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Question for the Many Titted Empress

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Your Highness, exalted among The People™,

I am currently in a state of absolute trepidation, my paws are trembling so that I can hardly type, both from the awe of your presence that I feel even when I can not hear or see you, and from dread of the fate that could await me for having the audacity to ask such a question.

I know that you have the answer, and it is simply me not being able to fathom this at the moment, but it is not my fault that I ask. All morning this question has been gnawing at me. In fact, I almost suspect that perhaps some of my comrades are setting me up to be the fall pup. It is as if others wish for me to ask as they have been wanting to hear the answer. I have cleaned my tin foil hat, even re-calibrated the system as it feels as if I am receiving this question from outside of this humble Pup. Be that as it may, I have no choice but to ask and take what is coming to me. Yet I know you can show mercy on whom you shall, and so I throw myself upon your mercy.

The other day, in a remarkable, generous way for which you are so deservedly known, you proposed giving each and every child born in this country, $5,000 so they can have a nest egg to help them go to college or perhaps buy their own hut when they reach 18. Various figures have been put out how much this would grow in interest in 18 years. It is a brilliant plan, no question about that. It is For the Children™ and so it is blessed.

Technically, I suppose there are actually 3 questions. When you take your rightful place, will this not put an end to the greedy, capitalist system that has befouled this world for so long? Given that, from where will this interest money come from? Which of course leads to the real question we are interested in, "How will this effect our various and assorted ministries budgets we have been alloted?"

Thank you Hillary, for all that you have done, and forgive a poor Commissar for his impertinence.... which he could not help! Where is the tin foil repairman when you need one?

Hail Hillary! Hail Hillary! Hail Hillary!

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Since I have been born in this country will I too receive this nest egg? Will we be paid in Amero-dollars? Isn't owning a hut capitalism?

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Another good question....about owning a hut especially. But was it wise to ask a question of the Empress before you see what fate befalls me?

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Commissar Pupovich, I can scarcely believe you would dare to ask Her Excellency such a question! I'm sure she has a plan! A plan that will not require any borrowing from Social Security and Medicare (I'm sure those will be put in either a lockbox or barrel full of salted brine).

Have faith, Pup! SHE HAS A PLAN! Shouldn't that be enough for you? It is for me! I believe!

All I want to know is if the $5000 will be retroactive. Can I collect this money for my kids? Myself? Relatives dead/disappeared/transported?

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Pinkie wrote:Commissar Pupovich, I can scarcely believe you would dare to ask Her Excellency such a question! I'm sure she has a plan! A plan that will not require any borrowing from Social Security and Medicare (I'm sure those will be put in either a lockbox or barrel full of salted brine).

Have faith, Pup! SHE HAS A PLAN! Shouldn't that be enough for you? It is for me! I believe!

All I want to know is if the $5000 will be retroactive. Can I collect this money for my kids? Myself? Relatives dead/disappeared/transported?

Oh Comrade Pinkie, it was not my fault! I did say that I knew she had a plan, a most wise one to boot. I tell you, I was receiving transmissions all day from some comrades no doubt, who worried about their budgets. They compelled me to ask.... Ever since I posted that, the transmissions returned to their normal rate and content. I am telling you I was set up to be a scape pup!

You can be sure, this comrade will certainly be calling in the People's Court for <s>his $5,000</s> the $5,000 the Empress would have me to contribute to her campaign For the Common Good™, with interest retroactive to 1955.

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Pup, whoever these comrades were, we need to root them out, find out who they are! You must NAME NAMES! How dare they question any plan of the Empress. Why, they are nothing but skeptics--no, worse than skeptics . . .

They are DENIERS!

Oh, and while I'm here, I have another question for MTE--can I ask all my girlfriends from south of the border to come on up and have their babies here, so they too might benefit from Your Majesty's $5000 program For The Children? I think it's only fair, don't you?

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Sadly, I cannot name names... yet. I have kept a log of all transmissions received yesterday, but of course they are encoded. But you can be sure I have them being examined closely. But now who is asking questions of the Empress? Oh, you may as well get your shovel ready. Then again, the Empress is known far and wide for her wisdom and compassion. Perhaps she will grant favor to us... then again, we could see the full force of her Righteous Justice. I fear she has held off responding to see how we squirm. I certainly intend to do my best to squirm in a Party Approved manner.

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Commissar Pup! Equal Worker-Unit Pinkie! I am shocked to hear this! Pup! Your original post was border-line thought crime, but now both of you are thinking of yourselves instead of the Common Good(tm)! I am afraid that I will have to report you to Smersh!

