Red Square, I believe it could be used for such purpose provided it is kept cool (lest the milk curdle and gum up the...umm nozzles). Perhaps Mrs. Al could enlighten us on that aspect.

But in this picture, the containers are filled with what appears to be a translucent yellow liquid which looks like lemonaid Leninaid.

(The explanation offered by BFH is that the woman earns $250 a day selling mouthfuls of lemonaid along the beach.)

To the Comrades and Glorious Leader Red,

I hope and beg of you that this letter will show my innocence and will prevent any harm or Gulag treatment for me. While some may see this as a ploy to save my own skin, a cowardly pleading, or "being a rat" I prefer the term "Frightened informant" and this is why. It is true that Just_a_car, Buffoon, and myself have been selling pebbles for profit. But they persuaded me through capitalist witchcraft and hypnosis to convince me to help them in this illegal activity. I tried to resist but I am just a weak man and have been tripped by the misleading information they have given to me.

Also the Comrades should know that I have told them many times over and over that this is a bad idea and to free me from their cold and greedy hands but always to a loud "No". I tried to run from them many times with as much money as possible in my pockets but not for my self but to perhaps bury it somewhere so it may be used as compost. If the Comrades do not believe that then it didn't happen and will ask them to ignore the previous statement.

Buffoon and Just_a_car were about to sign up with The Tea Party and that is when I knew they were going to far for me. I beg the comrades to consider this letter at the sentencing and to punish them and not me. I will surrender all assets and titles and will settle for even the smallest job at the cube that you may have for me.

The Comrades have my full cooperation in this investigation and trial and perhaps I may weasel over to the prosecution side.

-Chedoh

Chedoh, you chowderhead. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having money. Gobs and gobs of money. This "I was going to bury it," or "I was going to use it as compost" is, well, compost. The accumulation of wealth by Party Members is pure, righteous, and encouraged. You are not on trial for the money in your pockets. You are on trial for how it got there.

You see, Chedoh m'boy, the PROPER way to obtain money is to expropriate it from the wealthy in the form of massive taxes. Another PROPER way to acquire a fortune is to marry the leftist heir of a vast capitalist fortune, then using the pickle money to run for Congress. It is perfectly acceptable to get money by inventing some wild crock of scientific shit, make a movie to scare the bejesus out of guilible young idiots, then quietly collect the millions behind the scene by selling carbon indulgences through a front company.

BUT IT IS ENTIRELY UNACCEPTABLE to gain wealth through work, trade, commerce, or producing anything that is useful in any conrete, demonstrable fashion. That is why you are here. That was your downfall.

Yesterday my boot was red with anger at being accused of such crimes and my progressive knee jerk reaction was to spread the blame ... I now see that this may be cause of some concern for my public defender and I formally issue a standard party approved Bob Etheridge apology to Commadore Snoogie Woogums. Its not the stress of dear mothers operation that caused such outrageous accusations, it was simply a matter of my Sunday boot being a size too small.

I follow my counsels advice and sit in the corner looking pathetic...


Addendum: No, More Equaler Red Square... the head booting will never stop...

Ivan Betinov wrote:The accumulation of wealth by Party Members is pure, righteous, and encouraged. You are not on trial for the money in your pockets. You are on trial for how it got there.

I tried to set an example Comrade Brain-in-Jar. Comrade Red Square and all of our true "Made Progs" know that the Idaho vodka girl's bra top was not stuffed with silicone implants!

I think perhaps another painful determent vacation trip to the gulag education center is in order for a yet to be decided, undetermined period of time

*Sighs* My courtroom is becoming a three ring circus. I mean more than I had expected.

Chedoh, you babble like a monkey on LSD. And make about as much sense. I would expect your defense attorney is suffering anxiety attacks now.

Buffoon; what's with this invoking of deities? The only religion is the State, and we did not issue you a deity. Another mark against you.

And Comrade Car; what can I say? You keep getting drug deeper and deeper into this mess.

AND WILL SOMEONE CLEAN THAT DAMNED LITTER BOX? ACK.

BAILIFF! MORE VODKA FOR THE COURTROOM! The Judge has a headache.

Chedoh wrote:Buffoon and Just_a_car were about to sign up with The Tea Party and that is when I knew they were going to far for me. I beg the comrades to consider this letter at the sentencing and to punish them and not me. I will surrender all assets and titles and will settle for even the smallest job at the cube that you may have for me.

The Comrades have my full cooperation in this investigation and trial and perhaps I may weasel over to the prosecution side.

-Chedoh

Ooh! Ooh! I hope it's not too late to join the denouncements! I just got back from trying to break the Israeli Blockade!

BUT while I was floating around Gaza I saw horrible things.

