Top Ten Things That Didn't Happen in 2012
10. Melting of the ice caps with the inevitable bailout of Santa's workshop and the Federal government's takeover of the ‘naughty and nice’ list.
9. Greece abandoning the Euro, as their accountants could no longer find any.
8. Reinvention of the wheel, with the gradual reinvention of axles in the 3rd quarter of 2013.
7. Meek inheriting the Earth but unable to afford estate taxes.
6. Solving the riddle of the Universe; not understanding the answer.
5. Theoretical black hole created in a lab; media sucked in.
4. Bigfoot discovered in Ohio, mysteriously not voting for Obama.
3. Freak flying pig accident causing bacon flying off the shelves.
2. Mayans cashing in on futures as world ended in December.
1. Passing of the budget by US Congress.
The list was submitted by our friend and a veteran Cubist, Comrade Will Beria.
Romney Elected President of U.S.
- Widows, orphans, and elderly immediate relocated to cliffs;
- War on women escalates: Now illegal to put toilet seats in down position;
- Jamie Foxx converts to Mormonism, decries number of whites killed in Django.
I shudder to think what may have occurred had not the proletariat put down their shovels and Obamaphones and failed to vote!
No Members of the National Rifle Association Shot or Murdered Any School Children.
No Firearms Escaped From Gun Shops to Commit Mayhem With Their Own Projectiles.
And as always; No Liberals Grew Up to Become Competent Adults.