This is very irregular. Especially #II & #III.

https://www.newyorker.com/humor/2007/03 ... houts_rich

The Wisdom of Children

by Simon Rich

I. A Conversation at the Grownup Table, as Imagined at the Kids' Table

MOM: Pass the wine, please. I want to become crazy.
DAD: O.K.
GRANDMOTHER: Did you see the politics? It made me angry.
DAD: Me, too. When it was over, I had sex.
UNCLE: I'm having sex right now.
DAD: We all are.
MOM: Let's talk about which kid I like the best.
DAD: (laughing) You know, but you won't tell.
MOM: If they ask me again, I might tell.
FRIEND FROM WORK: Hey, guess what! My voice is pretty loud!
DAD: (laughing) There are actual monsters in the world, but when my kids ask I pretend like there aren't.
MOM: I'm angry! I'm angry all of a sudden!
DAD: I'm angry, too! We're angry at each other!
MOM: Now everything is fine.
DAD: We just saw the PG-13 movie. It was so good.
MOM: There was a big sex.
FRIEND FROM WORK: I am the loudest! I am the loudest!
(Everybody laughs.)
MOM: I had a lot of wine, and now I'm crazy!
GRANDFATHER: Hey, do you guys know what God looks like?
ALL: Yes.
GRANDFATHER: Don't tell the kids.
~
II. A Day at UNICEF Headquarters, as I Imagined It in Third Grade

(UNICEF sits on a throne. He is wearing a cape and holding a sceptre. A servant enters, on his knees.)
UNICEF: Halloween is fast approaching! Have the third graders been given their little orange boxes?
SERVANT: Yes, your majesty!
UNICEF: Perfect. Did you tell them what the money was for?
SERVANT: No, sir, of course not! We just gave them the boxes and told them to collect for UNICEF. We said it was for “a good cause,” but we didn't get any more specific than that.
UNICEF: Ha ha ha! Those fools! Soon I will have all the money in the world. For I am UNICEF, evil king of Halloween!
SERVANT: Sir . . . don't you think you've stolen enough from the children? Maybe you should let them keep the money this year.
UNICEF: Never! The children shall toil forever to serve my greed!
(He tears open a little orange box full of coins and rubs them all over his fat stomach.)
UNICEF: Yes! Oh, yes!
SERVANT: Wait! Your majesty! Look at this! Our records indicate that there's a kid out there—Simon—who's planning to keep his UNICEF money this year.
UNICEF: What?! But what about my evil plans? I was going to give that money to the Russians so they could build a bomb!
SERVANT: (aside) I guess there's still one hero left in this world.
UNICEF: No!
(He runs out of the castle, sobbing.)
SERVANT: Thank God Simon is keeping his UNICEF money.
SECOND SERVANT: Yes, it's good that he's keeping the money.
THIRD SERVANT: I agree. Simon is doing a good thing by keeping the money from the UNICEF box.
SERVANT: Then we're all in agreement. Simon should keep the money.

III. How College Kids Imagine the United States Government

THE PRESENT DAY

—Did you hear the news, Mr. President? The students at the University of Pittsfield are walking out of their classes, in protest over the war.
—(spits out coffee) Wha— What did you say?
—Apparently, students are standing up in the middle of lectures and walking right out of the building.
—But students love lectures. If they're willing to give those up, they must really be serious about this peace thing! How did you hear about this protest?
—The White House hears about every protest, no matter how small.
—Oh, right, I remember.
—You haven't heard the half of it, Mr. President. The leader of the group says that if you don't stop the war today they're going to . . . to . . . I'm sorry, I can't say it out loud. It's just too terrifying.
—Say it, damn it! I'm the President!
—All right! If you don't stop the war . . . they're going to stop going to school for the remainder of the week.
—Send the troops home.
—But, Mr. President! Shouldn't we talk about this?
—Send the troops home.

