YEEE---HAWWW!

Howdie-Hi there Friends and Neighbors, It's Yer Ole Pal Crazy Ivan Betinov, down here at the Stalin Storehouse, and have I got a deal fer YEW! We got us a brand new product line down here at the Stalin Storehouse! We are proud to announce that we are the new regional distributors of

GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL!

It Stimulates! It Enervates! It Lifts and Separates!


IT'S THE MIRACLE PRODUCT OF THE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY!

We got us a brand new Progressive President in the White House and the Most Progressive Congress EVER. Between them they have cooked up a batch of Snake Oil to End All Snake Oils!

It Lubricates! It Percolates! It Cleans and Penetrates!

---

Don't confuse GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL with other quack medicines! Only GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OILhas the miracle ingredient Fraudulene!

It Masticates! It Ruminates! It Rinses and Expectorates!

And it can be all yours for the LOW LOW PRICE of just

$787,000,000,000!

That's Right Friends and Neighbors!
GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL!
It has seven-hundred-and-eighty-seven billion uses!
Get your bottle today!

That's the Stalin Storehouse, right next to "Ushankas-R-Us" just off State Highway 17 in the Red Star Shopping Center! Ya'll Come See Us!

Actual results not guaranteed to produce anything.

Side effects have been reported as severe and may include: vomiting, nausea, explosive flatulence, double vision, slurred speech, necrophilia, uncontrolled itching, facial blemishes, rash, hives, spontaneous gender reassignment, dry mouth, excessive salivation, betrayed hope, leg tingles, unbearable lightness of being, extreme poverty, kidney explosion, spleen inversion, bile venting and mild headache.

Reading this disclaimer absolves The Stalin Storehouse from all responsibility for any damages of injuries real of imagined resulting from the use of this product.

Store only in non-reactive containers, out of direct public scrutiny.

Needless to say, this could use some help from the comrades in the visual agitprop section....

At long last! I finally have something to put in my Hope Bottle!

This'll be perfect for lubricating my shovel. Thanks, Betinov! I'll take a whole case!

I'll take 100 million bottles please.

Pinkie, of course it will lubricate your shovel...why that's one of the primary uses, what with all these shovel-ready projects popping up out of thin air. Feel free to try it out, and we'd mighty proud to have a Commissarka of your magnitude write up a brief testimonial as to the wonderful, stimulating effects of Genuine Obama Brand Snake Oil.

Same goes for any other folks who buy a case or more. Tell you what, I'll throw in a free tin of mustache wax for any comrade who cares to write in with your praises of this wonder product of the ages.

Comrade Joe, don't forget that at the Stalin Storehouse, we has a full-time service department for all your service needs. From a simple hair oil change to complete undercarriage realignment, we can handle it all!

Ahem! (She says as she waves her shovel menacingly) And just what do you expect me to do with a tin of mustache wax?

Brain in a Jar, the fluid in your vessel obviously needs changing. Government "snake oil" is not snake oil, it is medicine. If the private sector were to sell this product, then it would be snake oil. Think Social Security; were the private sector to run something like it, it would be a criminal Ponzi scheme. But because the government runs it, it is a trusted insurance program. Do you see the difference? I hope so. The Party does not wish to send the Thought Police to speak with you, what with them being so busy dealing with the difficulties generated Obama's cabinet nominations (it's "tax fraud" for Rethuglicans, "tiny mistake" for Progressives.)

Before I stole uh liberated a bottle of Obama's Snake Oil I had low self-esteem. Now, not only do I have high self-esteem I think I can do anything, the rules do not apply to me. I find that I'm more charming, people believe whatever outrageous things I say. In fact, I enjoy lying to people and seeing their hurt expression when they see that I did it on purpose. Why should I care, they are not me. It's not my fault they're suckers for listening to me. Besides, the Snake Oil makes me a hit with the ladies, I'm getting all kinds of action.

Obama's the man!

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Ahem! (She says as she waves her shovel menacingly) And just what do you expect me to do with a tin of mustache wax?

_{Shh, they don't know you bleach it Commissarka!}

Before I bought a bottle of Obama's Snake Oil, I was compelled to use RemOil on all my People's Morale Enforcers(TM). With Obama's Snake Oil, not only do my People's Morale Enforcers(TM) run better, they have all vanished into thin air! Yes folks, with Obama's Snake Oil, your guns will simply go away, and there will be no more violence or bloodshed in the street. And if you do get shot by some criminal punk, errr misguided comrade seeking to redistribute the wealth, simply hook Obama's Snake Oil up to an IV, and use it to replace critical lost body fluids!

