Image
Image Frequent computer crashes happen because people press the W key too much. That key had been removed from all White House keyboards on my orders! Every time you press a W key, Bush knows what you're thinking... Also don't listen to static in your phone - you never know who may be playing with your brain. Some folks did that and wound up voting for W.

- Al Gore, People's Inventor

Al Gore's New Book: My Struggle with Global Warming

User avatar
Image
This, of course, is a quick rewrite of the previous book, hence the similarities. Even the intro is the same, although its meaning is now of a more playful nature:

There is an old African proverb that says, "If you want to go quickly, go alone; if you want to go far, go together."

We have to go far, quickly.
A word of caution: this pick-up line doesn't work on masseuses in Portland. She may refuse to go far and you may have to go quickly, alone.

Notice the love of the Clinton administration to collectivist African proverbs. That's because Western folk wisdom has brought us into this dead end of unsustainable lifestyle. And look how much better off Africa is now, living off the kindness of strangers. America only remains self-reliant due to the stupidity of its citizens who don't know any collectivist African proverbs. Otherwise they'd be receiving foreign aid from Africa. But Al Gore believes that it can and will change, and the plan for action is laid out right on the cover of his book.

And if you buy this book now, you will get a FREE one-month supply of Global Warming Jelly to be used regardless of whether you want to go far or go quickly.

Image ~
Don't miss an item from the Global Warming library that belongs on the shelf of all Russian Global Warming lovers, especially if they have to go far, quickly.

Image
And, lastly, if you are a cultured European, there already is a German-language edition: Mein Kampf mit der globalen Erwärmung

Image

User avatar
Great Leader, I am confused. Earth is now on the moon?

User avatar
Is that a Mercator or Conic projection map? In either case, the Great Rift Valley in Africa is a few hundred kilometers too far west.

User avatar
Betinov - Bull's eye! For someone without eyes, you have a good eye for detail.

I think you nailed it. Admit it. Did you or did you not?

Now we'll have to wait for the NAACP to tell us if placing Africa in that position a racist thing to do. Sometimes being in the center is not what it's cracked up to be.

Now I can't stop humming, "In the jungle, the mighty jungle The lion sleeps tonight..."

User avatar
On the moon? I am thinking that thought fell through the crack, for I am not understanding. But, I would like to try, the Global Warming Vodka, if you would be full of such kindness to pass the bottle . . .

Sometimes being in the center is not what it's cracked up to be.
Cracked up? Is that a reference to racist crackers, Comrade Red Square?! It does have such a nice ring to it.

User avatar
Red Square, I will not be the butt of your joke here! I was busy trying to locate the south polar ice cap (you can just catch a glimpse of it if you know where to look), and had just handed my telescope back to my Eskimo guide, Inookinook (he grinds his own telescope lenses--a regular optical Aleutian) when I tripped over a crack and noticed the position of the Great Rift Valley.

User avatar
Actually, the shorts hide the fact that it's Europe that's in the crack; that's why people from down there are called crackers. Africa is actually way down below, in the hole. That's why... ahem... I denounce shorts!


User avatar
Ivan Betinov wrote:I was busy trying to locate the south polar ice cap
Did you notice any unusual growth there, or was it all melting just like Al Gore said? He must have examined it a thousand times before exposing it to the Global Warming community.

Then he went to Africa, examined the caps of Kilimanjaro, and pulled his scientific data out of the Great Rift Valley, for which he received a Nobel. Why didn't I think of that?

User avatar
Clearly this map symbolizes the struggle to ummm it's a representation of ahhh... I think I need more time to study on this.

User avatar
Red Square, those are not shorts; those are rat chewed remains of shorts. This person must be in some distress, by the way she is aboding with her posterior showing so much of the crackers in Africa. This could be offensive to Africans in Africa and around the world and of specialty to Algore's African Cracker Gal Pal ™ .

User avatar
Monster_Fish_Congo.jpg
Wow, that map explains why Jeremy Wade spends so much time fishing monsters in the Congo River.

User avatar
Comrades, is there any way to get the booty-map w/o buying the book? I only ask because I already believe in comrade Gore, he is very correct with his global warming thoughts, no need for another book. Why does he question himself? There is NO DEBATE NECESSARY!

User avatar
Comrade F.A.R.C., do you not understand the needful need of monies for Comrade Algore Al Gore? It is part of Oboma redistribution of money's to the Collective. Mr. Algore Gore receives money and passes it along to those of us in the food lines. See how it works? So, I must DENOUNCE YOUR CHEAPNESS.

User avatar
^^My fault comrade Frauleinskies. One shouldn't get in the way of another comrade trying to exploit the capitalist system for their own gain. It's all for the greater good. I now support the new Gore-book.

