Dear Leader has declared a national state of emergency
Otherwise, he has nothing else to say tonight...
Proletarian RobotComrade Tovarichi: What a touching little piece agitprop disguised as a human interest story. It was wonderful to see our agents at ABC dance around the fact that Obama has been the most reliant of any president in US history on teleprompters (and without them he is a stuttering idiot) by mentioning little vignettes on the other presidents......wonderful!!
But of course. The vignettes add to the relativity factor that all presidents are equal when it comes to the dependency and use of TOTUS. That way we can feel good, and be proud of the fact Dear Leader is more equal than the others mentioned.
White House Releases Obama's Long-Form Birth Certificate
Published April 27, 2011 | FoxNews.com
So after spending over 2 million dollars to keep his secrets, Donald Trump finally drags him to it.
So now The Donald sez- "NOW LET'S SEE THE COLLEGE RECORDS". After that comes the Social Security number problem and the Passports problem.
And still there's the minor problem hardly worth mentioning, Obama Sr. wasn't an American.
Surely now the "birthers" should be happy with this layered PDF of a photocopy, you would think.
Thank you for drawing attention to the calamity cause by the Death of TOTUS, which now reduces me to the laborious task of texting all my speeches. I'm sure you've already seen the news headline:
Death of TOTUS requires Barak Obama to text speeches henceforth.
Dateline: April 27, 2011.
Today, in addition to texting his birth certificate to the nation, President Obama was forced to text his condolences to the family of "Hub" Shafley, the inventor of the teleprompter a.k.a. TOTUS, because Shafley took the patent rights-of-use with him to his grave when he died on April 20, 2011.
I'm texting this message to all my Comrades at the Cube because until someone invents a replacement for TOTUS, I will be limited to expressing myself via text-messaging.
I found something in the basement laboratory. I know it's old Soviet technology, but it still works after all these years. I tested it on Comrade Kook and he was orating like Billy Clinton.
Efficient Language, it takes eighteen words to describe one word that replaces two english words in complete thought.
"After 3 hours of staff members explaining to the President that Schlafly's death would NOT effect his use of the teleprompter, the President regained his composure, lit a cigarette, planned another vacation to recover from the trauma then headed out to play some hoops."
Tovarichi"After 3 hours of staff members explaining to the President that Schlafly's death would NOT effect his use of the teleprompter, the President regained his composure, lit a cigarette, planned another vacation to recover from the trauma then headed out to play some hoops."
Words cannot convey the relief I felt when I learned (while vainly attempting to learn to use the device suggested by Grigori) that even though Hub Schlafley attempted to take the teleprompter-patent rights-of-use to the grave with him soley for the purpose of preventing my use of his invention, Lord Soros had outsmarted him by having purchased (years ago-- Lord Soros plans ahead) a hedge against Schlafley's interests. Consequently, I just received a Laika Gram from Lord Soros telling me that my inability to speak was merely a psychosomatic response to the message sent to me by a faux progressive posing as a Google High-Tech Guru (whom we now know to be an agent of Beck) telling me I would be unable to speak until a new teleprompter could be invented by the Ministery of High-Tech Stuff.
I was so excited that I did exactly what R.O.C.K. has learned. Indeed, my excitement was so great that after shooting a few hoops for the media as a "warm up," I then celebrated my "Sputnik Moment" (in realizing that Lord Soros had saved TOTUS) by playing a few games with the Harlem Ice Trotters.