<walks off and gets into car>
<dials cellphone>

Get me the Department of Free Hand-Outs™. No! I will not talk to a rep! I want the head of the department! I AM A COMMISSAR! I AM IMPORTANT!
<waits for a few seconds while tapping his foot>
Are you the head of the department? Yes? WHERE the H*LL IS MY 5000 FROM CHILDHOOD!! THERE BETTER BE 18, NO! 20 YEARS OF INTEREST WITH THAT NEST EGG! AS A MATTER IN FACT! THERE BETTER BE MORE INTEREST SINCE I HAD TO WAIT!!!

I KNOW THAT PROGRAM DOES NOT EVEN EXIST YET!!! I DO NOT CARE! GET ME MY MONEY!!!!

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RedtheProgressiveFox wrote:I KNOW THAT PROGRAM DOES NOT EVEN EXIST YET!!! I DO NOT CARE! GET ME MY MONEY!!!!

Commissar Fox, I have no idea what you are referring to when you speak of me thinking of myself? Perhaps you need to review my post again.....

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Commissar Pupovich wrote: But now who is asking questions of the Empress?

Ha ha ha ha ha!

It's a little more complicated than that, Bill--I mean Pup!

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Bill? Hsu is this Bill you refer to? The Empress' lap dog?

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RedtheProgressiveFox wrote:Commissar Pup! Equal Worker-Unit Pinkie! I am shocked to hear this! Pup! Your original post was border-line thought crime, but now both of you are thinking of yourselves instead of the Common Good(tm)! I am afraid that I will have to report you to Smersh!

Comrade Red, I think only of The Children . . . and The Greater Good . . . and how much I hate Bush and the way he's destroyed everything, EVERYTHING, even the way I think!

Not only that, Comrade Fox, but I couldn't possibly have any idea what I was going to inherit when I came in here! Comrade, don't you see . . . <Pinkie lets loose with careless flirty laugh>. . . it's a little more complicated than that!

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Commissar Pupovich wrote:Bill? Hsu is this Bill you refer to? The Empress' lap dog?

You might say that, Pup:

https://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=1117130

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Oh, I wish you would have giving me more warning Comrade Pinky.... for where I hang out during the "work week," the initials BM have a different, yet strangely similar meaning!

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Commissar Pupovich wrote:
RedtheProgressiveFox wrote:I KNOW THAT PROGRAM DOES NOT EVEN EXIST YET!!! I DO NOT CARE! GET ME MY MONEY!!!!

Commissar Fox, I have no idea what you are referring to when you speak of me thinking of myself? Perhaps you need to review my post again.....

My apologies Commissar, that is what happens when you try to work, post on the Cube, and trouble shoot your home network all at once. You are indeed of no blame, but! your questions are still border-line of Thought-Crimes!

Pinkie wrote:RedtheProgressiveFox wrote
Commissar Pup! Equal Worker-Unit Pinkie! I am shocked to hear this! Pup! Your original post was border-line thought crime, but now both of you are thinking of yourselves instead of the Common Good(tm)! I am afraid that I will have to report you to Smersh!


Comrade Red, I think only of The Children . . . and The Greater Good . . . and how much I hate Bush and the way he's destroyed everything, EVERYTHING, even the way I think!

Not only that, Comrade Fox, but I couldn't possibly have any idea what I was going to inherit when I came in here! Comrade, don't you see . . . <Pinkie lets loose with careless flirty laugh>. . . it's a little more complicated than that!


Ok comrade Pinkie, but do notice that you are on my watch list! I will let you credit for the moment since I am such a nice guy (dang it! no wonder I cannot clime higher through the party ranks!)

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RedtheProgressiveFox wrote:My apologies Commissar, that is what happens when you try to work, post on the Cube, and trouble shoot your home network all at once. You are indeed of no blame, but! your questions are still border-line of Thought-Crimes!

All I can say is Praise Lenin History is malleable and written by those who have the power, and do so before too many witnesses can see. I was a bit concerned about your last statement that seemed to suggest a hint of competition.

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Competition?! No Commissar! It is my duty, as is any party member, to report thought-crimes!

<thinks to himslef>
Got to figure out a way to shoot this one down! He is super power-hungery!

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Yes yes, you did well to report my possible lapse. Were it not for the apparent transmissions I seemed to have received, I would have never dared to do such a thing. I tremble every time I see a notification of a post here, wondering what Her Highness will have to say. Will she accept my question as to what will happen to our budgets in the spirit it was intended, For the People™, or if she will see an impertinent Commissar and come down on him like one of the fictional fairytale of the Four Horsemen of the Appocalypse.

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like one of the fictional fairytale of the Four Horsemen of the Appocalypse.