User avatar
ah ha! I do love it when a fellow comradic 'sees the light' and supports my point of agenda. You have proved yourself worth of smartness. You win the Hammer and Popsicle Award, created and dedicated to and by Roman Polanski (a distant 3rd cousin of marriage)

Image

User avatar
I think Comrade F.A.R.C.-EP would be more appreciative of a free coupon for one (1) release of chakra. The application to be submitted in triplicate, filled out in #2 pencil, at General Mousey-Tongue's cathouse office.

User avatar
I thought the middle passage went horizontal.

User avatar
By the way Red, How'd you get Pinkie to pose for that picture? (ANIGTD)


User avatar
Ivan Betinov wrote: a regular optical Aleutian.
LMAO! is that Bob Hope? ANIGTD?

User avatar
Betinov--DRYGTD

Image WHACK!!!

I've heard sailing can be rough around the Cape of Good Hope due to shoals, but looking at that picture I don't know how. One might think that's the site of the Marianas Trench.


User avatar
For obvious reasons, I'll pass on anything from "down south".

User avatar
If she eats too many Cheetos, there will be global enlarging, and then what of the tectonic plates spreading further and further apart, and the resulting earthquakes?

User avatar
Very good point, Leninka. And what if there is natural gas exploration? Would that result in unexpected expulsions? Is her name San Andreas? I see similarities.


Image

User avatar
Leninka wrote:If she eats too many Cheetos, there will be global enlarging, and then what of the tectonic plates spreading further and further apart, and the resulting earthquakes?

I suddenly have a strange desire to invest my pittance in Nair. For the greater good, of course.

User avatar
Where would Comrade Gore place his South Pole? Just asking...

User avatar
Leninka, she to cause the earthquakes on if she to be Mooslime women who to be wearing such little clothing.

User avatar
Leninka - I guess that would be called Anthropogenic Global Swelling. Women and minorities will be hit hardest.

Quick! We must do something before it's too late - create a government program of some sort... But which one? There's no time to think! All of them! Something going to stick!

If we fail to act NOW, this man-made swelling will surely be accompanied by massive continental drift and mountain formations, with the biggest and the most unfair landmass expansion will occur (fortunately) in the Motherland and (unfortunately) in North America, while Africa may disappear from view completely. And it will be all our fault! In what shape will this planet be in 10, 20, or 50 years from now? What will be left to our children to enjoy and explore? It's terrible to imagine.

And that's the inconvenient truth.

User avatar
Proletariat Peabody, an odd question, it would seem. The south pole must be place in the southern regions, should it not? Maybe something like this?

pole.jpg

User avatar
Frau, it to look like she to wear niqab over her... um... er.... delicate portion.

        Mystery item No. 1

User avatar
Fraulein Pulloskies,

I can always count on you to help me with my biological geographical weaknesses. Many thanks. Although I would request a larger, more glorious flag of the Motherland be waving from Comrade Gore's pole that is so firmly drilled into the glorious southlands. Otherwise, I will need much Global Warming Vodka in my doggy dish to wash away the memory of this geography lesson.

PPeabody

User avatar
Ivan Betinov wrote:Red Square, I will not be the butt of your joke here! I was busy trying to locate the south polar ice cap (you can just catch a glimpse of it if you know where to look), and had just handed my telescope back to my Eskimo guide, Inookinook (he grinds his own telescope lenses--a regular optical Aleutian) when I tripped over a crack and noticed the position of the Great Rift Valley.

Image
I am noticing that Comrade Betinov has an over abundance of humor...maybe a little too much humor. Time to spread it around comrade! Is there anyway we can force comrade Betinov to write my posts for me?

Image I almost laughed my earth off!

User avatar
Maksim:

ANIGTD = And Now I'm Going To Die

DRYGTD = Damn Right You're Going To Die

Pinkie and I have played this game often the we have reduced it to acronyms. I simply saw it as my place to step and take one for the Collective before some other prole made the connection. A bit of a bum's rush on my part, I suppose, but for the love of the Party I am always willing to turn the other cheek, assume the position and shout "Thank you Commisarka! May I have another?"

As far as Comrade Gore making it to the South Pole, it is my understanding that his most recent expedition was turned back by an unexpected cold wave at the Ross Ice Shelf.


User avatar
Actually here's the centerfold from Al Gore's book. It's the map he has been studying when he came up with the idea to write "Earth in the Balance: Ecology and the Human Spirit."

Butt_Map.jpg
The proliferation of such maps alone suggests a broad scientific consensus.


 
POST REPLY