Chedoh and Buffoon were peddling pebbles in Palestine. That's right. They were MAKING PROFIT off of the need for building materials in poor, oppressed, beleaguered and war torn Palestine. Our poor brothers at Hamas were hard pressed to meet the racketeering prices, and were forced to give up a large portion of the aid that Israel allows through in order to get these pebbles. It was only because the pebbles were so badly needed to line new freedom fighter tunnels that the noble leaders in Hamas gave in to the high prices.

And while this whole thing was going on, who do you think was standing guard outside? Swilling his Coca Cola, and carrying a People's Blade(TM) with a People's Rifle(TM) slung over his shoulder? None other than Just_a_Car!

Now if you'll excuse me, I want to go congratulate Helen Thomas for winning the first annual Rachel Corrie Golden Bulldozer award.

Colonel 7.62 wrote:*Sighs* My courtroom is becoming a three ring circus. I mean more than I had expected.

Chedoh, you babble like a monkey on LSD. And make about as much sense. I would expect your defense attorney is suffering anxiety attacks now.

Buffoon; what's with this invoking of deities? The only religion is the State, and we did not issue you a deity. Another mark against you.

And Comrade Car; what can I say? You keep getting drug deeper and deeper into this mess.

AND WILL SOMEONE CLEAN THAT DAMNED LITTER BOX? ACK.

BAILIFF! MORE VODKA FOR THE COURTROOM! The Judge has a headache.

Judge and Judger Colonel 7.62billion: You bring up a good point regarding Chedoh, is he presently locked in a room listening to Jethro Tull albums flinging his own pooh? Surely this is what a monkey on LSD would spend his time doing.

As for my invoking of deities (in my best Mrs Alczarweary dialect) "I was to be of thinking The One ™ was and is the only true deity." Recent comments in the courtroom have led me to believe that More Equaler Red Square is the true deity? Do I require retraining?

(Alczarweary dialect) "I am of confusion"

NOTE: I shamelessly seek party approval by unashamedly admitting I am #1 fan of the Czarweary dialect...

As for your headache, vodka will only make it worse. I offer Leninka's bath water!

Comrade Buffoon wrote:

Chedoh wrote:Buffoon and Just_a_car were about to sign up with The Tea Party and that is when I knew they were going to far for me. I beg the comrades to consider this letter at the sentencing and to punish them and not me. I will surrender all assets and titles and will settle for even the smallest job at the cube that you may have for me.

The Comrades have my full cooperation in this investigation and trial and perhaps I may weasel over to the prosecution side.

-Chedoh

why so snitchin.jpg

Why won't you just let me get my 30 pieces of silver and shut up?

*chambers a round in TT-33* As the good Mrs. Czarweary would say "I am not liking of your bathwater." Methinks the monkey is sharing it's acid.

Am I in the right place? Isn't this Studio C, where The New People's Dating Game is taped? I got a postcard in the mail informing me that I've been selected as a contestant who gets to interrogate three really hot bachelors, and then pick the one I want to whack with my shovel!

Yikes, what bright lights in here! But then I guess that's to be expected for a TV studio, huh? Only I haven't sat on a stool with so many bright lights shining in my face since that time years ago when I was in the Party interrogation room with Betinov and Whoopie. Back then, we were the ones who had to answer questions from someone hidden behind a screen!
Now bring on the hot beets so I can roast them!

Colonel 7.62 wrote:*chambers a round in TT-33* As the good Mrs. Czarweary would say "I am not liking of your bathwater." Methinks the monkey is sharing it's acid.

Here, I'll pay for Buffoon's round!

SILENCE MONKEY! Err Chedoh. The Court accepts that coin as evidence. You'll pay for your own round.

Dear Pinkie, you have found the right place. The three finalists are Chedoh whom I believe you may already know, Comrade Buffoon he of the enormous ahhh boot, and Comrade Just_a_Car who promises the potential for romantic cruising in his late model Lada. Ask your questions of each.

The Court recognizes Commissarka Pinkie and the defendants as contestants in The People's Dating Game.

Psst. Car. When Pinkie asks a question, work in something about the size of your shovel and the how deep you can dig in the ditch. Put some real leer into your voice...she loves that sort of thing.

Still digging comrades, no luck yet. But I think I found some dinosaur bones.

Okay, I wrote up three questions for our three bachelors thoughtcriminals, and when I hit the submit button, I was taken to the log-in page and told to log in despite the fact I was already logged in and then I get a "Webpage Has Expired" notification and I lost my questions and NOW I'M REALLY PISSED, COMRADES!!! I AM IN A VERY, VERY BAD MOOD!!!

As it is my bedtime, I will rewrite the questions--this time in MS Word--first thing tomorrow morning and make some attempt to repost them. And they just better go through OR ELSE!
Until then, be afraid, comrades. Be very afraid. And what's that splattering sound? Who's wetting themselves?

Pinkie, why didn't you just use the portable wormhole generator that I gave you? Eh, I'm sure you will, and we'll not notice anything at all soon.

