An enthusiastic Detroit Pistons team shows their support (above) for the new directive which will downplay scoring in favor of inclusiveness. The new rules will mean more playing time for little people, the transgendered, and athletes who are not necessarily talented in basketball, but bring a host of other values and viewpoints to the game.
"The overwhelming racial uniformity of the league today has got to go," explains NBA Commissioner, David Stern.
"This is not the 1970's. We just want the teams to look like the AmeriKKKa of today."
This is the ultimate Communist achevement in sports since the Soviet doping successes of the 1980's. (We did this because we needed to be equal to the west and the West was unwilling to do the right thing and allow all to play on their teams)
But of course absolutely NO conservative capitalist pig white boys, because we know they can't jump....they made a movie....you know....that Woody Harrelson guy was in it.
Oh, and no BLING, all BLING belongs to the state.
And Keanu Reeves, the poor man's Sean Penn.
Sean Penn, the poor man's Robert DeNiro.
And Robert DeNiro, the poor man's Vera Kholodnaya
And Karl Rove, the fascist RepugliKKKan pig-dog's Grigori Rasputin!
I applaud Commissar Stern and his bold move. Now if Roger Goodell will follow suit and allow womyn in the NFL, our former East German comrades' dreams of Rosie O'Donnell as starting Offensive Tackle for the Oakland Raiders can be realized.
Premier BettyBasquetball is still a form of competition in which the masses are cruelly forced against each other to see who is "better". You two should be ashamed of yourselves.
Ah there is an easy way to amend this comrade. All that is needed to is "Progressivize" all sporting events. No more 2 goals (1 for each team) but have only one goal. Both teams will work in cooperation to score points in the one goal! Competition is abolished and cooperation is embraced!! We would also have to change the way these events are billed as well. No more Bears vs. Packers, but Bears w/ Packers!! I can see it now all persons on both teams helping the ball carrier reach the common endzone!! If someone falls, someone is there to dust them off and help them on their merry way!! Everyone is a winner!! And all teams are in the Superbowl!! A mass orgy of cooperation and progressive ideals!
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
Your idea takes the T-Ball 'don't keep score' philosophy to a new level. The only winner in sports should be self-esteem.
Additionally, I think penalties and fouls should be abolished (except in the case of white heterosexual adult males). Penalties and fouls should be considered an 'alternative' style of play and we should not be judgmental.
It's a symbol of the phallo-centric, testosterone-fueled misogyny one finds everywhere in the states.
Chairman M. S. PunchenkoMaybe they can bounce pink triangles? I'm sure some of our North Korean egineers could pull off such a marvel.
Triangles would be glorious indeed, but would they bounce? Best to ban all "games" involving the use of balls immediately.
Except hacky sack, of course. These balls are hand sewn from hemp by the indigenous transgendered vegans of Microsnesia.
Plus, the game is a favorite pastime of our most valuable resource: UNDERGRADUATES.
And pink triangles are so last year. Nearly as old as the gray and peach so popular in the 80s.
If North Korean engineers can bounce pointy things, why not Algore's head? But that might leave holes in the court, which could be filled by quadruple amputees, sorry, people differently abled by having no arms or legs. But would a hole left by Algore's head be that big? Perhaps we could use differently abled little people from the a pygmy tribe--a twofer--in the South American jungle--a threefer-- no rain forest being destroyed by gas-guzzling SUVs like Algore's but his is a special one which doesn't emit any noxious fumes when he's not in it. Or if he's in it and asleep.
Chairman M. S. PunchenkoComrade Bohemian, I still feel as if the hacky sack is too abrasive to the self-esteem of transients, womyn and plugless appliances. If we were to call it a hacky sphere, then yes, it would be acceptable -- but SACK has to go.Let me suggest in the spirit of solidarity, hacky box. Or hacky gulf to symbolize the divide between Lumpenproteleriat Volk of Kolor, wimmin, LGBT, smart pets, computerized appliances, Treos with raised consciousness, and oppressive white heterosexist males who must be taken to the stocks once they can no longer be worked or mocked.
