Commissarka Pinkie Investigates Vodka Rations

It started with an email tip from an alert worker Chris Brown: Vodka gifts from Putin's party to lure voters: "Russia's ruling party is trying to lure voters in upcoming elections with free bottles of vodka and other gifts, campaigners from two non-governmental groups said in Moscow on Wednesday." To be sure, our own Commisarka Pinkie volunteered to investigate...

~
... but all she could remember afterwards was a vodka-induced dream about her wedding to a young Mikhail Kalashnikov (right). Sister Massively Opiated was the determined bridesmaid (left) with the biggest glass. Happy Chairman Punchenko (in the background) was picking everyone's pockets and other clothing accessories for non-volunteer campaign donations, as the voters' attention was focused on utilizing their vodka rations.

Vodka distributed to voters was probably Putinka - represented here in three bottle sizes, rationed to each according to their equal rank in the Party hierarchy.

Somewhere in the middle of the dream Commissarka Pinkie vividly saw three Motherland's classics - Dostoyevsky, Tolstoy, and Pushkin - killing the last bottle of Putinka as they lip-synched I wanna Be A Paperback Writer, a famous tune written by Vladimir Putin (who is known to have composed many widely popular tunes in the repertoire of world's favorite classics, from Tchaikovsky to Elvis Presley).

All she remembers from the wedding night was free HBO at the dacha...

In the morning the clouds parted and the newlyweds were visited by Putin himself. Kalashnikov immediately merged with the background and became invisible (a secret of his longevity and survival), while Putin laid the table with the map of the Motherland and treated Pinkie to more Putinka.

Putin himself didn't drink vodka but inhaled it through the nose. As his mood somewhat improved, he told Pinkie about his meeting with George W. Bush, which caused her to experience another quick HBO.

Wherever Putin went, he was followed by a group of zealous apparatchiks:

A pleasant dream, however, quickly turned into a nightmare as Pinkie suddenly saw clearly through her empty glass that two bottles of Putinka placed together spell "KAPUT." That's when she passed out - or, as some postmodernist philosophers like to call it, woke up.

PUTINKA-PUTINKA...

 

And the nightmare did not end there, comrades, it was only beginning.  For when I stumbled out of bed, I saw "V-DAY IS HERE" scrawled across the bedroom mirror in lipstick (or maybe it was cooked beets mashed up into a very fine paste).  I staggered into the bathroom, and who do you think I was stunned to find in the shower?

Someone I thought had been dead since the end of last season.  Or maybe he'd been purged, or at least declared a non-person.  I'm not sure--all I know is I was wearing HIS pajama tops!  (They certainly weren't mine--I wouldn't be caught dead, purged, or even as a non-person wearing Jar-Jar Binks PJ's.)    

But he most certainly was not Putin or Kalashnikov!
 

Pinkie, Pinkie, Pinkie...where did the Party go wrong when it raised you?  Waking up wearing Ja-jar Binks pajamas.  What will the neighbors think?

As you may have noticed, I live in a jar (but not a Jar-jar; just a jar) so I just didn't get the cryptic reference to V-DAY...just who was washing away the night when you woke up?
 

I just... I'm uh, I'm at a loss for words. I feel so betrayed. Pinkie said that, after her husband dumped her, I would be her one and only. (Not that I promised the same thing in return but....)

No I have come here to read of her vodka soaked frolicking with Mikhail, Czar Vladimir I, and some disgraced, apparently dead non-person who wears Jar Jar Binks pajamas! Worst of all, my vodka rations are still coming from the US (admittedly from San Francisco, which is probably MORE Communist than Russia at this point) while I discover that some more favored members of our little collective get actual Russian vodka.

Needless to say, my whiney anger and petulant sense of disenfranchisement have reached near Kosian levels. There's only one thing to do in a case like this.







Blame Bush!
Oh, and Global Warming. And "the system". And society. And Cheney. And God (even though He isn't real).

And white elite privilege.

And the right wing media.

And the Democratic Leadership Council. (that's supposed to make you think I'm unbiased)

And suburban Evangelical soccer mommies with W stickers on the bumpers of their gas-guzzling SUVs.

And did I mention Bush?
Damn you Bush, you've ruined my life AGAIN!
 

AHHHHH Damn it! To add insult to injury, I'm out of vodka. How am I supposed to drink my sorrows away without vodka? Have you ever tried drinking triple sec or dry vermouth without vodka? BLECH!

Again, this all Bush's fault! Thanks to Mr. Hitler-reincarnate, I can't even get drunk to drown my sorrows over HIM destroying my illicit affair beautiful friendship with a beloved comrade.

Some might say "Well M, you should've stopped at the liquor store and bought a bottle of vodka. You knew you were out and it was right on your way home."

HA! This is not my fault! Bush's evil policies deny me my RIGHT to my vodka ration.

*finds one last beer in the 'fridge, sips it inconsolably.
 

What a horrible night it must have been.  I guess you have no choice but to give up drinking and donating all your vodka to me for re-distribution (at severely inflated prices).
 

Commissarka Pinkie

And the nightmare did not end there, comrades, it was only beginning. For when I stumbled out of bed, I saw "V-DAY IS HERE" scrawled across the bedroom mirror in lipstick (or maybe it was cooked beets mashed up into a very fine paste). I staggered into the bathroom, and who do you think I was stunned to find in the shower?

Someone I thought had been dead since the end of last season. Or maybe he'd been purged, or at least declared a non-person. I'm not sure--all I know is I was wearing HIS pajama tops! (They certainly weren't mine--I wouldn't be caught dead, purged, or even as a non-person wearing Jar-Jar Binks PJ's.)

But he most certainly was not Putin or Kalashnikov!

Someone lurking in your shower? Let me guess... was it

Christian Bale?


Donnie Wahlberg?


Or Anthony Perkins?

 

COMMISSARKA PINKIE

Quote:

Putin himself didn't drink vodka but inhaled it through the nose.

The reason Vladimir sucked Vodka through his nose is to eliminate the ever intrusive nose hairs that seem to proliferate us Russians.   The nose hair is know doubt to keep the chilling freeze of winter from entering our brain (not Ivan as his brain is already pickled).  

It is well he did not light it afterwards!
 

Pinkie,

Is this the guy lurking in your shower?

http://www.starpulse.com/Notables/Gore, ... GG-016524/

Pink Face too much Vodka weird Pajamas?
 

Comrad Bubalasky

Pinkie,

Is this the guy lurking in your shower?

http://www.starpulse.com/Notables/Gore, ... GG-016524/

Pink Face to much Vodka weird Pajamas?

AHhh!  SCARY!
 

Commissarka Pinkie

And the nightmare did not end there, comrades, it was only beginning.  For when I stumbled out of bed, I saw "V-DAY IS HERE" scrawled across the bedroom mirror in lipstick (or maybe it was cooked beets mashed up into a very fine paste).  I staggered into the bathroom, and who do you think I was stunned to find in the shower?
Someone I thought had been dead since the end of last season.  Or maybe he'd been purged, or at least declared a non-person.  I'm not sure--all I know is I was wearing HIS pajama tops!  (They certainly weren't mine--I wouldn't be caught dead, purged, or even as a non-person wearing Jar-Jar Binks PJ's.)    
But he most certainly was not Putin or Kalashnikov!