THE NINETEEN-SIXTIES

—Mr. President! Did you hear about Woodstock?
—Woo— Woodstock? What in God's name is that?
—Apparently, young people hate the war so much they're willing to participate in a musical sex festival as a protest against it.
—Oh, my God. They must really be serious about this whole thing.
—That's not all. Some of them are threatening to join communes: places where they make their own clothing . . . and beat on drums.
—Stop the war.
—But, Mr. President!
—Stop all American wars!
—(sighs) Very well, sir. I'll go tell the generals.
—Wow. It's a good thing those kids decided to go hear music.

This guy has to be exactly my age.
The UNICEF thing sucked. Every friggin' school distributed those orange boxes and we (the children, who were being taught "it's for the children.") were lectured on how fortunate we were to live in the USA (true) and that we were to forsake the "treats" for "Trick or Treat" and to go door to door and beg for Biafra with our little orange boxes (looked like milk half pints) on Halloween. Well, thank goodness for all the rational adults who said that was nuts and they were giving out candy anyway and most people only put pennies and nickles in our boxes (we were to ask for a quarter)
Yes, 1968 and 1969, the years the UN Gypsies tried to steal Halloween.
The fleecing still continues to this day in some goofball liberal communities.

[img]https://www.unicefusa.org/atf/cf/{B35DB ... tage29.gif[/img]
[img]https://www.unicefusa.org/atf/cf/{B35DB ... tage30.gif[/img]

Now this kid grew up to be a used car salesman or a Madison Avenue advertising executive. Notice he has all quarters.....

[img]https://www.unicefusa.org/atf/cf/{B35DB ... ntage9.gif[/img]

Hey Kofi, Abu und Herr Kurt...U Thant said to pass the word around the General Assembly that lunch is at Sardi's all this month thanks to America's school children!

Whoa...I leave for a couple of months and I come back to find out the revolution turned in the other direction?! What the heck is going on?

I once argued to my high school vice-principal that I should be able to circulate a petition at school as long as the school supported the Unicef coin drive at Halloween. He failed to see that both were political acts, despite the fact that at the time the UN was sending the money almost entirely to countries that refused to acknowledge Israel's right to exist.... Mind you, I lived in Regina at the time, so it was a rather heady argument for him to try to process, and I was only a teenage girl/dolphin and so not really to be paid much attention to...

Goodness... I'd forgotten about Herr Waldheim... And to think, if extraterrestrials ever actually find either of the Voyager space probes, the first human voice they will hear will be Kurt Waldheim Jr.'s... a Nazi... as well finding a printed message from Jimmy Carter.... Boy, are we screwed...

I was never offered a UNICEF box... my kindergarten teacher blacklisted me early on and cited me as "someone who doesn't like to share". Therefore no one ever bothered persuading me to collect on behalf of the common good. Tis a shame, really... I would've put that UNICEF box to good use as a spare in case my candy bag somehow became too full.

From the betterworldheroes.com coloring book for children.

Here's the entire list, count the commies, no Reagan and I am confused that Andrew Carnegie is on it:

https://www.betterworldheroes.com/list.htm

I guess Herr Kurt didn't make the cut. Can NASA recall the Voyager before it's too late?

Trick or Treat....muhahahahaha

Ringo just became my favorite Beatle. They left him out.
My guess is that it's because he had the hottest wife, Barbara Bach.

C'mon? No Ringo?

And no Yoko Ono? That must have been a clerical error or typo.

Ta-daaaaa!!!!!!

Better World Politburo wrote:Vice President Al Gore received the most votes for President in 2000, but was denied the Presidency in large part after a partisan 5-4 United States Supreme Court decision that halted the recount of votes in Florida. We can only guess at how different the world would be today had Al Gore become President in 2001, but one thing is certain, he has been and continues to be a voice of hope for a more peaceful, just and sustainable world.

What a link, huh?! I just wish they had found a better coloring book artist. You'd think with all the artsy-fartsy leftist commie art schools out there, they'd have found one. I really don't think it brings out the real U....or Cindy....or Al.

Do we have one for Red Square, Laika, and Betty? That would definitely be good for children to see.

V. Ivanov

Do we have one for Red Square, Laika, and Betty? That would definitely be good for children to see.

No, but they have Red Rosa....

Seeing me wouldn't be good for the children. We can't have them going blind on us, who will work in the factories doing all the dangerous stuff with the children eating machines and stuff?