Stephie is very mad. She's mad because she took her car to a car dealer hoping to cash in on the "Cash for Clunkers" program and she was told that her car MPG rating was too high.

At the car dealership, she threw a tantrum: "What the @#$%! What do you mean my car doesn't qualify? Are you telling me that I voted for Obama for this? What the @#$%!"

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Comrades,

It seems to me that Stephie has failed to learn the deeper meaning of progress, but I'm guessing she's been rudely pointed in the right direction.

LOL! Sounds like Stephie got a lObamaOtOmy!

A socialist, a capitalist and a communist agreed to meet. The socialist was late.

'Excuse me for being late, I was standing in a queue for a car.'

'What is a queue?' the capitalist asked.

'And what is a car?' the communist asked.

Yes, she must understand that it what we do for our Dear Leader O, not what he can do for us.

Stephie can learn other ways to reap the benefits of enviro-logic. Use one sheet of toilet paper. Wee wee in the shower. If you prefer taking a bath, wee wee there, after all, you're already sitting in a pool of your own filth anyway. Unplug all those vampire appliances and learn to reset all the digital clocks in the house when you get home from the beet field. Replace those incandescent bulbs with twisty bulbs, then buy 4th generation night vision goggles so you don't bump into things around the house. Flush your water saver toilet once a day and learn to use a plunger to unclog it. Recycle your tampons and dental floss. Learn to eat shredded cardboard and drink rain water. Instead of disposable razors that clog our landfills, try shaving with broken glass. Burp into plastic bags to reduce greenhouse emissions.

I got lot's more great ideas to save money and the environment, just send me a self addressed, stamped envelope.

Comrade Whoopie wrote:Stephie can learn other ways to reap the benefits of enviro-logic. Use one sheet of toilet paper. Wee wee in the shower. If you prefer taking a bath, wee wee there, after all, you're already sitting in a pool of your own filth anyway. Unplug all those vampire appliances and learn to reset all the digital clocks in the house when you get home from the beet field. Replace those incandescent bulbs with twisty bulbs, then buy 4th generation night vision goggles so you don't bump into things around the house. Flush your water saver toilet once a day and learn to use a plunger to unclog it. Recycle your tampons and dental floss. Learn to eat shredded cardboard and drink rain water. Instead of disposable razors that clog our landfills, try shaving with broken glass. Burp into plastic bags to reduce greenhouse emissions.

I got lot's more great ideas to save money and the environment, just send me a self addressed, stamped envelope.

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Yep! You are spot on Comrade Whoopie! Nailed it you did!
I ran into a harbinger of Obamageddon last fall at the Tonasket Barter Faire.
These people had it together.
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Thank you Comrade Whoopie for those eco-friendly tips!

I've taken your advice and have replaced my plastic razor with jagged shards of glass instead. I have a dilemma, though. My face is bleeding profusely, but I do not want to use any sheets of toilet paper to help stop the bleeding because then a tree would have to suffer in order to replace all that TP I would be using. What is a eco-conscious prog to do?

Signed,
Bleeding Heart (and now Face) Liberal

Solidarity 9-6347 wrote: My face is bleeding profusely, but I do not want to use any sheets of toilet paper to help stop the bleeding. What is a eco-conscious prog to do?

An excellent question comrade. Remember those used tampons I mentioned?

If you bleed easily, instead of shaving, just apply a thick layer of "Easy Off" oven cleaner and let it soak for 20 minutes. The lye dissolves the hair and it rinses right off leaving you with pink skin and a fresh lemon scent.

Don't laugh, it works for Press Secretary Robert Gibbs.

Comrade Whoopie,

I DENOUNCE YOU FOR MAKING ME LAUGH TOO HARD IN THE GULAG!

The "Easy Off" idea is an excellent one, especially for prog women who want to save on the electricity it takes to heat up their Brazilian bikini wax.

Poor Steph, if only she understood she's above the People with such a car, or in other words, unequal.

The Cash for Clunkers isn't working right anyway; I heard that a California dealership has pulled the plug, having advanced $5.5 million of its own money without recompense from the Government.

What silly fools these mortals be, to think that the government would do anything but lie.

Dear Stephie,

Please don't be mad with Obama, things have never been the same since I died. Funny, I couldn't be traded in either, he took me in his Monte Carlo to a dealership in the barrio, and they wouldn't even give him spinning hubcabs for me. Hummmmph!

I can't help it if Obama can't live with out me, I was that good, and well, to be honest, he is that bad.

As I helped Obama through public appearances, I'd like help you to. Two recommendations honey, a metal grinder and a 12 inch wide 5 foot long ratchet strap!

Comrade Whoopie wrote:Stephie can learn other ways to reap the benefits of enviro-logic. Use one sheet of toilet paper. Wee wee in the shower. If you prefer taking a bath, wee wee there, after all, you're already sitting in a pool of your own filth anyway. Unplug all those vampire appliances and learn to reset all the digital clocks in the house when you get home from the beet field. Replace those incandescent bulbs with twisty bulbs, then buy 4th generation night vision goggles so you don't bump into things around the house. Flush your water saver toilet once a day and learn to use a plunger to unclog it. Recycle your tampons and dental floss. Learn to eat shredded cardboard and drink rain water. Instead of disposable razors that clog our landfills, try shaving with broken glass. Burp into plastic bags to reduce greenhouse emissions.

I got lot's more great ideas to save money and the environment, just send me a self addressed, stamped envelope.

I humbly petition the Cube Council with the nomination of Comrade Whoopie as the People's Cube's "Environmental Lifestyle Enrichment Czar". Whoopie's command of the issues and brilliant dictums promise a Brand New Day with less Guilt and heaping helpings of Hope for All!

