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Tesla builds world's first perfect car

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The Tesla Model S P85D earned a perfect score from Consumer Reports, the first time an automobile has achieved that honor in the organization's 80 years of testing.

Road testing revealed that the $104,500 base MSRP Model S has snappy pickup, logging a zero-to-60 time of just 3.5 seconds, and exhibits excellent handling and braking. Consumer Reports also raved about the perfect machine's 200-mile range, sufficient to run most errands, and pointed out that the unique electric car creates zero emissions if those created in the generation of electricity are not taken into account. The automotive milestone can be completely recharged from a standard 110-volt household outlet in only 60 hours.

While the exterior styling earned high marks, the interior of the flawless vehicle equally impressed. The testers applauded “futuristic gee-whiz innovation” such as a 17-inch touchscreen and automatic software updates, and noted that the Tesla's spartan interior is totally devoid of the garish luxury and comfort common to all inferior vehicles at this price point.

So impeccable is the Model S, that even a lack of data concerning Tesla's long-term reliability, safety, service and resale value could not blemish its rating. In fact, Consumer Reports awarded bonus points to the Model S, concluding that this quintessential automobile also creates a positive economic effect by requiring that Tesla owners purchase a second car for day trips and cold weather use.

Although the Model S is already a tremendous value, Consumer Reports announced that available tax rebates make it even more competitive.

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Comrades, I want to condemn Tesla for not being government owned and sharing the ability to go fast.

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I don't see the beet-hauling capacity on this vehicle, nor the towing numbers. There are days that the People's tractor needs work that I need done in town by someone reasonably sober with a full set of tools, and that trailer doesn't pull itself...

This Tesla car, has it a radio to listen to Dear Leader's speechificationals?

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Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:I don't see the beet-hauling capacity on this vehicle, nor the towing numbers. There are days that the People's tractor needs work that I need done in town by someone reasonably sober with a full set of tools, and that trailer doesn't pull itself...

This Tesla car, has it a radio to listen to Dear Leader's speechificationals?
If you scroll down to the bottom, you can see that its towing is also perfect. In the sense that zero is a perfect number.

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This is glorious!

While I am a firm believer in equality for all, I maintain that the engineering department and graduates of People's University are the finest any gulag can produce. (Go P.U.!)

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I look forward to the TESLA tractor perfection...

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I look forward to the day comrade Elon spells his name korrektly.

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I got mine in Red Square Red
! (I won't say who gave it to me though!)

He also bought me those rims that spin around after you stop!!
.

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Kilroy wrote:Road testing revealed that the $104,500 base MSRP Model S has snappy pickup, logging a zero-to-60 time of just 3.5 seconds, and exhibits excellent handling and braking. Consumer Reports also raved about the perfect machine's 200-mile range, sufficient to run most errands, and pointed out that the unique electric car creates zero emissions if those created in the generation of electricity are not taken into account. The automotive milestone can be completely recharged from a standard 110-volt household outlet in only 60 hours.

So impeccable is the Model S, that even a lack of data concerning Tesla's long-term reliability, safety, service and resale value could not blemish its rating. In fact, Consumer Reports awarded bonus points to the Model S, concluding that this quintessential automobile also creates a positive economic effect by requiring that Tesla owners purchase a second car for day trips and cold weather use.

They failed to note another positive economic impact of this model: it takes about 3 hours to reach the extent of it's range and 2.5 days to recharge it for the return trip, thus bestowing great economic benefit to any who are at the edge of the range circle as owners are compelled to spend what the government allows them to keep on accommodation and food as they wait patiently for the car to be ready for the return trip.

This brings a whole new perspective to the idea of recharging your batteries over the weekend.

The economic benefits are sure to increase, exponentially.

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I'd rather buy 8 new Nissan Versa 1.6 S's and keep the leftover $8400 for bribes, payoffs, and extra nuts.

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As directed by the great Bernie Sanders himself, the central committee has decided to acquire all the Teslas and refit them for agricultural use. The collective farms need all the new machinery they can get and these new Teslas outfitted as tractors, plows, and reapers will prove to the world the superiority of socialist central planning.

The future is now!

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Kapitan Kangaroo Kourt wrote:
They failed to note another positive economic impact of this model: it takes about 3 hours to reach the extent of it's range and 2.5 days to recharge it for the return trip, thus bestowing great economic benefit to any who are at the edge of the range circle as owners are compelled to spend what the government allows them to keep on accommodation and food as they wait patiently for the car to be ready for the return trip.

This brings a whole new perspective to the idea of recharging your batteries over the weekend.

The economic benefits are sure to increase, exponentially.

This $104,000 car also doesn't come with run flats, a spare tire, or even a patch kit and compressor. That means anytime you get a flat, you'll get to wait for a tow truck. Just another way that Tesla is stimulating the economy!


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I'm convinced - and thrilled. The next trip we take from Detroit to Chicago, instead of being five long, boring, practically eternal hours will only be 65 short, happy hours. And another 65 hours back. Just in time for Next Tuesday ™ . Perfect!

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The Tesla driver must have also attended the Obama Driving Academy for Trains, Planes and Automobiles.

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This comrade confused. Tesla take government "loan" as all cronygood companies do. Then pay back early. Build eco car that use no oil, then beat Hellcat in drag race. If not enough, about to build SUV with wings like gull...


 
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