Ivan Betinov

Pinkie, Pinkie, Pinkie...where did the Party go wrong when it raised you?  Waking up wearing Ja-jar Binks pajamas.  What will the neighbors think?
As you may have noticed, I live in a jar (but not a Jar-jar; just a jar) so I just didn't get the cryptic reference to V-DAY...just who was washing away the night when you woke up?

Now Sister is even more confused than usual... I thought Pinkie was the Commissarka OF Vodka... I was looking forward to working closely with her on the Vodkamentary, which needs only to be properly edited... particularly as winter is fast approaching in Kanadistan, which means that so are the Ice Bears and Michael Moore (and as we cannot be shooting Ice Bears... well... I've got several chest freezers reserved for a special guest who thinks all Kanadistanjians should leave their front doors unlocked... as well as some really great recipes... for meals for the Ice Bears, of course!)...

Oh... but I forget we have many new members who may not be aware of the whole Ice Bear/Vodka controversy, or the Global Warming/Vodkamentary Thread (if one reads far enough - it is not a long way from the beginning of the thread - one may see that to which I am referring)... Sometimes older truths can have implications for Current Truths (and sometimes not at all)... but in this instance I promise that it will all become clear and we will once again have reason to trust - though not Right Wing Christian Bigots... sometimes we are not always aware of each other's 'assignments' as we do not necessarily 'need to know' and so confusion can occasionally ensue - I believe this is what may have happened... therefore it is always best to look to the past truth for information that might explain our Current Truth (unless we are told not to by Glorious Red, of course)... but in the mean time, I think it will go a long way to explaining Commissarka Pinkie's actions.  I believe they are in line with Party wisdom and that she may only be bringing herself 'up to speed' in relation to finishing a very important project that Sister has let slip for far too long, given her sometimes questionable health... I would certainly not wish for Commissarka Pinkie or her reputation to suffer as a result of Sister's failings...

In the mean time, let the Commissarka do her job - please... the approach of winter and of Michael Moore is no time for divisiveness in the Party...
SMO - who is very much looking forward to collaborating with Commissarka Pinkie on this long-delayed project.  I only hope that I can meet her obviously fair and equal standards which she has proven are neither too high nor too low, but as Red Square would say of the littlest Ice Bear's gruel, "just right".
 

Commissarka Pinkie

I staggered into the bathroom, and who do you think I was stunned to find in the shower?

...the CIA assassin sent to kill Clouseau in Munich?  He ended up in a tub.
 

... was the tub full of ice and did he have a cell phone and a note that read, "call 911 immediately... we have taken your kidneys"... ?

... I hate when that happens...
 

Ivan Betinov

Pinkie, Pinkie, Pinkie...where did the Party go wrong when it raised you?  Waking up wearing Ja-jar Binks pajamas.  What will the neighbors think?

As you may have noticed, I live in a jar (but not a Jar-jar; just a jar) so I just didn't get the cryptic reference to V-DAY...just who was washing away the night when you woke up?


Excuse me, Comrade Betinov, but you say the Party went WHERE with me?  Would you like to repeat that a little louder, so we can all hear you?  

Methinks you've popped the freshness button on your jar lid.  That, or your jar has a crack in it.  The Party NEVER goes wrong!

And as for you, Commissar M--you with your smooth line of sweet talk and empty promises.  Always bragging about your bigger shovel.  Don't you know, it's not the size of the shovel that counts, but how fast and deep you can dig with it!  

SMO:  Do you see how all six of the guys who have posted here are piling on me?

P.S. V-Day Source And if Commissar M had really cared about me, he would've known this and told Comrade Jarhead.  Instead M only ever wanted to watch Showgirls.
 

Not to worry, Commissarka... I've been stitching up some lovely pink gingham curtains with lace in my spare time... the time of reckoning is coming... and the batteries on the camera are all charged up... We do not have to be cruel or mean, nor must be 'establish dominance'... only respekt!... It cannot be about winning and losing... Only Equality Under the Cube!!!... and we will be Equal... very very very very Equal...

... also I'm working on some alternate lyrics for "Don't Cry for me Argentina" for the soundtrack to our little Equality Endeavour... Javier is helping me with my Spanish, as he is loyal to his Dolphin Queen, and Argentine to boot... A good man (who'll love a Dolphin) is hard to find... heheheheh...

Okay... off to make dinner (it's the least can do... Paella! I had some lovely left over chorizo from an "asado" the other night...)...
Ole! Ciao ciao!... and more later...
SMO

ps... maybe I'll go a little overboard and make some Dulce de Leche crepes with Helado de Vainilla for dessert... (I've probably spelled that wrong - the vanilla, but I don't have time to check... )
 

Wait.  I got it.  This must be the guy lurking in the bathtub.

 

Commissarka Pinkie

And as for you, Commissar M--you with your smooth line of sweet talk and empty promises.  Always bragging about your bigger shovel.  Don't you know, it's not the size of the shovel that counts, but how fast and deep you can dig with it!

:( But after TWO FREAKIN' HOURS comrade, I needed a break! In the name of Lenin woman, you are absolutely insatiable.  

And I'm really sorry about the empty promises. If we can just put this all behind us, I promise that will never happen again. *AHEM*

Quote:

P.S. V-Day Source And if Commissar M had really cared about me, he would've known this and told Comrade Jarhead.  Instead M only ever wanted to watch Showgirls.
But it was the closest thing I had to a "date movie" in the DVD library. Remember that the other choices were Kelly's Heroes, Life Of Brian, and the complete first season of Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex. Not even any good, Party-approved fare like The Motorcycle Diaries or The Way We Were.
 

P.S. My weekly vodka ration arrived today and it wasn't the usual stuff in the blue bottle but instead:

Staraya Moskva

Apparently, Bush only succeeded in delaying the shipment.

(sniffles and wipes away a single tear) Thank you comrades, (sniffle) thank you!
 

Commissar M

... it was the closest thing I had to a "date movie" in the DVD library. Remember that the other choices were Kelly's Heroes, Life Of Brian, and the complete first season of Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex. Not even any good, Party-approved fare like The Motorcycle Diaries or The Way We Were.

Not even "Inconvenient Truth" or "Fahrenheit 911"?  Those are such romantic party favorites.
 

So that's it. Vodka is how all you breeders do it. I knew there had to be a trick. But wait. My mother didn't drink and Dad had a few beers, could there be something unorthodox? Or is it perhaps a genotype that Russians only procreate with vodka? What happened to proto Russians before vodka? Did they in fact breed?  

Or was there actually breeding going on, or was it breeding on the lines of a five-year plan? You know, we all get together and have a lot of, well, vodka, and talk a lot and make a lot of big promises and next year, or next month, we all do it again, and nothing really happens. In other words, is Commie sex as effective as Commie economics?

Pinkie, was it good for you?
 

Ugh, for the love of Stalin! How many times have we told you, Theocritus? Hmm? How many times? Well, I'll tell you again... WE DON'T BREED, WE ABORT! Party members are FORBIDDEN from starting families and must exercise CHOICE every chance they get!

Until we achieve the Progressive World of Next Tuesday™ (which will come next Tuesday as promised, mind you), then and only then will "breeding" resume since the newly created Motherland will need more idiots to plow her fields for the Common Good™. The Motherland will also require you to breed as well, Theocritus. The Party needs future generations of slingers of abuse and arbiters of all things nasty, repulsive, larcenous, libelous and mendacious - not to mention my children will need help from your children in the proper acquisition techniques of fairly obtaining Other People's Money.
 