Stephie -

It isn't that bad! My first car in America was a Ford Taurus of exactly the same color and condition (except for the red accent job), which I bought for $200 from a friend. It lasted for three more years, despite a dashboard fire and some mechanical problems I had to fix. In the end it developed a funny leak in the steering fluid system, whereby every time I turned a wheel, a portion of the fluid would get sprinkled on hot parts of the engine, creating a very dramatic-looking cloud of smoke as it burned. But in spite of such decorative special effects, no junk yard agreed to take it when I decided to put it to sleep. Those were the dark days of infamy before Obama rose to power and lit up the horizon for all clunkers of the world!

But I digress. Drive it a little longer and see if you can develop a similar problem with smoke emissions from burning oil. Then drive to Washington, DC, and start making circles around the White House. In the end they should give you money just to go away. Either that, or Rahm Emanuel will stab you with a fork. So look out for a fishy-looking guy.

Comrade Red Square,

That's terrible. What you went through is such an injustice.

I have never heard such a story of suffering and despair. I wonder if you could have cooked some hot dogs under that lid so that they would take on that blue smoke flavor?

I'm sure Dear Leader will see to it that Stephie is given a brand new bicycle, and as soon as our glorious system is completely up and running, there will be two bicycles in every garage, two slices of tofu in every pot, and two fishy looking policemen on every corner.

Comrade Red Square,

Are you sure it wasn't a British Leyland product?

A fairly widespread assessment among my cohorts in AmeriKKKa is that a Japanese car will be slightly more satisfactory, especially ergonomically. However, if you keep a car long enough that salted roads create visible rust, if not until holes begin to appear, the Japanese car will reach a point where it will be sluggish as hell and barely be able to reach 65 without shuddering, yet the equally decrepit US car will still burn rubber, haul shell, and maybe do so without all cylinders firing if the engine's big enough.

I do recall a friend with a KIA developed a significant engine problem. Friend goes to enquire about replacement part and was told a new engine would be cheaper than the part. Or was it dead engine and new car? Ah, it was still during the Reign of Clinton.

Comrade_Tovarich,

I am quite impressed with your knowledge of cars, especially in their various states of deterioration. Perhaps you should be appointed the Czar of Clunker Certification to make sure that all clunkers have been authenticated before the final solution is ordered.

Comrades, in 1978 I bought a 1978 TR7. It was the only British Leyland car ever that was made to good standards; the dealership said quality had improved that they no longer had to put drip pans for leaking oil under the cars on the showroom floors. The Jags had silver-plated ones. It was superlatively good. No troubles at 50K. It was totaled by a drunk while it was legally parked in front of my office, after having it lubed, oil changed, heads torqued, and windshield replaced. The same day.

The 1980 TR7 replacement confirmed that the Brits like warm bear because Lucas makes the refrigerators.

Comrades,

A relative who partially worked his way through the hippie era and college as a sports car mechanic said of the 15 or so sports cars he owned (nearly all British, as he hated metric and the amount of spare and junk parts was then high), his MGA was the best, because it had almost nothing that could go wrong (and very little Lucas). Mechanical gauges, window curtains (no cranks, etc. to break), no catalytic converter (it was a '50s machine). Perhaps it was pre-Leyland. Once had a belt go on a trip and fixed it by using the female companion's stockings, adjusted to size and knotted.

But my knowledge of today's cars is dated. When I was a college student during the Reign of Clinton, I recall friends who drove cars so eaten with rust that they put boards on the rusted-through floorboards to keep the road at bay. The added plus was something that crappy meant you never had to worry about car theft when going into Chicago nor would anyone park next to you, assuming other parking places existed.

Ah, a sigh for the "clunkers." Like a buddy with a '74 Datsun sta-wag that died (him, not the car) with the original engine and drivetrain and 240K on the clock; the body was a mess, but electronics (even the joint--er, cigarette--lighter), mechanics--indestructible!

I guess it was later that Datsun (subsumed by Nissan) began hiring Harvard Biz School grads to give input to their design programs.

Commissar Theocritus wrote: What silly fools these mortals be, to think that the government would do anything but lie.

I don't know what to say in response except perhaps, yes.

The photo of the evil Kapitalist muscle car was taken on Camel Back Mountain near Scottsdale. It is a Dodge Charger 500, but I'm not sure what year. I believe there were only 500 of them made. At least that is what my evil Kapitalist cousin once told me. If he were still alive, I would turn him in immediately for contributing to the destruction of the planet.

Leninka wrote:Stephie is very mad. She's mad because she took her car to a car dealer hoping to cash in on the "Cash for Clunkers" program and she was told that her car MPG rating was too high.

At the car dealership, she threw a tantrum: "What the @#$%! What do you mean my car doesn't qualify? Are you telling me that I voted for Obama for this? What the @#$%!"

Uh oh....didn't anyone explain to "Stephie" (If that is her real name!) what we mean by the term "useful idiot"? Which leads us to a bigger issue, comrades: Do we really need the mother of all useful idiots in our progressive paradise?

In 1999 I bought an Acura CL. I got 360,000 miles out of it before it stranded me; the transmission died. My mechanic bought it for $1500, put in a used transmission, and is still driving it. I bought at 2005 Acura TL which I also sold to my mechanic at 160,000 miles, and everything worked. <i>Everything</i>. I wish I'd kept it because I sold it at Blue-Book value when I bought the 2009 RL for there was nothing wrong with it and it was faster than the RL is. Honda build quality is superlative. But bear in mind in West Texas rust isn't a problem.