Dear Comrades,

The Internationalist Information Services Office #19 (commonly known as the The Times of Londonabad) is now using cutting edge technology based on the scientific discoveries of Comrade Ivan Pavlov to increase productivity.

The Central Committee of The Times will be playing recordings of typewriters in the newsroom, which will cause the political education staff of the newspaper to become instantly more productive, once they spend three weeks being trained to recognize typewriters and their associated sounds. Party officials are certain that once reporter-educators are properly indoctrinated and Pavlovian conditioning is completed, workers will increase their productivity when the sound of typewriters is played in the newsroom.

Some theorize that the sounds of gunfire from a firing squad as deadlines approach may also help workers meet their quotas, since the sound of an ‘pink slip' being written or the shuffle of feet in an unemployment line is too indistinct for most human ears. The biggest obstacle will be conditioning the staff to appreciate the sound of a typewriter, since most were born after the typewriter had gone out of usage.

Scientists are also working a smell simulator, so that young reporters can also benefit from Pavlovian responses to odors of correction fluid and the omnipresent 'glue pot,' from which the modern terminology of 'cut and paste' derives its origin. There are several theories as to how these odors will be perceived in an era when most newsrooms only smell of patchouli oil and marijuana smoke.

For years, reporter-educators in the USSA have used a similar program after carefully studying the writing of Pavlov, our Hero of Socialist Labor and scientific genius responsible for so much of the Party's understanding of propaganda and political formation. Newsrooms throughout Amerika continuously stream campaign speeches of Comrade President Barack Obama throughout their newsrooms, and Party officials have notices the uniformity of content in terms of worker output as a result.

The sound in your ears is greater productivity, Comrades! Be conditioned and obey the People's Will!

Faithfully submitted to the Collective of the People's Cube,
Comrade Nomenklatura-climber
Dialectical Progressivism Translator

I'll bet the recording is on an 8 track tape...

Ancient Comrades,

Remember the sound of teletype machines clicking and clanking in the background as the nightly TV NEWS broadcasts began? Ah, yes...those were the good old days. But progress has a way of "conditiong" us in much the same way as mice in a maze learning the korrekt pathway to dinner.

A few years ago MSNBC was, I believe, the first to begin their "so called" NEWS programs with the sound of frenetic bongo drums. More recently, they have abandoned the bongos in favor of the soothing rhythms of rap music. Aren't we lucky to be a part of their Pavlovian style viewer conditioning efforts?

Captain Craptek wrote:

I said left.jpg

It was a misunderstanding! I just didn't hear what he said... I wasn't sure if he meant my left or his left...

Left?
There can be only one...