Commissar Theocritus

So that's it. Vodka is how all you breeders do it. I knew there had to be a trick. But wait. My mother didn't drink and Dad had a few beers, could there be something unorthodox? Or is it perhaps a genotype that Russians only procreate with vodka? What happened to proto Russians before vodka? Did they in fact breed?  

Or was there actually breeding going on, or was it breeding on the lines of a five-year plan? You know, we all get together and have a lot of, well, vodka, and talk a lot and make a lot of big promises and next year, or next month, we all do it again, and nothing really happens. In other words, is Commie sex as effective as Commie economics?

Pinkie, was it good for you?

Sex for the Motherland!!!!
From each according to his abundance to each according to her desire (or some such nonsense; didn't Jesus say this?)
 

Commissar Theocritus

So that's it. Vodka is how all you breeders do it. I knew there had to be a trick. But wait. My mother didn't drink and Dad had a few beers, could there be something unorthodox? Or is it perhaps a genotype that Russians only procreate with vodka? What happened to proto Russians before vodka? Did they in fact breed?  

Or was there actually breeding going on, or was it breeding on the lines of a five-year plan? You know, we all get together and have a lot of, well, vodka, and talk a lot and make a lot of big promises and next year, or next month, we all do it again, and nothing really happens. In other words, is Commie sex as effective as Commie economics?

Pinkie, was it good for you?

Like Chairman Meow suggested, there isn't any actual "breeding" occuring. Just Progressive drunken debauchery.

As far as the effectiveness of Commie economics or sex, I will defer to the words of countless true believers on countless websites and blogs.

"You cannot consider Communism to be a failure because true Communism has never been achieved."

Yep, the good old failsafe fall back argument is still alive and well. (And probably fueled by vodka and The People's Leaf™.)


Oh, and I can't speak for other breeders but for me, sex came several years before vodka. ;)
 

AbecedariusRex

Not even "Inconvenient Truth" or "Fahrenheit 911"?  Those are such romantic party favorites.

Nope, doesn't work. I don't think that even Purple-haired Topless Protester Girl could get in the mood after watching those. Not even with help from a 1.5 mil bottle vodka AND the Hildo 5000.

On the other hand, sappy, cute kid's movies that they've loved since childhood are shockingly effective!

(On that last point, I propose a study of the phenomenon be considered by the People Institute For WTF? Studies.)
 

Our Incarnate Hexahedron

...Kalashnikov immediately merged with the background and became invisible (a secret of his longevity and survival)...

...Yet is always with you, like your shadow in the mid-day sun...

-Mikhail

P.S.: Commissar M, if I see another horrid, distasteful smiley I'm going to break out my new AK-9 assault rifle. Capisci?
 

By Commissar M

Quote:

"Oh, and I can't speak for other breeders but for me, sex came several years before vodka."
 
Mr. M

I too had sex starting young at 10 years old, too young for Vodka, I brought women into the picture at around 16, still too young for Vodka, then with my fake ID at 18 Vodka played an important role in my sexual development.  Now, Hot Commie Babes Rock!

Note to self:  There is not enough Vodka in the Motherland to make me have sex with Rosie or Hildo!
 

OK, guys, enough of the stories about your "first time." We're supposed to be talking about me, me, ME, my traumatic experience on behalf of The Party, and who was in the shower.

It's someone I can't help thinking had been "written out" at the end of last season, and has come back perhaps because this is November--ergo it is "sweeps month"; and Red Square threw in this shocking twist to bring in more viewers and get more money from his advertisers--or however that's supposed to work.  

The person (or non-person?) may have had plastic surgery to alter his looks--a common, or should I say, cliched trick in these situations.  

But one (or perhaps two) things I'm starting to understand quite clearly:  Why I might have dreamed of marrying Mikhail while in reality going sour on M.

It's those emoticons!  I agree, Mikhail, users of emoticons should be shot on sight!  This is one of the few forums where I don't see the damned things everywhere I look.  There's no emoticon that can begin to express how annoyed I look, and murderous I feel, when I see one of those things.

Not to mention they're like, so-oo gurly!  SMO should put M to work stitching ruffles to the gingham curtains.    

I will have to add these details to my personal ad:  Must hate emoticons, must be able to stay awake for Rock Hudson/Doris Day movies.        

And must be able to dig for more than two freakin' hours.
 

Quote:

Excuse me, Comrade Betinov, but you say the Party went WHERE with me?  Would you like to repeat that a little louder, so we can all hear you?  

Methinks you've popped the freshness button on your jar lid.  That, or your jar has a crack in it.  The Party NEVER goes wrong!


Ah, I see the problem...pronoun trouble.  True the Party cannot be at fault and never does anything wrong; I stand admonished, corrected and contrite.  But the fact remains that you were wearing at least part of a set of Jar-jar Jammies, so allow me to rephrase my originally rhetorical question:  Pinkie, Pinkie Pinkie....where did YOU go wrong with how the Party raised you?  How can one be taken seriously as a Vanguard of the People in a set of Star Wars sleeping gear?  We might as well dye our hair purple and rip off our shirts in public...uh...might as well bang on buckets like a four-year-old having a tantru...er...dress up like giant puppe...well, it just isn't dignified.
 

Commissarka Pinkie

Quote:

We're supposed to be talking about me, me, ME, my traumatic experience on behalf of The Party, and who was in the shower.

Perhaps an early morning adventure, with Commissar Pupovich, in the cow pastures might help your recollection...
 

But the emoticons aren't my fault! Some clever hacker, employeed by cousin S.S., under orders from Bush, has implanted a random smiley generator into the code for my account. :) They are trying to turn us against each other.


Damn you BUUUUSH!
:o ;) :(

*Grabs PKM and ducks as Mikhail opens up and empties a 30 round mag at me.


Damn it, where did this pink gingham ammo box cozy come from?
 

Ivan Betinov

Ah, I see the problem...pronoun trouble.  True the Party cannot be at fault and never does anything wrong; I stand admonished, corrected and contrite.  But the fact remains that you were wearing at least part of a set of Jar-jar Jammies, so allow me to rephrase my originally rhetorical question:  Pinkie, Pinkie Pinkie....where did YOU go wrong with how the Party raised you?  How can one be taken seriously as a Vanguard of the People in a set of Star Wars sleeping gear?  We might as well dye our hair purple and rip off our shirts in public...uh...might as well bang on buckets like a four-year-old having a tantru...er...dress up like giant puppe...well, it just isn't dignified.

How dare you gang up and pile on me like this!  How dare you try to play "gotcha" with me!  How dare you ask me such a breathtakingly misleading question, when I can't possibly know what you're talking about!  And in the meantime, I don't see you hardballing anyone else here at all!  Why, because they're all men?

Commissar M:  Indeed, I can't help wondering if some of Pupovich's "bullshrooms" might have been served with the Putinka.
 

Commissar M

Damn it, where did this pink gingham ammo box cozy come from?

Right next to your rifle...

OK, I'm through screwin' around... GET 'IM GIRLS!!

And I've got backups.

-Mikhail

P.S.: Somebody remind these girls to keep their booger hook off the bang switch.
 

Mmmm....Gang up...pile on...bang switch...
 

