Image

Show Trial of The Century! Comrade Buffoon; et al.

User avatar
Much as I expected (there are advantages to poking around time. Such as not being surprised at paperwork) I was given notice from People's Prosecutor Whoopie that three Comrades have been indicted for Crimes against The Collective. It is withgreat joy a heavy heart that I must issue a summons to Comrade Buffoon, Comrade Chedoh, and Comrade just_a_car.

The already proven facts strong allegations against you are damning. As your crimes were against the Collective, you will be tried collectively. Comrade Commodore Snoogie Woogums has been appointed defense attorney for the guilty accused.

Gather now in the courtroom! Hear and view the evidence against the accused. No accusation is too great, too small or too insane to be heard! No evidence is too fake looking, too unusual, and too weird to be admitted. Bribes Gifts to The Party, via The Court are demanded accepted.

All Comrades are requested to attend and bear witness to the People's Revolutionary Justice!

Prosecutor Whoopie, would you please introduce the first evidence?

-----------------------------------
A note from Red Square:
Let me illustrate this announcement with incriminating circumstantial evidence from the People's Photo Booth. I'm sure the above crimes are only scratching the surface of the treasonous iceberg.


Chedoh_Buffoon_Justacar_BFF.jpg

User avatar
Finally... a trial!

I submit that Chedoh does not use a PC (People's Computer™).

chedoh-on-the-ball1.jpg
Also, he sits on his giant ball as he 'computes.' (I believe it is his left one.)

User avatar
If it please the court...My opening argument.

Honorable People's Judge, I will present evidence showing that comrade Buffoon did on several occasions lie to his local People's Committee, Shirk his duty to the Collective, steal the property of the People and engage in unlawful blackmarket dealings with his co-conspirator Chedoh. In so doing they incriminated a useful idiot, comrade Just-a-Car in their schemes. And worst of all, having made an unlawful profit they failed to give a fair share of the loot to the Collective.

Comrade Buffoon, our records indicate that you were required to deliver 17 bags of pebbles each month to the local Party Committee to help build a monument to our illustrious Chairman to commemorate the completion of our first 5 year plan.

The first two months you delivered your quota of pebbles. The next two months you only delivered 15 bags of pebbles claiming that the work requirements at the State Hog Collective left you no time to scour the river banks in your area. The following month you only delivered 13 bags of pebbles claiming that there were no longer any pebbles left in the river and that you had no hammer to break the stones into the size required by the State Construction Collective.

The State graciously issued you a hammer courtesy of the People's Foundry and Iron Works. Then the next month you only delivered 10 bags of pebbles claiming that some thief had stolen your hammer, the property of the People, which you were obligated to protect and care for.

Comrade Buffoon, we have evidence that you in fact sold that hammer on the blackmarket and used the money to buy vodka. The person you sold that hammer to was your co-conspirator Chedoh. Then you both teamed up to sell bags of pebbles to your neighbors creating a website to sell these pebbles with the unwitting help of comrade Just-a-Car. Unfortunately for comrade Just-a-Car he should have known better and ignorance of the law is no excuse, so he too must face justice for his part in this scheme.

Comrade defendants, what bribes excuses do you offer in your defense?

User avatar
Image
This just in from the Zimbabwe Bureau of UnIntelligence

One Thoughtcriminal One Bullet!

Obamugabe

User avatar
It does not please the court. But nothing pleases the court yet, because the court has no vodka! But thank you Prosecutor for your valiant effort in service of the needs of The People's Justice.

Stolen hammer? Improperly filled pebble quotas? Black markets? Unwitting dupes? Oh this is more serious than I thought. Much, much more serious.

Where is the Commodore? There is much defensing to do! And the defendants? Much groveling, much pleading of guilty or not guilty. Horrifying. Simply horrifying. And has anyone located this hammer yet?

User avatar
Comrade Obamugabe, The Court accepts your evidence. Although in the future, it is suggested that evidence be submitted with vodka. Because I still don't have any. Bailiff! Where is my flask? Has Chairman Meow been snooping around again?

But back to the evidence at hand. ENGAGING IN CAPITALISTIC TRADES? I'm speechless. Simply speechless.

User avatar
From another thread I have picked up this documentary evidence of citizen Buffoon ramming Comrade Lenin with his boot-head, effectively plastering the leader of the proletariat against the wall. The people need answers: will this head-booting ever stop?

Lenin.jpg

User avatar
Comrade Buffoon best have a good explanation for this.

User avatar
As unaccustomed as I am to giving testimony and as reticent to casting aspersions. I must admit to observing Comrade Buffoon squandering The People's Rubles on lavish person pleasures.
massage.jpg

User avatar
Another evidence from the People's Photo Booth: the above three thoughtcriminals impersonating the Three Leaders, wearing the Halloween masks of Stalin, Lenin, and Trotsky.

Stalin_Lenin_Trotsky_BFF.jpg

User avatar
It's about time these comrades were brought up on charges against the state of the gulag! Or, is it the gulag of the state.

Comrade Chedoh has continuously tempted me to pilfer, any way I can, those little cheesy covered puffs that lazy capitalist Amerikans call food.

Comrade Bufoon has failed to lend me his boot when I was in need of it on numerous occasions when hosing down the gulag. It was my need, and he was not sharing.

Comrade Just_a_Car has failed to give me rides according to my travel needs.

I get no respect around here. No one is taking care of my needs, especially these three, and as a light skinned black woman, I am entitled to more needs than most!

