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Official TSA Groping Thread

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I have not flown since TSA has instituted its new groping incentives so until December I will not have a personal story. But in a proactive effort I wish to provide a forum for those who have interesting experiences. I will be choosing "no thanks" to the scanner, not so much to avoid the radiation but to take advantage of the touching and grabbing extravaganza.

If you already have a provocative tale, please share with the collective here.

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TSA Training (It is for your own good.)

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No problems, if you arrive at airports early.
Last edited by Comrade Whoopie on 11/20/2010, 1:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason for editing this post: unbiggened picture and properly uploaded to server

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I like the romantic TSA agent behind the girl's back - swaying right to left, making a "wave," and generally getting into mood.

But behind his back, another agent is already eying HIM for size, and that look I don't like.

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Ahem, (based on an actual event)

Having been sent on many "out of town" assignments as of late, I had an interesting experience whilst in the Buffalo, NY airport.

They were having all travelers go through the radiation devices. Having several cubans I picked up in Canada, hidden upon my person, I balked at the invitation to get Cat Scanned.

Lesson one: The TSA lackey would not take no for an answer. I said something mildy sarcastic and got an eyeroll. At that point I mentioned that I was an actual taxpayer (yah, right! heh) and therefore paid his salary and he was to be providing me a service and should be treating me with respect. (If I'd been in uniform comrades, he would have quaked at my awesomeness.)

anyway, all I got was a wait here, I'm getting a supervisor as you are now going to be searched. After having me wait 20 minutes, a supervisor with three stripes (yes, I think they recognized the fact I could be a high ranking party member incognito) who calmly explained he would be doing a pat down and he would be touching me firmly. (any feline will tell you, it is the firm pats that remove the most cat hair so I was getting a little excited.)

During the patting down, he asked in detail about how the lackey behaved towards me so I did tell him exactly how the lackey failed his task at hand. Which was difficult as I was purring quite loudly by then.

Since then, I have been skipped from any further Cat scans or been able to get in the line with no cat scanner. (and avoiding Buffalo until winter is over, if not longer.)

BTW, they took my cubans away from me. :-(


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Time to head to Chicago Midway. Talks with Rahm were unproductive.

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The Homorable Bawney Frwank (D Massivechewits) suggested on Friday that perhaps offering "free upgrades to more equal fellow travelers would calm the flying pubic" and offered to personally train TSA employees.

"I will not rest until we make our skies the "friendliest" the world has ever known."

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"Your in GOOD HANDS with Bawney"

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I was most fortunate to have my camera capture this interesting photo of a loyal agent, investigation this female. Unfortunately, he was so busy doing his job of investigations, that he failed to notice she was choking on a partially consumed hand. It was later decided to was a member of a small cult following of the Night of the Living Dead movies.

As for my personal interaction with these lovely agents, I found it all most exhilarating, although I also found myself craving a cigrette afterwards. (very odd since I do not smoke)

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On returning home from Paris this June in Boston Logan airport, my 11-year-old boy was subject to a pat down, but halfway through the procedure a supervisor screamed that it was against the rule so the TSA agents stopped (I learned later that their own rule says you have to be 12 to enjoy their full attention). However, they turned his backpack upside down and tested every miniature eiffel tower for (radiation?).

I could understand perfectly if the flight were really from the Pyongyang plutonium-producing nuclear reactor, but from Paris?

In the end, I asked why and they told me the boy, who was born in the USA and had not left the US soil for more than a few weeks, is on the terror watch list, and the airline is responsible to clear the matter up. The airline customer service, however, pointed the finger back right at TSA and told me that only TSA decides these things.

May the glorious work of TSA be praised and remembered by the collective. Amen!

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaRlW-j ... r_embedded


I was boarding flights something caught their eye
Now they telling me, must unzip my fly
They began to frisk, feelin' to and fro
And they didn't stop 'til I said, "NO"

Groped by Napolitano and the TSA
Groped by Napolitano caused flight delay
Oh, it all began with just one pocket knife
I'm tramatized for the rest of life
Groped by Napolitano
Their hands are cold

(Was it on the screen?)
Yes said Napolitano
(None will ever see)
Yes said Napolitano
(Now it's on Youtube)
Oh sad Napolitano
(on internet)

Now it's odd to say, She lets Muslims be
But we're gonna need some therapy
And when our kids ask how it came about
I'm gonna say to them without a doubt

Groped by Napolitano and the TSA
Groped by Napolitano caused flight delay
Oh, it all began with just one pocket knife
I'm tramatized for the rest of life
Groped by Napolitano
Their hands are cold

(Was it on the screen?)
Yes said Napolitano
(None will ever see)
Yes said Napolitano
(Now it's on Youtube)
Oh sad Napolitano
(on internet)

(Now it's on Youtube)
Oh No Napolitano
('cross the internet)
Oh No Napolitano

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Thought you might like to hear my call to TSA to get an interview....