Commissarka Pinkie

The person (or non-person?) may have had plastic surgery to alter his looks--a common, or should I say, cliched trick in these situations.  



Plastic surgery?  OK.  I'm stumped.  Was it

Heath Ledger?


Tony Bennet?


or
John Edwards?

 

Holy crap, bikini girls with guns! You made my day, Mikhail.


/off character/
Yep, I also have a problem with the frequent "finger on trigger" poses in this genre. Maybe I'm being nitpicky but unsafe handling of firearms just isn't sexy.
 

Mikhail T. Kalashnikov

OK, I'm through screwin' around... GET 'IM GIRLS!!

And I've got backups.



Yeah?  Well, I'm calling out the mobile bunny slipper brigade



The Burka brigade






The Hello Kitty heavy armament



And Nancy Pelosi with a bullwhip!



So if you need to hide...


 

I need some of that new cammo.  It's the perfect thing when one's parents are trying to get them to do chores!
 

Hard pressed on my right.
My center is yielding.
Impossible to maneuver.
Situation excellent.
I am attacking.
 

It was John Kerry!!!!

I have a pick of him in his body condom crawling out of zee biscuit

 

AbecedariusRex wrote

Quote:

And Nancy Pelosi with a bullwhip!

I knew I have seen her somewhere? Oh yea.. The Mitchell Brothers O'Farrell Theatre in San Francisco.  I didn't recognize her with short hair.  Although the pink is familiar.
 

AbecedariusRex

Good to see the "don't ask don't tell" policy is working for the Amerikkkan Military.

Beezb
 

My Goodness,

I disappear for 14 hours and come back to find Hello Kitty and My Little Pony AK's (and the pink camo is profoundly disturbing... it's like some weird cultural-misfire brought on by a volley of Japanese gomi meets Old Navy marketing hackage that happened to tangle somewhere over the south China sea... the only thing missing is friendship bracelets)... an horribly misused copy of one of the world's great paintings, The Death of Marat (I'm frankly surprised I didn't find The Raft of the Medusah, given all the backbiting that seems to be going on around here)... talk of beginning one's adulthoood too early... pictures which should have been in Iran's Next Top Martyr thread... .... ... AbecedariusRex, please don't take this the wrong way, but who in all that is full of holes upholstered that couch?  (I take full responsibility for the Pelosi/bullwhip picture... I did wrestle with myself over whether it was a good idea to post it or not, and clearly, I misjudged but it was in an entirely different thread!).... The three chicks who live in the unit below me and make up the remnants of the Toronto North Zena Warrior Princess Fan Club... Heath in a goofy Halloweeny Costume (yes... it's Heath...)...

I AM pleased to find that another geometer has taken up the mantle of bestowing upon our Illustrious Red Square yet more shapely sobriquets of honourary hue.... But Kalashnikov can always be counted upon...

Brain in jar (not to mention Moose and Squirrel) however, disappoints... seems to be waiting for opportune time to 'gang up'... cause discord (how quickly one forgets how difficult it is to 'run away' when one is lacking in little glass legs to go with little glass jar... and there's that space in 'jam cupboard' that is so often forgotten... where things sit and collect dust for... my.... years sometimes... before they are found and discarded because they have sat too long... and for some reason (perhaps he is detoxing) Dr. P has not made himself available to 'keep it real' in Vodka Investigation thread... I am most disappointed... most disappointed at everyone's behaviour... is not welcoming or friendly and couch upholstery is terribly bourgoise (again... I'm sorry AR)... So all in all, I am disappointed... too much ganging up!  Young commissars must be learning their manners (even if they do come up with good geometric synonyms!)... and if they have nothing nice to add then they should be busy polishing their jars in case her HIghness should pass by and see that their jar is dirty!!!... and those with more experience should be keeping eye on younger commissars and teaching youngers proper behaviour toward one of their compatriots in that compatriots own thread, rather than joining in poor behaviour... should be giving a few time outs, I think, even if it is generally not in one's nature to even give one's self a time out (or one's appliance, for that matter... I think you two  commissars know who you are)... really... I am most disappointed... most disappointed... and when sister has such a bad headache too... honestly... a little discipline and decorum, young commissars!  

Now all of you apologize to Commissarka Pinkie... or I will be adding extra starch to all your onesies... .. .. yours too, Brain-in-Jar!... and of you don't smarten up, no story and no cocoa and peppermint schnappes before bedtime!

Such BAD Commissars!
If I wanted children, I would be downstairs trying to teach The Three Zena's how to read and write (and do up buttons... is little secret, but they don't dress like that because they 'like it'... is cold here... they are just to stupid to figure out zippers, and none of them have ever had anything but velcro fasteners on their running shoes... is most sad... have any of you ever seen what happens to silicon implants in -45C weather?... is not at all pretty)...
 

Indeed, if this keeps up it'll become The Girls' Cube, while Red Square will change his name to Pink Heart.  Soon the guys will be talking about their feelings and asking each other if their commissar caps (or jar lids, as the case may be) don't make their butts look big.  

(Can't wait to see which of them gets accused of "stuffing." Ah, to be in middle school again!)

As for the (non) person in the shower, I'm beginning to suspect that any plastic surgery they underwent was not necessarily confined to the face, if you know what I mean.
 

Mikhail T. Kalashnikov

P.S.: Somebody remind these girls to keep their booger hook off the bang switch.

Komradicals

Seriously, all this talk of guns is making me nervous. Aren't we progressives meant to hate guns? I know I do. Guns kill people. All by themselves. As leader of the Stray-yan Greens  the only way we condone guns is in the following circumstances:



This poor little endangered critter was later killed by an evil Zionist Israeli missile.
 

Yes, We hate that WE do not control all the guns.
 

Sister Massively Opiated

My Goodness,

I disappear for 14 hours and come back to find Hello Kitty and My Little Pony AK's...

Now all of you apologize to Commissarka Pinkie... or I will be adding extra starch to all your onesies... .. .. yours too, Brain-in-Jar!... and of you don't smarten up, no story and no cocoa and peppermint schnappes before bedtime!

Such BAD Commissars!


But the Commissars are The Party, and The Party cannot apologise when it is never wrong. There must be another solution.

What is more concerning, SMO, is that you are admitting to having 14 HOURS OFF.
 

Sister Massively Opiated

...Now all of you apologize to Commissarka Pinkie...

You are absolutely right, as always, SMO. Not only is an apology owed to the Commissarka, but to my most respected colleagues as well.

I, Mikhail T. Kalashnikov, express my regret about this incident and will take measures to insure that such incidents do not blow our relationship off course. Any breach of relations would be undesirable, and even undignified. I renounce my actions which may have led others to do mischief and harm to the workers, to the collective farmers, to the regime, and to the Party™. Only together, with increased vigilance can we fulfill the Party's™ plan for a workers' paradise.

Let me conclude with a quotation for our beloved sisters of the revolution:

Karl Marx

Anyone who knows anything of history knows that great social changes are impossible without feminine upheaval. Social progress can be measured exactly by the social position of the fair sex, the ugly ones included.

Thank you for your time.
-Mikhail
 

Sister Massively Opiated

My Goodness,

I disappear for 14 hours and come back to find Hello Kitty and My Little Pony AK's...

