(CHARLOTTE, NC) The unethical treatment of bed bugs brought an estimated 500 angry sign-carrying protestors outside of the Time Warner Cable Arena at the Democratic National Convention in Charlotte, North Carolina yesterday. Conventioneers have complained about the inordinate number of bedbugs under their mattresses in the Queen City.

According to Susan Lunesta, spokesperson for the People for the Ethical Treatment of Insects (PETI), the Democratic National Committee has urged the indiscriminate use of chemicals to mass exterminate what most people call pests.

“No bedbug should ever be killed,” said Lunesta. “It's not their fault that they have been taken out of their native habitat.”

A press release clarified PETI's position: “Our hearts go out to the bedbugs. We can only hope that Mother Earth protects these six-legged creatures from deadly pesticides, dog sniffers and blood-born contaminates from hotel guests.” PETI is a sub-chapter of PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

Charlotte ranks as the 33rd worst city for bedbugs, or, as Lunesta suggests, “the 33rd best.” Tampa, which hosted the Republican National Convention, did not make the list of the 50 most bedbug-infested cities.

Just off the wire:
In a related story, PETA has petitioned the platform committee for the Democratic Party to assist in the plight of the family and friends of the estimated 10,000 dead swamp rats washed up by Hurricane Isaac last week. The semi-aquatic rodents drowned in Isaac's storm surge. According to PETA spokesperson, Havender Weakland, “their bodies ought to be disposed of with respect, and not pitchforked into the garbage the way they were in the aftermath of Katrina.”

I say they are parasites of the People. In my book, that means a 99%er rethugglikkan gun-toting bitter clinger.

Now it crossed my mind. Obama gave himself grade Incomplete in economy. Apart that he was generous to himself because everybody is.

Of all advices given to newly hired faculty, only one stands above all: "Never. Ever. Give an Incomplete grade. For no reason." It is a curse that can make professor's life very miserable. It automatically becomes F after one year, but before it does, the student has the professor at his own whims. The professor might be at the other side of the country when the student feels like it.

So, what grade does Obama get on Economy again? Not I for Incomplete.

The party wishes to extend extra beet rations to Comrade fit_to_print_news for working the word "bourgeois" (one of our favorites) into a pole on bed bugs. Please report to MSNBC headquarters at your earliest convenience for your Excellence In Propaganda certificate.

Welcome back, comrade Fit To Print! For those new on the Cube, F.T. Print had contributed many classic stories in the past, but was silent lately because, well, let's just say his truth-correction facility didn't have enough bandwidth (due to Republican obstructionism).

I can only add this: bugs are friends of progress! Like all progressives, they always are where poor people are. You can often see them late at night night, hunched over some toiler's pillow, pouring over his spittle. And, like progressives, the more you give them, the hungrier and more numerous they become.

You could see many of them at the DNC tonight, listening to Elizabeth Warren, who is, in fact, a 1/32 bedbug.

We report - you decide.

(I did mention elsewhere that watching the convention - briefly - last night was like watching The Island of Dr. Moreau. Now I understand why. Comrade Square, once again your insight cuts through to the Current Truth!)

In other news, charlatans in Charlotte have been busy coming up with bold, fresh, and new ideas to promote the party, including giving the Cube a 2012 facelift. I understand the final vote may be today.

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And now, Michelle is asking for abstinence from pizza to show our commitment and support:

I know your life is full—with work, or school, or family—and yet you still find the time to help out when you can.


You may have a tight budget, but you give what you can afford.


A woman recently told the campaign her family skipped a pizza dinner at their favorite place so that they could make a difference in this election.


That is the commitment that drives this campaign.


If you can support Barack with a donation today, please know it makes a huge difference. If we win, it will be because of what you did at moments like this.


Thanks,
Michelle


P.S.—It meant a lot to me to speak with you and everyone else last night. Thank you for everything you do.

At the Democratic Convention should the catch phrase be: "Who will be the Weiner?"

The term "bedbug" is prejudicial, discriminatory and hateful - also raaaacist if uttered by a Rethuglican who will undoubtedly use it as a racial code word like "Chicago" or "golf."

Since the insect formerly known as "bedbugs" are found in places other than beds, their new name should pay homage to their diversity of residence. Also, the term "bug" is a pejorative, for obvious reasons. They should simply be known "occupiers" as they are undoubtedly only doing this to demonstrate their distaste of one percenters who own furniture.

Thus, I propose these comrades new name be #occupy_furniture. In the spirit of Antonio Villaraigosa, I call for the Yeas and Nays.... yup, just as I thought, no Nays, the Ayes have it!