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Dear Comrades,

Today, Comrade Party Chairman and President Barack Barackovich Obama formed his own personal secret police unit which will serve him his entire life, after the People's House of Deputies voted anonymously to allow him a personal army both during and after holding office as Head of State. As we all know, Comrade Barack Barackovich has often been threatened by violent and greedy Capitalists who often attempt to kill him and reverse the progress of the Party.

Obama signs law giving himself, Bush lifetime Secret Service guard

For this reason, the Party is also seeking a universal weapons ban, so that anti-Proletarian forces will be unable to oppose the State as it cares for the workers and peasants of the USSA. B. B. Obama has ordered the Vice-Chairman, Comrade Josef Iosifovich Biden to begin proceedings leading to seizure of all weapons in the name of the People.

We know it is a certainty that weapons in the hands of persons not under the direct authority of State organs often leads to crime and violence. Millions of innocent persons are maimed and murdered annually because people are driven to kill by owning guns that the State has not issued them. Whereas, the police and our many law-enforcement agencies never abuse their power and would never harm the people or deprive them of their social benefits without due cause.

In addition, law enforcement officials experience a great deal of stress in dealing with potentially-armed citizens, and so it is best to keep down medical costs for stress treatment among State workers by disarming the Masses.

The People have no need for weapons, since the Party has declared that all citizens will be safer without weapons than with guns in their homes. Unauthorized access to guns will only lead to more suffering and pain, which the Party struggles daily to prevent by enacting more helpful laws and regulations.

We congratulate Comrade Barack Barackovich on the formation of his new personal army, and hope that it will be expanded in the future from a security detail to a full Brigade under the next Five-Year Plan.


Faithfully submitted to the Collective of the People's Cube,
Comrade Nomenklatura-climber
Proletarian Red-nose

So many questions not answered in the article .... What color are their shirts? Do they swear allegiance to Barackovich personally? How many SSA will be required to cover Moo's backsides .... ?

Comrade, What are you, some kind of spy? We do not ask questions beyond what we are told, for the good of us all! They have released their special logo, which will go on their uniforms and official communications:

Anyer Marx wrote:So many questions not answered in the article .... What color are their shirts? Do they swear allegiance to Barackovich personally? How many SSA will be required to cover Moo's backsides .... ?

Comrade Nomenklatura, the comments are directed to the less equal "journalism" which obviously failed to include the complete Party Line™ so as to fully inspire The People™ with this wonderful news. Small details like "brown," "yes" and "depends on what she had for lunch" would provide thoese necessary embellishments. I suspect Yahoo may be getting a visit soon.

Anyer Marx wrote:So many questions not answered in the article .... What color are their shirts? Do they swear allegiance to Barackovich personally? How many SSA will be required to cover Moo's backsides .... ?

ah yes, such good questions . . . but I am thinking Moo's back-yardages will receive it's own platoon. I am more interested in colors and decorations. Brown has been given such bad coverage, much like our glorious red, so maybe a color more fitting our first black Mooslimic president... chartreuse. A bit of yellow, would be so reflective.

Perhaps a more Royal Green, in honor of Dear Leader's mentors and financial backers, the Family of Saud?

I would agree with the chartreuse and yellow color scheme, Fraulein, were it not that black is so - so - all encompassing! So overriding, so scary, so demonically terrifying!

Much like assault weapons, which are, of course, mostly black. And our Dear Leader, who is both half black and yet, somehow, more fully black than anyone. Ever.

Perhaps the official underwear of the Presidential Storm Troopers could be chartreuse, with bright yellow trim.

I think it'd make a statement, don't you?

My what an unusual holster for a handgun!


(on the second Stazi on the right...)