Sounds like just the thing to lubricate the Messiah Martial Aid I saw illustrated in a previous discussion.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Ahem! (She says as she waves her shovel menacingly) And just what do you expect me to do with a tin of mustache wax?

Ummm, Commissarka, I've been reticent to tell you this, but...


It's kinda obvious...

I mean, the Billy Dee Williams look went out with the 70s...

*[HIGHLIGHT=#ff0000]WHACK[/HIGHLIGHT]* Ouch! That's gonna leave a dent in your golden shovel...

I think the Commissarka looks more becoming with the mustache, much more Stalin-esque. Also it leads to perceptions of gender neutrality, which is equality among the masses.

Also it leads to perceptions of gender neutrality, which is equality among the masses.

Check the side effects disclaimer at the end of the ad, comrade. And remember, no refunds.

And just how many snakes were harmed in this snake oil production, Comrade Betinov?
They'd better be capitalist snakes, Comrade.
If you harmed one tiny scale on just one Party™ snake you'd be wise to grab Pinkie's shovel and shut up.

Brighto...Brighto...makes old bodies new!
--Larry, Moe and Curly

Comrade, are you offering franchises to market this miracle of modern medicine (or whatever it is)?

You will of course kick up the line redistribute a portion of your evil profits to the inner circle Party elite (under penalty of purge).

Meow is buying up all the initial stock offering of BOSO.
I smell a Marsh Rat!
He's dumping his Carbon Credits and buying Barack Obama Snake Oil.

No blood for Big Snake Oil!

This could surely become a cult classic comedy sketch if we had our own TV show. Can't wait for Obama to give us all that. But I don't understand - I voted for Obama 57 times, it's been a month since he's been prez, and no Hollywood producers have contacted us yet with an offer of a multimillion show deal.

There must be some sabotage going on on the middle level - hopefully nothing that a good purge and a show trial couldn't fix. Must be some leftover Republicans who stubbornly wouldn't accept Obama's offer of bipartisanship, unclench their fists, and let GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL flow into their palms.

I wish I were a little more informed about the glorious traditions of snake oil industry in this country, to make adequate illustrations. But perhaps this one will suffice? The label on the bottle will be done later. Perhaps we can substitute Che's face with Obama's?

BETINOV!!!

You, sir, are a PREDATORY VENDOR!

You tricked me, played on the fears instilled in me by eight years of blood-soaked oppression under the Bush regime, and took advantage of my minority status and my innocent, starry-eyed adoration of Obama--which makes you RACIST!--to sell me a defective, overpriced product. Not only that, but you conned me into buying even more snake oil than I could afford. It has totally ruined my life by leaving me with a mustache, which in turn has utterly destroyed my quality of life--I can't get a job, can't get a house, can't get a car, can't get a date, can't even get an abortion (see the part where I can't get a date), and the only remedy you offer is MUSTACHE WAX?

And don't give me any of that crap about the fine print. No one has time to read the fine print, and everyone says it doesn't mean a thing anyway.

I demand a government program to save me from this ignominy and embarrassment! Yes, all of you who didn't buy the snake oil--that would be you greedy, hateful, intolerant neocons who think you should get to keep all your money to yourself instead of sharing it with those of us who have none because of vultures like you who won't share--all of you must pay for the reparations I'm entitled to, to include money to have the mustache removed, and more money for the rest of my life to make up for the horrible anguish I have suffered.

Unfair, you say? Bull! YOU'RE the ones always preaching morality and personal responsibility! Well, helping me is the MORAL thing to do, and YOUR responsibility--DO IT!!!

Also, I'm selling my courageous story to the networks, tabloids, and Hollywood. My dearest hope is that my part will be played by Angelina Jolie, with Brad Pitt as my shovel.

And just so we're clear on one last thing, Comrades: I'm not doing this for the money. I don't care about the money. I don't even WANT the money--but I have to take it anyway, because it's the only way to send a strong message to all the other would-be snake oil salesmen out there that if they dare to try this, then I'll bloody well send another strong message to--to--well, it doesn't have to be to anyone. The important thing is I'll be raising awareness and showing how much I care about others who could end up like me if I don't continue doing something to--to raise awareness.

Holy Lenin!
Now Meow is selling BOSO short.
What if Big Snake Oil fails?
Barack Obama Snake Oil is too big to fail!
We need to bailout the bailout with a bailout that will bailout the bailout, this time for sure for sure.
Am I in an echo chamber?...chamber....chamber.....

Oooooo!!!

Slick capitalist marketing strategy is twisting my paw & forcing me to relinquish what remains of my capitalist exploitation units!

I'll take 2 trillion bottles!

(As soon as I get my generous mortgage bailout, free car and food stamp allotment from the all caring Messiah.)