User avatar
I denounce Prosecutor Whoopie for his trumped up charges and counter-charge him with attempting to issue pro-Israeli knives to Peace Activists™ in this thread.

I believe my trumped up charges can be overlooked if, as Special Weapons Czar, I promise to ensure a tidy package of Peace Activist™ load out, as seen in the above thread with a People's Rifle™, People's Knife™, and People's Cola™, to be delivered to the most equal residence of the Judge and local commissariates.

*A loud k-thunk as a thick glass bottle hits the ground next to Comrade JAC*

Oh... yes, and *Picks up bottle* this bottle of Stolichnaya is presented to Judge Colonel Commissar 7.62 to ensure that he's able to stay focused on the Party Objectives™.

User avatar
Hrmm.... Excuse me while I examine this evidence further.

Meanwhile there are still the pictures our Dear Leader Red Square provided. You are clearly seen in the company of thought criminals. And dressed as Trotsky no less!

Where is the defense for this most noble defendant?

User avatar
Your most Glorious Honor and Esteemed Prosecutor,

My clients are innocent of all these slanderous and baseless charges yeah rightand the current truth will prevail as these most fair proceedings take place. As I consult with my clients and hear the true version of events, which shall reveal themselves as the trial progresses, there is an immediate item that demands a ruling from our most high caliber judge.

The Defense requests a change of venue from the current show trial location . Since my clients are alleged to be involved in a capitalistic pebble poaching operation, I believe having the trial in Boulder Colorado might be just a wee bit unfair to them.


Psst......Okay Buffoon, Chedoh and just_a_car that outta stonewall em for awhile. Now listen up. DENY, DENY, DENY everything at this point. Make excuses as to what your doing, throw in "Momma" somewhere in there if you can and "for the children' in your denials oh and suck up to Red Square post haste. This will give us time to prepare your proper 'court fees' and defense 'evidence' for submission as this goes on.

User avatar
May I point out that Nonperson Chedo is a repeat offender, he has already spent time in the Gulag for Crimes Against Humanity. Why he ever got out is beyond me. As far as I am concerned he should not be given a third chance!

Just to refresh your memory:


Image

User avatar
ThePeoplesComrade wrote:As unaccustomed as I am to giving testimony and as reticent to casting aspersions. I must admit to observing Comrade Buffoon squandering The People's Rubles on lavish person pleasures.

Image

I am not sure this picture is good evidence comrades. That Masseur looks like Comrade Ugo Chavez. In fact, I am sure it is him. We need to find something better!

User avatar
I would also like to point out that NonComrade Chedo has some deviant inclinations, as the evidence here proves!

butt.png

User avatar
I OBJECT TO THAT LAST PIECE OF EVIDENCE BY OBAMUGABE!

Because one look at THAT AND WHO WOULDN'T OBJECT.


Now your Honor PLEASE file that in the never to be seen again drawer.


User avatar
And I denounce Comrade Car for being and evil space robot impersonating an evil space dog!

My comrades beware: He is NOT LAIKA!

Image

User avatar
Your Honor,

A very disturbing event has happened and may well effect this proceedings if not handled right away. My initial tape recorded interview with my clients has been stolen. I'm afraid the contents of the tape will be outside of the courtrooms control and will hit state controlled publications such as Newsweak or the Washington Post as the miscreant tries to sell it to the highest bidder.

More than likely the tape will be edited to enhance the value and make my clients look even worse than they already do to the State. As luck would have it though I had already transcribed the tape and since it is going to be public anyway now, I'll offer it in advance to the court......... the true unedited version.

SW.....Snoogie Woogums
B........ Buffoon
C........ Chedoh
J........ Just_a_car

SW........So boys looks like your knee deep in the blackmarket pebble business, care to explain.
B........... "Sobbing" Counselor it's not what you think (blows nose) its my mother she is in the hospital and I needed some money for her operation.
C...... Its true, Buffoon told me all about it and since his sainted mother is also just like a real mom to me, since I was born an orphan and never had a mommy.....well I just had to help (borrows Buffoons hankie).
J........ Ah that explains why you guys always had me drive you all the time to the hospital, but you told me it was because you were doing volunteer work for the poor children.
B...... Yes, just_a_car we didn't want to burden you with the truth that my sainted mother, who has a picture of Red Square on her nightstand was on deaths door bed.
Counselor can you help us???????/
SW..... Just a minute (sniff, sniff) can I borrow that hankie from the orphan boy Chedoh for a minute...........(Blows nose) There that's better. Boys I'll do my best.

I hope the court will ignore what ever media tape they claim they have as legit after this good faith release by the defense of this interview.

User avatar
Comrade Judge of the long rifle. I object to the Defense's attempt to get a change of venue from Boulder, Colorado to New Hampshire or Pebble Beach, Florida or where ever it was, I wasn't really paying much attention. Regardless, he's clearly practicing "size-ism" and attempting to delay the proceedings.

May it please the court, I wish to enter new evidence which I just received from comrade Grigori to support the charges.

pebblesrus2.gif
As you can see Buffoon and Chedoh were in league to sell the People's pebbles, manufactured no doubt with the very hammer Buffoon misappropriated from the People. Worst of all was their shameless practicing of Capitalism as evidenced by their hiring of comrade JAC as an employee of their unlawful enterprise. An employee who was not provided with the mandated health insurance nor were any unemployment insurance deductions made and no taxes withheld from his pay. Once again I must note that they then failed to redistribute a fair share of their ill gotten profits to the Party™ as is required under Article 10, subsection 23, paragraph 17 of the People's Code of Justice.

