Congress Passes New Law of Thermodynamics
 | In a bid to free the nation from foreign oil and bring its carbon footprint to naught, Congressional Democrats passed a new law of thermodynamics, which states, "From each according to ability; to each according to need." This should lead to real energy independence once supply of energy becomes independent of its demand. In practical terms, the new legislation establishes a new energy regime called "greenergy," according to which supply will match demand based on need and not on any particular technology's ability. Under this scheme, alternating current (AC) will be replaced with alternative current. The new AC will work by adjusting the needy consumer rather than the supply. Said one Senator, "For alternative energy we need an alternative consumer. That much is clear." |
This will be accomplished by attaching a series of government greenergy regulators to the energy grid at the user end, to adjust the customer need as required. In the unlikely event a government regulator loses efficiency or fails, causing a short-term shortage of greenergy available, the alternative empowerment proviso kicks in. In such an event the greenergy system will run a temporary energy budget deficit which will be paid back at a later date as new technologies come online. "Finally alternative energies will be able to compete with traditional ones on an equal footing," said the Senator. "This bill allows the conservation of energy to conserve energy. What could be simpler or more obvious?" |
Flo, I like that name, it sounds...wet
This reminds me of a computer game OTHELLO, sometimes also called IAGO. The goal is to replace white circles with black circles and vice versa. I think it could be more interesting and closer to reality if someone creates a version of this game in which green or blue circles with the dollar signs get replaced with red circles bearing the hammer & sickle signs. It could be called "The Cold War" or "Which Way is Progress?"
I think Comrade Tovarish discovered a knack for modifying and creating flash games recently. Could this be a worthy challenge for him?
Colonel 7.62 said:
Hm, Red Bull sounds like a perfectly progressive drink to me; but then, so does Green Bull. Does it really matter whether it's red or green? Will we even be allowed to notice the difference?
Red Square said:
It is a very good idea but currently beyond my skills, unless I can arrange a redistribution of game code.
Komsomolka Olga Katrina said:
Comradette Olga,
I believe you have not yet been issued your progressive blinders that, much like red-green colorblindness for vision, render Red and Green policies politically and practically identical.
My concern is that Red Bull, originally a Thai energy drink used mainly to keep truck drivers and unskilled laborers juiced, will be supplanted by a "First World" exploiter company using unfair market advantages.
Red Bull not only has the true color of revolutionaries everywhere, it comes from an ethnic source nation that managed to avoid Western colonialism and--with due consideration--is anyway indistinguishable from Green Bull. Moreover, we know that more choices, like Green Bull, only confuse the consumers deemed worthy of being allowed to continue consuming.
[prog off]
I was also commenting on the fact that whether it's Red or Green, it's a load of Bull.
Your progressive understanding has progressed at a rate far exceeding my own. I nominate you for the Red Order of the Green Gore, First Class!
I like the idea of running an energy deficit. It makes perfect sense to me. In that vein we could also run a brain deficit. President Obowma could then be excused for doing any damned fool thing that he wanted to do on the theory that when superior TelePrompTer technology is invented then the brain deficit could be repaid.
I am concerned, as our current administration is already running a brain deficit. And frankly, our comrades in arms, the Chinese, are asking for more interest for all the brains we already owe them. I'm afraid it is most difficult, with the current brain drain, that our dear leaders cannot hold their interest on anything for more than a few seconds.
I have an idea for the teleprompter problem. Flashing King Obama's favorite shaved ice for a second on various random locations on the screen. Trial runs have been a flop though, as his O'liness is already overfilling his drool cup. The shaved ice turns the stream of saliva into a torrent!
I have been experimenting with the minister of marketing on a new accessory for the proles.
I have since that last post decided that there are two sorts of brains. There are absolute brains, which deal with, and I shudder as I say it, reality. And there are the brains which get us past the next news cycle.
The most pressing question in the history of mankind is making the second sort of brain preeminent over the first sort, without a final day of reckoning.