OK, I played a little more with the image and now I'm forwarding the file to Supercommissar Maksim to see what he can come up with.


Thinking back, we could have based the whole ad on this original snake oil image:

My dearest Red Square:

While I've seen this image before, this is the first time I've seen it so big that I can make out more detail. Upon looking at the background of cheering, adoring masses, for some weird reason the word "Germany" rang in my head.


So I googled "Obama in Germany", clicked on "Images" and found the photo below. Note the "Change" banner in the agitprop above. Look below and you'll see it used to be "Angola" backwards. Other details (e.g. someone holding up a laptop beyond that banner) also match.

Yes we did. Together we made history. In Germany.



These are just the little things I notice.

Damn, Pinkie, that was good catch. Expect a free case of GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL and a Bic razor via USPS in the next few days.

Red, the ad poster is absolutely glorious. Thank you very much. Can't wait to see the one with the perfect image of His Obamaness (but then, it's so hard to tell him apart from Che anyway).

BETINOV!!!

Oh shit.

You, sir, are a PREDATORY VENDOR!

My dear Commissarka, I assure you I have never offered for sale, lease, or loan any predators at the Stalin Storehouse.

You tricked me, played on the fears instilled in me by eight years of blood-soaked oppression under the Bush regime, and took advantage of my minority status and my innocent, starry-eyed adoration of Obama--which makes you RACIST!--to sell me a defective, overpriced product. Not only that, but you conned me into buying even more snake oil than I could afford. It has totally ruined my life by leaving me with a mustache, which in turn has utterly destroyed my quality of life--I can't get a job, can't get a house, can't get a car, can't get a date, can't even get an abortion (see the part where I can't get a date), and the only remedy you offer is MUSTACHE WAX?

But not just any mustache wax, dear Pinkie. At the Stalin Storehouse we carry only the finest Progressive mustache wax, infused with the essence of Hope and Chage and fortified with a secret blend of herbs and spices designed to enhance your sense of class envy and self-righteous entitlement with every inhalation. The boys back in R & D went through hundreds of test subjects to achieve the proper balance of outrage and servile submission. This is no mustache wax to be sneezed at!

And don't give me any of that crap about the fine print. No one has time to read the fine print, and everyone says it doesn't mean a thing anyway.

And that is precisely the point. Don't worry about the fine print, don't ask any questions about the man behind the curtain, these aren't the droids you're looking for, I'm from the government and I'm here to help you. That's all you need to know. Take another sip, and I promise, this time it will work. Do NOT pay any attention to all of the times it has failed to work before! This time, I PROMISE it will work. All you have to do is believe! Do you believe, Sister Pinkie? I Said, DO YOU BELIEVE, SISTER PINKIE?! Then...FEEL the power!

And if it doesn't work, it isn't my fault. It isn't His Obamaness's fault. It's YOUR fault. You didn't have faith! Don't you remember, back between the election and the coronation, when VP-to-be Biden told us the day would come that we wouldn't understand what His Obamaness was doing, or why he was doing it, or what it would do to us? Remember? Remember what he said? We MUST BELIEVE! We must trust in His Obamaness, no matter what happened, no matter what he did, no matter how much it hurt. Only FAITH can preserve us!

NOW I ASK YOU AGAIN, SISTER PINKIE: DO. YOU. BELIEVE?!

I demand a government program to save me from this ignominy and embarrassment! Yes, all of you who didn't buy the snake oil--that would be you greedy, hateful, intolerant neocons who think you should get to keep all your money to yourself instead of sharing it with those of us who have none because of vultures like you who won't share--all of you must pay for the reparations I'm entitled to, to include money to have the mustache removed, and more money for the rest of my life to make up for the horrible anguish I have suffered.

You heard the little lady, folks! Mandatory GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL for everybody! Belly on up to the wagon here folks--no need to jostle there, young fellow, there's plenty for all--pull out you pokes and get your money ready.

Unfair, you say? Bull! YOU'RE the ones always preaching morality and personal responsibility! Well, helping me is the MORAL thing to do, and YOUR responsibility--DO IT!!!

The boys back at the store are milking their snakes just as fast as they can, m'dear. We'll have another batch ready before you can say Blagojevich. That is of course if you CAN say Blagojevich. Don't worry in the least. Didn't His Obamaness Himself tell us that this was only the beginning of the end? That it's going to take more than just one application of GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL to snap this country into its proper Progressive shape? Why, it's just like Cialis (except you don't get to lounge around in bathtubs all day).

Also, I'm selling my courageous story to the networks, tabloids, and Hollywood. My dearest hope is that my part will be played by Angelina Jolie, with Brad Pitt as my shovel.