User avatar
I OBJECT TO THIS NEW EVIDENCE!

Because it really makes my clients look REALLY bad.......errr...... Your Honor it is obvious that this.....pffft....evidence is nothing more than a malware browser hijacked site just designed by unknown nefarious fiends to discredit my clients!!!!!! And that's the best I can come up with at the moment.........Real Good price on the pebbles though.

User avatar
Perhaps the Defense can explain this picture?

River bank copy.jpg
Another piece of evidence gathered by the People's Security Directorate showing comrades Buffoon and Chedoh engaged in their unlawful enterprise. In the foreground we see Chedoh breaking rocks using the purloined People's hammer while in the background we can see Buffoon collecting the People's pebbles. Pebbles that were never turned in to the People's Committee but rather sold for profit to others so that they too could shirk their duties to the Collective.

These criminals turned the People's river bank into their personal bank!

User avatar
I fear this has been going on for some time and the operation is larger than previously believed.

buffoon washing.jpg

User avatar
PEBBLES???!! That not only 'p' thefting they to be of guilt. My very good house boy, Misha, has been to field of my family where he to be of great toiling to make some of the monies so The Children may be of going to the skools and getting the good edukashun and he to make this foto:

buf che poppy field.jpg

When Misha was in Gulag to be of helping Chedoh, he was to be telling of Chedoh because Misha is such big blabbermouth of poppy field of my family and that gave Chedoh idea of taking of family poppies to be making the monies all for himself! But such big is the field that when the Buffoon was to be of asking the Chedoh to be of helping with pebble venture, Chedoh then to tell the Buffoon of much money making to be of getting by STEALING poppies from my family field!! Then they to be of convincing just_a_car to tag along but you can be seeing that little just_a_car is too tiny to be of reaching poppy tops so they just to make him look-out person. Though how can such little person to be look-out is of much silliness. I am of opium opinion they just to be wanting to make poor just_a_car unwitting accomplis.

But that not good enough excuse!! I am demanding of justice for such theifery of my family poppy field and beg Judge Colonel 7.62 to be throwing many of the books at them!

Judge Colonel, I am of Obamahope that you will take my accusation into accounting and here is little something for you for being such good Judge that I am Obamahoping you are of liking.

vodka for colonel.jpg

User avatar
Commodore Snoogie Woogums wrote:I OBJECT TO THAT LAST PIECE OF EVIDENCE BY OBAMUGABE!

Because one look at THAT AND WHO WOULDN'T OBJECT.


Now your Honor PLEASE file that in the never to be seen again drawer.
Objection sustained! Comrade Obamugabe; such evidence is not to be presented again without at least a liter of vodka for all present in the courtroom. The Court appreciates your cooperation in such matters.

User avatar
Much damning evidence, much damning evidence indeed! And ooh our dear, lovely and pleasant Comrade Mrs. Al Czarweary has brought refreshments. How delightful. Especially since Obamugabe drove me to finish the bottle Comrade JAC brought.

Comrade Buffoon; you are SELLING the People's Pebbles? This is what I keep seeing. And Chedo, what is this with the assistance, and even MARKETING of them? Horrible. Simply horrible. And where is this hammer? I am appointing a Truth Commission(TM) to go out and search for that hammer. I demand the hammer be brought back and examined. Who did you sell it to Buffoon? Who? And where? And what did you get for it?

And Comrade Car... for shame. Consulting on the sale of pebbles and standing watch in poor Mrs. Czarweary's flower garden while the hooligans engaged in deflowering the Czarweary field.

User avatar
And after further deliberation with a bottle of Vodka, the Defense's motion to move the trial venue from Boulder to New Hampshire. This should avoid any taint of prejudice, as we move the matter of Pebble Poaching from Boulder, the the Granite State instead.

User avatar
These charges are outrageous and nothing short of embarrassing for the prosecution. Those pictures of Buffoon and I at the river side were pictures taken while I was at the Gulag, breaking boulders in to pebbles. Buffoon was bringing me my daily ration of raw beat shavings in the image.

I have been turning friends and family into [email protected] in great numbers. This alone should prove my innocence.

User avatar
Well we can argue about "Who's trying to make money and who's not" But we should diverge our attention to another?

This young man should be promptly executed for showing disrespect to Dear Leader.

fail.jpg

User avatar
Very clever, Chedoh, wearing your KGB cap during the trial. This should elicit patriotic sympathy in even the most hardened apparatchik.

User avatar
Comrade Chedoh, has trifled with all of us with those tempting nasty CHEESE DOODLE THINGS!! Has he not heard of Mo's chunking the chillins children if they don't lose weight?! Crunch cheese doodles don't help fat busting. Just disgusting!

Comrade Buffoon, if he were a real Prog gentlemen, would have boots for everyone, instead of selfish whoring hording them for himself, would he not?!

Comrade Just_a_Car, I COULD USE A CAR. Was I ever offered a free car? NEIN, I think not!!

Guilty. They're all guilty!!

User avatar
Comrade just_a_car wrote:I denounce Prosecutor Whoopie for his trumped up charges and counter-charge him with attempting to issue pro-Israeli knives to Peace Activists™ in this thread.

Comrade JAC (is that your gang name?) the People's Knife of Peace™ is not pro-Israel, the thread you point to expressly states that. Stop trying to confuse the court.