Now all of you apologize to Commissarka Pinkie... or I will be adding extra starch to all your onesies... .. .. yours too, Brain-in-Jar!... and of you don't smarten up, no story and no cocoa and peppermint schnappes before bedtime!

Such BAD Commissars!

Then Beezelboob Brown, thinking no one would notice him twisting her words around,

But the Commissars are The Party, and The Party cannot apologise when it is never wrong. There must be another solution.

What is more concerning, SMO, is that you are admitting to having 14 HOURS OFF.


What is even MORE concerning than THAT, is that you are misquoting SMO!  How dare you!  She didn't have 14 hours OFF.  She DISAPPEARED for 14 hours.  Big difference.  

Perhaps she imbibed the Putinka and Pupovich's bullshrooms as well.  

I smell a plot.  A gang-up.  A pile-on.  Who will confess all and/or risk the wrath of my shovel?
 

I want hello kitty rifle!
 

You go gurls! There are three of you now, you can surround them and round them up!

[url=http://libcom.org/library/international-womens-day-alexandra-kollontai]

KLICK ME![/url]
 

Well, crud.  I was hoping when I clicked on the link provided by Our Great Leader that I might see some "Hot Commie Hunks" for a change--guess I'll have to drink more Putinka and dream on for that!  

Very well, SMO, Tsarevna, Margaret--let's round 'em up and start the makeovers!
 

Ah yes, the poster commemorating that glorious triumph of Socialist Science, The Steam-Powered Prole.  Unfortunately the program had to be abandoned when it was discovered that sparks and hot gasses from the SPP's shoulder mounted smokestacks tended to set both banners and grain fields ablaze.
 

Very well then.

Commissarka Pinkie, my dearest of comrades, my first among equals, I humbly appologise for any wrong I was forced by Bush to cause you. The Party should always come first. I should not have aired our dirty laundry, I should not have used smilies :) , although that is really my cousin, $.$. Halliburton's fault. I should not have tried to sweet talk you, my beloved flower of Progress, nor made empty promises, which I promise never to do again.

Most of all, I shouldn't have made you watch Showgirls, which is utter bourgeios crap.

Being Progressive means never admitting that you were wrong but it was wrong that I let the right wing media (ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, PBS, etc.) drill Bush's message of hate and Imperialist conquest into my brain. I let this effect us and worst of all, this Glorious Collective. It is all Bush's fault but I hope that you can see past that. We have much work to do in securing the certain victory of our Beloved Empress and you still have to finish your report on Putinka vodka.

Forward to our Glorious Red November 2008!

Your's in Communism People's Progressive Democratic Centralism.

M.
 

Commissar M

As far as the effectiveness of Commie economics or sex, I will defer to the words of countless true believers on countless websites and blogs.

"You cannot consider Communism to be a failure because true Communism has never been achieved."

Yep, the good old failsafe fall back argument is still alive and well. (And probably fueled by vodka and The People's Leaf™.)

That is a seminal idea for a Cube story about a progressive professor explaining his failure as a partner in Marxist terms. "You cannot consider my sexual performance to be a failure because true performance has never been achieved." He can give a list of perfectly good reasons that prevented him from achieving his potential, #1 being, of course, George W. Bush.

He can also complain about the evil dog-eat-dog competition and about Hank, the guy for whom his woman left him - a COMPETITOR (!), describing him in capitalist terms - predicting that Hank, like capitalism, will have to reach his inherent limit of growth before collapse, when revolution will inevitably occur. The fact that he hasn't collapsed and continues to show good performance he will explain by Hank's globalization and capitalization of new erogenous areas and corporate monopolism, which only confirms his correct theory. He then predicts that Hank will come to end only after he has used all expansion room available, full globalization.

It can be a dryly written report about a professor of some branch of social studies organizing a protest in front of Hank's house with all sorts of slogans...

...when the ones on the top aren't capable, and the ones on the bottom aren't willing to go on, a revolution occurs...

And remember, comrades, that capitalism is the exploitation of man by man. Communism is the exact opposite.
 

Commissarka Pinkie

Very well, SMO, Tsarevna, Margaret--let's round 'em up and start the makeovers!

Hot Commie Hunk hallucinatin', Hello Kittie Kalishnikov round firin' pajama party at my place next weekend!  Pinkie, you bring  vodka.  SMO, you bring gloriously correct 45s to play on Close-n-Play.  Margaret...tell hot commie hunks we are having party and they can't come so they are sure to come and hang out bedroom window.

Damn...that won't work...they're reading this now!

Oh! I know! Margaret, do you have access to Hello Kittie Kalishnikov?
 

Commissarka Pinkie

Well, crud.  I was hoping when I clicked on the link provided by Our Great Leader that I might see some "Hot Commie Hunks" for a change--guess I'll have to drink more Putinka and dream on for that!
Here you go...





There's also Professor Palimpsest in his prime years...



But you're right in your observation that the mentions and visuals of "Hot Commie Babes" far outnumber the mentions and visuals of "Hot Commie Hunks" which are mostly limited to Rosie O'Donnel who, anatomically speaking, also falls under the category of "babes." The same can be said, I believe, of the second tier of "Mildly Hot Commie Hunks" which includes Al Gore, Al Franken, Mike Moore, and Che Guevoore.
 

You know, now I think I understand the real reason the US Army and Marine Corps abandoned this rifle.
 

Beezelbob Brown

Mikhail T. Kalashnikov

P.S.: Somebody remind these girls to keep their booger hook off the bang switch.
Komradicals
Seriously, all this talk of guns is making me nervous. Aren't we progressives meant to hate guns? I know I do. Guns kill people. All by themselves. As leader of the Stray-yan Greens  the only way we condone guns is in the following circumstances:

This poor little endangered critter was later killed by an evil Zionist Israeli missile.

Heeeeeeellllllllooooooo Kitty!


Dearest Tsarevna!
I do not have Hello Kitty rifle in armaments at the moment, though I may have a Picachu M-203 Stand Alone Grenade Launcher... wait about a week and I'll have a Rifle Mounted version in as well... They were 'out of style' for a while, but have become a bit 'retro chic', and to let you in on a little secret, around Thanksgiving, they'll be a hard item to come by as they are also reissuing the Tamagotchi Stinger as a packaged gift set!


I'm sorry the Hello Kitties are so far on backorder, but they're big in Burma right now... .. I'm sorry... "Mayanmar"... When it comes to the Picachu, if you are going to go for the rifle mount, I'd say the Steyr AUG .223 - as many know, Sister's fave as a sniper/launcher goes - lightweight, ambidextrous site, decent range, and it has that nice short stalk for the more feminine frame while sacrificing none of the 'calibre' that matters so much to the boys...

Now that that's dealt with, Little Commissars.
First of all, lets get one thing straight... groundhog was Nazi... Second, while you may not appreciate Zionists, at least they can target missiles... rodent probably shot itself, or was crushed by burning plastic upholstered couch tossed over Zahal Defense wall by roving gang of ex-Iranian interior decorators... and is not endangered... is rodent... the only endangered rodents around here are darling pointy progressive red hedge-children, and of course we keep them away from firearms... they are the Cube's future...

Really.... what is eveyone thinking?... I do not think Glorious Red One will be happy upon his return... and the threat about the starch was not at all an idle one... maybe a little chafing will teach you all some manners...
 

