Comrades, I have but a short time to report on this at the moment, but it is of such potential risk, I have no choice but to sound the alarm. We must be on high alert for I fear the rethuglicans, in perhaps a last bid to hold on to power, or as a way to try and make a short work of the World of Next Tuesday. are considering unleashing their top secret Solar Energy Weapon.

Here are some brief excerpts from the Pup's Daily Briefing (PDB): Republicans Powerful Solar Storm may Shut Down Government!

" A new study from the National Academy of Sciences outlines grim possibilities on Earth for a worst-case scenario solar storm.

Damage to power grids and other communications systems could be catastrophic, the scientists conclude, with effects leading to a potential loss of governmental control of the situation.

The prediction is based in part on major solar storm in 1859 caused telegraph wires to short out in the United States and Europe, igniting widespread fires."

"....Solar storms have had significant effects in modern time:

In 1989, the sun unleashed a tempest that knocked out power to all of Quebec, Canada.

A remarkable 2003 rampage included 10 major solar flares over a two-week period, knocking out two Earth-orbiting satellites and crippling an instrument aboard a Mars orbiter."

Comrades, do you notice the pattern? In every case, these attacks took place at the onset, the end, or during a Repuiblican presidency!

1859 telegraph break down - Abe Lincoln, Republican, no doubt testing this new technology to develop weapon to bring down the newly forming government in the south!

1989 attack on Canada? George Bush Sr!
2003 attack on space systems? George W Bush!

To the barricades Comrades!

Marshal Pupovich,

The Bush Weather Machine, NOW THIS? OMG. Say it ain't so Pup, please just say it. Will the Bush Nightmare ever end?

Marshal,

I just watched a documentary on this very subject, last night on StateEduTV (History International).

I had not considered that it was Bushitler, but it makes perfect sense now. Has there been any contact regarding this extreme situation, by our beloved Leader, the Obamessiah?
Where is this crack Science team that he has assembled?

The scenario that was presented by the documentary said that this will happen in 2012. The sun-spot activity will be at its' highest, at that time, and we will see the world turn 180 degrees on it's axis, causing everything to turn upside down. This sucks, because there will be wild weather, shifting of the tetonic plates, and the glaciers will melt , making the oceans rise, effectively drowning the coasts of the continents. This, of course, is where the majority of the people in the world live.

If Bushitler has to give up his power to our Obamessiah soon, he will try to move up the destruction date. You can bet the farm on that!

So, Marshal, does this mean that unless we can stop Bushitler, we are never going to see The World of Next Tuesday? or is Tuesday (01/20/09) when this catastrophe will happen? (Damn Bushitler to Hell, he would rather destroy everyone than give up his power)

I have to say, Bushitler is one tough adversary! I would suggest you send SMERSH to gather intel on this situation, but he seems to be MIA. I heard an ugly rumor that he was captured in Afghanistan. Here's hoping he keeps his head!

We need a Special Summit on this grievious situation, Marshal. Please covene a special session of the Inner Circle, immediately!

note to self: unload all beach-front property ASAP!

I suggest that we all convene to, where, Bali? That sounds nice. I'm told that if all the parking space for the private jets is full there is more on adjacent islands. I wonder though if there's enough Dom Perignon to go round. You know how Meow is when he goes on a bender.

Pupovich, have you ever considered that the evil Bu$hitler might just control the sunspots? After all, that's like having the house's thermostat in your room. And I wouldn't put anything past that sneaky man, whom the devil calls for instructions.

Just ask one of famous intellectuals:

Professor Kurgman wrote:The smart money is that George Bush will kill every first baby of every family. The smart money is that he will impregnate the family cat. The smart money is that I'll get a pimple on my ass and it will be George Bush's fault. Last night I got a message from Saturn on my bridgework which told me that George Bush was responsible for the assassination of Julius Caesar.

Damn. That man's smart. <i>He finds his way to work every day</i>.

Comrades,

Bali is indeed nice and has lots of single or divorced middle-aged European women seeking young Balinese men, especially in and around Ubud. However, while Indonesia restricts internal migration fairly well, there are Muslims on Hindu-majority Bali and they have an annoying and rather tactless habit of detonating themselves and others periodically.