Comrade Whoopie wrote:Still digging comrades, no luck yet. But I think I found some dinosaur bones.

StreeterLittlePineMay20,2006-MikeHole.jpg

Let us know when you resurface on the other side of the planet?

Comrade Whoopie, do you have a permit to excavate those bones?

I denounce the Ghost of Rachel Corrie for even being here for this show trial!

She should be inhabiting the Freedom Ship bearing her name. NO WONDER the shipment of Palestinian People's Pebbles never made it through the blockade! Without your presence, they were DOOMED to fail!

It is only by my assistance and protection that the Palestinians received People's Pebbles at all. What Chedoh and Buffoon charged for them was not relayed to me, but I was emotionally overwhelmed that the suffering Hamas Freedom Fighters could get their pebbles, any way they could. It was all I could do to simply protect their delivery.

Not looking good. You will have to zoom in. I wanted to fit in all info. to be fair to all concerned. This truly sickens me.


Whoopie, I believe the key lies with Chedoh's bride.

Comrade Car, I remind you that the Ghost of Comrade Corrie said she JUST got back, which means after the fact of the oppressive Israeli attacks on the Freedom Ships.

But I digress.

You raise excellent points (and brought excellent vodka earlier, have you any more?) about your involvement, which brings us closer to the Current Truth(TM).

Here we have you trying to aid the poor suffering victims of the Juice, while Chedoh and Buffoon are making profit off of the People's Pebbles in Palestine? For shame.

Comrade Buffoon wrote:

Colonel 7.62 wrote:*Sighs* My courtroom is becoming a three ring circus. I mean more than I had expected.

Chedoh, you babble like a monkey on LSD. And make about as much sense. I would expect your defense attorney is suffering anxiety attacks now.

Buffoon; what's with this invoking of deities? The only religion is the State, and we did not issue you a deity. Another mark against you.

And Comrade Car; what can I say? You keep getting drug deeper and deeper into this mess.

AND WILL SOMEONE CLEAN THAT DAMNED LITTER BOX? ACK.

BAILIFF! MORE VODKA FOR THE COURTROOM! The Judge has a headache.

Judge and Judger Colonel 7.62billion: You bring up a good point regarding Chedoh, is he presently locked in a room listening to Jethro Tull albums flinging his own pooh? Surely this is what a monkey on LSD would spend his time doing.

As for my invoking of deities (in my best Mrs Alczarweary dialect) "I was to be of thinking The One ™ was and is the only true deity." Recent comments in the courtroom have led me to believe that More Equaler Red Square is the true deity? Do I require retraining?

(Alczarweary dialect) "I am of confusion"

NOTE: I shamelessly seek party approval by unashamedly admitting I am #1 fan of the Czarweary dialect...

As for your headache, vodka will only make it worse. I offer Leninka's bath water!

Leninkas Bathwater.jpg

Comrade Buffoon,

In Mrs Al Czarweary's dialect: For the spit bath water that you are liking to give me, will not bring you 72 virgins, but 72 1/2 Helen Thomas's. However, I much liked the bathtub. I'll keep that as well as the breast implants you gave me.

Back to my own dialect: In the meantime, I'd like some caviar, yes caviar. It's hard to get these days, I like having a little with scrambled eggs that I pilfer from Comrade Red Rooster's hens once in a while.

Fish eggs and chickens go very well together, I must say.

YOUR HONOR!!!!!!!

Why wasn't this piece of evidence provided to the Defense prior??????? Chedoh's treasure map would have changed my whole defense of my clients but for some reason was withheld from me by the People's Prosecutor!!!!!!!!!

WHO HAS BEEN ABSENT FROM THE COURT AND HAS BEEN DIGGING HOLES FURIOUSLY NOW FOR DAYS................ Coincidence???????????????

My Comrades!

This Cheese Snack in the shape of the Holy Lenin has just been found.

I am sure it is a Sign regarding Chedo's innocence (or guilt, for that matter)

We must feed the cheese snack to a pigeon then read its entrails to determine the guilt or innocence of Chedoh. And whether or not we should invade Gaul. So...any volunteers to be the pigeon?

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Okay, I wrote up three questions for our three bachelors thoughtcriminals, and when I hit the submit button, I was taken to the log-in page and told to log in despite the fact I was already logged in and then I get a "Webpage Has Expired" notification and I lost my questions and NOW I'M REALLY PISSED, COMRADES!!! I AM IN A VERY, VERY BAD MOOD!!!

As it is my bedtime, I will rewrite the questions--this time in MS Word--first thing tomorrow morning and make some attempt to repost them. And they just better go through OR ELSE!
Until then, be afraid, comrades. Be very afraid. And what's that splattering sound? Who's wetting themselves?

Is it safe to come out yet?

Still digging comrades. Hey it's really dark down here.

