Anonymous, soon-to-be executed sources from inside darkest North Korea today named Nobel Prize winning economist and NY Times columnist Paul Krugman as the driving force behind DPRK supreme leader Kim Jung Un's threats to declare war against the United States.

Krugman, a well-known proponent of Keynesian economic theory, is said to believe a credible threat of a nuclear attack on the US, one which could cause the destruction of several large cities, would trigger massive amounts of US government spending for defense and infrastructure reconstruction. The resulting economic stimulus would quickly end the depression caused by former Republican president George W. Bush in 2008, just as government spending during World War II ended the first great depression caused by Republican president Herbert Hoover.

On a television panel discussion in August 2011, Krugman floated a similar idea which employed space aliens as the catalysts for spending instead of North Koreans (although many would say that is a distinction without a difference.) However, the program was on CNN and thus no one was watching. Undeterred, Krugman pressed forward with the plan but was unable to convince any extraterrestrials to sign on and was forced to drop it.
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Krugman later attempted to revise the "extraterrestrial" stimulus plan, substituting the idea of having scientists predict an alien invasion instead of the aliens themselves doing so. In fact, a number of prominent climate scientists agreed to make the alien invasion forecast publicly and the plan was activated but little credence was given to their prediction for some strange reason and the strategy was abandoned.

But as luck would have it, the term of North Korean supreme-leader-for-life Kim Jong-Il ended in December 2011 and the people chose his son, Kim Jung Un as his replacement. The new DPRK leader turned out to be an enthusiastic Keynesian (as most enlightened smart people are) and eagerly signed on to the Krugman plan when the subject was broached with him by Roving US Ambassador Dennis Rodman during a state visit last month.

The revelation has worried some experts who fear that Kim Jung Un may not comprehend that the nuclear sabre-rattling is just a ruse designed to influence US fiscal policy or that he may get caught up in the excitement of putting an end to evil capitalism once and for all, resulting in the DPRK following thru on the threats and launching a nuclear attack.

Krugman laughs off such notions, saying "These are sane Marxists we're talking about here, not NRA members or Sarah Palin. I have as much faith in Kim Jung Un as I do in Ben Bernanke."

Other critics are worried that if the plan succeeds and huge amounts of government borrowing and spending ensue, the economic effects on the country may unexpectedly not be as positive as Krugman predicts, resulting in a figurative debt bomb of nuclear proportions.

"That's just nonsense tea-bagger talk", said Krugman. "Listen, I'm an expert, I work for the NY Times. I have a Nobel Prize. When people with credentials like mine advocate a policy, what could possibly go wrong?"

OK. I can believe almost everything in this picture...Paul Krugman hanging out on a pier with one of history's great pioneers of ballistic missile attacks, North Korea's late, "Dear Leader" enjoying a dip in the warm waters of the Sea of Japan as he welcomes economic stimulus-invaders from Zeta Reticuli...but really, c'mon now...targeting Austin for one of North Korea's fizzly nuclear attacks? I can understand targeting LA or Washington DC but Austin, Texas?

I happen to live in a suburb just north of Austin. While I'd be thrilled to have a Liberal-specific variety of neutron bomb go off over the south part of town, about all I can figure for the North Korean leadership's targeting choice of Austin is that: 1.) Kim Jung Un hates barbeque and TexMex food, 2.) none of the live music clubs on Sixth Street ever invited him to sit in on drums during an "open mic" night, 3.) Austin's new Formula One racetrack (Circuit of the Americas) wasn't built in Pyongyang like "The Dear Leader" requested prior to his passing away or 3.) Kimmie Un got stuck in Austin's rush hour traffic one time too many while over here on a covert spying mission or perhaps while attending the SXSW music convention as a boy with his Dear Dad.

Maybe it's just that Kim Jung Un was forced to secretly attend Texas A&M when he couldn't get admitted to The University of Texas at Austin; so has an Aggies's ax to grind with The Longhorns. Then again, it could just be that he's a fan of the University of Oklahoma Sooners football team and is tired of losing money on sports bets. Sadly, we may never know the whole story...

Comrade geoff:

Don't complain of being targeted by N.K. When Dear Leader II lights the fuse, the safest place on Earth is ground zero. I'm more likely to be vaporized here in Massachusetts!

I.M. Craptek wrote:Comrade geoff:

Don't complain of being targeted by N.K. When Dear Leader II lights the fuse, the safest place on Earth is ground zero. I'm more likely to be vaporized here in Massachusetts!

Very true, Comrade Craptek. Given the highly advanced nature of the Pyongyang Inertial Guidance Sysytem (PIGS, for short), the circular error of probability for one of their ballistic missiles over an 8000 mile range has been declared by "Dear Leader, Jr" to be no greater than +/-2500 miles. Accordingly, being a resident within in a "targeted city" as specified by the North Korean rocket scientists/tractor mechanics places one in a situation similar to that of being one in a group of mannequins sitting on a Federal Air Marshal firearms training range. The mannequin who is least likely to be hit is always the one sitting in the designated-target seat.

Paul Krugman in 1998: Internet will have no Greater Econ Impact than Fax Machines by 2005.

"The growth of the Internet will slow drastically, as the flaw in "Metcalfe's law"--which states that the number of potential connections in a network is proportional to the square of the number of participants--becomes apparent: most people have nothing to say to each other! By 2005 or so, it will become clear that the Internet's impact on the economy has been no greater than the fax machine's."

Read it and weep:

Communist Party's statement on North Korean nuclear test

Dear Comrade Red Square:

Though my Reactionary cousins should weep that there are Americans who think the USA is the cause of North Korean belligerance, I must remind you that America's largest trading partner, the People's Replublic of China, also says the same thing as CPUSA states in their website.

So, if China doesn't mind that North Korea may nuke Tokyo and Honolulu, why should we care?

After all, China is the main proliferator in the east, arming both North Korea and Pakistan. If China can happily live next to the two nations trying to sell nuclear weapons to Terrorist, why shouldn't we?

We should get over our irrational fears and party on as the Gloяious Woяld of Иэxt Tuэsday™ approaches.

Regards, your self abasing and ever groveling, Jíbaro

Exactly, Comrade Jibaro.