Frankly, nothing would put more of a dent in my eco-convention than a loud bang followed by bits of waiter, shrapnel, and concrete in my organic champagne and on my organic free range fois gras and arugula.

I think jetsetting to Nepal would be better still. They have real Communists, it's more multicultural (Hindus, Buddhists, backpackers), and one can wake to the smell of real urine and eat breakfast made over yak dung fire. There are mountains, jungles, oppressed ethnic minorities (the honey collectors, for one), gourmet eateries catering to well-heeled eco-tourists, and the elevation of Kathmandu is such that Coke is flat, so you won't be buying any and thus supporting Yankee mercantilism.

Tovarich, I know that it might be distressing to find bits of waiter in your food but bear in mind that it would be kosher waiter--after all they don't eat pigs either. But then would that still be long pig?

I wonder if Nepal would be good for some of our older comrades. It's high and the lack of oxygen might further confound what I consider to be a rather weak system of lucubration.

None of this would be happenning if Clinton Bush had just signed the Kyoto Protocol. Damn him, now he's even got the sun mad at him!

You know of course that the Big Bang was Bush's fault? Nothing can see inside his little tiny mind and that's why they call it the Event Horizon. If it weren't for Bush everything would be shapeless and without form (tohubohu) and there would be no dissent or strife or class warfare because there wouldn't be anything at all.

Commissar, the universe after the Big Bang was socialism at its finest! All atoms were equal hydrogens. Every atom had the same number of protons and neutrons; there was no need to redistribute. Then, evil capitalism began and some atoms acquired more protons and neutrons and became helium. Later on, some acquired even more and became carbon, oxygen, iron and silicon. Class envy began: "Oooh, look at those snooty oxygen atoms with those big nucleii; I knew them when they were inert gasses." This inequality was not only allowed to persist, but it intesified! Racial prejudice began because some elements were different colors: "I'm sorry, we don't allow green chlorine atoms in this molecule." And on it went.

Today's problems are the direct result of those poor public non-redistributionist policies. The Big Bang was just another name for the trickle-down (even though there was no "down" then) policies of the evil Bush-Hitlers. As the magic book says, they are the fallen progressives who drove us all from the garden of utopia.

Commissar Opiate of the People..... Bravo! Bravo comrade! That explanation of the formation of the universe is brilliant!

So...the current universe is...capitalist? Where does that leave the Party? It's a part of the universe after all.

I'm panicking!

Don't panic!!

The Bu$hitler/Cheney conspiracy is responsible for everything. They've stolen the People's daylight and now they've forced the sun itself to destroy satellites and electrical equipment. This is all being done to make His Excellency look bad but in the end it will backfire on these agents of Evil.

Get plenty of sunblocker, Comrades!! Stock up your bunkers!!

Remember, the Obama is THE Light of the World!!

Marshal Pupovich wrote:Commissar Opiate of the People..... Bravo! Bravo comrade! That explanation of the formation of the universe is brilliant!

Thank you, Marshall. I mastered physics at the same school where Comrade Obama studied economics. But soon he was lecturing the teachers, as the magic book informs us.

Kommissar Vodkov wrote:So...the current universe is...capitalist? Where does that leave the Party? It's a part of the universe after all.

Yes, Kommissar, but the Party will fix this by redistributing all atomic particles so that all atoms will become equal progressive hydrogen atoms again. That is why the Party keeps talking about building a "Hydrogen Economy".

Opiate of the People wrote: Yes, Kommissar, but the Party will fix this by redistributing all atomic particles so that all atoms will become equal progressive hydrogen atoms again. That is why the Party keeps talking about building a "Hydrogen Economy".

Ahh thank you Opiate. I feel much better. This is something a humble Kommissar understands. In order to save the universe, we must destroy it. Just like we are doing with America. Well, I guess we have to start somewhere. Even the longest journey begins with a single step as our maoist comrades say.

Opiate, I much like your explanation of the formation of the universe. And I have one thing to add. A black hole's gravity is so much that no light can escape. The amount of the mass. Does this mean if Our Many Titted Empress sits on, say the Rose Law Firm papers in their second incarnation, that no amount of subpoenaing could get them out?