Chairman M. S. PunchenkoComrade Theocritus! Aren't you aware that "box" <gasp> is a ethnic slur used against tele-visions, toasters, microwaves and computers!? How would they handle their favorite past time being called a "box"!? They would be outraged! Outraged!! We must purge our language of the B-word so that NO ONE is offended and then we can achieve the healing between humyns and appliances.I shall submit to a re-education camp immediately. I shall watch Tyra Banks and listen to Okra on XM to become a more loving, caring, thoughtful poofter. Oh. Damn. I let the cat out of the bag. Can I say bag? Would Helen Thomas be offended?
But we Comrades ought always to be sensitive to what other people want to be called, and not what we think we hear. On XM I heard about a big-box retailer and I thought they meant Hillary's campaign manager when they meant Wal-Mart.
Does the Energizer Bunny really keep going and going? Inquiring minds want to know.
Tell me, oh wise Chairman, is it true that on May Day her lipstick covers her entire face and gets even redder?
With cosmetics purchased from the People's Hero Ron Perelman, Commissar of Revlon! Champion of the People! Leader of the Demokratic Partski! Who bought Sherwin-Williams just for better coverage for Comrade Thomas's face.
Let us band together to help our six-legged friends, the ants, who could break a leg walking over Helen Thomas's face!
O'BrienNo more Bears vs. Packers, but Bears w/ Packers!! I can see it now all persons on both teams helping the ball carrier reach the common endzone!! If someone falls, someone is there to dust them off and help them on their merry way!! Everyone is a winner!! And all teams are in the Superbowl!! A mass orgy of cooperation and progressive ideals!
WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
We must find a way to package this for the Monday Night Cooperative.
Comrade Al Michaels could introduce the teams. The diverse, fairly chosen players from the Chicago collective have agreed by consensus to travel, with multilateral support from the other 30 collectives, to the collective of Green Bay, acting in solidarity with them, at this State approved event, which highlight cooperation to achieve a common goal.
Of course, the only game that can be play in this manner is the childhood favorite once thought barbaric by initial Amerika infiltrators. This game is none other than Smear the Queer This in no way refers to our homosexual and transgender friends as I'm sure your gaping mouth suggest. They are perfectly normal. Every good Communist knows the queerest thing in the world is a Capitalist. So we just keep releasing Capitalist into the...err..arena, and allow them to be smeared by the two collectives. It doesn't matter how many Queers you smear, just that you have entertained the proletariat for an extended period of time, and reminded them the price for even thinking about ownership.
Even Comrade Lenin never went that far as to make it a public event. He was an avid sportsman, Lenin was, and occasionally loved to Smear the Queer in private with Comrades Stalin, Trotsky, and Dzerzhinsky. At one of those games Trotsky jokingly smeared Stalin and everybody laughed. Only Stalin didn't laugh. In fact, he didn't laugh for about 20 years after that, and only broke the solence when Trotsky was reported to be found dead in Mexico. The legend says Stalin was laughing for an entire week then, as if all the 20 years of suppressed laughter were being finally released. Nobody noticed a mysterious smear on Trotsky's corpse. Who cares about some stupid smears when there's an ice pick sticking out of the back of a man's head?
Needless to say, the game was banned in the USSR forever and even Khrushchev was unable to rehabilitate it. The party elites, however, continued secretly to play it at the state-owned dachas. Putin is said to be particularly good with it, especially the Polonium version.
We played Smear the Queer in junior high but this queer, being smarter than the others, won. The dodge balls were good and bad--the bad ones with torn canvas, which served nicely as handles. I'd stand in the back and let the normal, aggressive boys throw the pretty balls, and they got hit and put out. Whenever a bad one came my way, I'd kick it behind me and hoard it. When there were only two other people, I'd pick up the bad ones and sling them like a tennis racket and hit the other sucker every single time.
This sort of sneaky thing is the way that I prosecute the war. I never met a weapon that I didn't like, and I'm guessing that a lot of the Loyal Comrades are military, and my hat's off. But, not being allowed in it, I have to do it the subversive way, like planting attacks on smug, self-righteous pricks' websites. Remember, comrades: a child can say something you have no answer to, but you can always outstupid someone. Remember Al Sharpton. I go on websites and make stupid comments and make up idiotic pathetic stories and laugh my ass off when the morons take the bait. Jill has some of my work and the fool dyke that runs it hasn't figured it out yet. I like the comment about the maggots on the Christmas cactus post. She's so goddamn treacly and cloying that I want to puke. I ran her off Jessica's Well as Theocritus.
To the barricades!
And by the way, queer is not a bad word. Use it with gusto. I do.