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Who Reads The People's Cube?

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The following arrived in today's dispatch to our editorial offices.

It seems to be some intelligence agency's profile of major U.S. publications, which for some inexplicable reason excludes our glorious Party organ.

Now, we have a three-hundred-ruble question - but first, read the list.


  1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
  2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
  3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crossword puzzles.
  4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.
  5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.
  6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a poor job of it, thank you very much.
  7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
  8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
  9. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.
  10. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped, minority, feminist, atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not Republicans.
  11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
  12. The Key West Citizen is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something to wrap it in.

Now, the three-hundred-ruble question is this: WHO READS THE PEOPLE'S CUBE?

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Only the people who really matter read The People's Cube!

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Well, we know that Comrade Krushchev read it back when it was only available in paper form.

I suspect that Comrade Putin reads it, but anyone who could attest to that appears to be "missing".

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This remind me... Hugo Chavez used to read the People's Cube, albeit the Polish edition...

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It changed his life. All the Cuban medicine couldn't change it back. RIP, comrade.

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I read People's Cube because of the great articles in it.

Just like people used to read Playboy for the really smart articles for intelligent thinking people that was in it.

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Comrade Assad still does, and he does it transparently so Al Qaeda won't have to decrypt the photos...



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"Read The Peoples Cube?" What kind of idiot reads "The Peoples Cube?"

(Worse, what kind of idiot posts on it?)



Hey, look what I made!
--


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What kind of idiot reads "The Peoples Cube?

Someone who's probably on a dedicated NSA file somewhere....along with the rest of us.

" Don't think were not keeping track ! " as per Dear Leader.

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Comrade Putout wrote:.
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The dreadful 'double entendre!'
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...said "May Putout"

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They have neglected the People's Cube? THE GLORIOUS PARTY ORGAN HAS BEEN LEFT OUT?!

I am SHOCKED! I am STUNNED! I AM OUTRAGED!

How dare these Kulaks and Wreckers fail to see the glory of the Party Organ? It stands tall and proud, engorged with its own wisdom! It is the mighty rod that chastises the unruly! It is the pole upon which we proudly fly our boldest ideas! How DARE they fail to see the importance of this enormous tool of the People's Righteous Wrath, piercing the darkness like a shaft of gold?!

I DEMAND (okay, suggest) THAT PINKIE CRAFT A RIBBON OF CUBE AWARENESS AND PROUDLY WRAP IT ABOUT THE PARTY ORGAN FOR ALL TO SEE!


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Ivan, I don't get the thrust of your argument. I just can't get my hands around the concept and bury this to the hilt. Perhaps the details need massaged just a bit?

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I also read magazines for the articles, although I sometimes get them confused in my own posts.

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I admit that I read The People's Cube for the articles, but I spend more time looking at the pictures.

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Rumors have it that Komrade Kommissar Chernobylski ordered that vicious diatribe to expose the Kapitaliszt Pigz who had kidnapped the once Glorious Amerika that belongs to the downtrodden victims of GREED and KOMMERCE. I deny this travesty!

KOMMUNITY ORGANIZING is what we need. Not newspapers.

The Amerikan People deserve more PROGRESS to MoveOn FORWARD! to a better Amerika that spreads the values of Detroit to the rest of the world. Detroit is the People's City, Detroit is the model for the world, Detroit is not racist, Detroit is equal, and Detroit is the American Founding's vision of the Amerikan Future. Detroit represents a glorious model for the Founding's 200 year plan. We all regret that the rest of the nation shamefully fell behind Detroit. With my help "It's my way of the Highway," "I won't negotiate," the whole of America can emulate Detroit's greatness.

Who readz The People's Kube? Easy to answer. Not those who take themselves too seriously, even though no one else does.

- Komrade Kommissar General Chernobylski


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Comrade Betinov,

"Party Organ"...? Mind must not have gone where you intended! Disgusting images resulted! Must reprogram mind outside of gutter next time! Qa'Pla!

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You ask who is reading People's Cube? I am invoking miserable (ptui) Bill of Rights Fifth Amendment of Amerikkkan Constitution in order to eliminate and destroy Western civilization from within and 'sabotage' its miserable house by their hands ... oh, no, wait, that is from policy statement of Muslim Brotherhood. I begin again: I refuse to answer question of whether I read People's Cube on grounds that I was not read Miranda's rights, whoever Miranda may be. (Did she not once wear fruit on her head?)

And if you ask how I come to be answering question from what I have denied reading, I reply you have obviously not learned art of DoubleThink and should denounce yourself immediately.

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The usual Comrade Red Leader Squared?

Awaiting your orders.


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Well adjusted Children™ loveImage Image Image Image the Cube!

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I know who else does....... Pretty barbaric.... but what did you honestly expect?
Well he can't really read so he runs with it!

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Guys... you never know!
(Shower daily... you might get lucky!)


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Ivan Betinov wrote: I DEMAND (okay, suggest) THAT PINKIE CRAFT A RIBBON OF CUBE AWARENESS AND PROUDLY WRAP IT ABOUT THE PARTY ORGAN FOR ALL TO SEE!
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I would never dare to compare myself with Beloved Comrade Pinkie, however I felt it was my Party Duty to create one For The Cause!