Democrats work out worse case Scenarios:
-Peace breaks out in Iraq and/or Middle East.
-Clinton Intern Strike
-Kennedy Vodka Ration Shortage.
-Victory over Islamic Terrorism (Edwards: I thought it was a bumper sticker.)
-Success of Capitalism.
-Increase self reliance.
-Mandatory Work.
 

Commissarka Pinkie

Indeed, if this keeps up it'll become The Girls' Cube, while Red Square will change his name to Pink Heart.  Soon the guys will be talking about their feelings and asking each other if their commissar caps (or jar lids, as the case may be) don't make their butts look big.  

Not true Commissarka Pinkie.  I, like most Inner Party members, have had my emotions revoked by the Party for The Greater Good.  No guilt, sympathy, or empathy as they are emotions that will hinder effective Party dominance.  Greed however has been kept, for as we are a collective greed no longer applies to the individual but to the collective.  IE if I am greedy for cash, chicks with guns in bikinis, or chicks in tight leather rolling around in piles of cash while they are brandishing .408 sniper rigs enticing me to join them.  Purring, "Come to us Comrade O'Brien, we need to show you our appreciation for the work you do".  And then I........wait wasn't I making a point here?
Ah yes, If I am greedy it benefits the collective for I am part of the collective and any greed that I may have to benefit me, by proxy benefits the collective.

I think I will go and reflect alone for a little bit.

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH
 

A motlier bunch of slack-jawed, knuckle-dragging troglodytes you won't see anywhere else--except, perhaps, in police line-ups and queues outside the door of my hovel every other Friday night.  

Comrades, one of the Y-chromosome carrying pods pictured below was standing in that shower when I emerged from my Putinka-induced haze.   One of these jokers owns a pair of pajamas with little pictures of Jar-Jar scattered all over them.  He put the top on me while I was hallucinating, keeping the bottoms for himself, no doubt to hide his shortcomings.  

I'd say his appearance has definitely been altered since the end of last season, and we are not meant to notice the change.  Yet we still stand around the water ditch the next morning, leaning on our shovels and griping about how we liked "the old Derwood" or whoever, much better.    






There's also Professor Palimpsest in his prime years...


 

Commissar M

Like Chairman Meow suggested, there isn't any actual "breeding" occuring. Just Progressive drunken debauchery.


And there is no one better at "Progressive Drunken Debauchery" than Chairman Meow! Trust me..... I know!

BTW Meow,

Uh... I have not heard from Comrade Gov. Kaine nor from Comrade Sen. Jim "Frogface" Webb (S-VA) in a long time (trust me, this is not a complaint). I do hope this means that you are over that brief affair you had with that border collie, Chelsea Clinton. Just think how much you are going to save on Milkbones!!! I hear tell she has moved to a new kennel in upstate NY. I wonder of that is true?

--
ZB
 

Commissarka Pinkie

I will have to add these details to my personal ad:  Must hate emoticons, must be able to stay awake for Rock Hudson/Doris Day movies. And must be able to dig for more than two freakin' hours.

Comrade Pinkie,

I am currently in Orlando, FL. [CENSORED BY PARTY SUPERVISORY BOARD].

I want to console you in time of need. Just know, I'm here for you.
 

[For Pinkie eyes only] -
those are the original Communists For Kerry you just called a motley "bunch of slack-jawed, knuckle-dragging troglodytes," including Comrade Red Eye who later changed his name to Red Square-Eye, or simply Red Square.

We may have been standing in queue outside the door of your hovel every other Friday night, but we do not have a full set of Jar-Jar pajamas, and although I may occasionally find myself standing in your shower in the morning, that is solely for the purpose of being there for you during your Putinka-induced dreams (the shower has a monitor connected to the hidden surveillance camera in the bedroom, to check on your REM in the mornings).

Why the shower? Our records show the shower is the least likely spot to be visited by you or any of your guests in the hovel, especially that since last year the bathtub had been filled with brine and pickles for zakuska to go with Putinka.

The Party strongly suggests you alter your Y-chromosome statement to something more palatable for the Party Organ, or it's no more Commissarka Pinkie for you. Citizenka Pinkie will be your name and it's back to the beat farm for you.
 

Zampolit Blokhayev

Comrade Pinkie,

I am currently in Orlando, FL. [CENSORED BY PARTY SUPERVISORY BOARD].

I want to console you in time of need. Just know, I'm here for you.
Comrade Zampolit,

Until Pikie's Party status is clarified, any requests for direct contact must be processed by the Party Advisory Board and decided collectively at a General Meeting, during which you must present proof of your "need to meet" Comrade Pinkie.
 

Sounds like a job for the Committee for State Security....
 

Red Square

[For Pinkie eyes only] -
those are the original Communists For Kerry you just called a motley "bunch of slack-jawed, knuckle-dragging troglodytes," including Comrade Red Eye who later changed his name to Red Square-Eye, or simply Red Square.

We may have been standing in queue outside the door of your hovel every other Friday night, but we do not have a full set of Jar-Jar pajamas, and although I may occasionally find myself standing in your shower in the morning, that is solely for the purpose of being there for you during your Putinka-induced dreams (the shower has a monitor connected to the hidden surveillance camera in the bedroom, to check on your REM in the mornings).

Why the shower? Our records show the shower is the least likely spot to be visited by you or any of your guests in the hovel, especially that since last year the bathtub had been filled with brine and pickles for zakuska to go with Putinka.

The Party strongly suggests you alter your Y-chromosome statement to something more palatable for the Party Organ, or it's no more Commissarka Pinkie for you. Citizenka Pinkie will be your name and it's back to the beat farm for you.

Great Wonderful Leader, Whose Favor I Am Always Out To Curry:  

I hereby retract the statements in my previous post, particularly the one about the Y chromosome.  I agree that none of the members of CFK possess a full set of Jar-Jar jammies at this time.

I attribute my behavior to the following:  

1.  George W. Bush

2.  Dick Cheney

3.  The Putinka

4.  Commissar Pupovich's "bullshrooms."

5.  George W. Bush

6.  Comrade Betinov asking me questions I was in no way prepared for and had no time to study, in part because I was helping out at Empress Hillary's birthday bash last week. (I was in charge of ladling out the Kool-Aid.)

7.  Commissar M subjecting me to an endless barrage of emoticons and countless viewings of Showgirls.  

8.  The Vast Right Wing Conspiracy.

9.  Worry about where the cute baby polar bears will live if we don't do something to stop Global Warming NOW.

10.  George W. Bush.

I would also like to take this opportunity to remind the great and good Comrade Red Square, from whom all benevolence flows, that I have an Awareness Ribbon, Givestrong Wristband, and Support Magnet on the back of my beet cart.  That means I care.  And my heart is in the right place.  And that despite all my other faults, I trust I am at least correct on all the issues.  

<sniff> Oh please have mercy on me!  Bush made me do it!  I can't think straight anymore because of his lies and all that he's doing!  Damn him!  Oh damn his--ohh . . . ooh!  I think I feel HB . . . OHHHH!!!
 

Red Square

Zampolit Blokhayev

Comrade Pinkie,

I am currently in Orlando, FL. [CENSORED BY PARTY SUPERVISORY BOARD].

I want to console you in time of need. Just know, I'm here for you.
Comrade Zampolit,

Until Pinkie's Party status is clarified, any requests for direct contact must be processed by the Party Advisory Board and decided collectively at a General Meeting, during which you must present proof of your "need to meet" Comrade Pinkie.