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A friend sent me his wife's recent cartoon...

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After creating this "Official" thread I discovered another similar exposé here on The People's Cube. I believe the two threads compliment each other nicely and serve the collective equally. In an effort to incorporate the flavor of the sister thread I offer my favorite poster from that thread.
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Suffer the children...

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The TSA needs to start handing out lolipops.

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Comrades,

TSA apparently reads what is posted on the cube. It was suggested the procedure would be more acceptable if TSA provided a kiss and a sucker when exiting the examination area.

A lolipop/sucker is the first half of the deal. A kiss can't be far behind.

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Gulag 4 Alfred wrote:The Homorable Bawney Frwank (D Massivechewits) suggested on Friday that perhaps offering "free upgrades to more equal fellow travelers would calm the flying pubic" and offered to personally train TSA employees.

"I will not rest until we make our skies the "friendliest" the world has ever known."

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"Your in GOOD HANDS with Bawney"
Comrades,This is a fake picture, Barney Fwank would never wear gloves. All of his fishing expeditions have been bare headed.

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These boys do know how to get a bird ready!

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The TSA is a wonderful work environment for homosexuals, pedophiles, lesbians and dirty old sex maniacs regardless of sexual orientation.
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All proceeds will help to fund:

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Thanks for your support!

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Looks like we have an entry for the next calendar!

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This book can be found in the TSA mobile unit.
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Comrade,

What a great service you are performing by even testing those who are thinking of the possibilities of air travel in future days.

Just to help famiiies there are no age restrictions, kids are welcome.

No more long lines for groping.

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Look who just came out of retirement! Image

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Comrade Tooorisky wrote:Comrade,

What a great service you are performing by even testing those who are thinking of the possibilities of air travel in future days.

Just to help famiiies there are no age restrictions, kids are welcome.

No more long lines for groping.
It's the “Preemptive Groping” Program that is now in effect. The nation's playgrounds and schools are now a safer place.

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Chedoh wrote:Look who just came out of retirement! Image
Comrade, We could not allow one of our betters/betters to wear this humble uniform.The position of "Groper in chief" is what he needs. The freedom to go through any line at anytime for random groping, this service would be in addition to the customary waiting in line for groping. He would wear an identifying badge that says "Hoping for Groping". With gloves, he would not even have to wash his hands!

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This man is kind enough to save us all some time!
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Comrades,

Once identifying information is removed these could be marketed around the world to [perverts] others interested in how we are protected by [penetrating cameras] high tech .Now you know why exposure is important to cameras.Where are terrorists going to hide "things"? In theirs or other people''s stuff, that's where.We don't want to but we must inspect your stuff for your safety.

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NEW YORK (CBS) Donna D'Errico, a former "Baywatch" actress and Playboy playmate may be traveling by land or sea -- after she was allegedly forced to undergo a full body scan by TSA agents at Los Angeles International Airport because she's attractive.


"It is my personal belief that they pulled me aside because they thought I was attractive," D'Errico told AOL News Monday. "My boyfriend looks much more like a terrorist than either I or my son do, and he went through security with no problems."

D'Errico, who was with her 17-year-old son Rhyan and boyfriend Roy J. Bank, the president of Merv Griffin Entertainment, said when she asked the agent why she was picked to go through the body scan, he only responded with, "because you caught my eye."

D'Errico continued, "after the search, I noticed that the male TSA agent who had pulled me out of line was smiling and whispering with two other TSA agents and glancing at me. I was outraged."


TSA spokewoman Nico Melendez was quick to dismiss D'Errico's claims, telling AOL News that "passengers are selected at random and not because they're celebrities."

AOL News took the incident a step further asking the actress why she was bothered by the men staring at her body scan when she's already appeared nude or in "Baywatch"'s revealing red swimsuits

"I must have overlooked the clause in both my Playboy and 'Baywatch' contracts stating that once appearing in that magazine, or on that show, I would forever be subject to being seen naked live and in person by anyone, at anytime, under any conditions, whether I agree to it or not, and for free," she said.

"I posed for Playboy 15 years ago. I was on 'Baywatch' 13 years ago. Both of those were controlled environments, with proper lighting, makeup, etc., and were jobs. I contractually agreed to do both of those jobs. I could have stopped or changed my mind at any time. None of those conditions are present when TSA decides for you that you will consent to being scanned or felt up, or you simply won't be allowed your constitutional right to travel from one place to another freely." https://www.cbsnews.com/8301-31749_162-20025011-10391698.html
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