First a little back story is in order here comrades.

Some time back I fired up the wormhole generator and sent variousoperatives back in time, so that we could discover the root ofprogressive thought among primitive man. Some died horrible deaths atthe hands of wild beasts, some died horrible deaths at the hands ofearly tribes, and some died horrible deaths upon reporting theirfailure to fulfill their mission. But finally we were able todetermine (and thoroughly corrupt and screw up any number of timelines,but that is another story) the root causes of progressive thought inhuman beings. We have determined that there were three key points inhistory that lead to progressive thought. The first happened in Africaamong the earliest humans, and will be described shortly. The next keypoint in progressive history happened in ancient China and involved thegreat thinker Wu Pi. Lastly, we will visit medieval Europe, andexplore the feudal mindset and culture that is rooted in modernprogressive thought.

Archaeological evidence points to early humans arising in Africa, andit is here that logically our journey begins, and a great mystery ofthe ages is revealed.

Really progressive thought arising in mankind is an accident.

Around 195,000 years ago in what is now called Africa, a group of"modern" humans arose. These people were hunter-gathers, and hadlittle time for advanced thought, such as mathematics, writtenlanguage, or the historical dialectic. Once my operatives hadestablished a base camp, observed the primitives, introduced all mannerof diseases that didn't exist at the time, impregnated two of them, andgot them hooked on American Idol, I arrived in the flying DeLorean lateone night. The local primitives stood around pointing at the brightlylit and shining flying car, hooting and chanting. They fell to theground in awe and terror, but their leader one called B'rak steppedforward as I landed and bowed to me, and if the translator was to bebelieved, apologized for his primitive followers. Realizing thepotential for historical research, I invited Chief B'rak into the car,and after accelerating to 88mph, returned to the present day for somecultural exchanges.

We spent weeks here, learning each other's language and customs. Ishowed Chief B'rak that it is inneficient to have everyone labor athunting, that it is better to tax the best hunters, and those who foundthe most plants, and spread the meat and plants around the entiretribe. He realized it is best if everyone is forced to see the sameshaman, and that if they couldn't pay the shaman's fee, that he couldtake goods from one who had more, and give them to someone who had lessin order to pay the shaman. I introduced Chief B'rak to the InnerCircle, and he experienced the revolutionary joys of being whacked byPinkie's shovel (and immediately grasped the concept of a shovel as atool of equalization). Each of the Inner Party took Chief B'rak undertheir wing and showed them how they ran their respective departments,and wind and dined him at the Pup's Pleasure Palace. After learningour glorious progressive ways, I took Chief B'rak back to early Africa,where he pledged to set his tribe on the path to the Glorious World ofNext Tuesday.

In this fashion, Progressive thought moved from the present day, intothe past, thus proving once and for all, that Progressive thinkingknows no limits, and due to it's perfection surpasses space and time. Clearly the historical dialectic will show that given proper advancedtechnology, and thought that The Collective will at some point travelbackwards in time in order to share the blessings of ProgressiveSocialist thought with those who had never experienced it.

Comrades! Share your story with Chief B'rak so that the record shows how you enlightened early man!

Chief, you need something we call money. It's the root of all evil but don't be afraid because if you do as I say, you will be the one in control of all of it.

First thing you must do is designate something to be of value. Pretty pebbles, sea shells, even leaves of the plant that you guys chew that makes you feel goofy and see visions.

Next you tell everyone that from now on the only way they can get anything from someone else is to give them this money stuff.

Now here's the important part, you must gather all the sea shells, or pebbles or whacky leaves for yourself. You don't have to do it yourself, just get the other people in the tribe to do the work for you and then take it from them. We advanced progs call that a tax. Here's how it works...

Whenever a villager finds a bunch of these money things, you make them give you one. When they use the money to buy something, you make them give you one. When someone gets paid for something, you make him give you one. When a villager dies, you make his family give you have of his money. And if you catch any of them holding out, you take away all of their money to punish them.

Soon you'll have all the money things. And then everyone will have to come to you if they want some money so they can buy something.

We here in the future call that power progress.

Time travel + Progressivism + Obama=




The most perfect example of Circular Logic known to man!!