, she has the balls to make the Plantation House whimper!

PURGE HARRY! PURGE HARRY! PURGE HARRY!

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Get Scary Harry!
Dingy...no doubt.
Scary....c'mon, I have bigger balls than Harry.
What is he? 4'11" 90lbs soaking wet?

I think now is the time to purge the mime.
....now is the time to purge the mime.....now is the time to purge the mime
......now is the time to purge the mime.....
Your getting very sleepy
......now is the time to purge the mime
Your eyelids are getting very heavy
......now is the time to purge the mime.....
I'm going to count to three and snap my fingers
One
now is the time to purge the mime
Two
now is the time to purge the mime
Three
<snap>

Rikalonius wrote:Nancy, I hereby call for the politburo to exile you to a shadowy existence as congresswoman non-person.

I agree. It is time to purge Nancy. Today, while spying on Rush Limbaugh's hateful rhetoric, he read a post from our comrades on Democratic Underground. I couldn't find the post myself, but it related the possibility that the RepubliKKKans purposely lost the elections in 2006 so they could make us look bad. Our friends at DU are mad as well that the Party has bought this "war of aggression."

If it is true that the RepubliKKKans purposely lost, then I suspect Nancy and Harry are working for the Fascist in Chief. Yes! The RepubliNazi Party threw the elections because they wanted subpoena after subpoena and never ending show trials! And we now know who is working for them.... purge Nancy and Harry!

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I'm about damn sick and tired of these butter knives being thrusted into my back of all places. Branish, I thought me and you had an understanding after I spared you from being castrated at the last Party Caucus? I THOUGHT WE HAD AN UNDERSTANDING! Awwah hell, it doesn't matter now... soon everyone will abide to strict Party doctrine! Thats right, my little ones... I just got off the phone with Janet! Guess what... she just registered <thunder/lightning> Muaaahahahaa *cough**cough*hahahaha!

Hill, sweety, I agree with you 110%! Let's purge the pathetic "street artist"! Harry ain't a bad guy, just old and smelly... he can stay on for a little longer. As for you Branish, I expect a full apology on my gold plated desk by tomorrow, mister man. This isn't a little circus where you can just charge anyone with anything you damn well please... or is it?

I got to go, I have a colon cleaning at 11:00 tonight.

xoxo

Nancy <3

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I got to go, I have a colon cleaning at 11:00 tonight.

I really don't want to know....

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Premier Betty wrote:
I got to go, I have a colon cleaning at 11:00 tonight.

I really don't want to know....

Get in the damn car, Betty. You're coming with me! I want you to see first hand what I have crawling around in my deepest most sacred caverns. Oh, I also need you to do an echo test as soon as the procedure is done. Just get real close and scream your little head off! This is to make sure that they cleaned everything out.

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Oh, I'll be screaming all right.

HELP!!!!!! HELP ME FOR DARWIN"S SAKE!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF HILLARY SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!!! AAAAUUUUGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA DIE!!! I'M TOO RICH AND POWERFUL TO DIE!!!! HELP!!!! NO, NO, GET IT AWAY! HELP!!!!!!!!


(Ooh, new interrogation/prisoner friendly tourture idea!)


HEEEEELLLLLPP!!!!!!!!

Nancy wrote:As for you Branish, I expect a full apology on my gold plated desk by tomorrow, mister man. This isn't a little circus where you can just charge anyone with anything you damn well please... or is it?

Yes, Nancy, I acknowledge you did save me at the last caucus...those damn "blue dog" Democrats...how did they get in there anyway? They're the ones making it a circus. And why does our majority depend on those phonies?

But I will only be willing to apologize if the Peoples' House shows more support for the freedom fighters. Comrade John Edwards is out on the campaign trail attacking BusHitler's "bumper sticker slogans," but Congress isn't as supportive of the Global War on America this week. The almighty Will of the People ™ demands it!

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Peoples', People's... awaah hell, who cares anymore... we're all going to be speaking Spanish soon anyways, right Lupe? Anywho, we lost in November, Branish. OK? We lost, so get over it. What matters now is me being Speaker and Hillary becoming POTUS... and that's it... period (speaking of which, I need to get my paws on that new drug they have out for that). Ummm, hmmmm, Betty... quit yer bitching and dig up there a little deeper. Here, take this spork, dig deep and do a little yodeling for Mama Nancy.

