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President Obama Working HARD on JOBS!

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Comrades, the lumpenproletariate seems to be getting a bit impatient and is, for some silly reason, starting to believe President Obama's sound Keynesian economic policies are a failure and unemployment will be a long term problem. To counter this false, fishy notion, your president is working hard on new job creation ideas, such as these:

NY Times wrote: The administration may also merge the Department of Commerce, the Office of the United States Trade Representative and some economic divisions at the State Department into a new agency, administration officials said. Possible names include the Department of Jobs or the Department of Competitiveness.
https://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/14/us/politics/14econ.html?pagewanted=2&_r=1
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It's a good start but this President is a man of decisive action, especially when important issues like his re-election are at stake, and wants lots of options at his disposal. I was able to sneak into his office disguised as a TV set (which I am) and take a peek at the ideas he and his current economic team (right now, just Tim Geithner and a janitor, but he is actively seeking replacements for the ones who left) are batting around:

1. Change name to Barack "Jobs" Obama.

2. Create a national jobs bank which is too big to fail.

3. Have "Think Jobs" stamped on all of his personal golf balls.

4. Give numerous speeches on prime-time TV on the importance of jobs.

5. Demand that a Jobs APP be installed on his iPhone immediately.

6. New personalized license plates reading "JOBS nnnn" for all White House staff cars.

7. Name his first re-election campaign tour "Jobs 2012!"

8. Require "jobs" be mentioned at least once during every staff meeting.

9. All party officials and members of Congress will wear black armbands bearing the word "JOBS" in public.

10. The 2012 campaign slogan will be "JOBS FOR A CHANGE!"

11. Find staff members who have had actual jobs and feature them prominently on public TV and federally-funded performance art exhibitions.

12. Number one on the FBI's "Most Wanted" list will be "JOBS" until further notice.

13. Have beer summits with owners of corporate jets who will apologize for their failure to create jobs.

14. Create new agency to assist employers with job creation. Among its duties will be to publish new federal regulations outlining how, when, where and why new jobs will be created. It will also design and print huge amounts of new forms that each employer will need to spend numerous hours filling out each week explaining exactly why his or her business did or did not hire any new employees. It will also hire an army of government workers to follow up with each employer on each form, essentially asking him or her the same question on the form and checking to see if the spoken answer is the same as the written one.

15. Denounce anyone who claims Obamacare suppresses job creation as "raaaaacist".

16. Have the SEIU organize self-employed workers who will then strike for higher wages and benefits.

17. Rename Democrat National Committee "Jobs R' Us".

18. Subliminal jobs campaign: Show president hanging out with Steve JOBS, announce to the press Obama is proud of the recent Air Force 1 wax JOB or that Michelle will soon be having a dye JOB, etc.

19. Have word "JOBS" shaved into head.

20. Pass the word to the media to begin referring to BO as "The JOBS President."

These are all brilliant ideas. I expect the unemployment statistics to react as soon as these are made public.


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Comrade Opiate,
The FBI is trying to comply with the Jobs edict:

10_most_wanted_jobs.jpg
They are having trouble identifying the top ten jobs wanted and sent the web page to me for presentation. As usual they expect us to do all the work and they receive the credit. What else is new? Eh Comrades?

Please enter submissions in comments below.


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#1 concern: Jobs
#2 concern: sand-flies

(or was sand-flies #1 ?)

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When Obama gets back from his much needed and deserved vacation he will bestow on an ungrateful people his plan to create jobs. He's been playing his cards close to the vest waiting for the GOP to play their hand. Now he's gonna show them (and us) in Sept.

Obama's Red October surprise...a month early!


 
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