![]() | Communists of Petersburg and the Leningrad Oblast have issued an official statement on Barack Obama's victory in the 2008 presidential election. They are the same glorious party who earlier denounced Harrison Ford with Cate Blanchett for the anti-Soviet propaganda in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and most recently accused Olga Kurylenko of treason for playing the new Bond girl. If you find the text over the top, please note that we are not making this up: this is our most thorough word-for-word translation of their Russian-language statement posted on the official Party website: |
Communists of Petersburg on Obama VictoryThe Secretary of the Volkhov District Committee of the Communist Party Katerina Petrova has expressed the Party's position in her statement regarding the victory in the presidential election of the candidate of the liberal wing of the Democrat Party Barack Obama:
The People's Cube Statement |
Red Square
Communists of St. Petersburg
Greetings to the states of socialism and people's democracy - Cuba, Vietnam, China, North Korea...Communists of St. Petersburg
Let's also hope that Obama is intelligent enough to reach out to Venezuela, Cuba, Syria, Korea.....Quote:
"I do solemnly swear (or affirm) that I will faithfully execute theoffice ofPresident of the United States, and will to the best of my ability,preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States." I want it changed. We did demand CHANGE, didn't we comrades? So, let's CHANGE it; anyone up to the task?
Red Square

Red Square

Saul Alinsky
Ah, The Dear Leader
Quote:
Where do I get my shiny satiny Smock of Collectivized Followerhood? My potato harvesting activities would be much more enhanced were I to sport a spiffy emblazoned smock while I worked.Dr. Strangelove
It was obviously a secret message to Comrades Vlad and Bruno.Thomas Jefferson wrote
When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.Thomas Jefferson meant, in code
When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for some people to wail the shit out of other people because they want to and they can, that's just fine as long as it's progressives wailing the shit out of people.Commissar Theocritus
Yeah. Like that's really what he meant. Here's the real deal:Thomas Jefferson meant, in code
When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for some people to wail the shit out of other people because they want to and they can, that's just fine as long as it's progressives wailing the shit out of people.Commissar Theocritus
And just what is this "we" shit? You mean me, don't you?Commissar Theocritus
Dr., I do recognize the medical we, the regal we, and the editorial we. Now I will accept that I sometimes use the editorial and the regal we. Bruno, to whom you referred, which jerked his attention away from a rhinestone he was playing with, only uses we when he has a gerbil in his pocket.KittyRed
Comrades,Commissar Theocritus
And thus we have Bruno.Dr. Strangelove
SMO, can I be your spousal unit? Please. Pretty please!Commissar Theocritus
Sister, of course we may include Meow's sheets in Bruno's trousseau. In fact Meow happens to be at the present wrapped up in them. And he will remain wrapped up in them until I loosen the knots which keep him wrapped up in them.Sister Massively Opiated
yeah sure... okay... what the hell... just let me change the cling wrap on the couch and put out some little fancy soaps in the candy dishes....Sister Massively Opiated
Commissar Theocritus
Sister, of course we may include Meow's sheets in Bruno's trousseau. In fact Meow happens to be at the present wrapped up in them. And he will remain wrapped up in them until I loosen the knots which keep him wrapped up in them.
Sister Massively Opiated
yeah sure... okay... what the hell... just let me change the cling wrap on the couch and put out some little fancy soaps in the candy dishes....Sister Massively Opiated

AbecedariusRex
Sister Massively Opiated
Commissar Theocritus
Sister, yes satin sheets are slippery. But do you think that I'd put Meow on satin sheets? Do you think that he'd know after he's given the kitchen wench half my roofies? But since he'd taken your ketamine, he wasn't in shape to be as agreeable to the kitchen wench as the kitchen wench was going to be agreeable to him, and so she smeared him with all the grease she's saved up out of the Fryolater and then we wrapped him up in sheets.Commissar Theocritus
And then because we'd all been trying to get him to the state that we could do that, and as you know Meow has a hollow leg, and another hole where a normal person would have a conscience, we passed out too.Commissar Theocritus
Sister, a nail gun? Is that not a little extreme? I would expect that of Pupovich, in one of his prolier-than-thou phases. After all, strong Soviet socialism, the triumph of the worker, the rule of the proletariat, and all that stuff. But you?Sister Massively Opiated
and a big bathtub of sulfuric acid...Commissar Theocritus
Sister, by no means let Meow tell you that he itches down below. It's a ruse. Which he tries even on me.. Think about that. You'd never think it. But come to think of it, he did admit to waking up in Mao's coffin with an empty bottle of booze and a half-empty jar of pain-killers. Although I found out that they were my roofies, which I'd taken from our Many Titted Empress, and why in the name of Lenin Meow had given Mao roofies I'll never know.Commissar Theocritus
Sister Massively Opiated
And yet we still love him... so what does that say about us, Theo... what does it say about us?Most Wise Sister and Cousin
And yet we still love him... so what does that say about us, Theo... what does it say about us?Commissar Theocritus
Most Wise Sister and Cousin
And yet we still love him... so what does that say about us, Theo... what does it say about us?Sister Massively Opiated
Commissar Theocritus
Most Wise Sister and Cousin
And yet we still love him... so what does that say about us, Theo... what does it say about us?
Commissar Theocritus
"I need someone to tell me what to add to Maybelline to get Clinique. And maybe he can get off that tattoo that I had..."Dr. Strangelove
Commissar Theocritus
"I need someone to tell me what to add to Maybelline to get Clinique. And maybe he can get off that tattoo that I had..."Sister Massively Opiated
Dr. Strangelove
Commissar Theocritus
"I need someone to tell me what to add to Maybelline to get Clinique. And maybe he can get off that tattoo that I had..."My cetacean Sister
we must crush your spirit...Commissar Theocritus
My cetacean Sister
we must crush your spirit...Commissar Theocritus
Sister, I just had some dealings with Wells Fargo's home-mortgage division and I'm quite sure that one of the people I was dealing with there is turned on in the morning by her computer and not the other way around. I suspect from her work that her monitor is on a bungee cord so that her swiveling eyes can follow it.Sister Massively Opiated
... a nail gun will never go amiss. He does have lovely fingernails though, doesn't he Theocritus?... I've saved them all in a little jar... so well manicured.
Commissar Theocritus
But I am never slow to slug someone when I can get away with it, making me the perfect warrior for the Progressive World of Next Tuesday.
Quote:
The true brilliancy here was the fact that Obama’s campaign had a definitive slogan and a specific symbol. The Republicans lacked both which just showed how disorganized their campaign was.Commissar Theocritus
Dear Sister, when I hear you say "Poor Meow" it sends shivers up and down my spine, which as you know is not that much good. I have infinite brass check and even a good brass neck but not that much spine. But I am never slow to slug someone when I can get away with it, making me the perfect warrior for the Progressive World of Next Tuesday.| Related Articles | Author | Replies | Views | |
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