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Madam Speaker and President Rodham:

I have just received your transmission and am happy to report for duty. I have longed for many years now to finally take my place amongst the Party Elite and to conduct full cavity searches for all of those who question your authority. President Rodham, I look forward to working for you again and am elated to have the full thrust of your support behind me - something that I have missed for all of these years :-(. Hopefully in time we will rekindle our once private but very professional relationship, this time without Bill in the corner videotaping the proceedings.

Just call me angel of the morning,

USSA CG

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You, Commissar General, help me! Get me out of here and you can finish this "cavity search" for this demon woman! I cannot stand being near the Black Hole of Collectivism this long!

Someone get me outta here!

I AM PREMIER!!! OBEY YOUR PREMIER!!!

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Stalin's speed, comrade Premier! I'm sure you'll be fine in there, I mean, better you then me, right?! Yes, better you then me <giggles>! (Someone have the hose standing by for when he "exits", we don't need another mess on our shoes). Speaking of messes and the mess we got ourselves into in the last election; I believe I touched on the theory that we are the victims of "greater strategery", comrade Branish. Point being that we are a do-nothing Congress with little or no power to do anything at all, especially with Blue Dog scumbags jamming the wheels of revolutionary progress. Yes, this whole "mandate" crap was indeed just that - crap. And now the Repugs will take advatage of our failures and use it to demoralize our revolutionary electorate. Now if you'll excuse me; I have to go sit in a corner in the parasite (fetal) position and cry my little commie eyes out... oh, and soil myself while I'm at it as well.

-- Meow

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I'm sure you'll be fine in there, I mean, better you then me, right?! Yes, better you then me <giggles>!

I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!!!!

Meow, I filled all those Bacon-flavored Hot Pockets you ate this morning with Tofu and Laxatives.

I HAVE HAD MY REVENGE (for now...)!

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OMG! Janet! My nightmare! I keep having a dream that I am in bed with Janet! Hillary, I worship your leviathan thighs, and Nansky, you can level with me, that it is the Blue Dog Democrats which got up your ass.

But, Party Faithful, why all this talking about anal expulsion? Save that shit to come out the mouth! That's how people identify us!

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Exactly! Listen to Theocritus! Let me free!!!!

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...... ..... ..... OH DARWIN! .... Ugh...not again! Oh sweet merciful Stalin! <runs to bathroom> Get out of my way! Get out of my way! I have to go! I have to GOOO!!!

Arrrrggghhhhhuuuuuugghhhhhhhhhh.....ahhhhhhh....uggghhhhhhh.....gaaaaahhhh... Damn you, Betty! Auurggghhhhhhh.... Damn you all to Detroit! Ahhhhhhh..... Piss, there is only one sheet of toliet paper in here! DAMN YOU SHERYL CROW! Augghhhhhhh...Ugggghhhhhhhh.... WHY!!?? <sobs> Why!? Auuugggghhhh.... auggghhhh....uggghhhaaahhhhhh...

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MUUUAAAHHAAHAAHHAAHA! <Maniacal Laugh>

Oops... AAAUUUGGGHHHHH!!! I accidentally triggered a feces avalanche inside here! Someone pull me out before I get buried alive in s**t!

HELP! HELP! HELP!

*Awkward Silence*

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Betty! I got to say it, no else is! Are you sure that your aren't getting carried away?! Calm down man! Just calm down!

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*GASP* *GASP*

Air... air!

Well, how would you fell being trapped in Nancy's Black Hole of Collectivism with nothing to defend yourself from the unknown but a (literally) crappy spork?

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Meow foolishly, and I mean foolishy, wrote:I'm sure you'll be fine in there, I mean, better you then me, right?! Yes, better you then me <giggles>!

Well now, looks like we lost all communication from Betty. Alright, Meow... you're up buckaroo! You said "better you THEN me", mmmhmm, that is what you said. So, get on your gloshes, grab a pick, and climb on in! The water is nice and warm! Oh, grab me an US Weekly too while you're at it... Mama Nancy wants to find out who won Idol.

Theocritus, calm down... Janet is here now to help us all listen to Hillary and I. OK? Don't get your panties in a bunch... Janet hates men if you haven't figured it out yet. She also hates small Cuban boys looking for refuge in this Gaia awful cess pool of a country as well. She cares, Theocritus... she cares about YOU! Now show her some respect and shave her legs.