Great Leader and dearest comrade!!! As a loyal and faithful member of The Party™ I am gladly willing to provide the Party Advisory Board™ with whatever they need to ensure that I am an honorable member of both The Party™ and the Inner Circle™. In the bunker, I have left my telephone number (in case of any emergencies that may arise within the Central Committee™). I will also provide my Socialist Security Card number and a picture of my PCVA Drivers Harassment Card (formerly called a driver's license) to the board, upon request.  :-)

Florida has made great strides towards becoming a Socialist state. One of their most recent victories in the name of Socialism was passing legislation to raise real estate property taxes. But there is much, much more that needs to be done to make FL the worker's paradise as has been done in the PCVA.

I will be returning to the PCVA Friday morning.

--
ZB
"Keeping the dream of a Marxist/Leninist America Alive!!!"
     -- an old CPUSA Party Meeting theme.
 

Comrade Blokhayev wrote:

Quote:

Florida has made great strides towards becoming a Socialist state. One of their most recent victories in the name of Socialism was passing legislation to raise real estate property taxes. But there is much, much more that needs to be done to make FL the worker's paradise as has been done in the PCVA.

I too live in the Socialist State of Florida and their recent Victory of raising property taxes encouraged the cities to raise and create even more taxes....such as assessment fees, sewer fees, rain water run off fees etc... so they didn’t have to reduce services!!  These services, as you are aware, are to help the Children, without tomato paste lunches (ie. Catsup <meow>) the obese non-functioning Neolithic’s, addicted to Retalin (soon to be Vodka), would have nothing to dip their fries into.  No the real curse of Florida is the self indulged ARP’S following in Pinkies footsteps its about me..me...ME!!! And;  Florida is the workers paradise? Low wages, long work days, and generally a Kracker mentality!  This Kracker mentality is a direct result of the NTA and really poor breading habits.  If we are too create a superior being we must stop lusting over our cousins!  Of course stupid is good for our cause... look at the current leadership.... This ain’t the first Rodeo I’ve been to!!!! YEEEHAAA!
 

Commissarka Pinkie

Then Beezelboob Brown, thinking no one would notice him twisting her words around,

But the Commissars are The Party, and The Party cannot apologise when it is never wrong. There must be another solution.
What is more concerning, SMO, is that you are admitting to having 14 HOURS OFF.
What is even MORE concerning than THAT, is that you are misquoting SMO!  How dare you!  She didn't have 14 hours OFF.  She DISAPPEARED for 14 hours.  Big difference.  
Perhaps she imbibed the Putinka and Pupovich's bullshrooms as well.  
I smell a plot.  A gang-up.  A pile-on.  Who will confess all and/or risk the wrath of my shovel?

Thank you Commissarka Pinkie.  I appreciate your defense of Sister's honour...

As for you, Beelzeboob... Boozleboob... Beezel...whatever Brownshirt... as you have no idea WHAT I was off doing for 14 hours, is not your place to comment or draw attention... was off having big needle stuck in spine so they could take sample of spinal chord juice (is guava!)... should have taken you with me... was lots of fun.... you want invitation next time?  I share my IV with you... but then guns make you nervous and you admit to hating them because you are a ProgreZZive.... I'm not so sure what you would make of big MOFO needle being stuck in your spinal column... at least Sister has backbone, even if there was big syringe sucking stuff out of it while you were causing discord in our home...

All the best,
Sister Massively Opiated
 

What, I only rated SIXTH on Pinkie's list of annoyances that contributed to her now retracted statement?  I simply must work harder at being an annoying little twit.  Meh.  At least I ranked above "Showgirls."
 

That's the spirit, SMO! Spoken as a true Bolshevik from the original cast.



However, recent new studieshave shown that women's health problems and occasional outbursts are caused by social factors, everything else being a conspiracy by the doctors and pharmaceutical companies to make money.

In other words, to be healthy and outburst-free we must change the social environment. And if we can't find a way to change it we must find the guilty party that stands in the way of progress and women's health. And that is, obviously, not Beezelbob Brown, representative of the Sunny Upside-Down World of Stray-yah. Oh no! The reason we all have problems is George W. Bush. Because of him we continue to suffer from health problems and the resulting outbursts. This is who the outbursts should be directed against until there are no more outbursts left.

Give me an H!
Give me a B!
Give me an O!
What do we get?
. . .
Anybody?
. . .
Ahem... Er... I think I better go...

<quietly leaves on tiptoes>
 

Ivan Betinov

What, I only rated SIXTH on Pinkie's list of annoyances that contributed to her now retracted statement? I simply must work harder at being an annoying little twit. Meh. At least I ranked above "Showgirls."

Comrade Brain In Jar Betinov,

Please note that I quoted prior to COMMISSARKA PINKIE's list... therefore, I was responding not to the list but to the fact that you were the first to 'pile on', as it were, and to begin to attack your fellow (non-gender-specific wording) Party™ member.... and in a weakened state. We have all had our indiscretions! I myself had quite a birthday party involving much tequila, and on the night before I was to come back to work after being given an actual weekend off... Yet a loyal party member is sent on mission and as a result sustains both bodily and psychological harm and you attack? What if that had been the case when I was 'inadvertantly' poisoned in that London Sushi bar last year? No pod returning triumphant, no cleaning up the Chairman's hot-pocket puke piles all over the Cube (and wouldn't that be lovely?)... what clean-up crew would have extracted both he and Dr. P from the debacle in San Francisco last year when he side-swiped that nice elderly couple with Nancy Pelosi's stolen pearl white Escalade - though I must admit to having found RedtheProgressiveFox's Tupolev (newly acquired RED SKIES ONE) very useful in the extraction, despite the loss of two of the flight attendants to enemy fire (loyal STD's** both)... and we managed to grab the couple, thereby adding to our stock of necro-proxies (some of my best work!). Despite The Chairman's fragile state, it was Housekeeping's own Chicken Sushi who nursed him back to health... that, and the long conversations he had with the Johnsons - the newly proxied elderly couple who I believe Meow now considers sort of surrogate parents, for he often sits in his cushy chair by the fire for hours and they in theirs, talking... Oh yes... we have ALL OF US had our little indiscretions, some more than others, and yet a you feel the need to attack one of our newer members... this is not some gang 'jumping in'... There are many new members of late, it seems, and I do not think it is a bad thing that you learn to treat each other with some respekt for you never know when you will have to count on each other's support. Just witness the recent spate of attempted purges (and I'm not talking about hot-pocket puke piles)...

