|The Bush regime will soon end, if not by impeachment, then by the will of The People™. The Republicans are in disarray, the Democrats are united behind our future leader, whoever it may be.|
Regardless, 2009 will usher in glorious changes that only a few years ago seemed decades away.
However comrades there are preparations that need to be made, much work is ahead.
The People's Healthcare is coming and it demands certain behaviors from us. Now is the time to prepare ourselves. Failure to do so could lead to your re-education, or worse.
The USSA's healthcare system will be the envy of the world. To ensure its success, rules need to be followed; after all we are forcing the rich to pay for it.
When we say "rich" of course we mean anyone who earns money. And because we have yet the power to confiscate all their wealth. Costs must be lowered.
If a particular behavior or lifestyle results in the state spending its money on others through our soon to come tax-supported health care, the state has a right to intervene. So there will be many state-mandated health and safety laws. After all if a service isn't used, its costs are much lower.
I will list a few of these mandates, so we can get a head start toward compliance.
The most important issue is obesity which makes people more susceptible to diabetes and other diseases which puts strain on The People's Healthcare.
All citizens must meet national weight requirements. Those guilty of being overweight will be sent to re-education centers. A second violation and you're off to a physical fitness prison spa. This is for your own well-being.
The state cares about you, yes it does, and wants to help you succeed, so the state will provide a list of approved food items. Possession of unapproved food will carry harsh penalties.
Banned items will include, but are not limited to, salt, sugar, trans fats, red meats, and etc… Vodka, beets, and other healthy foods will be rationed to avoid abuse, a practice we here at the cube have already successfully implemented.
Smoking will finally be banned completely and will carry a penalty of immediate imprisonment because it’s more dangerous than depleted uranium and there is a consensus that treatment is ineffective.
Risky lifestyles result in injury which puts strain on The People's Healthcare, and they will not be tolerated.
The state will issue a list of outlawed activities which will include, but is not limited to, skydiving, motorcycling, skateboarding, all types of skiing, and any activity the begins with the word extreme, xtreme, or has a X in its title.
An ounce of progressive prevention is worth a pound of socialized care.
Life is full of dangers, and mishaps which can put strain on The People's Healthcare. So it's important that efforts are made to prevent all injuries.
I propose we demand from congress that safety suits be issued by the state and must be worn any time one leaves their home.
Failure to do so should lead to re-education. Failure to dress your children in state issued safety suits should carry a penalty of immediate imprisonment.
I call on the oppressed and downtrodden, contact your congressperson, you have a right to be protected. Free Safety Suits For All!
Now what is needed from all of you is a change in habits and lifestyle. If you are overweight, smoke, or take part in other risky behavior you have less than a year to make changes.
I also recommend you practice standing in line for long periods of time, and next time you're ill see how long you can go without medical treatment.
Both of these exercises will condition your mind and body for what lies ahead.
Although our benevolent progressive leaders do what they can to make re-education and imprisonment as pleasant as possible, it's better for the collective if you always remain in compliance.
So comrades, unless like myself you have politburo connections and you're in possession of an Official Health and Safety Requirement Wavier, you have much work to do.
For The Greater Good™
For The Children™
Let’s Get Going!
I do wish it to be known that I am also conducting an in depth review of the policies and procedures at the Pup's Pleasure Party Houses and all Party approved houses of eco-prostitution so they also reduce any strain on the People's HealthCare. As you well know, yes you in particular, the cost to one's health by indiscriminate "bonding" to he/she/it's that have not undergone rigorous health screening.
This, of course, is all contingent upon The Lord Barack Obama losing the presidential election in November. Once he's in office, my services will be as worthless as a third nipple. I have faith, my friends.
Lastly, Comrades, I suggest all Americans drop the smoking and fast food and engage in something less hazardous. For example, leaping thirty fee in the air and landing on a folding chair amongst thousands of screaming rednecks. That, my Comrades, is healthy living.
Not to worry Dr. there is always room for a physician in the Glorious World of Next Tuesday, especially when the Empress takes her rightful place and The Man Who Can Not Be Named becomes yet another necro voter.
Commissar PupovichTobacco being one. IMSO, this should only be a "guideline" for tobacco produced in Amerika. After all, many People's States around the world depend on the cultivation and sell of tobacco products, and we do not wish to cause their workers hardships.
Commissar, pardon me for not making this clear. Of course the production and buying and selling of tobacco will continue. I do need my prole-made cigars, and Lenin knows that higher tobacco taxes are something we can’t live without. As I stated only “smoking” is banned.
Quote:Secondly I must protest the restriction on bikes, provided of course they are Harley Davidson, old Indians, Triumphs, and a few BMW. These are the only acceptable means of two wheel transportation that a comrade should be allowed.
Protest all you want, I’m not listening. Not only are they a threat to People’s Healthcare, nowhere in the Book of Goremon does The Goracle make an exception for motorcycles of any brand. He cast out all the demon internal combustion engines.
and Gore spoke, demon internal combustion engines your cumulative impact on the global environment is posing a mortal threat to the security of every nation that is more deadly than that of any military enemy we are ever again likely to confront. Thou smit ye and cast ye from the heavens and earth… DiCaprio 6:15
Here Pup this looks like fun. It's 100% green as long as you don't breathe.
Commissar Pupovich...that is clearly artificial turf in his wheel, made with global cooling causing chemicals.
And obviously affixed by environmentally harmful adhesives in - you guessed it - engineered wood product formed with environmentally harmful synthetic epoxy resin binders.
Commissar PupovichThen call me a ThoughtCriminal, but I shall not deny the right of Harley and other approved makes as noted above, from spreading their glorious roar across the land. I think you forget something, a Harley has better gas mileage than even most of these hybrids, cause less congestion on the highways, and besides, I look and feel cool when in the wind! Besides, I no longer acknowledge non-person G, his failure to continue global warming is starting to make his cult a mockery, The Party must always be right, so we can not afford to hold on to his failure much longer, No, we should denounce him, and claim we have always opposed his crazed doctrines. No, the time may not be right for this yet, but it is coming, and we must be a step ahead of it.
Don't worry, Comrade Pup. The PartyTM elite, such as yourself, are covered by the waver. If anything, you are expected to travel almost exclusively by SUV, limousine, and private jet, so I'm quite positive that expensive motorcycles are in! Only the prole masses must be stuffed into train cars like sardines for party approved travel between the factory baracks and the Siberian physical therapy centers, except when we let them park for us - this is why we have Carbon CreditsTM to offset the necessary Carbon FootprintTM of The PartyTM elite. It is, after all, For The Children!TM Just make sure that your vehicle of choice is "already going there" and that you feel appropriately guilty. See you at the next Earth Summit! (I can't wait for the more equal than other rations!)
Maksim MaksimovichCommissar, pardon me for not making this clear.Of course the production and buying and selling of tobacco willcontinue. I do need my prole-made cigars, and Lenin knows that highertobacco taxes are something we can’t live without. As I stated only “smoking” is banned.
I thought that smoking is OK and that only "inhaling" is banned...
"La révolution dévore ses enfants," observed Georges Danton, the great French revolutionary, when he himself fell victim to the Revolutionary Terror. "The revolution eats its own children."
Needless to say, the aim is to not be a tasty morsel when the World of Next Tuesday arrives.
And my grades prove it!