Odd that now you should attempt to do your duty to the People by denouncing others. Where was your denouncement of Buffoon or Chedoh when they paid you under the table to do their dirty work? What kept you from finding the nearest Commissar and informing on their illegal activities? Was it perhaps Capitalist greed?

As for this talk of mother's and children. Comrade Judge, such distractions may fool and confuse a simple Prole who has spent too many hours eating cheese doodles while watching make believe courtroom dramas on TV. But none of that addresses the simple facts of this criminal case. Let us stick to the charges at hand.

User avatar
Comrade Whoopie wrote:
Comrade just_a_car wrote:I denounce Prosecutor Whoopie for his trumped up charges and counter-charge him with attempting to issue pro-Israeli knives to Peace Activists™ in this thread.

Comrade JAC (is that your gang name?) the People's Knife of Peace™ is not pro-Israel, the thread you point to expressly states that. Stop trying to confuse the court.

Odd that now you should attempt to do your duty to the People by denouncing others. Where was your denouncement of Buffoon or Chedoh when they paid you under the table to do their dirty work? What kept you from finding the nearest Commissar and informing on their illegal activities? Was it perhaps Capitalist greed?

As for this talk of mother's and children. Comrade Judge, such distractions may fool and confuse a simple Prole who has spent too many hours eating cheese doodles while watching make believe courtroom dramas on TV. But none of that addresses the simple facts of this criminal case. Let us stick to the charges at hand.

How does JAC get off saying of such! I denounce his confusing of the thread . . . I'm not sure of what I am speaking . . . confusion is spreading!! (ahh, the Peoples Vodka promotes clear heading thunking thinking).
I warned him them of those tasty snacks nasty cheese doodles! Why, look at Chedoh and all his cheesy doings!
You stick to those doodles charges, Comrade Whoopie. Do not allow lowly proles to run the diner court!

User avatar
If it please the court, I wish to submit evidence gathered by a search warrant of the Collective's (not so) Private Messaging System issued by the People's Director.

Here is a Private Message sent by JAC under an innocent sounding title.

New evidence.jpg
And now here is a reply sent to him by Buffoon just an hour later.

new evidence 2.jpg
Last edited by Comrade Whoopie on 6/14/2010, 9:35 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason for editing this post: Create a more faithful rendering of screenshots

User avatar
Wait. We have cheese doodles? I demand they be introduced as evidence! At once! Where is Chedoh's cheesy snacks?

Comrade Buffoon; you liken me to Colonel Klink? How dare you. I suppose you fancy yourself above the law? And Comrade Car, it is as has been pointed out a bit late to start the denouncing. Had you given up your conspirators, you would not be standing behind the defendant's table.

And where is this opium? I want to see this alleged opium entered into evidence as well.

User avatar
Commodore Snoogie Woogums wrote:I OBJECT TO THAT LAST PIECE OF EVIDENCE BY OBAMUGABE!

Because one look at THAT AND WHO WOULDN'T OBJECT.


Now your Honor PLEASE file that in the never to be seen again drawer.

I agree, that is a crime against humanity.
OBAMUGABE is a war criminal!

User avatar
Comrade Whoopie, I'm shocked beyond shockedness!! This heresy goes beyond denouncement, this calls for execution OR 3 dinner meals from the gulag galley (which is far worse'n death).

Colonel 7...6.5?... 8?, thre are trails of cheesy doodles strung all around the gulag! Little chillins children, smacking away and gaining weight as we watch. And here, is greedy Comrade Hugo Smackisky, muching away. (Mo will be so disturbed)

Image

User avatar
Comrade Whoopie wrote:If it please the court, I wish to submit evidence gathered by a search warrant of the Collective's (not so) Private Messaging System issued by the People's Director.

Here is a Private Message sent by JAC under an innocent sounding title.

evidence.jpg
And now here is a reply sent to him by Buffoon just an hour later.

evidence 2.jpg

HOW DARE YOU!

How dare you suggest that I am associated with these.... Kulaks. Perhaps some stories and rumors of you will be circulating the cube that will bring your credibility into question?

User avatar
Chedoh wrote:
Comrade Whoopie wrote:If it please the court, I wish to submit evidence gathered by a search warrant of the Collective's (not so) Private Messaging System issued by the People's Director.

Here is a Private Message sent by JAC under an innocent sounding title.

evidence.jpg
And now here is a reply sent to him by Buffoon just an hour later.

evidence 2.jpg

HOW DARE YOU!

How dare you suggest that I am associated with these.... Kulaks. Perhaps some stories and rumors of you will be circulating the cube that will bring your credibility into question?

*GASP!!!Image You are speaking to most loyal Comrade Whoopie, you prole!! (p.s. I had a wee taste of cheetos and they were most delectable, but you didn't hear that from me)

You are askingbegging for the gulag!

User avatar
Order in The Court! Order in The Court! (I'll take a bag of cheese doodles, another bottle of vodka, good black bread and some caviar).

User avatar
Comrades!!!! The evidence is irrefutable! They are GUILTY!!!!

User avatar
Chedoh wrote:
HOW DARE YOU!

How dare you suggest that I am associated with these.... Kulaks. Perhaps some stories and rumors of you will be circulating the cube that will bring your credibility into question?

Comrade Chedoh, I was hoping I wouldn't have to resort to this bit of evidence. I wanted to spare your fiancee the shame (if not the cost of the bullet used in your execution).