**Sex Trade Drudges local 369

Aside from that, I must admit to some annoyance - perhaps left over from the previous night's having been used as a pin cushion in one of Kanadistan's better state-funded hospitals, at the Brownshirt's 'so-called' martyred Hizbollah Rodent with teeny weeny shoulder mounted rocket launching device... (which is long debunked foto... is on Snopes.com... whereas cute little kitten is very able sniper... I know because I myself trained what Commissar Pupovich has so recently referred to as Cat Beast... and referred to as such, so-called post-renouncement, I might add... we need to all be looking at the dates of these posts, I believe, as it makes little sense to beg one to consider a long out-dated renouncement... attention to detail!)... I know I might sound "old-fashioned" and that the cold metal at the back of my neck might come at any moment at the Party's™ pleasure, but in the mean time, I intend to do my job to the best of my abilty for the good of the Party™ and for you young ones who may not always have someone around to put up with attempting to be purged non-stop for the last six weeks (and by one in particular who then begs that I read outdated renouncemnets of past crimes... and then can't even get my initials korrekt... peh!) while still having to clean up your puke and your bodies and your jammies, all of which you seem to feel the need to leave lying willy nilly... at least The Chairman and Dr. P. know how to hang up their good clothes (not that they do, but they know how... I taught them... I have no idea why I bothered...)... Really... sometimes I feel more like a taxidermying, dead-people-sweeping, limousine driving, &tc. &tc. Den Mother who still has to put up with threats of purges, drunken bipolar blue fairies who dust poorly and are hired by cat-hating commissars to throw broken pieces of Hummel Porcelaine figurines at me and knock me unconscious, all while I try to protect Glorious Red Square, Laika, and of course, Her Highness...

... and Party Members™ wonder why I feel a specific lack of manners and a certain backbiting has taken over the Cubisphere.... wonder why I believe that a certain lack of etiquette has made itself felt...

Please also note, both Brain and Great Roseate Leader of Peoples, that I continue, despite large punctures, to do my job by finding most appropriate armaments for each Party member as to their taste and ability (Hello Kitty rifle just did not set off The Tsarevna's complexion properly, whereas Picachu Yellow is quite striking and will go well with eventual Tamagochi weaponry... I am even working on devising appropriate weaponry for Brain, given lack of limbs... must be some way to actuate but am still engineering in such a way as feedback and kickback will not injure brain or jar... is delicate... and you do not think I care... tsk!)

So... Please when responding to posts, see which I am quoting as there may be others intervening, but which I have not yet read or to which I am not responding...

Red Square

That's the spirit, SMO! Spoken as a true Bolshevik from the original cast.

However, recent new studieshave shown that women's health problems and occasional outbursts are caused by social factors, everything else being a conspiracy by the doctors and pharmaceutical companies to make money.
In other words, to be healthy and outburst-free we must change the social environment. And if we can't find a way to change it we must find the guilty party that stands in the way of progress and women's health. And that is, obviously, not Beezelbob Brown, representative of the Sunny Upside-Down World of Stray-yah.

Again, Glorious Sanguine Configuration...

I must protest... is not hormonal... if it were, they would all, unfortunately, be dead... no, no, no... is most definitely Drug Companies... I would have thought, given what you know of my autoimmune-based health issues for which drug companies make only crap that treats nothing but costs much, that I would be in a permanently bad mood as a result of Monsanto (and not only drugs that do nothing but make people sicker and which are not usually needed, but also glut of GM corn, which NOW IS making the proles sick... do they honestly expect us to pay for overpriced medications that do nothing to treat the sickness they create with their experimentation out of Her Highness' war chest?... Perish the thought... I know I would not want to be the People's Director who brings up that particular point of business with her...).. No... is definitely Drug Companies... Is all in wonderful book called Selling Sickness: How the World's Biggest Pharmaceutical Companies Are Turning Us All Into Patients, by Ray Moynihan and Alan Cassels... is about how things that were formerly simply part of life are now deemed to be 'diseases' and so must have medications to treat, and creates whole new business that never existed to make drugs for imaginary conditions...

My favourite is new disease called PAD - Peripheral Artery Disease. Advertisement states that it is 'disease' "for which there may be no symptoms... "... I am serious... I suspect it is what was once referred to as poor circulation (though not like serious complication from diabetes)... How can disease have no symptoms?... Is plot by evil $.$. Halliburton...

So... please do not quote to me studies of hormones. Is proven in studies of hormones that males also have cycles but that they are seasonal and yearly and rather than having small tantrum regarding starchy laundry, they begin wars... and run in circles with guns to each other's backs, much like in your illustration...

No... Sister just wants a little peace in which to work. I swore I would keep my head down and focus on assignments (particularly since big dog in hat that looks like it came off Captain Stubing from The Love Boat keeps having pieces of broken figurines thrown at me, both literally and figuratively and I am not trying to make bad pun... is becoming tiresome) but is not nice to set up Commissarka Pinkie for fall like this. She is tough and can take it, but does not deserve purge and so I must speak up. But would prefer to be focusing on real work, if it is okay with you... am trying to learn new Cube skills and cannot focus on them when I will soon be needing the wisdom she has gleaned from her assignment (and I believe she has learned much, both regarding Vodka and her fellow Commissars) for a long delayed project which is near and dear to my heart... Also, I do not like boys and girls fighting... is counter-cubist, like interspecies/appliance/human disputation... is making Sister very sad...

Red Square

Oh no! The reason we all have problems is George W. Bush. Because of him we continue to suffer from health problems and the resulting outbursts. This is who the outbursts should be directed against until there are no more outbursts left.

Give me an H!
Give me a B!
Give me an O!
What do we get?
. . .
Anybody?
. . .
Ahem... Er... I think I better go...

<quietly>

And now, Dear Glorious Red Square, Sister will give you the easiest, most cheap set-up you may ever get....

We do not recieve HBO in Kanadistan...

I leave it to your boundless wisdom to make of that what you will... but I believe it is a gift... no?... Just go for it... Sister can take the joke...

SMO
Toast is burning...
 

BTW... before I forget... whose are these??????



They were in with the whites!...
SMO
 

Sea-Bass

It was John Kerry!!!!

Dear Lenin! You mean non-person K?
 

Red Square

... but all she could remember afterwards was a vodka-induced dream about her wedding to a young Mikhail Kalashnikov

Commissar Pupovich is devastated! Devastated! Not to even been part of her dreams? Have all my hopes been shattered like the Chairman's Hummel's after Her Highness righteous display? Granted, I know I should not have relied so much on my adorable puppiness... but to not even rate a dream? Oh, I need my vodka ration, and these others as well.... Maybe some "bullshrooms" as they were so brilliantly named. Yes,.. yes... that is better...
 

Dearest Comrade SMO, designer of the most fashionable weapons

Hello Kitty rifle just did not set off The Tsarevna's complexion properly


I thought the Hello Kitty rifle was for Chairman Meow?  That just seemed to be logical.

My bad ...

--
ZB
 

Sister Massively Opiated

BTW... before I forget... whose are these??????



They were in with the whites!...
SMO

I don't know whose they are, but it warms this old Political Officer's heart to know that such things even exist!!!!

--
ZB
 

Sister Massively Opiated

BTW... before I forget... whose are these??????



They were in with the whites!...
SMO


And, of course, we all know what happens when something red goes into the wash with all the whites . . . !  

SMO, did you happen to find a pair of Jar-Jar jammie bottoms with them?  

The conspiracy against Commissarka Pinkie continues to grow . . .

Commissar Pupovich:  So nice of you to FINALLY drop by!
 

If they are reds in with the whites, they could be spy panties...OR THEY COULD BE COUNTER-REVOLUTIONARY PANTIES!  Conspiring with the Whites and revealing our innermost secrets!  Laughing at us!  Mocking us!  Returning now to infiltrate our own ranks!  They must be quarantined in a gulag to prevent the possible infection of the collective with subversive ideas and Republican cooties!  We must hold an immediate congressional investigation of the true status of these suspect bloomers, and if we don't get the answer we want, we must hold a second investigation, a third!