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Betty! You're alive! Well thank Stalin! Now let's see how Meow fares in the bottomless pit. Meow, be careful... there might be some animals lodged up there from my college days. Packs of them come to think of it. Better take some raw steaks in case the wolves come chasing after ya. Good luck, and may Stalin watch over you or whatever <licks finger and turns page>

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It's okay Betty, just think of a happy place. Think of a place where the revolution has come and Global Warming is no longer a problem.

Nancy dear, just to let you know that I am behind you and Hillary 100%! I try to make it a point to not choose sides within the party, it might lead to disagreement. I agree with everyone's opinion. (PLEASE DONT SEND ME IN WITH THE WILD ANIMALS ALSO!)

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Remember! 100% of Democratic Socialists agree there can be no disagreeing.
Let's think this out logically...
What is more French than surrendering our surrendering principle?
To add further insult to injury, the French elected Sarkozy!
Are you confused yet?
I'm not.
This is the work of a diabolical genius who set out to troll Progressive sites such as ours and cause doubt, fear, and dissention.
Nancy is not to blame.
The signs of the times leads to the lib without a spine.
The Mime!*

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*Tip of the hat to the Rev. Jackson

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Surrender by U2

The Kos is alight
With lovers and lies
Bright blue eyes.
The Kos is bright,
Brighter than day tonight,

Surrender, Surrender.

Nancy said she couldn't
Work out what it was all about.
And so she let go,
Now Nancy's on the street
And the people she meets you know.
She tried to be a good lib
And a good wife
Run a good Congress,
Lead a good life.
It's not good enough
She got herself up on the 110th floor
Got to find out, find out
What she's living for.
Surrender, Surrender.

The Kos is a fire,
A passionate flame
That knows me by name.
The Moonbat's desire
To take me for more and more.

It's in the street getting under my feet,
It's in the air it's everywhere I look for you,
It's in the things I do and say.
If I want to live, I've got to purge a mime someday.

Murtha sing my sing my song.
Murtha sing my sing my song.

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Mine Empress, you keep taunting me with the Mime, and although I would never doubt you if you said that 2 and 2 are 400, which it is if you're justifying a tax increase, I am beginning to doubt that there is this Mime. I would throw all my stolen Steuben crystal against my onyx wall, laid by Mexican workers whose hands I cut off to make sure that they could never again do one that fine, if I could just have the Mime. Please, HRC, either deliver the Mime to me or quit taunting me. I am only a weak man, HRC, only a weak man. The Mime is my Holy Grail.

Nancy, do not be worried if you are immerded. Ron Perelman of Revlon, one of us, but just a bit farther in the closet, has developed some makeup which will serve you well. And have you considered that shit, once dried to a certain texture, can serve as spackle? A slap of paint, and then you're off. But you might want to get a special friend of mine to make sure that the inside of your 757 is the right color for it's hard to get the base coat over the spackle just right and you wouldn't want bondo-like lines to show.

Meow, do not worry about your immerdement. I have firehoses just for that.

...Lupe! Where are those firehoses we used to wash away those one-year-old children trying to find their mothers who were doing the Lenin's work on the Rancho? Just can't get good help any more. Why, in the old days a prole baby could go an entire day without food and now, after 12 hours it's bawl and cry and squeal. Damn it. They're not making slaves like they used to...

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Meow, I'm sorry I put those laxatives in your breakfast. *cough* I didn't know it would end like this. Good luck, and try not to breath so much.

If only I had $10,000 in 10's and 20's (used), I might be able to live a little longer.

*cough*

I must rest in my luxurious mansion (modeled after the people's hero AlGore) and wait for my $oft ca$h to arrive.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:OMG! Janet! My nightmare! I keep having a dream that I am in bed with Janet! Hillary, I worship your leviathan thighs, and Nansky, you can level with me, that it is the Blue Dog Democrats which got up your ass.

But, Party Faithful, why all this talking about anal expulsion? Save that shit to come out the mouth! That's how people identify us!

Yeah Janet R is one ugly dude...I wouldn't do him if I were you!

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Ah yes. Janet Reno. The jaw of a lamprey eel. The body of the Elephant Man. And how lucky for the world that it has her disconfigurations; otherwise we could care if she had a chipped tooth.