Could we hold off on that until we can get the new lables on the bottle? We want to make sure to get the widest possible press coverage for the product.

And just so we're clear on one last thing, Comrades: I'm not doing this for the money. I don't care about the money. I don't even WANT the money--but I have to take it anyway, because it's the only way to send a strong message to all the other would-be snake oil salesmen out there that if they dare to try this, then I'll bloody well send another strong message to--to--well, it doesn't have to be to anyone. The important thing is I'll be raising awareness and showing how much I care about others who could end up like me if I don't continue doing something to--to raise awareness.

Looks like I need to update the "possible side effects" disclaimer: "May cause inflated ego and delusions of adequacy."

Thing of it is, that crowd wasn't gathered to see Obama. It was a rock concert featuring the Scorpions. He just happened to be a side show.

I got explosive diarrhea after drinking Obama's Genuine Snake Oil. My poor illegal housekeeper has been scrubbing the bathroom walls all day now because of this awful, awful gimmick.

I got explosive diarrhea after drinking Obama's Genuine Snake Oil. My poor illegal housekeeper has been scrubbing the bathroom walls all day now because of this awful, awful gimmick.

Thank you for your testimonial, comrade Chairman!


And after a bit of editing to clean up the style

"I used GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL just once, and instantly found the opportunity to provide employment for the poor, downtrodden and traditionally under-represented! Thanks, Obama Brand! "
--Meow P., Parts Unknown.

By the way, the reports that GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL contains scorpion venom are almost entirely unfounded.

Can this snake oil be used to lift fine lines and wrinkles or, uh, the deep, cavernous canyons that run up and down my face? And what about the pock-marks on my ass? Does GOBS work on a pock-marked ass?

Can this snake oil be used to lift fine lines and wrinkles or, uh, the deep, cavernous canyons that run up and down my face? And what about the pock-marks on my ass? Does GOBS work on a pock-marked ass?

In a word: YES! Yes it Can! Simply apply a generous coat of GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL to the afflicted area and gently massage it in with 30-grit sandpaper. Feel the Tingle? That's GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL starting to work. (Talk about a shovel-ready project!)

Can I use the Obama Snake Oil on my US mad People's Morale Enforcers, or only on my Com-Bloc ones?

I used some Snake Oil on my beet digging boots, and they looked cleaner than they ever had! That is of course,because it dissolved away 90% of the remaining leather in the boots, leaving only a think, unblemished membrane of hope to protect my feet.

Can I use the Obama Snake Oil on my US mad People's Morale Enforcers, or only on my Com-Bloc ones?

Why, certainly m'boy, GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL can be applied to any Morale Enforcement Unit of any make of model, regardless of point-of-origin! Its patented secret formula allows it to penetrate deeply, removing all deposits--even those stubborn 401Ks! I think with regular use, you'll come to depend of GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL for all your needs.

Altering Red Square's work is somewhat intimidating, but here is my less equal image.

Both of them look good to me. I like both the in-your-face finger in the Che version and the smarmy con man gleam in the Obama eye. excellent work, guys.

You know, I had the same effect Chairman Meow suffered, only when I turned around to flush the toilet, my stool looked like it had the same color and consistency as shredded money.

Here's something fantastic...I put some in the water bowl of my neighbor's dog, and it crapped a hammer and sickle!

Here, let me clean up that testimonial a bit for you:

"GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL. It'll make you shit funny colors--amaze your friends, fun at parties! And it works for pets, too!"
--Kamerad D., Alaska

"After just one bottle of GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL it was like a century of failure had never happened! Forget your troubles, come on get happy! Thanks Obama Brand!"
--Komissar B., Alabama

I was babysitting for a friend the other day and her children were so hyper active -- I couldn't take it any more! I had heard amazing things about GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL and I figured, why not? I slipped only a few drops in the kid's organic chocolate soy milk and they became the type of children I love: heavily sedated, and completely submissive. I can't thank you enough Obama Brand!

Also, I want to lose five lbs. Would it be safe to use your product as a laxative? GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL is so fancy - I'm thinking if I just rub it all over myself it would dazzle every one in to an illusion of change! I hope it works! What do you think?

Comrades! Citizens! Tourists!

Pay no attention to the skeptics! The Chairman's Snake Oil is good for what ails us! Coal is making us sick! Oil is making us sick! Join the Party Faithful in celebration of the Snake Oil (not related to the CO2-laden oil), and soon these evils will be gone forever!

All hail Chairman Zero!

"Loving the stench from tourists in the morning..."

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

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SAY HEY! Isn't this snake oil made with the same quality base as Obama Wealthspread? Or maybe I'm very old fashioned.