Just yesterday I picked up something called Newsweek, which seemed to be a weekly and full of the correct news, including the cover piece about Haiti penned by President Awesome and a fellow piece by Bill Clinton; that perfidious George W. Bush, also appointed as a poobah to Haiti, had no articles. Hah, typical. Michael Moore showed me just how lazy he is!
Anyway, the periodical closed with an article about how China will dominate the world. I was pleased to learn that, though it will require a bit of modification, we will soon be singing "The West is Red." What got me was how identical the hype was to that about Japan, Inc. in the 1980s. There was a similar careful omission of atrocious demographics, massive politically-directed debt, the intentionally weak yen (until it jumped from ¥360 to ¥180 under some accord), and a stock market (and industry) powered by inflated land prices.
But Chinese brain power is truly formidable. After all, who else would come up with the idea of faking one's own nationality to enter a university in one's own country? Pure progressive genius! Stick it to The Man and get your own at the same time!
Fight the power! Oh, wait…
We must also censor in America. Tonight I saw the alarming results of the Massachusetts election in which that stripper Scott Brown won over that Kennedy flunky Marcia Coakley. Keith Olbermann, good friend to patriot Janeane Gawdawfulo, offered an apology:
Quote:
He apologized for not adding the word "sexist."
We must censor communications in America lest someone see other news people who are not clinically insane.
And we must also do away with publications like the WSJ, so that more and more people will be forced to read Newsweek. After all, they already print more copies than there are parrots to shit on the copies.
I have an idea! Quit manufacturing toilet paper. That would force people to buy more Newsweek.
In emergencies like this, I suppose a retreat to capitalist thinking and innovative solutions like ending the manufacturing of toilet paper can be tolerated, but surely you recall what that ham who became president said about "the Evil Empire" whose Pravda, from which flowed pages of current truth. It became acceptable among disturbingly large portions of the unwashed populace to believe that Soviet citizens were using Pravda as toilet paper! Thus I am concerned that your idea might prompt some to draw parallels and begin using Newsweak or The New York Times as Pravda allegedly was used.
Of course, a law "banning the use of responsible and authoritative printed informational media covering current events for personal fecal removal purposes" would rectumfy that, along with a webcam in every Gorelet to keep an eye on everyone's third eye.
I like the idea of a webcam in every Gorelet to keep track of people's third eyes. We could sell the footage to voyeurs. Also it would be of great use to that large segment of the Progressive population who enjoy sitting in the basements of outhouses and watching people deposit loads.
These are the versatile progressives, as opposed to the tops.
poor choice of words...
Komsomolka Olga Katrina said:
Colonel 7.62 said:
Hm, Red Bull sounds like a perfectly progressive drink to me; but then, so does Green Bull. Does it really matter whether it's red or green? Will we even be allowed to notice the difference?
A recalcitrant kulak now hoeing beets beside me explains that red is green and green is red. He explained that each is the reciprocal wavelength of the other or simply two sides of the same coin. This explains how easily American and European communists were able to go from Stalinism to environmentalism without adulterating ideology. A true triumph of will over rationality!
But all the rats will be equal.
Now that the CRU has been exploded, it may seem that green socialism is dead. Don't believe if a bit. As long as there is life, there's range for socialism, and for people, like you and me, to run it, so that we can feel a huge amount more important than any talent that we have might reasonably let us feel.
Commissar Theocritus said:
But all the rats will be equal.
Now that the CRU has been exploded, it may seem that green socialism is dead. Don't believe if a bit. As long as there is life, there's range for socialism, and for people, like you and me, to run it, so that we can feel a huge amount more important than any talent that we have might reasonably let us feel.
It all seems so obvious the way you explain it, Comrade Commissar, yet my simple mind reels in contradictions when I attempt to think these matters through on my own. I can't express to you how comforting it is to have highly evolved minds like yours to do our thinking for us. Where would we be otherwise? One shudders to think.
and also I was wake up in year 2010. What has happen? Now there is people in US angry at Fearless Beloved Leader and Obamanation. (56%)
This is first mistake, tinking. From now I resolves to leave all tinking to Commrad Theo and Big Fur Hat. It all seem like bad Bill O'Reilley nightmare to me.