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You are too kind, Commissar #498-490-09 Theocritus and S.A.F Marshal # 236-765-78 Pravda. I do find myself to be Gaia's gift to Womyndom and a "dude" that enjoys sleeveless flannel shirts, mullets, and raunchy tattooed womyn in biker bars - which, to this day, reminds me of Hillary<3.

President Rodham, I'm at your full disposal, do as you please with me.

Welding for truth and social justice,

-- Mr. J.R Esq.

Department of Revolutionary Justice Commissar General



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Janet, I've been trying to get hold of you. I think that I got your copy of the Grainger catalogue by mistake. Have you seen the section on the arc welders? You can get one with its own power trailer. And here's one that I really want: three-phase garbage grinders. I ordered one just to try out for the Meow Memorial Wing of the Rancho del Rio Grande del Teocrito in southern Texas. If it works fine, I'll get one for Zampolit's wing, too.

I have been thinking about one for HRC's room, too. I know how she would love one.

...Lupe! Lupe! Are you sure that was Mengele's black bag there?...Yes, I know it was glowing...I don't care if the skin is falling off your face and hands...That stuff must have gotten old, and the bitch just asked for a refill and soiled the plastic sheets AGAIN...

Janet, I will tell you how the grinder works, and I'm widening the Rio Grande just in case it works like I hope it does.

xoxoxo
Theo

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Alright, Theocritus, give Janet some breathing room for Chomsky's sake, sheesh.

Back to business people, who are we going to put on the chopping block for this latest failure? I'm clearly not in the running since I kiss Hill's ass on a daily basis (among other things…. Grrrooowwwwll). So who is it? Are we going with someone in the leadership or are we going with some loser from Minnesoooda? I'm personally leaning towards the loser… something about his cheeky smile which gives me the creeps. Hmmm… I think Mad Albright is in cahoots with the mime. Yes… I feel as if her hand was somehow involved in all of this, although I can't prove it.

Hill, Janet... what do you think? Do you have that errie feeling that Mad Albright has been lurking around lately, screwing up our shiznit?

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Commissar Theocritus, I only enjoy hobby welding on my days off or the days that I'm getting off which is usually on major national holidays now that I'm retired from tormenting the Amerikan public. Usually these days I am either working or trying to learn how to smile... which is increasingly becoming harder to do now that I am completely without a soul. On a lighter note, I would love to have you over someday to attend one of my dance parties... although I would please ask you to bring your own soap and razor if you so decide to attend.


-- Mr. J.R Esq.

DORJ CG

P.S - Madam Speaker, I happen to mad about Mad and strongly advise that we keep her around for the next time we want to shower Kim with gifts.

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Nansky, I vote Harry Reid. You know I don't give a rat's ass about morality and far be it from me to cavil over a few million here, a few million there. It's <i>work</i> to get the money you need for the Good Progressive Life and Reid has my sympathy. But let's face it, girls: he's just attracting too much attention. That real-estate deal, and also, well, he's a freaking moron. There. It's out. He makes a used condom look like da Vinci. I mean that this man sucks the IQ out of a room when he walks in it, and we just can't be sure that he'll stay on the program.

Ever notice how Senator Rockefeller has been silent lately? He's just as stupid but all all that Standard Oil company that his ancestor had means that he doesn't steal for need, like Dingy Harry; he just does it to keep his hand in--kind of like Bill and lying. You know, he really didn't have to lie all that much but you know how these perfectionists are: Gershwin would compose something every day just to keep in practice and once a year Picasso would copy, stroke for stroke, a Rafael. Bill lies just like that. Fancy, plain, delicately parsed in several tenses, you know. Just keeping in practice.

Jay is like that for stealing. He doesn't really need to.

But Jay is silent because he's as stupid as Dingy Harry and I have been devoting all of Disney's Animatronics people to the Algore program. You know, this Global Warming™ thing changes all the time. It's not like, you, know, Christianity which you can't prove or disprove. Some people have figured out that you can disprove it and it means that Algore has to be a bit more agile than he did when he was stealing money from Buddhist nuns.

Also since he got so fat, we had to bump up the hydraulics. Once the load was enough that one in his leg sprung a leak and it looked like he'd pissed himself. We had to kill that CNN cameraman.

So I vote Dingy Harry. Nanstky, you're safe.

And when are you coming to the ranch?