Comrade judge of many guns, it turns out those were just cow bones.

Comrade Snoogie of the Defense, I was unaware of any treasure map. If I had been I wouldn't be wasting my time digging holes in my own backyard. I suggest when the trial is over the Party mount an expedition to find Chedoh's stash of golden treats.

Okay, I'm back to question our three bachelor comrades. Last night I had all three questions in one post, but today, for various reasons I've decided to do three separate posts for each comrade, and we'll begin with Buffoon. Cue the Herb Alpert music.

Comrade Buffoon: I have to abruptly leave a ball at the stroke of midnight because of union rules about catering and transportation employees, etc. In my haste to beat the onslaught of palace guards clad in purple livery monogrammed with “SEIU”, I leave behind one of my boots. You come to my dacha to return the boot, but because you have another boot over your head, you can't see where you're going so you trip over my shovel, causing you to lose your grip on my boot, which goes flying out the window and lands in one of the holes Whoopie is digging. Whoopie, in turn, inadvertently shovels dirt on top of it and it is lost forever. You are now compelled to remove the boot from your head and see if it will fit my foot.

So here's the question, multiple choice. Will your boot be:

(a) Too big for my foot, with the result you have no fear getting your ass kicked by my tiny little foot, so you feel free to take advantage of me, which will result in you getting whacked by my shovel?

(b) Too small for my foot, with the result that you must convince me that a commissarka as beautiful and graceful as I am could not possibly have feet so big that they outsize your puny pathetic head, lest you get whacked by my shovel?

(c) A perfect fit, but that means either my calves are as fat as your head (see your avatar for how I make this conclusion), or the boot is too roomy in the calves, meaning I must whack you with my shovel so the boot can be reshaped around your newer, flatter head before it can be expected to fit my impeccably curved calves?

(d) None of the above, which is impossible because it has to be one of the three above, so be warned if you choose this answer, you'll get whacked with my shovel.

We will feed the Stalin shaped cheese snack to buffoon, then examine his entrails to see if we should invade Gaul.

Treasure map eh? Mmm most interesting. And strangely late evidence. I will be calling a special committee to examine this further after this trial.

Colonel 7.62 wrote:We will feed the Stalin shaped cheese snack to buffoon, then examine his entrails to see if we should invade Gaul.

Comrade of the Mozin (or was that Mozis?)

Please get your facts in order. It is a LENIN shaped cheese snack!

Great Stalin! Don't you know your dictators?

I suppose next you'll confuse me with that oaf Idi Amin!

Amandla!

Obamugabe

Well now at least I know who stole my map.

Under Stalin, even stealing a cabbage would get you 10 years of hard labor. I just hope you understand that... "Comrade".

Commodore Snoogie Woogums wrote:YOUR HONOR!!!!!!!

Why wasn't this piece of evidence provided to the Defense prior??????? Chedoh's treasure map would have changed my whole defense of my clients but for some reason was withheld from me by the People's Prosecutor!!!!!!!!!

WHO HAS BEEN ABSENT FROM THE COURT AND HAS BEEN DIGGING HOLES FURIOUSLY NOW FOR DAYS................ Coincidence???????????????

Another reason why we should "do away" with him. But Glorious Leader Red has ignored my many desperate please to purge the prosecuting attorney in this case of ours.

Chedoh wrote:Well now at least I know who stole my map.

Under Stalin, even stealing a cabbage would get you 10 years of hard labor. I just hope you understand that... "Comrade".

You have me all wrong Comrade. During last night's Party Awareness Raid ™ I was hiding under the bed and your map was there (how or why I know not). In the presence of authorities I dared not withhold evidence.

However, I understand entirely your strategy of Taking Full Responsibility ™ and blaming someone else for the the loss of your map. I am honored to be the object of your Taking Full Responsibility ™ .

Comrade Pinkie,

I don't know where the collective would be without you. I come here with my brain knocked dead by cleaning fluids, and get knocked out of my stupor reading your riveting and threat filled vignettes.

Great news comrades, I finally saw light at the end of the tunnel and broke through into the glorious People's Republic of China.

Since I inadvertantly opened a large hole smack dab in the middle of one of their streets I was taken into custody and questioned. The Police Chief was a wise old man and quite generous. He asked me what I was doing and I explained that I had committed a serious offense and lost my standing in the Party. I was hoping to find my lost credibility by digging down into the earth. Well, he just laughed and laughed. He asked me how long I had been a Party member. When I told him he put his arm around me and said that if I'd been a Party member as long as he has I'd know that no one in the Party has any standing or credibility. You see, you can't lose what you never had. The realization of this profound truth struck me like Pinkie's shovel. He was so right.

Well I thanked him profusely and crawled back into my hole. I gave them a carbon voucher for the cost of repairing the street, waved good bye to all my cheerful Chinese comrades and set off for home. Funny how a little hard work and a change of scenery can give you a fresh perspective.

btw: How's the trial been going in my absence?