I'm looking at the Germany Rock Concert and thinking "Man, wouldn't it be cool to have a Sargeant Pepper's mimic with all the Democratic luminaries on the cover?" But then, I'm too lazy to make that and don't have fpotoshopf so it's a moot point.

-update-

Har! Why do the work yourself when you can always pilfer from someone else? AVAST, me hearties!


thanks to symbolman at Democratic Underground.(HA!) and here's the full pro-Obama flash for a lark or two. The dude spent 8 years working on it. What a knucklehead!

Apparently His Predominance the HOlY GORE has already field tested Obama Snake Oil^tm and found it an excellent purgative.


thanks to MoonBATTERY on that one.
<br>If you wish a purgative without use of the Obama Snake Oil^tm try reading this article from TIME^tm.

Also, I want to lose five lbs. Would it be safe to use your product as a laxative? GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL is so fancy - I'm thinking if I just rub it all over myself it would dazzle every one in to an illusion of change! I hope it works! What do you think?

Why, sure thing, Little Lady. GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL is both a laxitive and a purgative. Between anorexia and dehydration, you'll be skinny as a rail in no time!

This will be great for the glorious blisters I have on my paws from my government issued shovel. It also tastes as beautiful as the smoke from the Messiah's Marlboro. Here's an idea, when the Almighty Messiah has to bail out the salad dressing companies, we should force require them to make this otherworldly elixir of life. Increased mass production means more money for us! err.. I mean for the people.. yes, the people.

Citizens,

Most people don't know it, but the "Liberal Lying", Ted Kennedy invented Fraudulene, while vacationing at Chappaquidick. The product never took off however, because one of its dangerous side effects is moral vapidity! Looks like Citizen Obama has worked the, pardon my pun, kinks out!

Publius

How long will I have to stand in line for this wondeful product and do you take foodstamps?

AbecedariusRex wrote: If you wish a purgative without use of the Obama Snake Oil^tm try reading this article from TIME^tm.

I felt like doing what the Saint of the Environment Gore was doing in the picture, until I got to the end of the Russian segment. Where Putin's smug face peered at me as if to take me by surprise. It was quite humorous. In addition, I enjoyed how Komrade Putin's time in office was from 1999-? Seeing as he never really left office.

Komrade Koala wrote:

AbecedariusRex wrote: If you wish a purgative without use of the Obama Snake Oil^tm try reading this article from TIME^tm.

I felt like doing what the Saint of the Environment Gore was doing in the picture, until I got to the end of the Russian segment. Where Putin's smug face peered at me as if to take me by surprise. It was quite humorous. In addition, I enjoyed how Komrade Putin's time in office was from 1999-? Seeing as he never really left office.

Yes, wasn't that a pleasant read. I personally think that Putin is actually the Energizer Bunny... shaved.

Red Square wrote:...

I wish I were a little more informed about the glorious traditions of snake oil industry in this country, to make adequate illustrations. But perhaps this one will suffice? The label on the bottle will be done later. Perhaps we can substitute Che's face with Obama's?

Comrade Cube: Think wild west of the 1800s, and horse-drawn wagons. Gypsy-like comrades would drive into small towns with plenty of bottles of ``medicine'' to cure all ailments!

Too bad the fine print on the back is so small. It would be nice to know which evil oil well the BOSO came from, since obviously it is too pure to come from a U.S. source.

And has anyone tried in their Peoples Car engine yet? This product would go well with other wonderful automotive care products I've become aware of:


and,

Superkommissar Maksim wrote:Altering Red Square's work is somewhat intimidating, but here is my less equal image.

A truly EXCELLENT adaptation! I like it!

Kameraden, I don't have the benefit of your supeerior education and intellect, and I don't wish to bother you, but could someone kindly tell me where I can receive my ration of KaleCo elbow grease? I wouldn't complain, but I'm sure I could dig harder and faster with something like that to unfreeze my old elbows.

Snake oil sounds like it might be useful too. I tried mincing and boiling some snakes. I didn't get anything but snake soup (it was OK, but bland). What's this "milking" of snakes mentioned above by the pickled brain? I didn't see any udder. Maybe my snakes were all males; how can you tell? I'd buy some, but I haven't had any money since last month.

I tried moustache wax, but it didn't help, and it tasted terrible, so I melted it down, inserted a wick, and use it at night to read by. It's OK, but it smells really bad when it burns one of the hairs left over from when they made it. How can I suggest that they remove all the moustache hairs during production? Ah well, I'm guessing someone had to meet a production quota....

Here's the Facts as I see them. We're Screwed Kamarades!