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Janet, didn't you get the invitation that Hill, Nansky and I sent you for a retreat at Hilton Head, where we've taken it all over, for further development of the Hildo Turbo Hydramatic 8.0? SMO is giving the keynote, and your arc welder is needed.

RSVP. Oh. Send Rosencrantz and Gildenstern. Can't figure out why they offed them; I have work to be done.

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It's a tie between Mikael and Dingy Harry...I think it would be more fun to purge the mime, however, because we all need a little drama around here, no?

Surely, the mime would go to the cattle car crying, kicking, & screaming...and THAT'S entertainment!!! Plus I'm sure you PhotoShop'rs out there would have great fun rewriting the "Tales O' the Mime".

<sniffle> I miss the mime...let's purge his ass!

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I'm getting pretty pissed off at all the loyal comrade, taunting me with the mime. I have not seen the mime. I no longer believe that the mime exists. If there were a mime, you know that I'd be at him with my 12" incisors dripping blood, my fingerprints worn off from the furious typing of abuse. I'd get aerobic exercise, panting to stream out the next fusillade.

Actually if he exists and he's like you say, I have something in mind which is much nastier than abuse. Much. Utterly vicious, a dagger in the heart, and twisted over and over and over. I know these people and know what makes them tick.

But I'll have to have it proven that the Mime exists. Until then, I vote Dingy Harry. And after all, there is a lot that can be done with Photoshop on him, isn't there?

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As I recall, Commissar, you were MIA when we defeated the mime back in January. Clearly, I remember Laika exhorting "WHERE IS THEOCRITUS WHEN WE NEED HIM??!!" That's a quote...eh Laika??

It would certainly be a blessing if he visited us again...perhaps you can help lure ERRR persuade him to visit us at The Cube? I tried, and failed (see PMO thread).

muahaha...muahahaha...MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

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RedtheProgressiveFox wrote
It's okay Betty, just think of a happy place. Think of a place where the revolution has come and Global Warming is no longer a problem.
You had best come correct, comrade...Global Warming™ will always be a "problem". It is "the tie that binds"; the yoke around the neck of the unwashed masses.

I've got my eye on you, comrade...it's been a while since I dropped a dime for a Black Mariah, but I know the number!

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Marshall, I was MIA but not out of choice. I was on South Padre Island and the display on my relatively new computer died. I had severe withdrawal symptoms. And not knowing the fun I was missing, I did not go onto the Cube at work for that is where I am at the mercy of people who want to talk to me. What a cross I bear but it brings in the money which allows me the finer things of life.

Like plotting the takeover of the world.

And Pravda, I have an idea! Just as in <i>Brave New World</i> the nations are constantly at war with each other to enforce loyalty, we can have competing crises: Global Warming™ has staked out a big chunk, and has managed to overwhelm cuddly animals. But I do not think that hysterical hypochondria is played out yet. Any suggestions on some disease which is a direct cause of the military/industrial complex? That one isn't used up either, by the way.

I personally like Multiple Sensitivity Syndrome. It's proven not to exist and so it's on an even keel with Global Warming. What if we are multiply sensitive to ozone and greenhouse gases? Or to what is used to combat them? It's all a crock of shit, of course; it doesn't matter what it is as long as the useful idiots will squeeze their eyes shut and bray, led by precious morons with blow-dried hair and waxed legs--you choose who gets what; I'm sexless in this--who bug their eyes at a camera and intone with grave demeanor the Evils Which Will Befall the World unless...you fill in the blank of the hysteria du jour.

For never forget, Comrades, inside every prole is a hidden Chicken Little. Let's form the Chicken Little Party.

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Theocritus wrote:
Marshall, I was MIA but not out of choice. I was on South Padre Island and the display on my relatively new computer died. I had severe withdrawal symptoms.
We were all wondering where you were, as we knew you'd surely take charge of that troll in eloquent and entertaining fashion. We had a field day, though...the straw that broke the mime's back was Red's revelation that we did, indeed, have a professional mime troll the Cube <sigh> that was such fun!!

It's never too late, comrade Commissar!

http://impeachforpeace.org/board/

I'm sure there's shit to stir at the outhouse above! (hint: look for posts by MikaelMN)

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:: OUTRAGE ALERT!!! ::

Carl Bernstein and other assorted thought criminals betray the Party and Her Excellency!


LINK: Capitalist lies and other forms of reich-wing trickery! BEWARE!