Fictional? Fairytale? You speak of those fools who will attempt to destroy our Many Titted Empress once she has gained her rightful place as emperor of the world! This is no fairytale, Commissar, this is a real threat. We must put all our non voter fraud efforts into ensuring that no religious icons will end her reign as supreme overlord of this planet.

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Right now Premier, I just worry about surviving another day. I saw the notice of a new posting here and once again, my heart nearly stopped, wondering if this would be the call from the Empress and what my fate would be. But regardless of her decision on my fate.... it wasn't my fault!

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Fictional? Fairytale? You speak of those fools who will attempt to destroy our Many Titted Empress once she has gained her rightful place as emperor of the world! This is no fairytale, Commissar, this is a real threat. We must put all our non voter fraud efforts into ensuring that no religious icons will end her reign as supreme overlord of this planet.

I have found the Four Horsemen!!!

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We must gather up all the trash cans, ladders, metal chairs, and ring bells and put a severe Hillary beat down on these white trash gods!!!!


<Grab microphone from puny ring announcer, stare him down for 20 seconds, rip my shirt off and throw it in his face, spit at his feet and start smelling at the air>
Can You Smell What the Sea-Bass Is Cooking!!!!

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Phew, I am glad I read that a second time... for a moment I thought you were suggesting beating down the Hillary...

Speaking of a certain wrestling "chef".... I have to give an uncompensated recommendation for his movie "Game Plan." Why am I doing such a thing for no compensation you may ask? Because I Care™. That is the first movie he was in that I enjoyed, and especially if you have any Future Komsomol members, be sure to take them. Actually, I loved that movie.

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Pup, still no word from the Empress?

Maybe you need to send her another donation?

Perhaps if there were a coin slot off to the side here. Insert coins, pull crank, and hear her delightful laughter!

Mayhap you'll have to embark on a Great Quest before she'll grant you an audience. Perhaps if you brought her Ann Coulter's broom?

Though when all is said and done, I still think all it takes is another donation. A big one, too, not one of those, "Well, whatever I can spare after I buy food and medicine for the wife and kiddies." Never mind them! Give all you have to our MTE, and SHE will take care of the wife and kiddies!

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Comrade Pinkie, do you not know that I already donate all that I have to the Empress? Grant it, the Pup is no Hsu, but I do all that I can. But truth be told, other than keeping this Commissar a nervous wreck not knowing what her response will be, at least this Commissar has lived to see another day. If it were not for knowing she would know, I would certainly have tried to alter history and made this a non-thread. On the other hand, the Many Titted Empress is wise beyond our limited minds to comprehend, her mercy and compassion legendary, so it is possible that she will appreciate the question.

Either way, it was not my fault. I have had some success in deciphering some of the broadcast I received from my tin foil hat that day, but still have much to do. It is interesting that one of the side bands revealed this: "(unintelligible noise)...how will this plan impact my efforts to rebuild my (garbled) collection that was (garbled) into a million pieces... (static)."

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BTW comrades, please keep a close eye on me.... For I am afraid I almost caught myself in a thought crime today. For you see, my Beloved Fighting Bayou Bengals of LSU are currently ranked #1 in the nation! So you can imagine the pressure that I am bearing to keep from being competitive.

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Commissar Pupovich wrote:Comrade Pinkie, do you not know that I already donate all that I have to the Empress? Grant it, the Pup is no Hsu, but I do all that I can.

Gee, I'd love to help you out, Commissar Pupovich, since I'd also like to behold the Great Empress and maybe ask her for a liver so I can go on drinking vodka. But I'm afraid I blew all my pin money buying up PupsPassGas carbon credits!

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Pup,

I would have figured you would lean towards a team that had a DOG as a mascot. One Dog comes to mind...


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Pinkie wrote:Gee, I'd love to help you out, Commissar Pupovich, since I'd also like to behold the Great Empress and maybe ask her for a liver so I can go on drinking vodka. But I'm afraid I blew all my pin money buying up PupsPassGas carbon credits!

I actually beheld the Empress earlier today.... perhaps she is just too busy to bother with this thread... praise Lenin!

Not to worry, all of your PupsPassGas carbon credits does go to the Hillary.

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Comrade Sea Bass, were I the sort to wish to compete, then it is clear that being an LSU Tiger fan is the way to go: 1. the Pup was born in the home of the Mighty LSU Tigers, practically in the shadows of Deaf Valley, even his first job was at LSU!; 2. The Tiger has about as much in common with the lowly housecat as an F22 has with a dandelion... the tiger is a man killer, used throughout history to hunt down and devour thoughtcriminals; 3. and finally, if the Pup was a competition lover.... he would of course go for a great team..... Geaux Tigers!... er... For the People™ of course! Besides... bulldogs are as common as alley cats when it comes to mascots... change the shirt and it may as well be a Miss St bulldog.