Comrades, I enter this evidence, Chedoh's user profile. Note what he lists under Occupation and Interests.

new evidence 3.jpg
Last edited by Comrade Whoopie on 6/14/2010, 9:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason for editing this post: Visual agitation upgrade

User avatar
Comrade Whoopie -

You seem to be displaying very irregular screenshots of the Party organ's control panel. This is NOT how it was designed to look like.

What browser are you using and have you disabled the Party-approved style sheets? I'm serious. This constitutes a major crime against the people's Visual Agitation.

User avatar
Fear not Chairman, the images that appear on my FireFox browser contain all the desired eye candy. In order to concoct create record the evidence I clumsily copied the screen contents to my clip board, then pasted them into a text editor and finally converted them to a .jpg image. In the process some of the visual adornments which you labored so hard to produce were tragically lost. For reasons unknown to me, the clipboard is unable to detect those beautiful red horizontal bars.

User avatar
Smelling blood in the water and in the interest of unashamedly attempting to advance my position in The Party without regard to who is harmed, I humbly submit this affidavit - for the good of The People.
control panel.jpg
Attempting to play both sides of the street, and out of respect and the hand of comradeship, I will forego a formal denouncement - at this time or until necessary for advancement.

Your Faithful Comrade,

User avatar
ThePeoplesComrade -

Your zeal has been noticed. Your file has been marked with a green pencil. That screenshot explains everything. Especially https://www.ignoretheparty.com . While the website itself is hidden from the People's browser, a search for "Ignore the Party" brings many results that contain such dirty words as "GOP, Tea Party, and Palin."

Comrade Whoopie -

I don't believe any plausible explanation will ever be able to repair the damage to your standing with the Party. That, of course, does not mean that the fabricated Chedoh screenshots you have concocted in your underground layer lose their importance for this trial.

User avatar
Hrmmmm I am going to retire to my chambers to deliberate on some of this new evidence, as well as the grave allegations against Comrade Whoopie. Nonetheless, please continue presenting new evidence, and the defendants are ordered to continue groveling, pointing fingers and denouncing each other.

Now where did Court Reporter Natasha go?

User avatar
Dear Obama in Teleprompted Heaven!

I return from daily toil at the Peoples Pork Collective to find many dirty progressive fingers pointed my way and demands for my appearance in Court! So many lies are already swirling around that it makes my boot spin! And I'm wearing my best Sunday boot to boot!

Before I handily cast aside any doubts as to my innocence and party loyalty I must first thank Commodore Snoogie Woogums for the fine job he has done thus far defending the honor of myself and those foolish miscreants Chedo and just a car. Five of my best layin hens for you and yours comrade!

Now, Comrade Whoopie (or should I address you as Comrade Traitor Talking Shit?). It gives me great pains to reveal the truth of the pebble and hammer matter. Many reputations and pensions are about to be destroyed by exposing the hypocritical louts currently hurling trumped up charges against a man with a boot on his head.

It is true my fellow travelers that the local Party Committee mandated that I collect pebbles for illustrious monument to the One ™ . And your correct, after a few months the delivery did indeed drop off. But this is where I simply acted quickly and delivered a Progressive Half Troof ™ to the local Party Head to save the honor of two fellow travelers.

Those two fellow travelers? COMRADE WHOOPIE AND RED SQUARE! There you have it ladies and gents, these two somehow talked me into hording the pebbles for a trip to Taiwan where (no longer a rumor) rumor has it, the local girls will perform all sorts of mouth trickery and puppet magic on your person for a few pebbles! DID YOU TWO NOT ENJOY THE TRIP AS MUCH AS I DID? COMRADE WHOOPIE DO YOU REMEMBER HOW MANY PEBBLES YOU GAVE FOR THAT ONE GIRL TO...... well, never mind.

As for the Pebble website, that was merely a front operation for MRS ALCZARWEARY'S FAMILY POPPY OPERATION! DO YOU NOT REMEMBER MRS AL? THE ELABORATE SCHEME TO OFFER PEBBLES WHEN SAID CUSTOMERS WOULD ACTUALLY RECEIVE WHITE HORSE? HAS YOUR HUSBAND NOT FED HIS MANY MORE PREFERABLE WIVES WELL FROM THE PROFITS? DOES CHEDO NOT WASH YOUR ESCALADE SATISFACTORILY? OYE! THE HYPOCRISY!

As for the missing hammer.... it is with great reluctance I disclose the truth of its whereabouts.

OBAMUGABE.... WHOM I TRUSTED WITH MY THE STATES HAMMER. DO YOU NOT REMEMBER THE EVENING OF LAST TUESDAY WHEN YOU APPEARED DISHEVELED, IN GREAT DISTRESS AND IN A ROYAL PINCH? WE TALKED LONG INTO THE NIGHT ABOUT A CERTAIN PROBLEM YOU WERE HAVING AND LONG STORY SHORT, YOU TALKED ME OUT OF STATE ISSUED HAMMER!

Have you disposed of the body well Obamugabe? Have you?

Oye! My boot hurts...

As for any involvement by Chedo and Comrade Just A Car, they were completely in the dark, a GOOD COMRADE would never throw his brothers under the bus and point fingers of blame at those just asfilthy progressive as he.

That's enough for now, I rest for the moment.... one never knows where I'll show back up....

thethreeaccused.jpg

User avatar
Red Square wrote: Comrade Whoopie -

I don't believe any plausible explanation will ever be able to repair the damage to your standing with the Party. That, of course, does not mean that the fabricated Chedoh screenshots you have concocted in your underground layer lose their importance for this trial.