Comrade7.62 wrote:I think the Commissarka looks more becoming with the mustache, much more Stalin-esque. Also it leads to perceptions of gender neutrality, which is equality among the masses.

My secular, collectivist prayers to The One have finally been answered! All comrades (especially Pinkie) should rejoice that through this wondrous gift bestowed by His Obamaness we have finally been released from the tyranny of gender identification! Through prolonged repetitive gender reassignment we will no longer be forced to determine which oppressive pronoun we should assign to an individual. Through his beneficent bequest, the wise and powerful O has not only removed the last barrier of capitalist classism, he has provided a product that, according toKomissar Blogunov,will simply and quickly reeducate the ignorant republicans proletariat. True comradeship without obstruction or objection has finally been achieved! When does forcible free distribution begin?

Comrade Betinov,

I see you have paid a visit to the fine revolutionaries in Arab, AL and purchased all of the BOSO that Basil Cobb's still could cook up.

Tell me sumthin'... Can Rosie O'Donnell use BOSO on her thighs in order to reduce chafing?

Speaking of Rosie, picture this:

Many would argue the bodily functions of Rosie O'Donnell are also “gross,” but ‘Access' didn't mind sharing that “news” with viewers. O'Donnell gave excruciating detail on her experience of menopause.

“And I would literally stand naked in the winter on my balcony,” O'Donnell said in an interview with Tyra Banks. “I would be in the bed and I'd wake up and the sheets would be soaking wet, not damp, soaking wet. Then I'm like, Kelly is incontinent, you know? And then I realized no, it's me.”

Now tell me that doesn't bring on a self-induced purge of Stalinist proportions.

Almost makes you long for that other woman who lulled herself to sleep at night thinking of Barack and Michelle in bed together, with his mother-in-law just down the hall.

Tell me sumthin'... Can Rosie O'Donnell use BOSO on her thighs in order to reduce chafing?

Uh....uh....ahem. (C'mon, Betinov! Snapoutofit!) Er...That is to say...Um...blu-u-u-u-uh-h-h-h! Why certainly my dear sir, there's nothing, and I mean NOTHING that GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL can't do. It is engineered specifically for high-friction situations that would turn other snake oil into mush. But--and mind you, I am loathe to mention this, being the proud distributor of GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL that I am--but might it in fact not be better for the nation and humanity in general if that particular appliance was to seize up?

I bring you Social Socialist Greetings Kommrads from the Free State of Wyomingstan.

I have but one question from the Socialist masses that have posted before me. Just where from the Snake does a good Socialist get the oil? I wish to know before I buy this seemingly wonderful product that must heel everything as the One has promised to do for all of us.

Semper Gumby and if you can be Gumby at least be Pokey.

Gunny J

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Speaking of Rosie, picture this:

Many would argue the bodily functions of Rosie O'Donnell are also “gross,” but ‘Access' didn't mind sharing that “news” with viewers. O'Donnell gave excruciating detail on her experience of menopause.

“And I would literally stand naked in the winter on my balcony,” O'Donnell said in an interview with Tyra Banks. “I would be in the bed and I'd wake up and the sheets would be soaking wet, not damp, soaking wet. Then I'm like, Kelly is incontinent, you know? And then I realized no, it's me.”

Now were I to rub Obama Brand Snake Oil on my now festering eyeballs would they be cured of the burning and melting sensation experienced after that nuclear blast of an image?

Greetings now from Georgia,east of kapital Atlantasky.

More snake oil available due to extra pork today.Meet us in deep forest tonight near burned out village littered with the remains of running dogs. Bring shovels and grain , don't be late!

Ah, Pinkie, thank you <i>so</i> much of the image of Rosie standing naked on the balcony. But there is one thing that makes me suspect that it is not true. A true Rosie would never be without her steel-toed drillers' boots.

But consider the venue: Tyra Banks and Rosie--salt and pepper. Gonorrhea and syphilis. Cancer and heart attack.

The gift that just keeps on giving.

Dearest Pinkie...you know that I admire you. You are aware that I consider you my Cube mentor.........but,sheesh,Gurl!! I could have gone all of my life without the imagery of that beast in the buff on her balcony. ICK!!....Double plus ick!!

And... in the immortal words of the Betty.....Eeeeeeeewwwwwwwww!!!

Kommrade Marshal, Greetings.

I escaped the area east of the Kapital Atlantasky of the People's Socialist state of Georgia nearly two years ago for the stepps of Wyomingstan. The Kapitailist pig ex still lives in Conyers and my gloryious Kommrade daughter is going to UGA, go dawgs...

