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President Obama! A Word Please!

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President Obama,

I know you are busy bringing down the capitalist economy that has supplied the means for the Imperialist attacks on peaceful countries around the world, fueled the internal engines that has caused global warming killing the polar bears and threatening the coastal areas with flooding world wide, finding a way to pay the mortgages etc for proles, dissing the Brits while kissing up to Hamas and other peaceful nations, and partying like there was no tomorrow in the White House. All of these things are perfectly understandable and laudable.

However, I do have a bone to pick with you Mr. President. As you know, there is no body, not a single soul, who cares more than I when it comes to services and programs For the Children™. There are those who probably feel I seem to care more for the children than perhaps is normal. but they are wrong. Sure, I am always on the lookout for fresh sources of female virgin blood and there are times when the scantily clad female teenager might draw my eye for a moment. However, yesterday I was reminded of one of your plans that I believe needs to be addressed. As it happens, I found myself in the store behind an elderly prole who frankly reeked of beets and covered with dirt who had not noticed an important personage behind him, probably due to his need for better glasses. But given his unclean state, I chose not to intervene at the moment and had him arrested outside the store so as not to cause a scene. This is not what disturbed me, it was the teller who told this old wretch that his PeopleCigarette™ would now cost 88 cents more a pack. It was then that I was reminded of the upcoming impact that my my caring For the Children™ will costwhen my current stash runs out.

Comrade Obama, what were you thinking? Of course cigarette smokers should bear the cost of this increase for insurance for children up to age 21 to families burdened with salaries up to $75,000, yet remain outcasts to society and forced to show their caring For the Children™ outside in the cold and rain. But Comrade, where the heck is the special stores where us Inner Party more equals can purchase our items at the regular Party rates? After all, we Inner Circle types may care more than others, but we also have more cares than others and our appropriations have not been raised yet to cover this extra cost. We need a system of special stores much like my Uncle Iosef established in the Motherland. After all, soon not only will the prices rise for everything under your wise leadership, the quantity and quality will no doubt become more equal to other third world countries and thus could eventually impact your own Comrades. Please get on this right away Comrade.


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I got stranded in Anchorage for 3 days when my plane broke. They put us up in the finest premier hotel, the Hotel Captain Cook, as was only fitting for warriors for The Common Good. I couldn't believe that a pack of fags cost 9 CEUs. As I puffed my delightful treats (which I have since denounced and quit), I took glory in the thought that it was all For The Children. At least, now, as a Commissar, I can visit the Party PX.

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What is this "CEU" Comrade, and where do I pick some up? I am at a loss.... where is my Party PX so that I may purchase the vice of my choice at a price more in keeping with my METS (More Equal Than Status)?

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Marshal Pupovich wrote:What is this "CEU" Comrade, and where do I pick some up? I am at a loss.... where is my Party PX so that I may purchase the vice of my choice at a price more in keeping with my METS (More Equal Than Status)?
CEU: Capitalist Exploitation Unit. Remember Comrades, if you carry more than 10 CEUs on you at a time you will be labeled as a kulak and subjected to Inner Party's wrath.

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I am hitting myself over the head with my shovel Comrade for the CEU question. I was thinking of some euro denomination.

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Marshal Pupovich wrote:Comrade Obama, what were you thinking? Of course cigarette smokers should bear the cost of this increase for insurance for children up to age 21 to families burdened with salaries up to $75,000, yet remain outcasts to society and forced to show their caring For the Children™ outside in the cold and rain.

Marshal Pupovich, the children could also partially bear the cost For the Children™ fairly and justly by taxing these:
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Eggsactly Comrade Leninka! Children should indeed do more For the Children™ than they do currently! After all, it is their insurance, so why do they not tax the candy? BTW, I see your picture states "Old Time Candy," but I will have you know, I still can find this sort of candy in some stores!


 
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