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School Suspended for Using Letter 'L' that Looks Like a Gun

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In the wake of the thwarted Pop Tart attack, jittery school administrators denounced an entire student body and several teachers for violating the zero tolerance policies regarding images of guns at school. This resulted in the entire school being placed on lockdown for most of the day while police conducted their investigation. All students have been suspended and are facing expulsion.

"From now on we will not tolerate the use of the capital letter 'L'" stated an unnamed district spokesman "Turned sideways, it has an uncanny resemblance to a handgun and we seriously believe that this was the inspiration that prompted the letter's design".

As a response, congress is now contemplating a bill to make the use and possession of a capital "L" a felony and suggested banning the use of the lower case letter as well due to its resemblance to a high capacity magazine.

We understand the Colorado House has already passed a bill holding ink manufacturers and publishers liable for any injuries or deaths resulting from the misuse of the capital "L" and the Governor said he is ready to sign. The Colorado Senate is expected to pass the legislation later this week.

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And yet, sadly, I'm sure more than half of 'em could spell "Booyaka."

La la la la la la la la la la... I can't year you!

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A search resulted in seizure of several of the contraband letters. The desks were also taken.
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We need to beat our L's into plowshares ... or a less offensive symbol. Think of all the money we could save if our public schools stopped teaching this hate letter, money that could be better spent teaching our children songs to praise our Dear Leader!

Our more enlightened comrades in the People's Republic of China refuse to pronounce this hate letter. They have shown us that the letter is completely redundant and can be replaced with many other letters or just omitted from a word. For example, the above paragraph could be easily re-written as follows:

We need to beat our [Hate Retter that no ronger exists in the Engrish Rangwidge] into prowshares ... or a ress offensive symbro. Think of awe the money we coud save if our pubric schoos stopped teaching this hate retter, money that coud be better spent teaching our chidren songs to praise our Dear Reader!

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It's good to see that we're moving FORWARD! with this - excerrent exampre, Comrade Meow - you are truly an inspiration!

I am, however, a bit concerned about the retter "P"... and possibly "F"...


This should be taken up at the next Party Plenum. Cart before horse again. Most hated letter in capitalist pig alphabet is "I". The People come First. Even Comrade Gunnery Sergeant in Marine Corpse will tell you, "I; is gone!" Word "individual" begins with that awful letter. And who in right mind likes them?
Other major topic of plenum is Comrade Commissar Kerry's promotion of S. The Right to be STUPID is so popular at Foreign Ministry they profess it to any and all.


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Comrade Pistov is correct in theory, but when my meow is heard at the Party Plenum, it will be to object to the exclusion of any letter that appears in the name of our Dear Leader, Barack Hussein Obama. Furthermore it is known to all that “I” is our Dear Leader's favorite word. He uses it up to 98 times in any given speech to tell us of his great individual accomplishments.

https://cnsnews.com/news/article/i-me-o ... s-1-speech

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The word "I" is banned for use by anyone other than the Great Leader. We, the Minister of Unified Information, believe that this is the correct step toward teaching the People that the individual is nothing, and the collective is everything!!

Image Required reading: "Anthem" by Ayn Rand. This explains why I always refer to myself using "we" pronouns when Prog is ON.

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Comrade Putout, I am greatly disturbed by the images presented by your evil program, especially in the last frame.

Where can I get one?

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Comrades, This is a dilemma, how do we communicate korrekt thought without the letter "L", so we ask WWLD? (what would Lenin do?) Of course! We can look to the Motherland! The Russian alphabet uses "Л" which makes the "L" sound. So...

What a gлoriuos way to further create sociaл chaos and unrest to promote sociaлism and bring the Pogressive Worлd of Next Tuesday ™ one step cлoser!

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R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:Comrade Putout, I am greatly disturbed by the images presented by your evil program, especially in the last frame.

Where can I get one?
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UnifiedInformation wrote:The word "I" is banned for use by anyone other than the Great Leader. We, the Minister of Unified Information, believe that this is the correct step toward teaching the People that the individual is nothing, and the collective is everything!!