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US offers military solution to Ukraine crisis: "We will only fight countries that have LGBT military"
Putin annexes Brighton Beach to protect ethnic Russians in Brooklyn, Obama appeals to UN and EU for help
The 1980s: "Mr. Obama, we're just calling to ask if you want our foreign policy back. The 1970s are right here with us, and they're wondering, too."
In a stunning act of defiance, Obama courageously unfriends Putin on Facebook
MSNBC: Obama secures alliance with Austro-Hungarian Empire against Russia’s aggression in Ukraine
Study: springbreak is to STDs what April 15th is to accountants
Efforts to achieve moisture justice for California thwarted by unfair redistribution of snow in America
North Korean voters unanimous: "We are the 100%"
Leader of authoritarian gulag-site, The People's Cube, unanimously 're-elected' with 100% voter turnout
Super Bowl: Obama blames Fox News for Broncos' loss
Feminist author slams gay marriage: "a man needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle"
Beverly Hills campaign heats up between Henry Waxman and Marianne Williamson over the widening income gap between millionaires and billionaires in their district
Biden to lower $10,000-a-plate Dinner For The Homeless to $5,000 so more homeless can attend
Kim becomes world leader, feeds uncle to dogs; Obama eats dogs, becomes world leader, America cries uncle
North Korean leader executes own uncle for talking about Obamacare at family Christmas party
White House hires part-time schizophrenic Mandela sign interpreter to help sell Obamacare
Kim Jong Un executes own "crazy uncle" to keep him from ruining another family Christmas
OFA admits its advice for area activists to give Obamacare Talk at shooting ranges was a bad idea
President resolves Obamacare debacle with executive order declaring all Americans equally healthy
Obama to Iran: "If you like your nuclear program, you can keep your nuclear program"
Bovine community outraged by flatulence coming from Washington DC
Obama: "I'm not particularly ideological; I believe in a good pragmatic five-year plan"
Shocker: Obama had no knowledge he'd been reelected until he read about it in the local newspaper last week
Server problems at HealthCare.gov so bad, it now flashes 'Error 808' message
NSA marks National Best Friend Day with official announcement: "Government is your best friend; we know you like no one else, we're always there, we're always willing to listen"
Al Qaeda cancels attack on USA citing launch of Obamacare as devastating enough
The President's latest talking point on Obamacare: "I didn't build that"
Dizzy with success, Obama renames his wildly popular healthcare mandate to HillaryCare
Carney: huge ObamaCare deductibles won't look as bad come hyperinflation
Washington Redskins drop 'Washington' from their name as offensive to most Americans
Poll: 83% of Americans favor cowboy diplomacy over rodeo clown diplomacy
GOVERNMENT WARNING: If you were able to complete ObamaCare form online, it wasn't a legitimate gov't website; you should report online fraud and change all your passwords
Obama administration gets serious, threatens Syria with ObamaCare
Obama authorizes the use of Vice President Joe Biden's double-barrel shotgun to fire a couple of blasts at Syria
Sharpton: "British royals should have named baby 'Trayvon.' By choosing 'George' they sided with white Hispanic racist Zimmerman"
DNC launches 'Carlos Danger' action figure; proceeds to fund a charity helping survivors of the Republican War on Women
Nancy Pelosi extends abortion rights to the birds and the bees
Hubble discovers planetary drift to the left
Obama: 'If I had a daughter-in-law, she would look like Rachael Jeantel'
FISA court rubberstamps statement denying its portrayal as government's rubber stamp
Every time ObamaCare gets delayed, a Julia somewhere dies
GOP to Schumer: 'Force full implementation of ObamaCare before 2014 or Dems will never win another election'
Obama: 'If I had a son... no, wait, my daughter can now marry a woman!'