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This has to be some sort of evil and cruel joke!? How could Carl do this to us!? HOW!!?? Once again there is only one culprit for this kind of slanderous hate-speech.... yes, the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy is at it again, trying to discredit our poor, helpless, womynly supreme leader (no, not me you idiots). My goodness, maybe we should add Carl to the list of possible purge candidates... he has failed... big time. Hill, my private line is open if you wish to give me a call. I'm still looking around for an outfit for this seasons purge... I was thinking something along the lines of something all leather with 24K gold studs... what do you think?

Making the World Safe for Communism™,

Nancy-poo<3


P.S - Lupe has gone missing these past few days and I have alerted Animal Control to her disappearance... if anyone has seen her give me a call. She has seemed to have removed her GPS tracking unit from her ass (I told the Vet to plant it behind her eye to deter her from digging it out). Once again, if you see her give me a call, and BE CAREFUL... she might be rabid.

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Nansky, Lupe is here, at Rancho Del Rio Grande, and will not come out of the closet. That's the only thing in the closet here, by the way. She tells me of what she has seen and I had to threaten her to get that much out of her.

"Pliz, Meester T'eocritus. Don sen me back to dat woman, she make bang bang wit' dat Hill'ry. Dey take off deir cloz an dey put dees oil all over deir bodies and de tings dat de use. The bicycle pump, she run from de room."

Don't worry, Nancy-poo. I'll ship her back after a slight twist of the scapel above the eyeball into the pre-frontal lobes, and I think it's about time. I routinely do vet surgery on my proles. When the boys are young I neuter all but the very biggest ones--they can stand stud to a lot of the women you know, and I don't want them to spend their time in rut. And as for the females, I fix all of the ones with narrow hips. Might interfere with their fertility. Don't want them thinking about their little bastards while they're working my looms or making Nikes.

Marshall Pravda, I took a slight jaunt to impeachforpeace.org, and was very impressed what the brain-damanged can be taught to do. I admit it is to TPC what a Yugo is to an Acura, but still, when you consider how far they've come, it's really quite fine. Next thing you know, they'll be torturing house pets. How fast the little sociopaths grow up. It brings tears to my rheumy eyes.

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On the subject of the recent failure of the People's Congress, one of the funniest things I read about it is this from The Huffington Post:

House Democrats Cave on War Funding? Basic Principles of Judo.

See, it's all part of the master plan.

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Margaret wrote:See, it's all part of the master plan.

<looking around nervously> It sure is, Margie; we had it planned from the start! Although after looking at the comments I have come to the conclusion that the useful-idiots aren't buying our spin. Yes, maybe we should all leave town for a few days just to be safe <looks behind shoulder> they might be on to us.

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Meow, the only thing to worry about is if they think that you're laughing at them. They are serious, you know; very serious. They're blindingly funny as they huff and puff and do our business for us, sometimes even coming up with things that we hadn't thought of ourselves in their zeal. But they're serious. Very serious. That's why you can never laugh at them for humor deflates, and wit destroys.

Instead teach them to sneer at the RepubliKKKans. Sneering lowers the one doing the sneering more than the object. Notice that PC comics not only aren't funny but the audience isn't laughing. It's sneering. It's getting angry and feeling self-righteous. So let's get them to sneer about things--how the Bushitler names his dog. Or Condi's hair-do. That'll keep 'em occupied.

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Sorry to the people, I was unable to access the blog section to the site for awhile (perhaps Comrade Red Square is censoring my thoughts?)

S.A.F. Marshal Pravda wrote:RedtheProgressiveFox wrote
It's okay Betty, just think of a happy place. Think of a place where the revolution has come and Global Warming is no longer a problem.
You had best come correct, comrade...Global Warming™ will always be a "problem". It is "the tie that binds"; the yoke around the neck of the unwashed masses.

I've got my eye on you, comrade...it's been a while since I dropped a dime for a Black Mariah, but I know the number!

Marshal,

I did not mean to imply that Global Warming won't still be around once the revolution has come. My point is that there will be no more use for it anymore for the party. The masses may still be concerned, but as far as the party itself, Global Warming will have served its purpose.

And go ahead, keep you're eye on me, key members of the party of been doing it to me for years. Something about being power hungry or something like that. I guess they are afraid for losing their position in the party in a dark alley and then a swim in the lake. You never know.

