Vegetable Americans, Unite!

Life imitates The People's Cube:

PRAVDA reports that the FHM cover model Alicia Mayer has affectionately covered her private parts with Vegetable-Americans for the pro-vegetarian ad of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA). The placard in her hand says "Let Green Stuff Grow On You." If you can think of a better sign please post it here:
~

Sexily clad in a bikini made of only a few lettuce leaves, actress and FHM cover model Alicia Mayer posed for a brand-new ad for PETA Asia-Pacific. Alicia urges people to embrace a healthy, humane, and delicious meatless diet. The star of Lagot Ka, Isusumbong Kita posed provocatively while holding a placard that says "Let Vegetarianism Grow On You!" Now in addition to a cracker-and-coke diet models may have vegetable nutrients enter their body through their skin, eliminating the need to actually eat them. The vegetables can than be washed and replanted for further use. If you're a Vegetable. sn't this the life worth voting for! Note to Chairman Punchenko: If Alicia Mayer is ever to accompany you in your edu-entertainment escapades and in the process gets sucked up into AC system, please have someone check for Vegetable remains in the air ducts. They will have to be returned to their friends and relatives.

THis must be Chairman's hand with a bottle of French dressing spray. Certainly appetiing, yet it might be somewhat disrespectful to the Vegetable-Americans that found refuge on her bosom.

A delegation of Russian Vegetables arrives to participate in competition to cover Alicia and other progressive models' skin.

 

My little spray bottle was full of KY Jelly (with warming action!) - not salad dressing, although their is nothing wrong with salad dressing! We musn't discriminate! Vegetable-Amerikans cannot survive without salad dressing... just like Rethuglilkans can't survive without Blood and Oil™ (damn murdering pigs!).

BTW - The Carrot-Amerikan is still clearly a transvestite... just throwing that out there to remind everyone.
 

I thought I should also remind the comrades about a few other things.






 

Why am I suddenly reminded of all those terrible "lettuce, turnip and pea" jokes from grade one?... And why are there only vegetables... What have you all got against fruit (yes, yes... I remember biology and things with seeds technically being fruit, but I'm not interested in a Chomsky-esque horticultural debate and fruit isn't even mentioned)?  Or even just... I dunno... moss or lichen?  Even sloths let lichen growing on them... Why isn't she wearing lichen?  Is it that it would only grow on her north side?
 

Mmm... The North side...
 

Yeah... I thought I'd throw an easy one out there for you guys... but I expect something a little inspired for my charity... c'mon now... I want at least one 'orienteering' joke and at least one 'boy scout' joke... and maybe something about bears in the woods...
 

I sure wouldn't mind to play Doctor Weevil with her. Don't know much about bears in the woods, but there's a story about a goat and a billbug somewhere there.
 

Kinda looks like those vegetables were plastinated.
 

Wow... not even a boy scout joke... okay... a salad bar joke?

C'mon guys... I, at least, have the excuse of having a cold... though Red, I am kind of curious about the goat and the billbug story, in an analogous kross-kultural baba's tales sort of way...
 

Better yet, there's an old riddle about a farmperson who must transport a goat, a cabbage, and a wolf across the river in a boat that can hold only two items (including him/her/it). But should the farmperson leave any of the two alone, the goat will eat the cabbage or the wolf will eat the goat. Is this riddle familiar to the North Amerikkkan groups and collectives?

I guess Alicia Mayer's costume is one fashion model's solution to this transportation problem. Let's just hope the goat doesn't eat all the cabbage off her body en route, because the wolf's reaction to the uncabbaged Alicia Mayer will be HARD to predict.

That's why we should NEVER EVER trust fashion models to solve our problems for us, or offer any solutions. If anything, we should ask the People's Inventor Algore to build a computer especially designed to solve the burning goat-cabbage-wolf strategic failure.
 

Red Square

Better yet, there's an old riddle about a farmperson who must transport a goat, a cabbage, and a wolf across the river in a boat that can hold only two items (including him/her/it). But should the farmperson leave any of the two alone, the goat will eat the cabbage or the wolf will eat the goat. Is this riddle familiar to the North Amerikkkan groups and collectives?

I am familiar with it, although in the Amerikkkan/Kanadsky version, it is a chicken, a bag of grain and a wolf... I know the answer, as I'm sure many others do, but I won't spoil the surprise in case someone actually wants to bother to think about it... It is up there with the reason why manhole covers are round, and other things they teach you in business skool... I will say that I always thought the 'mental picture' of a little row boat crossing a river with a wolf standing in the prow was funny, but apropos of absolutely nothing...

Red Square

I guess Alicia Mayer's costume is one fashion model's solution to this transportation problem. Let's just hope the goat doesn't eat all the cabbage off her body en route, because the wolf's reaction to the uncabbaged Alicia Mayer will be HARD to predict.

That's why we should NEVER EVER trust fashion models to solve our problems for us, or offer any solutions. If anything, we should ask the People's Inventor Algore to build a computer especially designed to solve the burning goat-cabbage-wolf strategic failure.