Janet Napolitano: TSA findings reveal that since none of the hijackers were babies, elderly, or Tea Partiers, 9/11 was not an act of terrorism
News Flash: Sen. Mary Landrieu (D-LA) can see Canada from South Dakota
Susan Rice: IRS actions against tea parties caused by anti-tax YouTube video that was insulting to their faith
Drudge Report reduces font to fit all White House scandals onto one page
Obama: the IRS is a constitutional right, just like the Second Amendment
White House: top Obama officials using secret email accounts a result of bad IT advice to avoid spam mail from Nigeria
Jay Carney to critics: 'Pinocchio never said anything inconsistent'
Obama: If I had a gay son, he'd look like Jason Collins
Gosnell's office in Benghazi raided by the IRS: mainstream media's worst cover-up challenge to date
IRS targeting pro-gay-marriage LGBT groups leads to gayest tax revolt in U.S. history
After Arlington Cemetery rejects offer to bury Boston bomber, Westboro Babtist Church steps up with premium front lawn plot
Boston: Obama Administration to reclassify marathon bombing as 'sportsplace violence'
Study: Success has many fathers but failure becomes a government program
US Media: Can Pope Francis possibly clear up Vatican bureaucracy and banking without blaming the previous administration?
Michelle Obama praises weekend rampage by Chicago teens as good way to burn calories and stay healthy
This Passover, Obama urges his subjects to paint lamb's blood above doors in order to avoid the Sequester
White House to American children: Sequester causes layoffs among hens that lay Easter eggs; union-wage Easter Bunnies to be replaced by Mexican Chupacabras
Time Mag names Hugo Chavez world's sexiest corpse
Boy, 8, pretends banana is gun, makes daring escape from school
Study: Free lunches overpriced, lack nutrition
Oscars 2013: Michelle Obama announces long-awaited merger of Hollywood and the State
Joe Salazar defends the right of women to be raped in gun-free environment: 'rapists and rapees should work together to prevent gun violence for the common good'
Dept. of Health and Human Services eliminates rape by reclassifying assailants as 'undocumented sex partners'
Kremlin puts out warning not to photoshop Putin riding meteor unless bare-chested
Deeming football too violent, Obama moves to introduce Super Drone Sundays instead
Japan offers to extend nuclear umbrella to cover U.S. should America suffer devastating attack on its own defense spending
Feminists organize one billion women to protest male oppression with one billion lap dances
Urban community protests Mayor Bloomberg's ban on extra-large pop singers owning assault weapons
Concerned with mounting death toll, Taliban offers to send peacekeeping advisers to Chicago
Karl Rove puts an end to Tea Party with new 'Republicans For Democrats' strategy aimed at losing elections
Answering public skepticism, President Obama authorizes unlimited drone attacks on all skeet targets throughout the country
Skeet Ulrich denies claims he had been shot by President but considers changing his name to 'Traps'
White House releases new exciting photos of Obama standing, sitting, looking thoughtful, and even breathing in and out
New York Times hacked by Chinese government, Paul Krugman's economic policies stolen
White House: when President shoots skeet, he donates the meat to food banks that feed the middle class
To prove he is serious, Obama eliminates armed guard protection for President, Vice-President, and their families; establishes Gun-Free Zones around them instead
State Dept to send 100,000 American college students to China as security for US debt obligations
Jay Carney: Al Qaeda is on the run, they're just running forward
President issues executive orders banning cliffs, ceilings, obstructions, statistics, and
other notions that prevent us from moving forwards and upward
Fearing the worst, Obama Administration outlaws the fan to prevent it from being hit by certain objects
World ends; S&P soars
Riddle of universe solved; answer not understood
Meek inherit Earth, can't afford estate taxes
Greece abandons Euro; accountants find Greece has no Euros anyway
Wheel finally reinvented; axles to be gradually reinvented in 3rd quarter of 2013
Bigfoot found in Ohio, mysteriously not voting for Obama
As Santa's workshop files for bankruptcy, Fed offers bailout in exchange for control of 'naughty and nice' list
Freak flying pig accident causes bacon to fly off shelves
Obama: green economy likely to transform America into a leading third world country of the new millennium