Also this may explain the seeming utterly lack of intelligence of Nansky and Harry Reid. For all we know they could be cracking the Unified Field Theory with no way to get it out.

Information is not destroyed. Just quite unavailable.

Kommissar Vodkov wrote: In order to save the universe, we must destroy it. Just like we are doing with America.

Y, but the Party would prefer the less threatening but equally descriptive word "deconstruct". As our spiritual father Lenin purportedly said, "We must break some eggs in order to make omelets." Of course, he was not talking about breakfast but rather stating the Party's need and right to terminate with extreme prejudice the reactionaries who would impede societal progress. But it sounds a whole lot more pleasant his way, don't you agree?

Do not say break eggs around people like Jay Rockefeller for he starts to clutch his head and whine, "It's <i>my</i> head and keep your hands off it!"

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Opiate, I much like your explanation of the formation of the universe. And I have one thing to add. A black hole's gravity is so much that no light can escape. The amount of the mass. Does this mean if Our Many Titted Empress sits on, say the Rose Law Firm papers in their second incarnation, that no amount of subpoenaing could get them out?

Also this may explain the seeming utterly lack of intelligence of Nansky and Harry Reid. For all we know they could be cracking the Unified Field Theory with no way to get it out.

Information is not destroyed. Just quite unavailable.

Well Theocritus, your theory that a black hole resides at the center of the MTE's galaxy makes scientifc sense. It is postulated that if a human being were to approach a black hole, at some point the differential in gravity between his head and feet would be enough to rip him to pieces; this may explain the stories that appeared during the impeachment unpleasantness to the affect that WJC was "bent." Thus, it is a virtual certainty that a piece of matter say, like a subpoena, that approached such an intense gravity field would be instantly compressed down to a point too small to trigger the White House shredder, possibly to re-emerge in a different part of the universe say, like a swamp near Little Rock. There, it would be re-united with the process server and all of the other buffoons who dared to cross the MTE and her Bill.

You are likely also correct about Nansky and Harry. Theoretically, the black hole inside their respective crania should compress each down to a point, thus facilitating the insertion of said items into their respective posterior alimentary openings. Observation reveals that both can accomplish this feat at will.

The cosmological model will also apply to the upcoming stimulus package. The US Treasury is about to go supernova, the explosion sending dollar bills flying in every direction away from the source, but somehow most will land only in the pockets of favored politicians in various parts of the galaxy (there must be something to explain that last observation, maybe dark matter or string theory.) Once the explosion is over, all that will remain of the treasury will be a large black hole, unrelentingly sucking wealth from the event horizon until the economy collapses into a dark singularity similar to North Korea. Commissar, I'm looking forward to this great day when scientific socialism achieves its final triumph!

Opiate, you have left me musing. I suspect that your application of string theory may be right about the dollar bills. But, and I'm on a limb here, could it be supergravity? I know, I know, it's a long shot but what if there is that extra dimension which makes gravity the strong force that some physicists think that it ought to be.

Now I know that there are those who postulate parallel universes to explain the weak attraction of gravity, but I, who cut my teeth on dear William of Ockham's work, think that the simplest explanation for the universe is that favored politicians simply have the supermassive black holes in their pockets to which all dollars flow.

This is, I think, the simplest explanation. We could talk about favors and politics and scams and other things of Chicago machine politics but isn't it simplest just to assume supermassive black holes in pockets?

But I knew I was onto something when I saw Michael Moore and Our Many Titted Empress on a platform once, and someone dropped a Twinkie. It started orbiting around the ass of Our Many Titted Empress, and like the Larry Niven story "Tide" it started to self-destruct. Which was not aided by Michael Moore snapping at it with his teeth. Which did nothing to make regular the orbit of the Twinkie, you know, for Michael Moore is sizable himself.

This was all put to rest by the appearance of Rosie O'Donnell on the platform. I never did find out what happened to the Twinkie for the platform, although made of prestressed concrete, collapsed into rubble.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Do not say break eggs around people like Jay Rockefeller for he starts to clutch his head and whine, "It's <i>my</i> head and keep your hands off it!"