Leninka wrote:

Comrade Buffoon wrote: As for your headache, vodka will only make it worse. I offer Leninka's bath water!

Comrade Buffoon,

In Mrs Al Czarweary's dialect: For the spit bath water that you are liking to give me, will not bring you 72 virgins, but 72 1/2 Helen Thomas's. However, I much liked the bathtub. I'll keep that as well as the breast implants you gave me.

Back to my own dialect: In the meantime, I'd like some caviar, yes caviar. It's hard to get these days, I like having a little with scrambled eggs that I pilfer from Comrade Red Rooster's hens once in a while.

Fish eggs and chickens go very well together, I must say.

Dearest Caramel Leninka, I would love to provide you twenty 5 gallon buckets of caviar, but alas, I am a lowly farm serf with barely an onion to put in my soup!

I can however offer tasty fried catfish roe fresh from the creek down the road. Skinned and gutted 'em myself!

Its much tastier and more equal than bourgeois caviar...

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Okay, I'm back to question our three bachelor comrades. Last night I had all three questions in one post, but today, for various reasons I've decided to do three separate posts for each comrade, and we'll begin with Buffoon. Cue the Herb Alpert music.

Comrade Buffoon: I have to abruptly leave a ball at the stroke of midnight because of union rules about catering and transportation employees, etc. In my haste to beat the onslaught of palace guards clad in purple livery monogrammed with “SEIU”, I leave behind one of my boots. You come to my dacha to return the boot, but because you have another boot over your head, you can't see where you're going so you trip over my shovel, causing you to lose your grip on my boot, which goes flying out the window and lands in one of the holes Whoopie is digging. Whoopie, in turn, inadvertently shovels dirt on top of it and it is lost forever. You are now compelled to remove the boot from your head and see if it will fit my foot.

So here's the question, multiple choice. Will your boot be:

(a) Too big for my foot, with the result you have no fear getting your ass kicked by my tiny little foot, so you feel free to take advantage of me, which will result in you getting whacked by my shovel?

(b) Too small for my foot, with the result that you must convince me that a commissarka as beautiful and graceful as I am could not possibly have feet so big that they outsize your puny pathetic head, lest you get whacked by my shovel?

(c) A perfect fit, but that means either my calves are as fat as your head (see your avatar for how I make this conclusion), or the boot is too roomy in the calves, meaning I must whack you with my shovel so the boot can be reshaped around your newer, flatter head before it can be expected to fit my impeccably curved calves?

(d) None of the above, which is impossible because it has to be one of the three above, so be warned if you choose this answer, you'll get whacked with my shovel.

If it pleases the Court I humbly answer (a). Because it seems what I would most likely do.

Also, my first instinct was to answer... 549... I get confused

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Okay, I wrote up three questions for our three bachelors thoughtcriminals, and when I hit the submit button, I was taken to the log-in page and told to log in despite the fact I was already logged in and then I get a "Webpage Has Expired" notification and I lost my questions and NOW I'M REALLY PISSED, COMRADES!!! I AM IN A VERY, VERY BAD MOOD!!!

As it is my bedtime, I will rewrite the questions--this time in MS Word--first thing tomorrow morning and make some attempt to repost them. And they just better go through OR ELSE!
Until then, be afraid, comrades. Be very afraid. And what's that splattering sound? Who's wetting themselves?

I too experience additional labor at Glorious Peoples Cube quite often... surely I deserve it, but you!?

Whoopie, congratulations on your epiphany. Now get your ass back into the courtroom!

Whoopie, I advise that you choose answer C.

Hello............Anybody? I guess we're on long break.

Comrades,
Sorry I'm late to the proceedings, but it took a few days to recover from that image Obamugabe posted above. Well, back to business. I've brought a case of 89 year old Absinthe from my private stock. This is the real deal with all the original ingredients. Tsar Nikki and I had many a great night throwing back shots of this stuff. I'll just leave it here for the enjoyment of the Court. Each bottle has a low jack so they don't get replaced like Pinkie's Egg.


To the Defendants,
This is how it's done Comrades. All the finger pointing will get you nowhere. You're all guilty. You were guilty when you came in and you'll be guilty when you leave and please don't start with the "I'm a victim of Capitalist Society" stuff. That may work in the real world, but not here. Your only hope is to mitigate the sentence and the best way to do that is to bribe donate to the Officials and the Party. Hint, hint: I happen to know the Commissar Colonel and Commissar Whoopie both have a fondness for vintage Soviet era weapons (and don't forget the ammo). I didn't say that, just a little friendly Spiritual Advice.

On with the Show.....................

Colonel 7.62 wrote:
Whoopie, I advise that you choose answer C.