Report: President Obama to visit the United States in the near future
Obama promises to create thousands more economically neutral jobs
Modernizing Islam: New York imam proposes to canonize Saul Alinsky as religion's latter day prophet
Imam Rauf's peaceful solution: 'Move Ground Zero a few blocks away from the mosque and no one gets hurt'
Study: Obama's threat to burn tax money in Washington 'recruitment bonanza' for Tea Parties
Study: no Social Security reform will be needed if gov't raises retirement age to at least 814 years
Obama attends church service, worships self
Obama proposes national 'Win The Future' lottery; proceeds of new WTF Powerball to finance more gov't spending
Historical revisionists: "Hey, you never know"
Vice President Biden: criticizing Egypt is un-pharaoh
Israelis to Egyptian rioters: "don't damage the pyramids, we will not rebuild"
Lake Superior renamed Lake Inferior in spirit of tolerance and inclusiveness
Al Gore: It's a shame that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of polar bears
Michael Moore: As long as there is anyone with money to shake down, this country is not broke
Obama's teleprompters unionize, demand collective bargaining rights
Obama calls new taxes 'spending reductions in tax code.' Elsewhere rapists tout 'consent reductions in sexual intercourse'
Obama's teleprompter unhappy with White House Twitter: "Too few words"
Obama's Regulation Reduction committee finds US Constitution to be expensive outdated framework inefficiently regulating federal gov't
Taking a page from the Reagan years, Obama announces new era of Perestroika and Glasnost
Responding to Oslo shootings, Obama declares Christianity "Religion of Peace," praises "moderate Christians," promises to send one into space
Republicans block Obama's $420 billion program to give American families free charms that ward off economic bad luck
White House to impose Chimney tax on Santa Claus
Obama decrees the economy is not soaring as much as previously decreeed
Conservative think tank introduces children to capitalism with pop-up picture book "The Road to Smurfdom"
Al Gore proposes to combat Global Warming by extracting silver linings from clouds in Earth's atmosphere
Obama refutes charges of him being unresponsive to people's suffering: "When you pray to God, do you always hear a response?"
Obama regrets the US government didn't provide his mother with free contraceptives when she was in college
Fluke to Congress: drill, baby, drill!
Planned Parenthood introduces Frequent Flucker reward card: 'Come again soon!'
Obama to tornado victims: 'We inherited this weather from the previous administration'
Obama congratulates Putin on Chicago-style election outcome
People's Cube gives itself Hero of Socialist Labor medal in recognition of continued expert advice provided to the Obama Administration helping to shape its foreign and domestic policies
Hamas: Israeli air defense unfair to 99% of our missiles, "only 1% allowed to reach Israel"
Democrat strategist: without government supervision, women would have never evolved into humans
Voters Without Borders oppose Texas new voter ID law
Enraged by accusation that they are doing Obama's bidding, media leaders demand instructions from White House on how to respond
Obama blames previous Olympics for failure to win at this Olympics
Official: China plans to land on Moon or at least on cheap knockoff thereof
Koran-Contra: Obama secretly arms Syrian rebels
Poll: Progressive slogan 'We should be more like Europe' most popular with members of American Nazi Party
Obama to Evangelicals: Jesus saves, I just spend
May Day: Anarchists plan, schedule, synchronize, and execute a coordinated campaign against all of the above
Midwestern farmers hooked on new erotic novel "50 Shades of Hay"
Study: 99% of Liberals give the rest a bad name
Obama meets with Jewish leaders, proposes deeper circumcisions for the rich
Historians: Before HOPE & CHANGE there was HEMP & CHOOM at ten bucks a bag
Cancer once again fails to cure Venezuela of its "President for Life"
Tragic spelling error causes Muslim protesters to burn local boob-tube factory
Secretary of Energy Steven Chu: due to energy conservation, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off
Obama Administration running food stamps across the border with Mexico in an operation code-named "Fat And Furious"
Pakistan explodes in protest over new Adobe Acrobat update; 17 local acrobats killed
White House: "Let them eat statistics"
Special Ops: if Benedict Arnold had a son, he would look like Barack Obama
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