I have already corrected my error comrade Chairman. Although my offense is beyond redemption, I will take up my shovel and start digging until I find my lost reputation or reach China.

User avatar
*GASP* Did the accused just point a finger at Red Square? Surely the defense will have a good explanation for this. A damn good explanation.

User avatar
Comrade Buffoon wrote: Those two fellow travelers? COMRADE WHOOPIE AND RED SQUARE! There you have it ladies and gents, these two somehow talked me into hording the pebbles for a trip to Taiwan
Oh for crap sake you idiot. Might as well throw yourself off a cliff. Even if true you are a fried yak turd now. The "Stalin made me do it" defense ... just brilliant.
yak turd.JPG

User avatar
Chedoh - I am happy... some of my best friends are happy... but this is too happy.

I denounce you for having a 'way too happy' Gulagbook page!

~

gulagbook1.jpg


User avatar
Ach, so...you vere just followink orders, nicht war? Aber hier ist nicht Nurnberg

User avatar
Comrade Whoopie wrote:
Chedoh wrote:
HOW DARE YOU!

How dare you suggest that I am associated with these.... Kulaks. Perhaps some stories and rumors of you will be circulating the cube that will bring your credibility into question?

Comrade Chedoh, I was hoping I wouldn't have to resort to this bit of evidence. I wanted to spare your fiancee the shame (if not the cost of the bullet used in your execution).

Comrades, I enter this evidence, Chedoh's user profile. Note what he lists under Occupation and Interests.

The attachment new evidence 3.jpg is no longer available

So I see that "Comrade whoopie" has been getting into the Peoples Files. So how have you gotten them out? Did you sneak them out in your shoe when going home for the night?

Comrades, this Whoopie is collecting "fun facts" on all of us from the peoples files! He will use them against you too!

We must send him to the Gulag before he can do any more damage to the state!

Here Whoopie, I saved you the trouble....

whoopiegulag.JPG

User avatar
Chedoh, I must warn you. You are only digging your own grave deeper. Denouncing a People's Prosecutor for using Party Approved(TM) data gathering methods is akin to saying Obama PBUH is not the Messiah.

User avatar
Red Square wrote:ThePeoplesComrade -



Comrade Whoopie -

I don't believe any plausible explanation will ever be able to repair the damage to your standing with the Party. That, of course, does not mean that the fabricated Chedoh screenshots you have concocted in your underground layer lose their importance for this trial.

PURGE him! Get rid of him NOW! The party doesn't need the likes of him hanging around here!

User avatar
Just taking a break from digging holes all over my backyard searching for my lost credibility (not even sure what it looks like). So far all I found was a silver dollar and a cat's skull. It looks like this could take quite some time.

That said comrade Judge, the Prosecution rests and turns the floor over to the Defense.

User avatar
Very well then Comrade Whoopie. I expect the silver dollar to be entered into evidence. You may keep the cat skull, although Chairman Meow may have questions about it.

Comrades, we have seen much damning evidence. Now I expect we will be hearing some interesting tales from the defense and the accused.

User avatar
Comrade Whoopie wrote: Odd that now you should attempt to do your duty to the People by denouncing others. Where was your denouncement of Buffoon or Chedoh when they paid you under the table to do their dirty work? What kept you from finding the nearest Commissar and informing on their illegal activities? Was it perhaps Capitalist greed?

Odd?! Not at all! What better time to denounce one so guilty as yourself than in front of a Judge so gloriously RED and loyal to The Party™ as Colonel 7.62?

I'll also have you know that I was paid over the table and that said rubles were given to me with the express instruction to purchase more of the People's Borscht™ and People's Gruel™ to equally distribute by giving to Comrades Chedoh and Buffoon.

What I only found out after the fact was that Prosecutor Whoopie had confiscated the Borscht and Gruel as evidence, yet I have yet to see it presented here today. Greed indeed, Prosecutor Whoopie. *Glares at Whoopie* I would like to present the court with the postulate that Prosecutor Whoopie can NOT present said evidence as he has horded and/or eaten it! *GASP!*

I would also like to present your honor with this spare thermos of Borscht, bowl of Gruel and a Bottle of Leninade that I held back from my nefarious co-defendants in just such a case as this.

User avatar
Colonel 7.62 - I suspect we will see much more dancing than defending.

jumping-chedoh1.gif

User avatar
What's this? Is this true? Hmmm this Leninade stuff looks like it will go good with vodka.

Comrade Chedoh, I'm curious. Just how did you get into the black market pebble trade? And how long have you known Buffoon? Was this some sort of Gulag hook up?

Buffoon; we know you sold pebbles without authorization. I want to know to whom, where and how often. Give up your distribution network. The Court demands to know who your other pebble pushers were. On top of that, we still have not seen any opium admitted into evidence.

Comrade JAC; I am starting to believe you are in fact the unwitting dupe others have portrayed you to be. Yet you never once contacted a Commissar about these crimes, nor have you singled out which one lead you to your now unfortunately soon to be shortened life of crime. Your allegations against Whoopie bear further investigation, and you can be assured this will be taken into consideration when the time comes to decide on a method of execution.

Damnit. I'm out of cheesy snacks. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. The Prosecution has rested. I expect testimony from the accused based on my questions, then I am looking forward to just how creative their defense will be, and any such ahh evidence as the defense may wish to introduce and sway my opinion with.