I have long been befuddled by the seeming lack of redistributionist ethic in Jay. Certainly, his inherited guilt quotient must be very high for his ancestors swindled millions by selling them oil and they are responsible for the earth-destroying petroleum addiction of today's masses. Yet, his record has been far overshadowed by his contemporary, Comrade Byrd, who seems to live solely for the purpose of moving large portions of the federal budget to his home collective in the form of useless vastly important public works and infrastructure projects. But Jay, the INTELLIGENCE committee? A useless job if there ever was one. How can you denounce capitalism from there??? Perhaps he believes his mere presence in WV is enough to satisfy his societal debt, in which case the epithet "albumen for brains" is richly deserved.

Opiate, once I saw Jay Rockefeller say that America was going to get socialized medicine whether we wanted it or not. I figure that to be a true progressive statement.

I figure that West Virginia must be very pleased to have him as a Senator--he cleans up good and West Virginia, whose state hero is a terrorist, can <i>still</i> look down on him.

Theocritus, I think with regards to the hypothesis that gravitational force emanating from politicians' pockets attracts money, the theory may be too clever by half. When I attended the People's University, the Ministry of Science Building had a men's room which bore the slogan "Gravity is a myth, the earth sucks!" While the genius who wrote that may have intended to propose an alternative to Newton and Einstein, his thoery may best explain the observed affinity of public money for politicos wallets as well as the twinkie/Moore/O'Donnell conundrum. In the latter case, we would need an experiment which showed that the effect disappeared in a vacuum in order to prove the point. Perhaps NASA could volunteer to send the MTE, Moore, O'Donnell and a few tons of twinkies into orbit and see if the attraction persisted. This is just the sort of real-world science exploit that would re-establish NASA's reputation with the public, especially if the craft were to somehow overshoot its reentry and head off towards Pluto.

Conversely, when I think of all the money already sucked down by the large Hadron Collider which had only HOPED to produce a tiny black hole (if and when it ever gets turned on) I have to think there may be much validity to the supergravity idea. If Comrade Obama can get one of those built in Chicago, he will not have to sell commemorative coins anymore.

Y, JR may SPEAK progressive thoughts at times but what he DOES is a different matter. For example, he brags openly about having brought a Toyota plant to his home state. Toyota? A disgusting group of exploiters who pay their workers an hourly rate less than 60% of the pittance that the so-called Big 3 pay? No, don't you see, he is part of a Rockefeller family plot; get the people of WV to build cars, more cars use more gasoline which is the traditional family business! He is a capitalist wolf in progressive sheep's clothing.

First HOLYCRAP, now the BSRM (Bush Sun Ray Machine), in the words of Tagert from Blazing Saddles, "What'll that asshole think of next?!"

Opiate, I have considered your hypothesis that my hypothesis is too clever by half but I don't think so.

We have to consider if a great progressive politician is born or made. After all, genotype plus environment equal phenotype. Anyone can say, "Give me money," any footpad is good at that. But you have to admit that there is something extra special in a Senator Byrd or Stevens, always able to funnel OPM into his pockets. Which may or may not have a hole leading to his state.

A truly great progressive politician has an innate ability to capture OPM. After years of practice this grows to a black hole for money in said politician's pocket. And supergravity is the best explanation.

Do we need to have our Twinkie/MTE/Moore/O'Donnell experiment replicated in a vacuum and in microgravity? That Twinkie was MOVING, man. I don't think that all of the dark energy in the world could have forced it away from our MTE's ass. Michael Moore was biting like the monster in <i>Alien</i> and even then he had to work and work to get bits of it. The only way that Moore stopped snapping at it and got off all fours (he looked like a toothy king-sided bed with a nooked nose and a bad beard) was that Rahm Emanuel kept waving gift certificates for Shoney's at him, cooing, "Michael, Michael. If you can wait just 15 minutes you can go and not only eat at Shoney's; you can <i>eat</i> Shoney's, grease trap and all.

That did it.

Comrades,

I am listening (my ears are bleeding) to the Bushitlers' Last Press Conference on the Peoples's Opiate Machine, and am becoming truly alarmed!

Bushitler just admitted to being a "A" type personality, meaning that he has no plans to retire, and that he will be back at it, trying to shore up the Rethuglikkan ranks, after ceding temporary power to our dear Leader. I'm sure he has the Solar Weather Weapon ready to rain down on the Obamessiah's parade(s). So don't forget your umbrellas, comrades.