The People's Cube is read by the people who control the people who run the country.
But don't tell anyone that.

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Comrade Putout wrote:.
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Guys... you never know!
(Shower daily... you might get lucky!)



Someone is clearly requesting selfies... DO NOT TELL WEINER!

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My Our ENTIRE Kollecktiv Reads The Peoples Cube - MANY TIMES - EVERY DAY! And that is because They Know What Is Good For Them (And Their Families, If You Know What I Mean...)



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[color=#C0392B]INGSOC[/color] incorrectly wrote:Someone is clearly requesting selfies... DO NOT TELL WEINER!
That lady is NOT me.
She is a vacationer who enjoys The People's Cube!

(Also - I'm not sure what that image is in your post?
Should I be aroused... please advise.)

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Comrade Putout wrote:
[color=#C0392B]INGSOC[/color] incorrectly wrote:Someone is clearly requesting selfies... DO NOT TELL WEINER!
That lady is NOT me.
She is a vacationer who enjoys The People's Cube!

(Also - I'm not sure what that image is in your post?
Should I be aroused... please advise.)

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Ahhahaha! Do not be coy comrade! Of course you are aroused! I ask, who would not be aroused by a disembodied fictitious dystopian ethos such as myself dressed as the titular role of Scarface? It is also true that the photo is from 1987! But I still look that good, Carlos Danger has nothing on me.

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Captain Craptek wrote:
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I was there Squirrel, when Lenin fed the masses with only one Cube.

Edit: Admittedly it was a freaking gargantuan Cube lowered to earth by the hands of an unknown giant.

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WHAT SORT OF MAN READS THE CUBE?
from old MAD joke ad.jpg

A young man with a closed mind and a sick sense of humor, the People's Cube reader has very little else to recommend him. He dresses atrociously, his tastes run to the ridiculous, and he's usually flat broke. If he does have any money he stole it and then spends it on idiotic things like first editions of Karl Marx or that worthless car in the picture that cost him his parents life savings and doesn't even have an engine. (Incidentally, the young man beside the car isn't the People's Cube reader, the young shlub passed out underneath the car is the People's Cube reader.) So actually, if you are an advertiser, it really wouldn't pay you to advertise in the People's Cube. In fact, according to an obscure online survey, 97% of the hits the People's Cube receives every day are from Leftist clods living in their parents' basements. They have no income at all and are philosophically opposed to advertising, advertisers, and ads in general and would rather that anyone posting advertisements trying to get them to sell out socialist utopia and buy into corporate culture all be hanged from the nearest tree. Owing to their constant drug induced state they will never rise above the sick lethargy of their depression to ever actually muster enough energy to act on their malice and hatred of the world around them. So if you're looking for a website that has a readership that will fall for phony sophisticated soft-sell advertising and has the money to purchase your products, try Democratic Socialists of America or CPUSA.




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Comrade Che',

Do those Cubeletts incorporate two way video? We must keep tabs on the masses -

(BTW: Your avatar is evolving nicely)

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There are two answers to this second-most important question in the world (the answer to the most important, as everyone knows, is "42").


[IMG/]images/clipart/Prog_On.gif[/IMG]
All made progs must read the People's Cube!

[img]/images/clipart/Prog_Off.gif[/img]

The Cube is read by people who know their history, have learned from it, and feel a little less in despair about its repitition when today's news is photoshopped.

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Oh. And who sometimes mistake the Key West Citizen reader's fish for the latest edition of Pravda.

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Thank you Kind Craptek!
Of course these devices are 2-way!
What self-respecting Cubist Dictatorship of the Proletariat would fail to insure that Great Leader has 24/7 monitoring of The Masses?

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[color=#C0392B]Che' Ramie[/color] exhibited the proper amount of respect and awe when he wrote:
I would never dare to compare myself with Beloved Comrade Pinkie, however I felt it was my Party Duty to create one For The Cause!
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Che' visits Anyer Marx at his summer cabin to lobby for his new award.
For some reason Anyer likes to relax in a banana suit.
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Comrade Putout wrote:
[color=#C0392B]Che' Ramie[/color] exhibited the proper amount of respect and awe when he wrote:
I would never dare to compare myself with Beloved Comrade Pinkie, however I felt it was my Party Duty to create one For The Cause!
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Che' visits Anyer Marx at his summer cabin to lobby for his new award.
For some reason Anyer likes to relax in a banana suit.
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Yes Comrade Putout..and a fine dacha that The Politburo has provided for Comrade Marx to enjoy and relax in..I paid no mind to the "banana suit" as to each his own in the Brave New World of Cubism! His dacha has all the amenities that would be needed to be comfortable in..walking water..ice box powered by ice..and of course a Peoples Viewing Device so that our Beloved Marx can keep up on the latest developments in the cesspool of Washington **phew**phew**spit**! Speaking of cesspools..his outhouse has the finest corn cobs!

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The Union of Splitters and Factions (Amalgamated Brotherhood of iOTW, BlurBrain and iMaksim, local 1327) read The People's Cube for our marching orders.


 
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