Image Required reading: "Anthem" by Ayn Rand. This explains why I always refer to myself using "we" pronouns when Prog is ON.

The Gutenberg Project has made a free audio book.
I provide a mirror site here:

https://josephsons.org/stuff/Anthem.htm


Is not 'T' a^so suspicious?

Shou(d we not - for the peop#e's safety - ban this horrib@e +etter as quick&y as possib&e - for the G*orious co$$ective?

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There are more problems we shall have as we teach the young ones the Mother Tongue. The letter г will obviously need to be replaced with another symbol for the 'g' sound. Ч looks like a bong. And while we're at it, ш and щ will most likely need to be changed, not because they look like something sinister, but because they look like 'W' but sound like 'sh' and 'shch' and that is something that children should not be expected to understand. Lest they leave the pool of illiterate proles prepared to work for the public good.

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Some unfeeling, insensitive racist is certain to say, "Programs don't Photoshop people, people do."

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russj wrote:
UnifiedInformation wrote:The word "I" is banned for use by anyone other than the Great Leader. We, the Minister of Unified Information, believe that this is the correct step toward teaching the People that the individual is nothing, and the collective is everything!!

Image Required reading: "Anthem" by Ayn Rand. This explains why I always refer to myself using "we" pronouns when Prog is ON.

The Gutenberg Project has made a free audio book.
I provide a mirror site here:

https://josephsons.org/stuff/Anthem.htm

Thank you Comrade. I remember reading Atlas and felt like the man who climbed Everest and thought he would surely die at the death zone above camp 4. But plod on I did as the air became thinner and I finally reach the pinnacle. Looking down from the peak I surmised the next time I approached an Ayn Rand mountain, I would span the crevasse with Cliff Notes. Possibly having Rand read to me would reduce the pain of exhaustion.

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As pointed out above, "L" is not the only suspect. Almost the entire alphabet is pro-gun code.

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A looks like a Hornady V-Max bullet cutaway
B looks like two .45 ACP rounds stacked in a magazine
C looks like the bolt face of a Garand rifle (if you squint)
F looks like an assault rifle with a forward grip
H looks like two MG42 machine guns configured for antiaircraft use
J looks like a fish hook, and fishing is mean to fish
O looks like a bullet hole....

What does your Rorhschach Radar reveal?

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Comrade Brain - are you sure that "F" isn't a bullpup?

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Ivan Betinov wrote:A looks like a Hornady V-Max bullet cutaway
B looks like two .45 ACP rounds stacked in a magazine
C looks like the bolt face of a Garand rifle (if you squint)
F looks like an assault rifle with a forward grip
H looks like two MG42 machine guns configured for antiaircraft use
J looks like a fish hook, and fishing is mean to fish
O looks like a bullet hole....

What does your Rorhschach Radar reveal?

P is just an L with a fat pistol grip ...
Q is a grenade ...
R is a derringer with the bottom barrel designed to shoot your opponent in the foot ...

This isn't an alphabet ... it's an arsenal! No wonder our children are growing up with a desire to exercise their rights under the Second Amendment even though it is contrary to the wishes will of our Dear Leader!

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My friend Candy and I just printed these guns up and we are already out marching about with them - so don't tell me it can't be done! We didn't tell the other marchers our guns were fake but I think they knew - they didn't seem to mind though. I got a rather nasty paper cut off of my barrel. Good news - I haven't shot anyone - yet.

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Ivan Betinov wrote:As pointed out above, "L" is not the only suspect. Almost the entire alphabet is pro-gun code.

Image
A looks like a Hornady V-Max bullet cutaway
B looks like two .45 ACP rounds stacked in a magazine
C looks like the bolt face of a Garand rifle (if you squint)
F looks like an assault rifle with a forward grip
H looks like two MG42 machine guns configured for antiaircraft use
J looks like a fish hook, and fishing is mean to fish
O looks like a bullet hole....

