Prominent dead spokesperson and living-impaired activist, Phil Graveson, expressed some harsh words for the President and the Democrat Party in a press conference today. Graveson is planning the largest ever march on Washington by the dead, undead, and living impaired community. The Walk the Vote, or "Million Corpseman March," as some have called it, is expected to attract all manner of zombies, shades, and poltergeists, with Susan B. Anthony scheduled to give the keynote address (sans Nancy Pelosi's channelling).

"For too long, we have been the most loyal supporters of the President and his party, voting Democrat in large numbers in almost every election from Chicago to the White House," said Graveson from atop his New Orleans mausoleum to a diverse, decaying crowd. "Yet time after time, election after election, we are taken for granted, treated like we don't exist, because he thinks he has our votes sewn up - no offense intended to Frankenstein's monsters by that figure of speech. It's time we were treated like more than just the Democrats' cryptoproxies." Graveson even borrowed a quote from Coalition of African American Pastors president Rev. William Owens by saying, "Some things are bigger than the next election."

Later, in a private interview, Graveson was asked about the specifics surrounding his surprising change of sides.

"Look, it wasn't easy." Graveson clarified, "There's no disputing the Democrat party has done more for our ranks over the decades than Republicans. Without the ability to reproduce, we depend on their support of NARAL and Planned Parenthood for a constant supply of babies. All Republicans send us are dead terrorists and dictators. Then, as if we needed another one of those types, Obama jumps up and down taking credit for sending us that Osama guy. Gee thanks. That's when it first started for me."

Graveson continued, "It was looking like Obama still had our backs when the Affordable Care Act passed. Thoughts of those death panels really had us behind him. We were ready to coin him 'America's First Dead President.' But then he almost acted ashamed of that aspect of Obamacare, to the point of denying it outright. He didn't want to admit he was actually helping us. That really hurt."

"Then these past few days, we've seen an all-out barrage of insensitivity toward the living-impaired community. Whether it was the attack ad accusing Romney of inflicting our 'condition' on a steel worker's wife, as if that's something to be held in disdain, or Nancy Pelosi's egregious misquotes of our foremothers, we can only take so much." Graveson explained that said misquote took place when Pelosi claimed that Susan B Anthony and other LP feminists at the White House told her, "At last we have a seat at the table." Graveson claims that, in fact, it was a question asking Pelosi, "How can you sit at the table without tearing your stretched thigh skin?"

Graveson went on to add that it was more than just a few isolated incidents. "This sentiment has been building up for a while," he said. "Our liberal friends in Hollywood seem to think it's entertaining for us to be blown to bits by shotguns, or for our non-corporeal members to be sucked into vacuum cleaners. We're simply not going to be used and objectified anymore by a lifeist majority, and if switching party loyalties is what it takes to wake up the Democrats, then so [be it]."

(The last two bracketed words added by author interpolation due to Graveson's statement being cut short when the lower half of his jaw broke off).

Occupy Cemetery!

"we depend on their support of NARAL and Planned Parenthood for a constant supply of babies. All Republicans send us are dead terrorists and dictators. Then, as if we needed another one of those types, Obama jumps up and down taking credit for sending us that Osama guy. Gee thanks. That's when it first started for me.”"
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Ah, if only he had stuck with the blame bush policy, Obama could have avoided alienating another voting base.
(I cracked up laughing when I read that part above)

Comrades, great news!!!

In the middle of their 2012 - Rise From The Dead Reunion Tour - the incredible black death metal band Black Death has agreed to make a special appearance at the Washington Mall!!!

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:Comrades, great news!!!

In the middle of their 2012 - Rise From The Dead Reunion Tour - the incredible black death metal band Black Death has agreed to make a special appearance at the Washington Mall!!!

OMG, OMG, OMG!


Seriously, Pryor was pure genius. That deserves a full video embed, not just a link