Yes... but Red... a goat will eat ANYTHING... I mean, anything that doesn't eat it first, like a predator or just any kind of meat (I don't think a goat would eat beef... but who knows... I believe that left to their own devices, they might eat babies, but I could be mistaken)... and if the only thing that the goat wouldn't eat first would be meat, from a predator OR a prey animal, and this is a PETA stunt... well... what is the solution then?  She could make clothing out of old newpapers and sealing wax and the goat would eat it, but it would require a lambchop nightie to keep the goat from going to town... which of course, brings us back not only to the PETA issue, but the entire wolf issue... So, I would add as a caveate to never let PETA solve our problems either... though they do have very funny ideas for pictures of mostly naked people wearing vegetables... they just don't really solve anything, per se...
 

Right. But the old PETA truth remains:

Don't eat anything that can be your sex partner!
 

...so what you're saying is that we shouldn't eat goats?  I only ask because now it becomes more clear why Meow has me taking care of this entire herd of Angoras for him, if not for their wool/hair - they aren't exactly known as 'good eating'...
 

I just want to make clear that whatever those goats told you IS A LIE! Those must be some Republican goats. We can't afford leaking infiltrators and provocateurs in our ranks. I strongly suggest that the herd be PURGED before any of the goats talks to some sleazy Fox News reporter. The scandal would take more damage control on the part of our subservient media than the Lewinsky, Barney Frank, and McGreevy scandals combined.

(Sorry, Puffy, but you'll have to take this one for the Party. My heart bleeds, but your sacrifice is necessary for the sake of The Children™! I'll miss you, my dear...)
 

BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ... Baa-a-a-a-hhhh..... BZZZZZZZ... Baa-a-a-a-a-a-ahh... BZZZZZ... BZZZ.. BZZZZ

Red,
We are shearing as I type this (I couldn't let all that angora go to waste... especially as Meow has taken to wearing Mohair undies... something about Dr. P. advising him to wear a hairshirt but the Dalai Lama telling him to take the middle road... I didn't understand quite, as he was eating a very hot Hot Pocket at the time and so mumbling quite a bit.... and besides... it's Meow)...

BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ... Baa-a-a-a-hhhh..... BZZZZZZZ... Baa-a-a-a-a-a-ahh... BZZZZZ... Baaaaaaaaaaahhhhh... Sorry Puffy...

<Heavy>... I suppose it falls to the lot of Housekeeping to ask the difficult questions, but as the Bahamian embassador may be dropping by for a post-ANS-funeral relaxation cruise, may I use our... flock... in the Roti? It would really help offset the cost of this latest fracas... and please, could you have a word with Meow... I have little control who he lets into the bunker, but I am always the one who must ask them to leave.... or shear and slaughter them... it is becoming very depressing as winter drags on, as Puffy was really quite lovely... I'm sorry... She asked me to make you a throw out of her hair for you to remember her by...

BZZZZZZ.... BZZZZZZ... Baa-a-a-a-hhhh..... BZZZZZZZ... Baa-a-a-a-a-a-ahh... BZZZZZ... Baaa-a-a-a-a-a... Oh goodnes... Aki... please go get my Valium and that mickey of Jose Cuervo... Sister feels a migraine coming on...
 

Sign says: "You with the fork and salad dressing. OUT!"
 

I hear if you chop a hole in a cantaloupe and then soak it in boiling water for a bit you can plow it like a Bolshevik farming the motherland.
 

What of the celebrated five-year-plan for Kazakh farm collectives?  Will new quotas for green, leafy vegetables be implemented?
 

Red Square

Life imitates The People's Cube:

PRAVDA reports that the FHM cover model Alicia Mayer has affectionately covered her private parts with Vegetable-Americans for the pro-vegetarian ad of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA). The placard in her hand says "Let Green Stuff Grow On You." If you can think of a better sign please post it here:
~

Sexily clad in a bikini made of only a few lettuce leaves, actress and FHM cover model Alicia Mayer posed for a brand-new ad for PETA Asia-Pacific. Alicia urges people to embrace a healthy, humane, and delicious meatless diet. The star of Lagot Ka, Isusumbong Kita posed provocatively while holding a placard that says "Let Vegetarianism Grow On You!" Now in addition to a cracker-and-coke diet models may have vegetable nutrients enter their body through their skin, eliminating the need to actually eat them. The vegetables can than be washed and replanted for further use. If you're a Vegetable. sn't this the life worth voting for! Note to Chairman Punchenko: If Alicia Mayer is ever to accompany you in your edu-entertainment escapades and in the process gets sucked up into AC system, please have someone check for Vegetable remains in the air ducts. They will have to be returned to their friends and relatives.

THis must be Chairman's hand with a bottle of French dressing spray. Certainly appetiing, yet it might be somewhat disrespectful to the Vegetable-Americans that found refuge on her bosom.

A delegation of Russian Vegetables arrives to participate in competition to cover Alicia and other progressive models' skin.

now i'm a vegetarian
 

A new take on oral sex: "Eat your greens first, darling."