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Pet ownership causes global warming and non-human slavery

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Do you get that warm feeling when you see a puppy or kitten in the window? Well, that warm feeling is another danger that California tries to control before it heats up the climate even more. Yes, according to UCLA, your dogs and cats play a significant role in causing global warming due to the catastrophic energy consumption required to grow, manufacture, and package pet food.

In light of these findings, Gov. Jerry Brown of California is pushing for a legislation that will introduce pet tax, limit the number of pets allowed per citizen, and pay for a breeding program designed to create gerbil-sized dogs and cats that can live on a vegan diet.

However, scientists at the Karl Marx Treatment Center say that Gov. Brown's plan is only a half-measure that doesn't address the problem's ominous root causes. According to KMTC researchers, there are more sinister aspects to the archaic pet ownership system, which is part of a global conspiracy by the ruling classes to further oppress the downtrodden by suggesting behavioral models in which the pet/owner relationship appears to be normal and natural. In fact, it is anything but.

The ugly truth is, pets are non-human slaves. A recent KMTC study has found that the struggle to end pet ownership is the new civil rights movement of today. Another peer-reviewed study has not only confirmed the first study, but also discovered that anyone who disagrees with these findings is a latent racist and, by implication, a slavery denier.

Following are a few tips for those willing to be on the forefront of progress.

  • Raise awareness by wearing special awareness ribbons* and participating in our million-person rallies and marches.
  • Don't miss an opportunity to stop every pet owner you meet in the street and accuse him of being a racist and a degenerate slave owner.
  • Discuss it with your neighbors, coworkers, and family members who may or may not have pets, especially during Thanksgiving or Christmas parties, in the midst of a cheerful conversation over a cup of hot cocoa.
  • And last but not least, contact your congressperson demanding to ban pet ownership and to create a government agency to combat pet trafficking across national borders and state lines.

* Awareness ribbons and bumper stickers are for sale at the People's State-Run Store #86.

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I thank Comrade Hammer and Loupe for his informative (and politically correct!) post. As a new member of The Collective, I do need clarification from my betters, please excuse my ignorance.

This prole is proud to toil on Kollective Farm, yet needs clarification on Comrade Democratic-Socialist Donkey. Comrade Donkey has been working for the good of all, pulling plow in Beet Field, and in spirit of sustainability, has endless diet of Beet Greens (although, i admit, makes him flatulent).

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My pitiful question to my betters is, does this make Comrade Democrat-Socialist Donkey a degenerated slave? If so, what am I to do in my zeal to submit to the judgement of Collective Scientists?

Is the harvesting of Comrade Donkey's manure to be considered another form of servitude also?

This humble manure shoveler waits in anticipation for the greater wisdom of my betters.

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Comrades! There are more to nonhuman abuse than previously reported.

Another animal discrimination is about the US bear population. Humans move the bears from their habitat or kill them after a little accident at the park. This discriminatory act in Washington State where one bear was taking a beer break in the wild. Though he did not harm anyone, they put the bear down like a secondary citizen. No trial or representation. [url=mailto:http://www.nbcnews.com/id/5756809/ns/us ... ampground/]We must leave bears that love beer alone.[/url] The bears do not even have documents to tell us they are citizens of the US even when they are born here. Action should be taken for these citizens to give them a place in society where they are not treated as second class citizens.

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Comradelately wrote:
My pitiful question to my betters is, does this make Comrade Democrat-Socialist Donkey a degenerated slave? If so, what am I to do in my zeal to submit to the judgement of Collective Scientists?

Is the harvesting of Comrade Donkey's manure to be considered another form of servitude also?

This humble manure shoveler waits in anticipation for the greater wisdom of my betters.

Comrade,

Lately, I've noticed a few of your posts contain questions. Be advised: Questions belie an inquisitive nature - a nature often characterized by "ideas" or even <gasp> thinking! Please consider this a personal warning. Have a nice day!

CC

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Comradelately wrote: As a new member of The Collective, I do need clarification from my betters...

Tavarish, you have no betters. We are all equal here, although, as a relatively new member of the Kollective myself, I tremble in awe at some of the more established proletariat, especially Komasara Pinky and her shovel (from which I tremble for other reasons...you have a ways to go before you come close to approaching that awesome instrument).

As our esteemed Captain Craptek said"...Have a nice day!"

Or else!

- SK

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One thing you crazy commies can do today: Liberate all the cats and dogs in your neighborhood by driving them miles away and set them free. Take pictures. Post it all. Tell the world the story!

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$.$. Halliburton wrote:One thing you crazy commies can do today: Liberate all the cats and dogs in your neighborhood by driving them miles away and set them free. Take pictures. Post it all. Tell the world the story!

Great idea, but would it be more environmentally friendly if we set them free by breaking windows and opening gates at location?


 
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