Bushitler is determined that he will be remembered as a great dictator President, and that all will come to realize that he was RIGHT!!
We are not out of the woods yet, by a long shot, comrades. Bushitler is only beginning his revenge on the World of Next Tuesday. Someone better alert Mime and Wang!




I can't wait to see how the left re-writes the history books to trash this poor man. He hasn't been perfect, and fiscally, he's a sham of a so-called Conservative, but I'm not wearing a burqa either.

{off}
The History Channel has a series on the presidents and the left of course hates the great Ronald Reagan, because he ignored them and made the world better. Think about that. Some man sniffed that he wasn't a great president. He was just in the right place at the right time. If I were in the room with him at the time I'd have to control myself not to knock the shit out of him.

Perhaps if we put Darth Cheney as a prisoner in the International Space Station, his darkness would absorb all of damaging the solar emissions from the weapon?

Darth Cheney needs to be launched into intergalactic space. Because at the Winter Solstice of 2012 it is predicted that the world will end, and that the Cheney Monster will arise and there will start 1,000 years of world conflict.

Either that or Algore will buy a bigger boat to run on biodiesel thereby starving even more Mexicans so that he can feel good about himself.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:{off}
The History Channel has a series on the presidents and the left of course hates the great Ronald Reagan, because he ignored them and made the world better. Think about that. Some man sniffed that he wasn't a great president. He was just in the right place at the right time. If I were in the room with him at the time I'd have to control myself not to knock the shit out of him.

I found the HC series on the presidents enjoyable until it got to the last 40 yrs or so. I'm not sure if it was because they became more objective as the presidents got further into the past or if it was because their opinions/facts (a new word: fapinions?) ran counter to so much that I remember about the more recent eras. Anyway, I found myself having to turn the sound off every time Gore Vidal opened his mouth (the alternative was to throw the remote thru the set.)

RR was the most successful of my lifetime. His philosophy matched the way most of the electorate thinks and he didn't bother trying to make the pissants in Congress or the MSM like him, he just went over their heads.

JEC has got to be the worst of my lifetime, maybe the worst of all time. His ideas were generally lousy and he was a self-righteous sanctimonious jerk on top of it. He is the quintessential post-1960's democrat, taking uselessness to a new extreme.

Incidentally, if anyone wants a good laugh, read this article that says Obama is America's "First Independent President" http://nymag.com/news/features/all-new/53380/ The author thinks Obama is going to remake the party of Pelosi, Reid, Frank and Dodd over in his own image. I've heard this "new era" prediction a number of times before, but the next time it actually happens will be the first. My money is on the congressional dirtbags. They control the money. Obama controls his autobiographies.

It is barely possible that His O'liness may be able to go over the heads of the congress just as the great RR did. I rather hope not; RR was a man of principle and ideas, and the speeches that they found after his death put the lie to the lie that he was an empty-headed idiot. He was the opposite.

But I really have no hopes. Congress had 1/3 the approval level of Bush--and the Democratic majority grew. The age of self-esteem murdered the age of responsibility and the well-off are now enough well-off that they vote to feel good.

[color=#000000]Che Gourmet[/color] wrote: I can't wait to see how the left re-writes the history books to trash this poor man. He hasn't been perfect, and fiscally, he's a sham of a so-called Conservative, but I'm not wearing a burqa either.

History books already have. I agree too, Bush may not be the most conservative president we've ever had, but I'd rather have him in office than a lot of other people, because at least he has a spine.

[color=#000000]Commissar Theocritus[/color] wrote: {off}
The History Channel has a series on the presidents and the left of course hates the great Ronald Reagan, because he ignored them and made the world better. Think about that. Some man sniffed that he wasn't a great president. He was just in the right place at the right time. If I were in the room with him at the time I'd have to control myself not to knock the shit out of him.

First off, hahaha. . . Second, I'd smack him too (or at least have the urge to.)

Commissar Theocritus wrote: Darth Cheney needs to be launched into intergalactic space. Because at the Winter Solstice of 2012 it is predicted that the world will end, and that the Cheney Monster will arise and there will start 1,000 years of world conflict.

