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Stalin's Brilliant Plan to Save the Democrats in 2014

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I was reading my Communist Manifesto when a kind of a trance came over me. I looked up and beheld in radiant whiteness the Virgin Stalin standing before me.

Unable to bear the brilliance of the vision, I fell upon my face before the Most Equal and asked, “What is thy bidding?” To which the Glowing One replied, “You have been chosen, Komissar Blogunov, to rescue the People's Party™ from its own destruction.” “But how can I, a lowly komissar, save such imbeciles as these?” “Speak not thus of the People's Party™!” chided he with me, “For I am come from the World of Next Tuesday™ and Other Trademarks™ to bring you the greatest wisdom since my last Five Year Plan™.”

And so he imparted to me, a humble servant of the People™, a plan so brilliant, even Nancy Pelosi could comprehend it on the first try.

This plan is beautiful in its simplicity, and if Democrats were smart (there will be no further comment on that topic as it's an Inner Party™ secret), they'd pounce on it.

First, ObamaCare will be renamed BushCare. Here we depend upon our faithful media outlets that independently broadcast the identical lead story with identical perspectives. ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, Iskra, al-Jazeera, and others will remind the Masses™ daily that…

·…the reason so many people got their policies cancelled was because of BushCare.

·…the reason millions more will get their company policies cancelled is because of BushCare.

·…the reason cancer patients no longer have coverage is because of BushCare.

·…the reason no small business can risk hiring right now is because of BushCare.

·…the reason Iran is developing nuclear weapons is because of BushCare.

·…the reason disabled minority kittens are sad is because of BushCare.

·…the reason (your apocalyptic prediction here) is because of BushCare.

·…the only good news is that the reason the disastrous BushCare mandates are not fully implemented is because the Democrats have fought every step of the way to delay it or defund it.

Then the entire Democrat Party will campaign to repeal BushCare claiming that once this wicked legislation is unmade in the fires of Mount Doom from whence it came, the oceans will recede, the earth will begin to heal, and polar bears will be happy.

Economic recovery will happen within minutes of the news of BushCare being repealed, and Democrats will ride to victory on a wave of newfound popularity.

Comrades, do your part. When you meet with your familial units this Marxmas, gather them together as for a group picture, and spring the aforementioned talking points upon them. Speak to them condescendingly, and make sure you've practiced saying “The President of the U-nit-ed States” so you can utter the phrase with the appropriate gravitas. If they laugh or giggle, report them to AttackWatch. Then they'll take you seriously.

Comrades, I cannot stress this enough: if the People's Party™ is going to have another shot at totalitarianism, they will need a majority in both the House and the Senate. It's up to you to give them that chance.

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Boy oh boy, that BushCare. It really cheeses me off.


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I think the masses will revolt long before November 2014 because of Bush's plan to give Iran enriched uranium in return for magic beans.

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So if Bush is made of wood, and weighs as much as a duck...


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BushCare not only got my policy cancelled, it also turned me into a newt. True story.

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Tovarichi wrote:So if Bush is made of wood, and weighs as much as a duck...
I am happy to see so many members of the Kollective are learn'ed in the ways of science.

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I'm not just eye-candy for the womyns of the Cube, there is so much more...

So much.

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Komissar Blogunov wrote:
BushCare.png
I was reading my Communist Manifesto when a kind of a trance came over me. I looked up and beheld in radiant whiteness the Virgin Stalin standing before me.

Unable to bear the brilliance of the vision, I fell upon my face before the Most Equal and asked, “What is thy bidding?” To which the Glowing One replied, “You have been chosen, Komissar Blogunov, to rescue the People's Party™ from its own destruction.” “But how can I, a lowly komissar, save such imbeciles as these?” “Speak not thus of the People's Party™!” chided he with me, “For I am come from the World of Next Tuesday™ and Other Trademarks™ to bring you the greatest wisdom since my last Five Year Plan™.”

And so he imparted to me, a humble servant of the People™, a plan so brilliant, even Nancy Pelosi could comprehend it on the first try.
This plan is beautiful in its simplicity, and if Democrats were smart (there will be no further comment on that topic as it's an Inner Party™ secret), they'd pounce on it.
First, ObamaCare will be renamed BushCare. Here we depend upon our faithful media outlets that independently broadcast the identical lead story with identical perspectives. ABC, NBC, CBS, CNN, Iskra, al-Jazeera, and others will remind the Masses™ daily that…
·…the reason so many people got their policies cancelled was because of BushCare.
·…the reason millions more will get their company policies cancelled is because of BushCare.
·…the reason cancer patients no longer have coverage is because of BushCare.
·…the reason no small business can risk hiring right now is because of BushCare.
·…the reason Iran is developing nuclear weapons is because of BushCare.
·…the reason disabled minority kittens are sad is because of BushCare.
·…the reason (your apocalyptic prediction here) is because of BushCare.
·…the only good news is that the reason the disastrous BushCare mandates are not fully implemented is because the Democrats have fought every step of the way to delay it or defund it.
Then the entire Democrat Party will campaign to repeal BushCare claiming that once this wicked legislation is unmade in the fires of Mount Doom from whence it came, the oceans will recede, the earth will begin to heal, and polar bears will be happy.
Economic recovery will happen within minutes of the news of BushCare being repealed, and Democrats will ride to victory on a wave of newfound popularity.
Comrades, do your part. When you meet with your familial units this Marxmas, gather them together as for a group picture, and spring the aforementioned talking points upon them. Speak to them condescendingly, and make sure you've practiced saying “The President of the U-nit-ed States” so you can utter the phrase with the appropriate gravitas. If they laugh or giggle, report them to AttackWatch. Then they'll take you seriously.
Comrades, I cannot stress this enough: if the People's Party™ is going to have another shot at totalitarianism, they will need a majority in both the House and the Senate. It's up to you to give them that chance.
Does this mean that if we liked our president, we could have kept him?


 
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