Why your Honor? I don't recall Pinkie asking me to answer any of the questions she posed. I'm eager to hear what questions she has for Chedoh and JAC as well as their answers.

I made my case for the People. Now I'm waiting patiently for the Defense to call witnesses that I might cross examine. When he's done all that remains is for the Defense and then the Prosecution to make their closing arguments.

Now, Snoogie of the Defense, do you have any witnesses to call before the court? Perhaps you'd like to put your clients on the stand one by one to give their side of this? (just a hint) Of course I get to cross examine each of them if you do.

Comrade Buffoon wrote:

Leninka wrote:

Comrade Buffoon wrote: As for your headache, vodka will only make it worse. I offer Leninka's bath water!

Comrade Buffoon,

In Mrs Al Czarweary's dialect: For the spit bath water that you are liking to give me, will not bring you 72 virgins, but 72 1/2 Helen Thomas's. However, I much liked the bathtub. I'll keep that as well as the breast implants you gave me.

Back to my own dialect: In the meantime, I'd like some caviar, yes caviar. It's hard to get these days, I like having a little with scrambled eggs that I pilfer from Comrade Red Rooster's hens once in a while.

Fish eggs and chickens go very well together, I must say.

Dearest Caramel Leninka, I would love to provide you twenty 5 gallon buckets of caviar, but alas, I am a lowly farm serf with barely an onion to put in my soup!

I can however offer tasty fried catfish roe fresh from the creek down the road. Skinned and gutted 'em myself!

Its much tastier and more equal than bourgeois caviar...

Did you say catfish? How did you know my weakness? Are you stereotyping me? Did you just assume I like catfish because I'm black. Well, just because I'm black and I like catfish, too, is merely a coincidence.

In any case, around here, it's best not to look a gift horse in the mouth. Okay, you got me. I'll put in a good word for you to the judge. But you've still got a long road to ho, boy!

Whoopie, even though I'm not your legal counsel, I would strongly advise you to answer the question as directed by the judge, unless you want to be held in contempt of court.

Need I inform you of the penalty? Your ice pick is no match for my shovel. By the time you manage to raise your arm over your head to pull it out, I will have already hammered it even deeper into your skull with my shovel.

Damnit. Gremlins got into my posts. I meant to say Buffoon, not Whoopie. Nonetheless, now that Pinkie has stepped up, I would answer the question.

Meanwhile, I strongly advise COMRADE BUFFOON to choose question C.

Dear Comrade Grigori. You are a fine example of Progdom, and a delight to have in my courtroom. Is there anything The Court can do for you while it is in session? Warrants to issue, witnesses to call? Please let me know how I can be of service.

Grigori E.R. wrote:Hello............Anybody? I guess we're on long break.

Comrades,
Sorry I'm late to the proceedings, but it took a few days to recover from that image Obamugabe posted above. Well, back to business. I've brought a case of 89 year old Absinthe from my private stock. This is the real deal with all the original ingredients. Tsar Nikki and I had many a great night throwing back shots of this stuff. I'll just leave it here for the enjoyment of the Court. Each bottle has a low jack so they don't get replaced like Pinkie's Egg.

200px-Absinthe-glass.jpg

On with the Show.....................

I prefer "Lucid" as my absinthe of choice.

Need I point out that Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder?

I stand here confident in my People's Idiocy™ that my bribes logical arguments Love and Devotion to The Party™ will prevail in this most Progressive of trials.

As such, I hold fast with the Strength of Stalin in anticipation of Commissarka Pinkie's questions for me.

I DENOUNCE COMRADE BRAIN IN A JAR FOR MAKING BAD PUNS!

BAILIFF! People are still too sober! More vodka rations for the courtroom.

Comrade Car, The Court is interested in what other Love and Devotion you wish to show The Party(TM) at this time, especially as we are groaning from the disembodied brain's puns.

Ah! I just so happen to have found a pair of People's Kneepads™ while on guard duty. They are well-suited to Collective Grovelling or for punishment making examples of Reeducating those found guilty at trial by presenting them with said kneepads for use under your honor's desk.

Hmmm... it seems that Court Reporter Natasha made a typo. Let us see how those kneepads work out. Excellent bit of evidence Comrade Car. How ever did you wind up in the company of such hooligans as Chedo and Buffoon?

Oh man, do you have a pair of those autographed Lewinski Presidentials? They so rock!

Answer C?

Does the honorable Judge think Pinkie's calves are fat and her feet aren't dainty?

I believe it's been well established that all the ladies of the Collective are perfectly pretty with equally distributed charm and grace.

Pinkie I'm so sorry if the court has caused you any unwarranted loss of self esteem and offer this humble gift.

YOUR HONOR!

I PROTEST the People's gift of De-calvenated chocolate to the Commissarka.

Snoogie! Are you saying Pinkie doesn't deserve any chocolates? Why are you and the Judge beating up on Pinkie?