What does your Rorhschach Radar reveal?
X turned sideways ominously resembles the crossed rifles borne on the collar of that universal oppressor, the US infantryman

M and N in sequence instantly suggest Mosin-Nagant to the average kindergartner, but since they made rifles for the People, well at least that's who ended up using them, they get a pass

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If you reverse the order of the R and the S and put the S kinda up above you get:

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Terrifying.

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Banning "L" is just the beginning, but it is a good one. After all, the name Barack Hussein Obama does not contain an "L" . We can continue to sing his praises while not compromising our pacifist, marxist principles. However, banning any books that might pollute the people's minds as to the goodness and decency of the collective and the evil nature of property and its owners should be our ultimate goal.

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Uh-uhuhuhuihuhuhuhuhuhu (sound of me hyperventilating) The U! The U looks like a staple! Staples can be fired from staple guns! Uh-huhuhuhuhuhuhu!

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Ivan Betinov wrote:As pointed out above, "L" is not the only suspect. Almost the entire alphabet is pro-gun code.

Image
A looks like a Hornady V-Max bullet cutaway
B looks like two .45 ACP rounds stacked in a magazine
C looks like the bolt face of a Garand rifle (if you squint)
F looks like an assault rifle with a forward grip
H looks like two MG42 machine guns configured for antiaircraft use
J looks like a fish hook, and fishing is mean to fish
O looks like a bullet hole....

What does your Rorhschach Radar reveal?

Y looks like the entry and exit wounds of a hollow point.

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Chairman Meow wrote:We need to beat our L's into plowshares ... or a less offensive symbol. Think of all the money we could save if our public schools stopped teaching this hate letter, money that could be better spent teaching our children songs to praise our Dear Leader!

Our more enlightened comrades in the People's Republic of China refuse to pronounce this hate letter. They have shown us that the letter is completely redundant and can be replaced with many other letters or just omitted from a word. For example, the above paragraph could be easily re-written as follows:

We need to beat our [Hate Retter that no ronger exists in the Engrish Rangwidge] into prowshares ... or a ress offensive symbro. Think of awe the money we coud save if our pubric schoos stopped teaching this hate retter, money that coud be better spent teaching our chidren songs to praise our Dear Reader!

Symbol.jpg

Compañero, gracias for this brilliant suggestion. I almost wept with joy when I read it. Almost, because I was concerned that it could hurt our relations with our Chinese comrades. But then, they are adopting too many capitalistic reforms anyway, so who cares if they take offense.

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Comrades, it is much worse than we thought, globull warming climate change deniers have somehow manipulated Gaia's weather to turn on us all. No doubt a Bush / Cheney covert action.
Lenin help us all.

Copy of 733903_552501748104200_648595198_n.jpg

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What about the shape of the state of Florida on a map of the U.S.? There it hangs in the school room, tempting students to go commit acts of gun violence, yet nobody is doing anything about it. I say we carve Florida up into Party-Approved substates (each with a democrati majority, of course).

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Ivan Betinov wrote:What about the shape of the state of Florida on a map of the U.S.? There is hangs in the school room, tempting students to go commit acts of gun violence, yet nobody is doing anything about it. I say we carve Florida up into Party-Approved substates (each with a democrati majority, of course).

Comrade Brain-in-Jar, Excellent observation! Perhaps Dear Leader Comrade President Obama needs to appoint a School Violence Czar and be given unlimited funds for a thorough investigation into gun shaped, or potential gun shaped, objects and images in the Publik Schools. Every effort must by taken to then have these purged, for the children™.

It is not only Florida, but California also looks like an ancient muzzle-loading pistol. Then there is Oklahoma & Idaho with their long barrels. Even Utah is suspect.


Komissar Blogunov wrote: M and N in sequence instantly suggest Mosin-Nagant to the average kindergartner, but since they made rifles for the People, well at least that's who ended up using them, they get a pass

As for the Alphabet, I do not know if K was mentioned, but AK stands for Avtomat Kalashnikova as in AK-47, also referred to as the Kalasnikov.