Semper Gumby and if you can't be gumby at least try to be Pokey

Gunny J
<off>
The ex is really not a pig and yes we still get along as long as we are 2000 miles apar.... Gunny J

I have but one question from the Socialist masses that have posted before me. Just where from the Snake does a good Socialist get the oil? I wish to know before I buy this seemingly wonderful product that must heel everything as the One has promised to do for all of us.

Now, now, Komrade Gunny, let's not get too inquisitive here. We don't have time to get into the minute details of the ingredients; it is important that you get a bottle and take a dose right away. If you don't, the whole world will die. It's as simple as that. Without GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL dams will collapse, bridges will rust, highways will crumble, sick children will be sold to research labs for biological experiments, and the seas will continue to rise. The ingredients of GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL are delicate and will lose all potency, not to mention credibility, if exposed to direct public scrutiny. And besides, you don't have much of a choice.

Ivan Betinov wrote:

I have but one question from the Socialist masses that have posted before me. Just where from the Snake does a good Socialist get the oil? I wish to know before I buy this seemingly wonderful product that must heel everything as the One has promised to do for all of us.

Now, now, Komrade Gunny, let's not get too inquisitive here. We don't have time to get into the minute details of the ingredients; it is important that you get a bottle and take a dose right away. If you don't, the whole world will die. It's as simple as that. Without GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL dams will collapse, bridges will rust, highways will crumble, sick children will be sold to research labs for biological experiments, and the seas will continue to rise. The ingredients of GENUINE OBAMA BRAND SNAKE OIL are delicate and will lose all potency, not to mention credibility, if exposed to direct public scrutiny. And besides, you don't have much of a choice.

Yeah, and if you act now we'll also throw in this free, non-existent, hypothetical Snake Oil Applicator.


If you don't act now psoriasis, toe jam, and Kyra Banks will continue to plague the nation.

KomradeGunny N Wyominstan wrote:Kommrade Marshal, Greetings.

I escaped the area east of the Kapital Atlantasky of the People's Socialist state of Georgia nearly two years ago for the stepps of Wyomingstan. The Kapitailist pig ex still lives in Conyers and my gloryious Kommrade daughter is going to UGA, go dawgs...

Semper Gumby and if you can't be gumby at least try to be Pokey

Gunny J
<off>
The ex is really not a pig and yes we still get along as long as we are 2000 miles apar.... Gunny J

Here in Loganvillasky I am close to this Conyers village of you speak. Am to semper gumby from avaition ordnance

na zdorov'e

Comrade_Androgynov, that's quite a rack you have, and with your page-boy 'do, you might be just the ticket for the naked, sweaty Rosie on her balcony.

Do you play the lyre, to serenade her from below? In truth, though, were I serenading the Rosie, from below, I think that I'd wear rain gear.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Comrade_Androgynov, that's quite a rack you have, and with your page-boy 'do, you might be just the ticket for the naked, sweaty Rosie on her balcony.

Do you play the lyre, to serenade her from below? In truth, though, were I serenading the Rosie, from below, I think that I'd wear rain gear.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaagh. aaaaaaaaaaaagh. aaaaaaaaaaaaagh. that is SO wrong on SO many different levels. aaaaaaaaaaaagh!

Komrade Marshal,

I know of this Loganvillasky of which you speak. It is just up the People's state highway 20 for my humble village of Conyers. Which the last time I was there has turned into DeKalb east.


You may have loaded the ordinace I told the pilots where and when to drop. I served in both 2nd 979-83 and 4th(92-96) ANGLICO. Semper Fi

Gunny J

Rex, we must strengthen ourselves for the upcoming Progressive World of Next Tuesday(tm). One of the people who will lead us into said world will be the Rosie, who will be in locked arms with Roseanne.

The true proletariat will not breed but will be bred, so the females will be chosen for their sturdiness rather than their pulchritude. No matter that the Rosie and the Roseanne would crack a mirror--they can pull a plow, and also peel paint with their voices. Some of their excreta will also be analyzed by the finest scientists for new commercial solvents.

They can exterminate entire towns, and frankly I consider them to be recruiting sergeants for my side.

But that does not seem to be fighting fair, does it?

Oh. Silly me. I'm a <i>Progressive</i>. Fair? It is to laugh.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Speaking of Rosie, picture this:

Many would argue the bodily functions of Rosie O'Donnell are also “gross,” but ‘Access' didn't mind sharing that “news” with viewers. O'Donnell gave excruciating detail on her experience of menopause.

“And I would literally stand naked in the winter on my balcony,” O'Donnell said in an interview with Tyra Banks. “I would be in the bed and I'd wake up and the sheets would be soaking wet, not damp, soaking wet. Then I'm like, Kelly is incontinent, you know? And then I realized no, it's me.”

