In a poll taken of 1,000 Ivy League tenured historians, mainstream media personalities, late-night talk show hosts and Caroline Kennedy, Barack Obama was chosen as America's Greatest President on 999 ballots. Abraham Lincoln received one vote. Authorities are currently seeking the identity of the individual who voted for Lincoln.

Respondants cited Obama's Harvard Law degree, community organizing experience and high marks in the swimsuit competition as the main reasons for their choice. Other scholars gave him high grades because he "is not Bush" and "has enormous amounts of cowbell."

Chrissy Matthews-Olbermann, the lead pollster, said Obama merits the accolades because of his outstanding performance on the economy, raising the country's economic outlook from bad to less bad in a matter of weeks. Matthews-Olbermann also noted Obama's excellent foreign policy, citing the fact that American soil has not been attacked since Obama's election.

Punchy Sulzberger, publisher of the soon to be defunct NY Times, stated that because of George W. Bush, his once proud paper was headed into the toilet and that he was planning to take out a mortgage on the company's headquarters building in an attempt to survive. He voted for Obama because "Barack is going to help me with my mortgage. And maybe the gas for my limo."

Soon-to-be Senator Caroline Kennedy, included in the poll because her late father was one of the other 43 lesser-known presidents, was inspired by Obama's heroism when he skippered the PT boat that sank the German battleship Titanic. She denied the racist right-wing assertions that Obama is a blank slate on whom people project their hopes and dreams saying that "he has pulled the country together at the most terrible, depressing, deathly, awful time of our lives; could a blank slate do that?"

Indeed, while he goes on with the work of lowering the oceans and healing the planet, Barack Obama is by far and away already our greatest leader, and always will be.

Obama will be inaugurated on January 20th.

Obama will be inaugurated on January 20th.

Human spell check has corrected the error of "inaugurated" to proper term "anointed".

Comrades,

Is good we've got the Presidential question out of the way. Now......... thinking after January 20 we'll have to take poll again:

Is Obama our greatest president Emperor ( Omniperor ? ) ever?

Comrades,

I chose choice 3, because, frankly, I want to bed or at least entertain the possibility of bedding The One (and other ones) but am heterosexual. Thus Comrade Obama as Comradette Obama has great appeal.

However, choice 3 raises a troubling question: Does the wording mean someone will have to alter The One's life status in order to effect the return, or will a quick flight to a Bangkok hospital and some public funding for a sex change be adequate?

Since he's the last One, there's really no need to include the word "ever".

Comrade Tovarich, I notice a resemblence. Could we be related in some way? This is an ironic picture of me at a flea market in the People's Republic. I think if I took a fist to each eye, which seems likely enough, I could be your twin. By the way (brother), I think you meant to say you chose "all of the above". It is always best to be inclusive in case of purge of different ideas. What would Bonnie Frank think?

Comrade Red Bubba,

As a fellow Han Chinese, relation is guaranteed. Plus there's that whole "washing myself in the bodies of women" thing, but I don't know your age. But that is a minor detail, for the truth can be updated as needed.

My physical self expired in the 1970s which occasioned the worldwide popularity of sad-eyed children and animal designs on the People's Kitsch. Thus my atavistic avatar. As my China is reborn under the man whose son I had thrown from a window, so I am reborn with marketable eyes filled with the compassion that only one who has caused the death of tens of millions of reactionaries and people's enemies can have. Rather like your own eyes that see the road the Party must travel.

Through China, Inc., I have enough pull with the Treasury, Fannie, Freddie, and various lobbying groups to make Comrade Frank think what is best.

Comrade_Tovarich wrote:Comrade Red Bubba,
My physical self expired in the 1970s which occasioned the worldwide popularity of sad-eyed children and animal designs on the People's Kitsch. Thus my atavistic avatar. As my China is reborn under the man whose son I had thrown from a window, so I am reborn with marketable eyes filled with the compassion that only one who has caused the death of tens of millions of reactionaries and people's enemies can have. Rather like your own eyes that see the road the Party must travel.

That's poetry comrade. I extend Red X-day wishes to you and yours. May you not overexert yourself rounding up bad elements of the right practicing foreign superstitions and undermining order.

Comrades,

I too, voted for "all the above", but what's with all the polls recently? If we "think" with one collective mind, then there is no need for polls. Besides, the MSM found out that their polls were distorted, and had to be constantly tweaked for correct results.

Rest assured comrades, the Obamessiah will be the very best worst US Emperor President ever! All Hail our new national treasure! May they start construction yesterday on his most magnificent likeness on Mt. Rushmore!! And Red Bubba, spot on, man! No need for ever in the Messiah's vocabulary; we all know that he's broken the mold, and will never be replaced. Oh, how my Obamessiah inspires me to.....to.....create for the People...yes....yes....My Lenin, how my stomach is rolling.....in anticipation of the Revolution, comrades, naturally! LOL

looking for my fresh mint (it calms the tummy, amigos)

Che' Gourmet

PS: To all at the Cube, have a very merry Winter Solstice Holiday, and as my present to all, you had better forgo eating the Tofurky!
(it's left over from Turkey Day...coughs up a luggie)

Che Gourmet wrote:I too, voted for "all the above", but what's with all the polls recently? If we "think" with one collective mind, then there is no need for polls.

Comrade Che,

The polls are designed to ferret out those who do not possess the appropriate level of revolutionary fervor.

It's off to the gulag for the guy who voted for Lincoln, after all, Lincoln was a RethugliKKKan.

Comrades,

We must commend the Hollywood Kulaks and other Party loyalists for their generous contributions to the Obamessiah's Inaugural parties. A truly unique experience awaits the masses on January 20th. And on the 20th day, in the 1st month, of the year 2009, the annointed One will rise to power, and his magnificence will be known to all!


Donors to the Presidential Inaugural Committee
In keeping with President-elect Obama's commitment to changing the way business is done in Washington, the Presidential Inaugural Committee (PIC) is taking unprecedented steps to insure transparency in the public reporting of donors to a Presidential Inaugural Committee. This chart will allow you to view, sort, and search virtually real-time information on all donors contributing over $200 to the 2009 Presidential Inaugural Committee.
Unlike previous inaugural committees, the 2009 PIC does not accept contributions from corporations, political action committees, labor unions, current federally-registered lobbyists, non-U.S. citizens and registered foreign agents and does not accept individual contributions in excess of $50,000.
For information on donors bundling contributions for the 2009 Presidential Inaugural Committee, please click here.


(contributions are not tax deductible)
Come on comrades....Pony up! We have a purge....ahh..Party to get ready for! And for you poorer comrades, I suggest you pay the $5, and take your chances in the contest below. Good Luck!


Tuesday, December 30, 2008A Once-in-a-Lifetime Opportunity
<br>President-elect Barack Obama will make history when he is sworn into office on January 20th and you could be there to watch it happen. If you make a donation of $5 or more, you could be one of ten people flown out to Washington D.C., with a guest to participate in the 56th Presidential Inauguration festivities.