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Like the letters MN, The letters AK even more pointedly represent the weapon of the People™ and the Revolution™ and are therefore most acceptable. Some letters, komissars, animals, and weapons are simply more equal. The letters AR, however, must be executed after a fair trial, declared non-letters, and banished from memory and Children's™ literature.

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Comrades, when will this evil end? Do we have enough Gulags, body bags, and hollow point ammunition to deal with all of these wacko extremists?!?

Apparently SOMEone brought cupcakes to school with toy soldiers on them - and you know what toy soldiers have - TOY GUNS!!!

The horror... the horror...


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Not to worry, comrades. I have an ample supply of toy body bags.

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Why were the parents so insensitive as to not even think of plastic jihadists? What kind of message does that send? We can't pull children out of their homes soon enough.

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R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote: Apparently SOMEone brought cupcakes to school with toy soldiers on them - and you know what toy soldiers have - TOY GUNS!!!
This would have been perfectly acceptable if it was a diorama of the New York City Health Department assaulting the cupcakes.

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Unless I missed it, the letter "L" is missing it's true meaning, (crickets) here on this thread. We all know this means "Loser." Admit it! "L" for Loser! Say it! "L" for Loser!

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You can stand down Comrades, we're safe for now until the next rethug reactionary hoodlum child decides to act out their inbred aggressive anti-social psychopathy.

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R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:If you reverse the order of the R and the S and put the S kinda up above you get:

sr.JPG
Terrifying.
This is madness! Dyslexic children will be purchasing Ruger products left and right because of the devious and subliminal effect of seeing "SR" in an elementary classroom. More letters need to be tried and purged before it's too late.

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ThePeoplesComrade wrote:
russj wrote:
UnifiedInformation wrote:The word "I" is banned for use by anyone other than the Great Leader. We, the Minister of Unified Information, believe that this is the correct step toward teaching the People that the individual is nothing, and the collective is everything!!

Image Required reading: "Anthem" by Ayn Rand. This explains why I always refer to myself using "we" pronouns when Prog is ON.

The Gutenberg Project has made a free audio book.
I provide a mirror site here:

https://josephsons.org/stuff/Anthem.htm

Thank you Comrade. I remember reading Atlas and felt like the man who climbed Everest and thought he would surely die at the death zone above camp 4. But plod on I did as the air became thinner and I finally reach the pinnacle. Looking down from the peak I surmised the next time I approached an Ayn Rand mountain, I would span the crevasse with Cliff Notes. Possibly having Rand read to me would reduce the pain of exhaustion.
The mountain is indeed high even when listening to the audio book. Audible's version is just under 864 mB in 8 files and 63 hours in length. A true waste of our time. After all, comrade, what's more important for The Common Good™ than laboring in the fields? The Classic Comics version will suffice.

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The problem is not the L, it's your font. Wrong 'L'ephont. You must use party approved fonts, you dingbats!

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Sans serif is essentially forbidden.

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So we're going to have to go sans sans serif? Need I point out that "serif" sounds vaguely Middle Eastern, and eliminating it may be a racist thought crime?

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Ivan Betinov wrote:So we're going to have to go sans sans serif? Need I point out that "serif" sounds vaguely Middle Eastern, and eliminating it may be a racist thought crime?

Not if you are from California ...

serif-in usa.jpg

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Lephonts-2.jpg

Updated, so that you can hand it out to your comrades without explaining the context. Hope you find it useful.

Beacuse we care!


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I think we need to put any "L" in the dead letter file.

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Comrades! Too much talk about letters this and that. The simple solution is staring at us in the face!! Writing should be banned for the common prole. Of course we in the party need our writings and doodles and such but we need to take a page out of old Soviet playbook. Confiscate all typewriters or any means of writing! The prole can get their information from TV or radio, no reading required!

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Remember Comrades, there is no "I" in Comrade,

(but there is in Tovarichi)


 
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