User avatar
MAY IT PLEASE THE COURT!

While trolling through the various threads of a our virtual homeland it came to my attention that thoughtcriminal and non-person Chedoh is scheduled to be married in the very near future.

FURTHERMORE

I can find no record whatsoever of said thoughtcriminal and non-person Chedoh has at any time filled out Party Form NYDB/2BCM1-1917Rev.2008B(1)RQ, Bride, One, Requisition Of, or the alternative Party Form NYDB/2BCM1-1917Rev.2008B(1)PA, Bride, One, Party Approval Of.

As a Cadet Party member, it is of course his responsibility to locate the requisite forms and provide the Party with all required information at his expense and with due dilligence, said forms being conviniently located in the locked file cabinet behind the door marked with the BIOHAZARD trefoil in the third sub-basement of the unused portion of the County Courthouse Annex in Mud Butte, South Dakota.

Given the pressing nature of this trial, I provide the appropriate paperwork to the collective

[The extension pdf has been deactivated and can no longer be displayed.]



What do you have to say for yourself, non-person Chedoh?

User avatar
Watch it Chedoh. I know just how much you're afraid of water. Weigh your answer carefully.

User avatar
Comrade Buffoon wrote:
OBAMUGABE.... WHOM I TRUSTED WITH MY THE STATES HAMMER. DO YOU NOT REMEMBER THE EVENING OF LAST TUESDAY WHEN YOU APPEARED DISHEVELED, IN GREAT DISTRESS AND IN A ROYAL PINCH? WE TALKED LONG INTO THE NIGHT ABOUT A CERTAIN PROBLEM YOU WERE HAVING AND LONG STORY SHORT, YOU TALKED ME OUT OF STATE ISSUED HAMMER!

Have you disposed of the body well Obamugabe? Have you?

Oye! My boot hurts...


Insolent little prole

I am Obamugabe. Dear Leader and Hated Tyrant of the People's Utopia of Zimbabwe!

How dare you address me by anything but "Sir! Yes Sir!"

There is space for people like you in the dark hole under my People's Commode!

Be warned!

User avatar
Infidel Castrate wrote:
Commodore Snoogie Woogums wrote:I OBJECT TO THAT LAST PIECE OF EVIDENCE BY OBAMUGABE!

Because one look at THAT AND WHO WOULDN'T OBJECT.


Now your Honor PLEASE file that in the never to be seen again drawer.

I agree, that is a crime against humanity.
OBAMUGABE is a war criminal!
Thank you for the compliment, Comrade Castrate! I am honoured to hear it from you!

User avatar
Your Glorious Honor and (sneer) People's Prosecutor,

First off the Defense would like to compliment your Honor on the outstanding way you have conducted this trial so far. One could not ask for a better representative in the dispensing of the people's justice and to see that the current truth shines through the day at the end of these proceedings. As far as the people's prosecutor, well you win some and lose some on the quality of those charged with the people's business.

Before I proceed I have to ask the court for a brief recess while I have a little ‘confab' with my client Buffoon in private about his little denunciating of our glorious leader and founder of ‘The Cube' Red Square. I will be using the Cone of Silence to ensure no others can hear our private conversation.



Image

BUFFOON YOU CHOWDERHEAD!!!!!!!!!!!! Great Stalin's ghost I told you to suck up to Red Square not DENOUNCE him or include him in your plots!!!!!!! Chedoh and Just_a_Car did tell me that your burrito wasn't quite full of cheese but now wasn't time to show it! Good Lenin, how am I going to get you out of this one I have no clue. No don't even think about opening that mouth of yours, you've run it enough already!!!! Go sit in the corner with your boot to the wall while I think this out……….Hummm,.....But I did go for the sympathy angle earlier with bringing in Buffoons mother and her bunion operation and of course I made it sound like the old bat was on deaths door instead of having smelly feet, wonder if I could use that to soften this blow to our case?........Hummm, might work, too early in the case to use the ‘Blame Bush Defense' for his idiocy……..What the hell, Okay Buffoon hand me that pen and paper while I scribble this note to hand to the judge. And now when we go back into that courtroom you just sit in your chair and try to look pathetic……..Like that was ever really going to be problem with that boot on your head.

You're Honor I'm back and prepared to proceed:

Distinguished Honor, (sneer) Peoples Prosecutor and other Fine members of the People's Court;

First off my apologies for my client Buffoon. The stress of his mothers upcoming life threatening operation and of his being stressed by being put on trial with these trump up charges has taken a mental toll on him and he was not in his right mind when he denounced our beloved leader Red Square. Of course since I am the defense lawyer you may be inclined to dismiss my words as just noise to cover for his horrid behavior and breech of Party protocol, but don't take my word for it but take it from another. Your Honor, I present the court a note from none other than Buffoons own sainted mother who is currently with one foot in the grave and barely hanging on to dear life in the people's podiatry clinic. It reads:

People's Court,

Please forgive my wittle Buffoonikins, he's under so much stress due to worry about me soon going to that great collective in the sky that he wasn't in his right mind when he said those terrible things about Red Square.

Signed

Buffoons Mother

Now that we have…..errrr….cleared that up, I also apologize for being a little late to today's proceedings, I had just purchased this new Rolex watch and I forgot to set the silly thing to the right time. I assure the court…………Ring…Ring……Gosh Darn it just a sec. Seems I forget to set my brand new top of the line cell phone to mute also, there that will do it………Now where was I, Oh yes, catching up on the defense of my clients. First off Judge, if my clients were involved in some nefarious pebbles for profit enterprise as the (sneer) prosecutor suggests it stands to reason that there would be evidence that my clients would have been enjoying some sort of lavish lifestyle and lavishing all those around them who they think could do them some good the same.