Everyone meet, Mike VI....a real mascot!

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Commissar, do you not think Hillary's glorious naked body would look well on this rug? I'm sure, not exactly a Hsu, she would see favor with this donation. Lets face it Comrade, Trojans slaughter these things.

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Wouldn't know, it's never happened before. But perhaps if the Trojans can hang on this year, we may get a chance to find out. It looked real shaky Saturday....

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What would the Hillary mascot look like?

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Well, It certainly wouldn't look pretty, that's for sure. Maybe we could use a spokesperson....

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Just please type quietly... Her Empress has been around today... no need in hurrying her.

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Praise Lenin! I have almost made it to the Statue of Limitations and still consuming oxygen. It would appear I have not made it on the Hillary's radar screen.

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No wonder you were denounced.
Keep it up and you might end up on the current purge page list, which BTW I have noticed that you have been conspiciously absent from, and so have many other members of The Party faithful. This angers ME.
Am I going to cancel the Purge for 2007/08 due to Global Warming and lack of fresh Pup meat?

You are always on my radar screen.

And HSU the F@#K ARE YOU TO QUESTION ME?

Anyhow, the answer to your insipid 3 questions:
1) OPM
2) OPM
3) If you keep it up, it'll be all taken from your budget, pissant.

Who let this dog out? I want to know?

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It's now 11:45 and no response from The Pup.
The Pup has until 17:00HRS EST to humble himself before me or he goes on the purge list.
No excuses.

Now excuse ME, where's my can of Winkle-Be-Gone?

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Oh Glorious Empress, praise Lenin for you are merciful indeed! I am unworthy to be given till 17:00 EST, I am so low in the brilliance of your light that I have to look up just to see the bottom of the Congress' approval numbers... a number that is low only for their failure to follow your lead so far. I can not adequately express how glad I am that I check here regularly. Not only am I grateful for your merciful ways, I am grateful for your succinct answers to my questions. I know how impertinent I must have seemed, but I assure you that I was receiving messages from my tin foil hat. It was not my fault! Perhaps it is not just a coincidence that today marks the glorious anniversary of the Motherlands launch of Sputnik! While I am still gathering evidence as to the identity of the perpetrators of those messages to me, I will spend the next 4 hours in a self criticism session with a specially dulled shovel I keep for this purpose.

Praise Hillary! Praise Hillary! Praise Hillary!

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Praise Hillary! Praise Hillary! Praise Hillary!
Only three? Is that it? Is that all?
Hummmmmph! <sneer> grrrrrr...

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While of course I can not take responsibility for myself, I do see the inadequacy of my response and of course your righteous anger.

May I offer a take off on a Pink Floyd song in your honor?

Hillary will you drop the bomb?
Hillary will you like this song?
Hillary will you try to break my balls?
Ooooowaa mother, should I go to the wall?

Hillary will you run for president?
Hillary, can I then trust the government?
Hillary, will they put me in the firing line?
Ooooowaa is it just a waste of time?

Hush, my baby. baby, dont you cry.
Mommas gonna make all of your nightmares come true.
Mommas gonna put all of her fears into you.
Mommas gonna keep you right here under her wing.
She wont let you fly, but she might let you sing.
Mommas gonna keep baby cozy and warm.
Oooo babe.
Oooo babe.
Ooo babe, of course mommas gonna put you against a wall.

Hillary, do you think shes good enough,
For me?
Hillary, do you think shes dangerous,
To me?
Hillary will she tear your little boy apart?
Ooooowaa mother, will she break my heart?

Hush, my baby. baby, dont you cry.
Mommas gonna check out all your girlfriends for you.
Momma wont let anyone dirty get through.
Mommas gonna wait up until you get in.
Momma will always find out where you've been.
Mommas gonna keep baby healthy and clean.
Oooo babe.
Oooo babe.
Ooo babe, youll always be baby to me.

Mother, can we get so high?

Praise Hillary! Praise Hillary! Praise Hillary! Praise Hillary!

Praise Hillary! Praise Hillary! Praise Hillary! Praise Hillary!

Praise Hillary! Praise Hillary! Praise Hillary! Praise Hillary!

Praise Hillary from whom all blessings will flow!

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Praise Lenin! It appears the Empress has accepted my groveling enough to allow me to continue to consume oxygen. Note to self... Never fall for any transmissions suggesting I question the Empress again.


 
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