....In The Party?

Check Here Today!

How do you matter? Have you made 3,000 posts? We don't thinks so!

Have reached Next Tuesday before The Collective? We don't think so!

How old is your bottle of vodka?

Did you have to water it down?

Did your beet ration arrive last week?

Are you registered for Obamacare?

Keep up with The Party or Die..... check daily [or else]

Who who - who who?

Comrades, for the love of GAIA.....what's the freaking holdup? Every day thousands of people face tough decisions, put aside all previously scheduled riots and postpone any sponsored martyrdom operations or continue to work for the common good.

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HA! Number 9! Turn me on, dead man! Just vote Democrat!

Survival Method 14 -

Repeat this forbidden activity 666 times in a loud voice: I think, therefore I'm toast...

If any stray thoughts remain in what's left of your mind, order a double and repeat Survival Method 14 till they stop.

Red Rooster wrote:....In The Party?

Check Here Today!

How do you matter? Have you made 3,000 posts? We don't thinks so!

Have reached Next Tuesday before The Collective? We don't think so!

How old is your bottle of vodka?

Did you have to water it down?

Did your beet ration arrive last week?

Are you registered for Obamacare?

Keep up with The Party or Die..... check daily [or else]

Comrade Red Rooster-I was curious where my standing was in the ranking for who is the loudest pain in the ass comments the most here at People's Cube.

I see I am merely #38 according to the list. But we can't have ranking lists in the collective because everything is the same (hence the cube with all sides red).

As to your other questions-

How old is your bottle of vodka?

A- I have had half gallon jugs last me as long as 18 hours

Did you have to water it down?

A- No, my kidneys turn it into water.

Did your beet ration arrive last week?

A- Mrs Scratchanitch made me a gallon jar full of pickled beets 3 days ago and they are almost gone

Are you registered for Obamacare?

A- Naw. I am in Orygun. They have rolled out Coordinated Care to pay for it when the Ambulance hauls my sorry ass to the ER again

Partial answers to Comrade Rooster's questions:

- Humbly pull my forelock and promise to post more.

- What beet ration? Kulak neignbor must be stealing it from Comrade Postperson. Also must be dipping into my vodka bottle.

- Beloved State leaders already enrolled me in Medicare. No choice.

Comrade Rooster and Commissarka Pinkie betray themselves as belonging to the 1%! It is time that we spread their posts around among the rest of us in the 99% to remedy this posting inequality!

In the interests of equality, I am commandeering the following post by Commissarka Pinkie to increase my post quota:

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:HA! Number 9! Turn me on, dead man! Just vote Democrat!

Oh great. Now you damn commies are going to submit multiple posts of your drivel just to up your social ranking.

Pathetic.

Oh great. Now you damn commies are going to submit multiple posts of your drivel just to up your social ranking.

Pathetic.

Oh great. Now you damn commies are going to submit multiple posts of your drivel just to up your social ranking.

Pathetic.

Oh great. Now you damn commies are going to submit multiple posts of your drivel just to up your social ranking.

Pathetic.

Oh great. Now you damn commies are going to submit multiple posts of your drivel just to up your social ranking.

Pathetic.

I was intrigued to see that comrade R.O.C.K entered the Cube six days or so ahead of me, I don't remember seeing him in the indoctrination class ahead of me, but it explains the memory of guitar music before jiffy lobo...

Shoot, we might have graduated together if i hadn't gone for extra electives after confessing in the sensory deprivation tank.

$.$. Halliburton wrote:Oh great. Now you damn commies are going to submit multiple posts of your drivel just to up your social ranking.

Pathetic.

NeoCon $.$. Halliburton- Your sneakiness is quite impressive.

Indeed Tovarich Tovarichi, that was a glorious week indeed. After lurking for about a year I finally was forced in by the party took the plunge and signed up.

Life hasn't been the same. The occasional extra ration of beet vodka has made a difference, and being able to make up report the news just like the alphabet soup media has been marvelously inspirational!

Hey, I'm the 4th 'L' ! Close enough!

Now I'm cold and I can't feel my toes. Goodbye Rose. You're going to feel so dumb when you realize there was room for me too.

Chairman Meow wrote:Comrade Rooster and Commissarka Pinkie betray themselves as belonging to the 1%! It is time that we spread their posts around among the rest of us in the 99% to remedy this posting inequality!

How dare you, Comrade Meow. HOW DARE YOU!

WHACK!!!

Dammit, I missed! Where'd that damned cat run off to?

To Meow and anyone else here who might have the same dumb idea he has:

Do you really believe I accumulated that many posts by stealing them from less equal comrades, the way Mitt Romney accumulated his billions by stealing them from poor people and giving them cancer into the bargain?

I became a Top 10 poster via grievance-mongering, victimhood, and the absolute moral authority derived from bad things that have happened to me—like dog bites, bee stings, and having to pay out of my own pocket for stuff the government should be providing for free.

