No matter how much you cheat the government in taxes, you'll never get close to being even. Trust me. All good things are either illegal, immoral, or lead to obesity. Surely you can fool all the people all the time. To err is human, and we use this faculty frequently and with much pleasure. All work and no pay makes Jack an exemplary citizen. If toast falling off the table always lands butter-side down, it is safe to presume that toast buttered on both sides will stop and hover in midair. All that glitters must be taxed. Every time the government tries to organize the economy, the only thing that stays organized is crime. The people are not only our most precious recourse, but also a means of enrichment. Too many cooks don't pay enough taxes. Every man has a right to the left. Every rake deserves a chance to be stepped on repeatedly. For a lie to become believable it must be published in The New York Times. Teach someone how to fish, and you lose a Democrat voter. You will be driving your old car for a longer period of time if you don't buy a new one. No matter how much whiskey you stock up in your desk, you always wind up sending an aide for more. Attractive women are distractive. Man can stare infinitely and without motion at three things: burning flame, flowing water, and another man working. No matter how hard you negotiate your labor contract, there will always be an asshole who works even less and gets paid even more. Child-proof electrical outlets are there to make sure that only the most gifted children get electrocuted to death. Safety violations may result not only in a person's death, but also in a person's birth. If a man wants to have a life, medicine is powerless. If your wife isn't talking to you in the morning, last night's party must have been a success! Why is it that when you converse with God, it's called prayer, but when God converses with you, it's called schizophrenia? A woman wants a lot of different things from one and the same man, while a man wants one and the same thing from a lot of different women. Having a tough day? Try changing your gender. Never spend your own money when you can spend the government's. Charity begins with a lawsuit. Let bygones be hammered into everyone's brain using news media, television, and Hollywood. Government helps those who refuse to help themselves. If necessity is the mother of invention, government mandate is the fairy godmother. A bad workman blames corporate greed and lack of government oversight. All that glitters must be equally redistributed to each according to his need. Having naughty children in the back seat can result in an accident; having a naughty accident in the back seat can result in children, followed by a story in The National Enquirer. Never pick on a Democrat candidate's family; attack something he cares about instead. If you can't lick them, tax them. He who pays the piper must also cover his health insurance and retirement benefits. The most beautiful thing about the environment is that you can turn it into an election issue. Be careful what you legislate; it may do exactly what Rush Limbaugh said it would. Never argue with a loaded Kennedy. If wishes were horses there's be no need in fossil fuels Give your opponents one hundred dollars worth of steak, and you shall receive one trillion dollars worth of pork. |

Margaret
"Every month that we do not have an economic recovery package five-hundred million Americans lose their jobs."Innostranyi Otdel
"Given sufficient exposure, even the most brilliant mind will succumb to the ambient environment's mean average intelligence" ~ Begay's LawComrade_Tovarich
I gave her (and World Peace) the finger and sped on.Information Minister
"All of your bucks stop here"


Innostranyi Otdel
The amount of bumper stickers displayed on an individual's vehicle is directly proportionate to that individual's level of Liberalism." ~ Jamieson's 1st law of LiberalismTovarich
It reminds me of repeated attempts on a windy and hilly two-line US highway to pass a beater covered in such bumper stickers, most notably a "Visualize World Peace." When I finally got my chance and gunned my four cylinders, the female driver gave my so much gesturing and cursing that it was audible at 65mph, windows down. I gave her (and World Peace) the finger and sped on.AbecedariusRex
Comrade_Tovarich
I gave her (and World Peace) the finger and sped on.Commissar Theocritus
Pickups and SUVs and other panzers tried to keep me from passing, tailgated me, and shot me fingers. All to no avail--on a corner that car puts lots of power on the outside rear wheel and they've figured out (I think) variable-ratio steering.Comrade_Tovarich
AbecedariusRex
Comrade_Tovarich
I gave her (and World Peace) the finger and sped on.Commissar Theocritus
While this event you described went on, did you hear the sounds of a banjo?Che Gourmet
And my personal favorite:Commissar Theocritus
Commissar Theocritus
I Coming back from Grand Junction over the switchbacks into Albuquerque, NM...
Innostranyi Otdel
"No matter where you go, there you are..." ~ Buckaroo BanzaiCommissar Theocritus
Well, Kiko. I recall when this Texan with his then best friend drove a Jeep to Colorado and pulled a trailer full of furniture. It had snowed. There was grumbling about Texans, Texans, Texans, not knowing how to drive, go home. They'd had a good snow year.Comrade_Tovarich
Innostranyi Otdel
"No matter where you go, there you are..." ~ Buckaroo BanzaiCommissar Theocritus
7.62, have you been to the Cherry Creek part of Denver lately? Rather nice. I recommend the J. W. Marriott hotel there. Lovely view, good restaurants in walking distance, some very good shops--Pismo has splendid blown glass--and unlike most 90s Marriott properties it's not done in dirty blue and dirty red. To cover stains.Commissar Theocritus
Peter Weller hosts Engineering an Empire, on I think the History Channel. It's worth watching. How the Romans engineered, and so forth.Commissar Theocritus
Well, Kiko. I recall when this Texan with his then best friend drove a Jeep to Colorado and pulled a trailer full of furniture. It had snowed. There was grumbling about Texans, Texans, Texans, not knowing how to drive, go home. They'd had a good snow year.AbecedariusRex
Peter Weller (who dropped off the map)AbecedariusRex
Nah, that's just Weller. He walks like that in Buckaroo Banzai and in Naked Lunch. Probably the addition of several pounds of plastic prosthesis didn't help, though.
AbecedariusRex
Nah, that's just Weller. He walks like that in Buckaroo Banzai and in Naked Lunch. Probably the addition of several pounds of plastic prosthesis didn't help, though.Quote:
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