Comrades,

Every Party member understands the gross inequality and exploitation that exists whenever money becomes part of the social contract. This is why we denounce Capitalist Exploitation Units (i.e., CEUs), whether dollars, euros, yen, loonies, zloty, or the low-circulation turds of tiny Rockall. unless they are used by competent Party members in hoisting the capitalists on their own petards while furthering social justice and the inevitable Progress toward the World of Next Tuesday.

Recent scientific research has confirmed the inherent oppressiveness of a currency, regardless of its actual appearance or perceived value. All bathed in the waters of material dialecticism already know this. However, the otherworldly nature of money's Evil has been demonstrated to occur in primates. Shocking to none but the unemployed, Bible-thumping, gun-clutching xenophobic segment of the AmeriKKKan electorate, capuchin monkeys tricked into learning to use money immediately began demonstrating textbook capitalist moral decay as the helpless primates begin prostituting themselves for money.

Comrades, for other species' own and the public good, I propose the Party move to expand wealth redistribution to include species other than homo sapiens. In the busy daily business that is progressing Progress, it is regrettably understandable that such an important concept as blanket species-blind directives has yet to be adopted; naturally, all right-thinking comrades assume it to be a given, but it is time to enact this given as more giving™!

Is that a banana in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

Money is the root of all evil! That is why it's handling must be limited to state-approved personnel with the knowledge and proper training to utilize it for the common good, such as Party monkeys planners and their duly-certified cronies agents.


The article didn't really say but I kept wondering if the prostitute monkeys were only the sexual kind or did some political ones also appear? I think the two types likely go hand in hand, pun intended.

How long before the monkeys got a fundraising pitch from the Obama campaign?

Oh my dear Lenin, do you know what this means? MONKEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL! (which, when you come to think of it, explains a lot about why Bush was so evil.)

Opiate of the People wrote:
How long before the monkeys got a fundraising pitch from the Obama campaign?

How long before they vote Democrat?

What's that? Many of them already do? I thought it was just dead people life challenged people and illegal aliens undocumented but fully equal workers!

F'G Monkey meat.
It's called bush meat in the jungle.
It makes you stronger than regular meat.

Comrade Brain in a Jar,

As I am uncertain whether you are fluent in the Matsuyama dialect of Macaca fuscata, I will answer your, er, double-headed question in English: yes.

Comrade ThePeoplesComrade,

I regret to say I am short on grapes and my ration has been redistributed to someone or something more deserving, but that is one prime primal-urging primate! Yet I didn't know the character Pris from Blade Runner had trans-species appeal.

Being synthetic, Comrade Tovarich, I suspect that Pris has/had MUCH trans-species appeal!

And OMG - how acrobatic!! Boggles the collektive mind...

Our respected feminist comrades claim that marriage among humans is legalized prostitution. That will also happen to monkeys if they discover the benefits of gold digging.

On a different note, if monkeys can be taught to use food stamps, we could take the Cloward and Piven strategy to a whole new level.