Those things, along with my dedication to raising awareness of how much I care about the issues that matter—and as all of you know, I'm just as dedicated to making an issue out of everything—coupled with the Cube's federally mandated affirmative action quota program, which dictates there must be at least three women in the top 10, one of whom must have cleavage on display (that would be Fraulein Pulloskies or whatever she's calling herself this week—she has to change her name and reinvent herself every time Darrell Issa thinks to investigate her for one damned thing or another)—but all of those things give me Special Status.

Special Status means I'm entitled to Special Protections from less equal comrades like you.

Once entitled, I am always entitled, and always entitled to everything—because entitlements are forever.

We are also meeting the required quota of two dogs and a chicken.

Oh, and in case you're wondering, cats are not entitled to anything because of their stubbornly self-reliant nature, refusal to be herded, and uncanny ability to avoid being whacked with a shovel.

She old. She old school, dis be da new generation...

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Oh, and in case you're wondering, cats are not entitled to anything because of their stubbornly self-reliant nature, refusal to be herded, and uncanny ability to avoid being whacked with a shovel.

Oh Pshaw.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:To Meow and anyone else here who might have the same dumb idea he has:

Do you really believe I accumulated that many posts by stealing them from less equal comrades, the way Mitt Romney accumulated his billions by stealing them from poor people and giving them cancer into the bargain?

There is nobody in this country who posted that many messages on her own. Nobody. So you posted over 3,000 messages—good for you! But I want to be clear. You posted these messages on the Internet that the rest of us paid for. You were safe in your home because of police forces and fire forces that the rest of us paid for. You didn't have to worry that marauding bands would come and seize your computer, and hire someone to protect against this, because of the work the rest of us did.

Now look, you posted a bunch of messages and it turned into something terrific—God bless. Keep a big hunk of it. But part of the underlying social contract is you take a hunk of those messages and pay forward for the next cat kid who comes along.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Oh, and in case you're wondering, cats are not entitled to anything because of their stubbornly self-reliant nature, refusal to be herded, and uncanny ability to avoid being whacked with a shovel.

Comrade, your speciesism has no place in the World of Next Tuesday™, where we shall all be equal and the cat shall have a seat at the dinner table on the politburo next to the delicious bird, rabbit, squirrel, rat, and mouse.

I, Groucho Marxist, humbly and most equally occupy the rank of number 30.

Still I strive on with the weekly beatings, rotten beet rations, and moldy rye bread.

The latter being the possible cause for how I am seeing the ways of our dear leader more clearly now.

Surely my rehabilitation is close at hand...

Groucho Marxist cautiously wrote:I, Groucho Marxist, humbly and most equally occupy the rank of number 30.

Still I strive on with the weekly beatings, rotten beet rations, and moldy rye bread.

The latter being the possible cause for how I am seeing the ways of our dear leader more clearly now.

[highlight=#ffff00]Surely my rehabilitation is close at hand...[/highlight]

Comrade,

As I'm certain you are aware, the Party will be the judge of your condition. (Careful, though. Your lyrics still show signs of a thought process not fully abandoned)

My Dear Red Rooster:

For shame! How dare you infuse KOMPETITION in the Kollektive!

Although... Now that I think about it... The paradox is delicious!

First of all… if proles produce LESS than the minimum, then they are threatened with Nekroproxy Enrollment…for not producing as much as the others

Then… When they actually produce the Minimum or MORE, then we retrobort them into Nekroproxies for Kompeting with the others!

As a bonus… we arbitrarily CHANGE the minimum erratikally so that they never know what the minimum is at any given moment!

Ahhh… It does my heart good to see them skurry about in a paranoid frenzy!

I DID notice, however, that my ranking in the kollektive is such that I should not raise any suspicions of kompeting with others -- as it were.

However... should my slacking relaxed pace be miskonstrued for a deliberate attempt to avoid suspicion -- in order to screen my suspicious klimb of the proverbial ladder -- then one must remember that QUALITY is superior to QUANTITY. And I have little doubt that my sophistikated tirades would make my kompetitive capacity self-evident...placing me well within reach of the top 1% were we to actually gauge the immeasurable value of quality.

And before one becomes eager to denounce me, just remember that I am a MADE PROG… and the penalties for dare questioning a MADE PROG are rather steep and quite painful.

Now if you will exkuse me, I must go and tinker with the 5-year production plan minimums.

Oh... And one more thing....

It should also be remembered that sertain apparatchiks who have not posted as of late have been "disappeared," which would explain their lack of enthusiastik posting.

Should one seek to kall attention to themselves as "generous" posters to the Kube, then they too may be disappeared.

Ahem... Kitty!!!


Does kitty need a trip to Gulag?

Oh Commissarka... isn't it so very hard for proles to understand how hard we work at caring? How we lovingly create media firestorms by making an issue out of everything... why just this evening we began a campaign to shut down roller coasters the world over and require the wearing of hoodies for ALL school children. Why? Because we care! Could you imagine a world free from the fear of roller coasters, a safe world cloaked in the mischievous comfort of a hoodie?

[highlight=#ffffff]THIS IS THE WORLD WE STRUGGLE FOR!!! DAY IN AND DAY OUT WE PROTEST FOR THE COMMON GOOD!!![/highlight]

TRAYVON ON!!!!