Comrades, let us remain focused on the case at hand, the thought criminals Buffoon, Chedoh and JAC.

No, I think it is in the best interests of the safety of The Court, that we not interfere with the giving of chocolates to Pinkie. She has proven to transcend even my powers over space and time, so it's just safer this way.

I for once agree with the prosecutor. Let us focus on the case at hand. Namely, if Pinkie has dainty feet, or small calves... err the thoughtcriminals. Yes, the thoughtcriminals.

Comrade Buffoon wrote: NOTE: I shamelessly seek party approval by unashamedly admitting I am #1 fan of the Czarweary dialect...

Buffoon, you of lowly prolishness, are you to be of engagement to do the buttering on me?

THAT IS NOT TO BE OF THE WORKING KIND!!!

You must to be back-taking such accusations that I to be in any of the parts of you and the Chedoh and the JAC business of the pebbling and to be making for the confusion of poor family ralationships of flower growing. And what is meaning White Horse you to be of talking? All I to know is tan camel and how to be for the simmering of the Camel Hump Soup!

ALA ZEG!! How poor are my peoples and you to be of the taking of the advantagousness on them!!

Have you none of the shame? Do you not to know how many of The Children's™ will not be of having the notation booklets for the skoolworks because you have been of the thiefery? What is to be happening to The Childrens™ when after they have been making for the 40 mile trudging from their dark cave house up and down so many of the treeless mountain tops and bottoms places they to finally be of arriving at the skool and they to sit on the broken chairs and the teacher to say to them, "Where to be your notation booklets?" They to be too ashamed to even be of looking upwards into bearded face of teacher! With so much sadness they to have the tiny tear dropping coming from the corner of their big brown eyeballs and with most sad of the face must to be saying, "Proles Buffoon, the Chedoh, and the JAC have been of stealing family flowers so we not to have the skool equipment.”

LALALALALALALALALALALALALALA

I to be crying of The Childrens™!

You know what to be of next happening? They to be thrown out from skool house! So much of the shamefulness you to bring to such as the underprivileged childrens and for only to be of making of the monies you have no deserving.

You are of GUILTYNESS!!!

As for Mooslim milk – it is not of the curdling kind. Who to make for such accusation? Perhaps you are of liking to do the suckling on underwife #2 so you to know richness of good Mooslim milking? I have been of hearing that she to be of much enjoyment for such attentions.

Mrs. Al, I fear that all of underwife #2's milk has turned to cheese and all her eggs are on the griddle.

(suddenly I have a hankerin' for a cheese omelet)

Comrades, you may hear rumors that I bought airline tickets to leave the country. But these rumors are malicious and untrue! I am not using the tickets my self but I am making sure that I am taking up seats so rich capitalist can not use them for getting to vacation after financially raping the lazy and uneducated. So I am on my way to the airport to see if there are any more rich people hanging around there. Don't bother coming to look for me or sending someone to follow me, I'll be back soon enough.

Comrade Chedoh did I just hear you refer to the People, the proletariat, the workers, the small people to quote a BP exec (or as Wallace, Duchess of Windsor called them, the common and uninteresting) as lazy and uneducated?

Excuse me, I feel faint.

Chedoh! You must not speak of Whoopie The People that way! On top of it all, who ordered this pizza? Speak up, or I will fine Whoopie the cost of delivery, plus a generous tip for the driver. Since one of The People ordered it, and Whoopie is The People's representative in this trial, he is responsible for their actions!

I have the vapors!

Chedoh;[highlight=#ffff99]"the lazy and uneducated." [/highlight]Oh my! and [highlight=#ffff99]"Don't bother coming to look for me or sending someone to follow me, I'll be back soon enough."[/highlight]

These young ones.........sigh, they just don't know that the Party knows all and sees all. Earlier I said;[highlight=#ffff99]"Each bottle has a low jack so they don't get replaced like Pinkie's Egg."[/highlight] One of those low jacks is chirping loud and clear after it disappeared. It's showing you at the Airport alright. I do hope you weren't headed for Hong Kong. That's where the cheap imitation Egg originated from. The cheap imitation Egg that replaced the REAL Fabrege Egg I presented to Commissarka Pinkie!!!!!

Accchhhhh...........(puts on a 6mg nitro patch)..................... That's better. Now where was I? Oh yes, dear Chedoh, There's no where to run, no where to hide.

An old friend of mine (Martha) said it best:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqxigVG ... re=related

Commissar Colonel, pass the pizza.

Please, Comrade Grigori, help yourself. After all, Whoopie is paying for it. And I'm sure he's an old enough Party hand to know how to find enough OPM to cover it. Chedoh may yet live long enough to learn how to be a sneaky Party member. What say you Comrade? Should we let him actually get on the airplane before sending a couple of MiGs, and a squad of marines to seize him?