Yeah, there's a good idea (snort) why don't we just send him up with Darth Reaganus (Sidius) and some plans of a fool-proof Death Star. While I'm at it, let's give them a HUGE army of guys in stormtrooper gear.

Red Star is currently employed in training his goons. Perhaps we ought to ask him for some good ones. They're properly stupid, vain and mean, just like all good goons. Or OSHA inspectors.

OSHA inspectors would be the perfect stormtroopers.

In New Mexico the BLM (Bureau of Land Management) is carrying revolvers. No doubt to protect endangered vermin.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:In New Mexico the BLM (Bureau of Land Management) is carrying revolvers. No doubt to protect endangered vermin.

I was thinking they had to carry them to protect themselves from the few rednecks which live in those hut you see in the desert, and no, not the Native Americans. See, they don't like such Progressive ideas, so like the bitter clingers they are, they bring out the guns.

Yes, there are some reactionary ranchers. They have the strange idea that if they've been working the land for a long time they might have rights over it.

But comrades, we need to make sure that no endangered species is lost. Some students from Texas Tech in Lubbock wanted to tag endangered lizards. They dug a hole in the ground and put in a large bucket, and made a sort of funnel so that the lizards would fall into the bucket, to be tagged.

These irresponsible students went into town for beer, and while they were gone a storm came up and drowned the lizards.

They definitely need to be subjected to the worst possible punishment. Being forced to watch An Inconvenient Truth for every lizard, or for every beer, which ever had more killed off.

I think that they should be forced to adopt baby lizards whose lizard mommies had been killed and raise them in their bathtubs, feeding them bugs and other little things. As long as the bugs are not endangered. But to determine that we need a government-funded study about which bugs are endangered in the southeast part of New Mexico.

Never forget that the Banded Cockroach is an endangered species. I hear that Nansky keeps them for pets.

Do they have to fill their bath tub with sand and a little cactus (sorry for the stereotype)? Also, do they have to pre-chew the food?

I believe it will be enough if they measure all the bugs. If they are less than 3/8" in length, then the bugs will be fine. But if they have strong back legs, the legs will have to be pulled off lest they stick in the lizards' throats.

But I forgot something. The lizards get lonely at night. They will be required to go to the desert and tape-record the sounds of coyotes howling so that the lizards feel at home. But so that they do not feel endangered, they will need rocks to hide under.

It's all for the lizards.

All for the lizards comrade.

Opiate of the People wrote:Yes, Kommissar, but the Party will fix this by redistributing all atomic particles so that all atoms will become equal progressive hydrogen atoms again. That is why the Party keeps talking about building a "Hydrogen Economy".

Which is of course why the Motherland Invented the thermonuclear bomb in reaction to the west's inferior atomic bomb, which of course was divisive splitting of atoms. The Soviet bomb on the other hand, brings atoms together in a glorious expression of progressive energy.

Che Gourmet wrote:Bushitler just admitted to being a "A" type personality, meaning that he has no plans to retire, and that he will be back at it, trying to shore up the Rethuglikkan ranks, after ceding temporary power to our dear Leader. I'm sure he has the Solar Weather Weapon ready to rain down on the Obamessiah's parade(s). So don't forget your umbrellas, comrades.

Bushitler is determined that he will be remembered as a great dictator President, and that all will come to realize that he was RIGHT!!
We are not out of the woods yet, by a long shot, comrades. Bushitler is only beginning his revenge on the World of Next Tuesday. Someone better alert Mime and Wang!

Not to worry Comrade Che. The plan is already in motion. The Bush will be secretly sent to a rather comfortable secured compound where he will live out his days at the service of the party. How you ask? As the progressive bloggers are lusting at the thought of the Bush being brought to imprisonment and well deserved impeachment trials, a secret commando group of my forces with stage his "escape" in view of all to see. He will then be secreted to a secured compound. In this way, anytime there is a need for the Obaba to place blame when one or another of his plans do not work out, he will be able to blame the Bush monster that escaped and now heads a vast army of subversives that act to foil our plans. In actuality, he will be starring in the sophisticated film studio where his "deeds" can be filmed as needed to satisfy whatever scenario is needed to maintain the Obama's heroic fight.