President Barack Obama and the Senate are considering sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have some idea of what they are doing."
In a Capitol Hill press conference, former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single largest U.S. employer of Persons With No Ability. The Transportation Security Agency was a close runner up. Under the act, it will be perfectly acceptable to be in second place.
Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination against the inept include retail sales (72 percent), the airline industry (68 percent), and home-improvement warehouse stores (65 percent). At the state government level, the Department of Motor Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No Ability (63 percent).
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and performance.
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that promote a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into middle-management positions, and give a tax credit to small and medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the nonabled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions such as, "Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this job?"
"As a nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to her inability to remember righty tighty, lefty loosey. "This new law should be real good for people like me. I'll finally have job security." With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Vice President Joe Biden: "As an ex-senator with no abilities, I believe the same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation and a good salary for doing so."
Americans Without Abilities Act
We all know pro golf (that's why Dear Leader remains an amateur.) is the ultimate disgusting display of bourgeoisie competition with the "winners" absconding with vast wealth stolen from the mouths of the hungry working class thru higher beet & vodka prices. But now, one of them, a Phillip
"the thrill" Mickleson actually thinks he should keep most of his ill-gotten millions and not pay Dear Leader & the Peoples Democratic Republic of Californication his fair share in taxes!! He has threatened to move to a lower tax state or even out of the U.S.S.A. altogether.
The People are only asking for a meager 62-63% to fund the Children's™ Orphanages and
TheLastCapitalistCapitalist that I am, I'm sure I could find meaningful employment for the ability challenged. Perhaps making helpful, multilingual signs.
Dear Comrade TheLastCapitalist, how elevating to see we have bilingual comrades among us. Don't think, however, that this makes you more equal and qualified to look down on the rest of us.
It's the ol' "kick the can down the road thing." Especially beer cans.
Yeah! That'll do it! Go beer! (or, vodka, wink, wink)
BOMOBCHEW Lawyers Solicit Clients for AWNAA Claims:
The BOMOBCHEW Law Firm (widely known as The People's Lawyers) comprised of Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, Bill Clinton & Harvard's Elizabeth Warren (BOMOBCHEW) always stands ready per their Bar License Code LESSOR* to represent those seeking relief under the Americans With No Ability Act and/or seeking money from the government for any other reason.
Fine-Print Bar-License Disclaimer "LESSOR" means 'Licenses Expired, Surrendered, Suspended or Revoked."
--Minister of Truth
I get multiple email offers every single day for money loans from $100 to $5000! No kidding! Who do they think they're kidding? Not me! They can take their loans and just stuff em! I don't need no damn loans because I got the Gubmint providing for me!
(Actually, I don't need any loans, and have an excellent credit rating. That's why they are targeting me)