Now tell me that doesn't bring on a self-induced purge of Stalinist proportions.

Almost makes you long for that other woman who lulled herself to sleep at night thinking of Barack and Michelle in bed together, with his mother-in-law just down the hall.

I DENOUNCE PINKIE! I DENOUNCE HER IN THE MOST VEHEMENT POSSIBLE TERMS! I DENOUNCE PINKIE IN THE MORNING! I DENOUNCE PINKIE AS I BRUSH MY TEETH, AND WHEN I DEPOSIT MY STIMULUS PACKAGE IN THE COMMUNAL OUTHOUSE. I DENOUNCE PINKIE AS I DIG BEETS, AND I DENOUNCE PINKIE AS I COLLECT MY DAILY RATION. I DENOUNCE PINKIE TO THE HIGHEST HEAVENS, AND TO THE DEEPEST PITS OF CAPITALIST HELL. IN SHORT, I WOULD RATHER COPULATE WITH NANCY PELOSI THAN HAVE THIS SEARING, EVIL IMAGE BURNED IN MY MIND. BAD PINKIE! NO DONUT! BAD, BAD PINKIE!

Oh come on, 7.62. Copulate with Nansky? That's like Faust making a deal with the devil.

First of all, you'd loose her in a wrinkle in the sheets. Second, considering the work on her face, I bet she has chest hair.

And if you screwed her, considering that she cannot blink, it would be necrophilia.

Do you really think that the sound of her sucking her teeth would let you, uh, perform?

But Theocritus, all I have to do is take a dose of Genuine Obama Brand Snake Oil, and I'll be able to perform with the vigor of 6 stout comrades! Although you are right about the sheets, chest hair and necrophilia.

7.62, I have an idea. Let's market BOSO with K-Y warming jelly. It's what the Poppin' Progressive is using these days.

Also it could replace the roofie. Just imagine the thrill of the Porculus Stimulus bill if it were sauced with BOSOKY. It would cause an orgy in the Democrat Party.

Comrade7.62 wrote: I DENOUNCE PINKIE! I DENOUNCE HER IN THE MOST VEHEMENT POSSIBLE TERMS! I DENOUNCE PINKIE IN THE MORNING! I DENOUNCE PINKIE AS I BRUSH MY TEETH, AND WHEN I DEPOSIT MY STIMULUS PACKAGE IN THE COMMUNAL OUTHOUSE. I DENOUNCE PINKIE AS I DIG BEETS, AND I DENOUNCE PINKIE AS I COLLECT MY DAILY RATION. I DENOUNCE PINKIE TO THE HIGHEST HEAVENS, AND TO THE DEEPEST PITS OF CAPITALIST HELL. IN SHORT, I WOULD RATHER COPULATE WITH NANCY PELOSI THAN HAVE THIS SEARING, EVIL IMAGE BURNED IN MY MIND. BAD PINKIE! NO DONUT! BAD, BAD PINKIE!

Nice try, Vodkov, but--oh wait, you're not the Criminally Insane Vodkov. Not even under an assumed name, because HE always throws in that tired old accusation that I'm a Huckabee Operative when I've told him time and again that I'm not that kind of HO.

Would someone please explain to Comrade 7.62, once and for all, that no one has ever walked out of here unassisted and under their own steam, much less on their own two feet or even on all fours, after trying to denounce Pinkie?

*WHACK!!!*

Is there anything you'd like to try and say to me now, Comrade 7.62?

Anything?

Anything at all?

Lately I'm beginning to think you comrades actually enjoy getting hit with a shovel.

Pinkie, dear, kind Pinkie. It pains me but I have to denounce you too. You told us of the woman who said that as a soporific she dreamt of His O'liness and Her Resentment sleeping, and it made her nod right off, no doubt with a smile on her face that four depleted D cells couldn't replicate.

Last night I dreamt of His O'liness, in the White House, and sleeping.

So I've no choice but to denounce you.

Sorry, but I felt I had to do it. It's a matter of integrity, you know.

But Theocritus, all I have to do is take a dose of Genuine Obama Brand Snake Oil, and I'll be able to perform with the vigor of 6 stout comrades! Although you are right about the sheets, chest hair and necrophilia.

Thank you for the kind testimonial! Curse you for the disturbing image! (And read the fine print at the bottom of the ad; it might make the necrophilia bit easier.)

I think that we ought to have an advertising campaign by Comrade BOSOKY. We can have him sell the mixture and with every 55-gallon drum give a free Trojan Vibrating Touch. Or if it goes to the State Department, or to the stables of the Rancho de Rio Grande, diesel to lube the Hildo Hydra 7.2.