Oh, on the face of it the evidence would seem to support the People's charges, but when one looks deeper they are nothing but smoke and mirrors with no actual substance behind them. Why your Honor they can barely afford my very minimal retainer fee of only 2 rubles a day!!!!! I submit as evidence this signed contract between myself and my clients as to our retainer agreement. Just a minute as I fetch it out of my new fancy $1000 dollar leather brief case, boy I sure like the fancy pockets in this bad boy for my briefs your Honor, oh there it is. Now as I was saying my Clients are so poor they can't even pay attention……. Therefore proof and negating all charges that they were involved in some sort of pebble profit scheme to enrich them. These charges are nothing but a stain on my client's reputations. A stain that should be easily cleansed and removed after really looking at the evidence and just like I did to that little ketchup stain that used to be on my new $400 dollar Italian suit that I just bought after being assigned the Defense lawyer to my clients and just right after our initial…….errr…consultation… Let's proceed with this case!

User avatar
Comrade Whoopie wrote:Just taking a break from digging holes all over my backyard searching for my lost credibility (not even sure what it looks like). So far all I found was a silver dollar and a cat's skull. It looks like this could take quite some time.

That said comrade Judge, the Prosecution rests and turns the floor over to the Defense.


Comrade Woopie, Your digging in the wrong place. Please check the peoples litter box, I think I saw it when I was scratching around there a couple of days ago. It needs changing anyway. Image

Your humble feline, Reiuxcat

User avatar
Reiuxcat -

What have you been eating? Those clumps still look alive and one of them seems to be trying to escape.

Need I remind you, you yourself are not as invulnerable as you think. Just this morning I received a spam email from Chinese comrades:

email from Chinese comrades wrote:Hi, this is Jeff Wu from China. Please reply if you are in pet (dog or cat) business.
I'm still thinking...

User avatar
I denounce Comrade Reiuxcat! This evidence, along with an earlier submission by Obamugabe will be suppressed. BAD KITTY! BAD BAD KITTY!

The court will hold a brief recess for vodka rations to be distributed to all in attendance before things continue.

User avatar
Colonel - it is imperative that you keep Reiuxcat's litter box away from the snack bar while redistributing the vodka rations. Some comrades are known to lose revolutionary vigilance after a few 100-gram vodka rations and begin to stick their fingers where they don't belong.

User avatar
Ivan Betinov wrote:Given the pressing nature of this trial, I provide the appropriate paperwork to the collective
Party Form NYDB.pdf
This exemplary example of the People's government at work form must be kept in a safe place for further use and propagation. The locked file cabinet behind the door marked with the BIOHAZARD trefoil in the third sub-basement of the unused portion of the County Courthouse Annex in Mud Butte, South Dakota seems reasonable.

Perhaps we must add a version of this form to the registration pages of the People's Cube for the new Party members to fill out with No.2 pencil and submit electronically.

User avatar
You are speaking of Buffoon and Whoopie, I imagine?

User avatar
Red Square wrote:Reiuxcat -

What have you been eating? Those clumps still look alive and one of them seems to be trying to escape.

Need I remind you, you yourself are not as invulnerable as you think. Just this morning I received a spam email from Chinese comrades:

email from Chinese comrades wrote:Hi, this is Jeff Wu from China. Please reply if you are in pet (dog or cat) business.
I'm still thinking...

GULP! Comrade Red Square, oh glorious Jefe Grande Todo Poderoso! (I learnt that in Cuba Comrades)


Being a vunerable but smallish and kinda cute soft furry mammal, my vunerablitity is never far from my immediate thoughts! Thank you so much for taking the time to provide this kindly reminder.

May I please offer you this gift of Premium Potato Vodka made in the very area of Supercommissar Maksim himself! (The pretty lady is making the delivery personally. Please treat her well as she is a rental.)

Huckleberry_Vodka.jpg

User avatar
Still digging comrades, just took a break to bandage my blistered hands. I thought I found what I was looking for but it turned out to be a lump of coal.

knee deep copy.jpg
Did someone say vodka and Leninaid? My Favorite! In a cheap attempt to rebuild my credibility I hereby offer to the court this 5 year anniversary Leninaid dispenser along with the company spokesperson to model it (you may recognize her, she used to be the Schmores Schnapps girl).

Drink up comrades!

Lemonaid by the mouthful.jpeg

User avatar
Reiuxcat -

I liked the offer so much that I copied the image and reinserted it into your post as an attachment hosted on the People's server, to preserve it for posterity.

You and other comrades - humans, felines, bootcephals, cheesepuffmycota, and carmorpha alike - would do well to follow this example.

There is nothing more counter-revolutionary than seeing empty spaces instead of visual propaganda after the image has been removed from a remote bourgeois server.

User avatar
Whoopie -

Are you sure this is Leninaid dispenser and not female milk pump-dispenser for the free-mixing males in Muslim communities of Saudi Arabia, in accordance with the latest fartwas fatwas and the teachings of the Prophet (PBUH)?The desert background suggests that much.

User avatar
I think there may be a fatwa on the guy who is suckling.

He is probably the one known as "Burning Man", which no doubt refers to his immanent sticky end.


 
POST REPLY