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Santa shot down over Ukraine, mistaken for passenger plane

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From our comrades at Duffle Blog...

Santa Mistaken for Passenger Jet, Shot Down Over Ukraine

KIEV, Ukraine — Ukrainian officials have begun sifting through the wreckage of Santa's sleigh, after it was apparently shot down shortly before midnight local time, sources told Duffel Blog.

The government claims the sleigh was shot down by a Buk surface-to-air missile after being mistaken for a civilian passenger jet, according to a defense ministry spokesman. The sleigh was attacked over Eastern Ukraine, in an area controlled by pro-Russian rebels.

Ukrainian officials accused Russia of orchestrating the shoot-down. Russia denied the claims, citing their own RT news broadcasts as evidence.

According to an RT spokesperson, “Santa was tracked over Russian airspace dispensing Chemtrails, when he strayed into the Ukraine, and was shot down by Ukrainian fighter jets.”

When pressed for further details, the spokesperson pointed to several furiously-edited Wikipedia entries posted within the last five minutes.

Read more: https://www.duffelblog.com/2014/12/sant ... z3N7UGhbc7

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AIR SAFETY ADVISORY

NOTE TO SANTA: The Craptek Air Safety Advisory Panel recommends you install the following equipment prior to all future flights:

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Captain Craptek made me squawk when he wrote:The Craptek Air Safety Advisory Panel recommends you install the following equipment prior to all future flights:

Just dial in 7500 on the easy-to-set rotary switches and fly worry-free anywhere in Russian airspace!

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There's another one like it in The Daily Currant, which got a stern reaction from Russia. I'm writing an article about it right now, so stay tuned...

Russia Shoots Down Santa's Sleigh Near North Pole

Russia shot down Santa Claus's sleigh today in international airspace over the Arctic Ocean.

According to local reports, the sleigh was beginning its annual Christmas Eve journey around the world when it was struck by a surface-to-air missile fired from the Russian island of Novaya Zemlya, just a few hundred miles from the North Pole. Santa and nearly all of his reindeer were killed instantly.

Norwegian fisherman soon located the debris field in the frigid waters of the Arctic Ocean. Images of the debris aired on CNN and other international news networks show broken limbs, teddy bears, and gift wrapping strewn throughout the sea.

Although Russia has officially denied involvement in the incident, U.S. intelligence forces say they have proof the missile was fired from a Russian military installation on the island. Several ultra-nationalist politicians in Moscow have praised the downing, which targeted a popular Western celebrity.

“Santa Claus is a symbol of Western decadence and consumerism,” said Alexei Onnatopp, leader of the far-right Golden Bear party. “Whoever killed this fat, corrupt man is a patriot and a hero.”

Read more: https://dailycurrant.com/2014/12/24/rus ... orth-pole/


 
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