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Red, you are one of the trusted ones. We'd never suspect you.

...Lupe! Where are those tapes? Are the voiceprints done?...

Red, you raise an interesting point. After Global Warming has served its purpose then I think that we need to have another scare, say, Bad Hair Days. If everyone does not have his own cosmetologist, the sun will rise in the west because we have bad hair. Astute party members will note that this requires more people than there actually are, and therefore everyone can be taxed at over 100% of his income.

All hair Bad Hair Days!

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I am glad to see someone see my point. I was afraid that I might be guilty of thought crimes if nobody in the party agreed with me. As always, 100% of us agree that there can be no disagreeing.

I am also glad to see that some members of the party <feeling in pockets> can still <still feeling in pockets> trust me <under breath - Frack! Where's my gun!> Oh! No! I meant gum! Gum! I get gun and gum mixed up all the time.

By the way, love the Bad Hair Days idea! <still feeling in pockets> Where is that "gum"!?

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What about a Ministry of "He looked at me funny"?

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Is not that for rooting out those that may stray from the path, and also to continue fueling our paranoia of distrust between us?

So what? Are you going to report me? <still and still feeling in pockets for the "gum"> You know Theocritus, I'm still feeling a craving for some "gum". I am going to go back to my condo to go get some.

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Red, what about a Ministry for people whose Mao suits are improperly pressed? Or people whose bandoleros have a few bullets missing, unless, of couse, they've just been used to shoot the peasantry?

If you are still in a condo, we need to get you up to speed, unless, of course, it's the Donald's condo at the top of Trump World Tower. And then only if you've defenestrated that loud-mouthed, stubby-fingered vulgarian.

Why don't you come down to Rancho del Rio Grande? Meow and I are having a bash and perhaps he'll lend you some of his dancing girls. And I have invited Laika, although since I found that she's a bitch, I need to make some other accomodations for her. I assume that she doesn't walk the same side of the street that I do, although if she does, I have a spare arc welder for her amusement.

And Nansky. Where is Nansky? Haven't heard from Deedums in a while. And Our Many Titted Empress is strangely silent; I haven't even heard the sound of her pulling her trotters out of the swill in the public trough. Is she dyspeptic, having found some more tax dollars that <i>we didn't know about</i>?

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Ok, all the ministries are fine, as long as they don't come after me. There is nothing to make me look suspicious in my book.

You do bring up an interesting point, around the time when I was blackmailing - er, I mean persuading the Chairman to give me my current position as Commissar, I also asked for the condo, and a sports car, but you know I believe you are right. A 5,000 sq ft condo is just not enough space for me, and it does not use enough electricity. If you could set me up with a new house, that would be wonderful! Oh! And I need something better than the corvette. I always loved it because it was red, but there are other cars out there that cost more money and are red.

Also, I would love to come out to the Rancho! I thought you would never ask!

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Red, you have a standing invitation. I have for you a red Lamborghini done in the finest Juarez tuck-and-roll upholstery, with a platinum-plated welded-chain steering wheel and neon lights underneath the frame. The Lamborghini, stock, is so low that you didn't get much light from the lights, so I had Tito jack it up 18" and put on 24" wheels, and not only twice pipes, but twice pipes twice.

And--get ready for this--the rear wheels are <i>dualies</i>! Now that's a wagon, brother. And bright red. And with yellow flames licking from the front tire down the quarter panel. And on the hood is the Virgin Mary in glitter, blessed by a Maryknoller priest. You know that I'd have only Marxist priests, didn't you? They're so easy to control. Give them a lot of tequila, some South American magical realism, and all the altar boys of pliant nature that they want, and they'll thunder from the pulpit all day about the evils of AmeriKKKa.

But I had to make an adaptation to the altar that Augustine used. He had grown so great in service to the Lord that his belly required a semicircular cut-out just to accommodate it. With these Maryknollers I have scaffolding to keep them erect. After all, that sacramental wine is 200 proof.

Their livers don't last long but the medical expenses are less than the pensions, so that's fine with me.

Your Lamborghini Street Cruiser awaits.

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OH! Theocritus!! I LOVE IT!!!! Tell me!!! How many Rublikkans and hungry little children did you have to tax to get this!! I don't think that I will need my gum anymore! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Remind me to put you on my non-hits list -er, I mean my favorite friends list!


 
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