Sure, let him on the plane. Just tell the marines to take it easy on him. He looks fragile.

I'm worried about Mrs Al's children. They're the real victims in this affair.
Milking underwife #2? Sounds like a good sentence for the defendants.

Speaking of underwife #2...Enjoy the pizza comrades, I made it myself. Guess where I got the cheese.

I DENOUNCE PEOPLE'S PROSECUTOR WHOOPIE! I'm considering finding you guilty of Crimes against Humanity, but I may just give Pinkie chocolates and ask her to whack you with a shovel.

Chedoh left before I could ask him my question? In that case, he gets picked for the shovel whacking by default--if I ever see him again.

Of course, he'll get an extra shovel whacking if it turns out he's the one who switched Faberge eggs on me.

And whoever has the chocolate, hand it over to me now, lest YOU be shovel-whacked!

Pinkie, relax. We've got him at the airport. He'll be back.

Meanwhile, Buffoon, you are ordered by this court to answer Pinkie's question.

And nobody best be holding back on the chocolates. I've seen and experienced my quota of shovel whackings this year already.

Perhaps since Buffoon is cowering in a corner and doubtlessly wetting himself, and Chedoh has just been escorted from the plane, you can ask your question of Comrade JAC?

May I point out to the court that Buffoon already answered the question, he chose (A).

I must say I would've made the same choice. Pinkie obviously has dainty feet and perfect calves. Furthermore, any red blooded Prog would risk life and limb to make a pass at her. She's irresistible.

As Prosecutor this tells me that Buffoon may be the brains behind this conspiracy.

I knew that. I just got my timelines confused. This is the one where Hillary leaves Bill to move in with Oprah, right?

Colonel 7.62 wrote:Pinkie, relax. We've got him at the airport. He'll be back.

Meanwhile, Buffoon, you are ordered by this court to answer Pinkie's question.

And nobody best be holding back on the chocolates. I've seen and experienced my quota of shovel whackings this year already.

Perhaps since Buffoon is cowering in a corner and doubtlessly wetting himself, and Chedoh has just been escorted from the plane, you can ask your question of Comrade JAC?

Oh, hi 7.62! I was following a capitalist pig on the plane and was watching him horde a small bag of peanuts, I was just about to confront him and demand why he wasn't giving everyone on the plane an equal amount peanuts from that little bag when I was "escorted" off the plane and "kindly placed" in the back of a unmarked and windowless van and tied up and strapped to the seat for my own safety. Now that I'm back and couldn't be happier that I won't miss my trial and sentencing I was wondering why I smell pizza.

Chedoh, you are dripping blood on the carpet. Along with the cost of the bullet to finish you off, your estate will be fined the cleaning costs.

Do you want some of this pizza? Whoopie made the cheese himself.

I am now going to randomly call on a member of the court to introduce more evidence against Chedoh...

LENINKA! While Chedoh was gone, what did you learn about him?

Meanwhile, after munching on some chocolate I found in my jacket pocket, and considering things further, I am fining Defense Attorney Snoogie the cost of school supplies for poor Mrs. Czarweary's children. As you are defending the thoughtcriminals, their crimes have become your responsibility. Also, make sure underwife #2 is properly milked while you are at it.

What a fascinating book I have just found. Comrade Reiuxcat, did you bring this for me?

Comrade Colonel,

It Depends!

If an increase in my already unlimited supply of fresh salmon is in order, then perhaps I did.

If an elimination of my unlimited supply of fresh salmon has been decided, then certainly not! I was framed. Probably by the three criminals now on trial!

Comrade Chedoh, you don't look so good. Glad you're back.

Now, if it pleases the court I have a PSP (Public Service Pronouncement);
Anyone wonder why I choose the video I posted above? Besides the '65 Mustang being one of the sweetest rides in the 20th Century and Martha & the Vandellas being some of the hottest (and still are) babes ever to come out of MoTown? Hint, hint, a Ford plant showing the workers without Party approved safety gear. Hmmmmm...............?

All you big, fat, greedy Corporations your day of reckoning is at hand! The People's Justice is coming for YOU! There's no where to run, no where to hide! GM couldn't hide and BP couldn't run and it's only a matter of time for the rest of you evildoers.

My thanks to you Commissar Judge and to the Court.
On with the Show.....................

Grigori E.R. wrote: All you big, fat, greedy Corporations your day of reckoning is at hand! The People's Justice is coming for YOU! There's no where to run, no where to hide! GM couldn't hide and BP couldn't run and it's only a matter of time for the rest of you evildoers.

My thanks to you Commissar Judge and to the Court.
On with the Show.....................

OMG! Did you see those poor men spray painting without proper ventilation or OSHA approved respirators? And did you notice that they were all colored people of color? I'm so glad that the Unions and Dear Leader finally destroyed the auto industry. Now the workers will lead happier healthier lives.