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How To Fight Capitalism By Photoshopping Michelle Malkin

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To silence Michelle Malkin is an idea whose time has come. A nonstop depiction of her on mainstream websites as a rabid right-wing Neocon Zionist extremist and especially as the radical right's Asian pitbull did stimulate certain neurons in progressive pleasure circuits, but did nil to propel this truth into the murky skulls of the brain-damaged general public. So when Ms. Malkin made another hurtful attempt to stop progress by writing a column about the "slutification of young girls," progressive truth-seekers had no other choice but to photo-manipulate her face onto the body of a young, nubile lusciously delectable, sumptuous (ahem... excuse us) college co-ed, and to use the result to expose Ms. Malkin as the biggest hypocrite who has ever lived.

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Joseph Stalin:
Ms. Malkin would make a fine wife for commissar and we like to see our goods before we have them distributed by the state (but why liberate cow when you can have milk rationed for free?)

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Nick Denton Gawker Publisher:
Yes, of course it's fake! You idiots! It's written in the Marxist code of ethics, that we can do anything we please with the facts as long as it provokes class struggle and advances the Revolution!

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Alex Pareene, Wonkette:
I hereby proclaim that if anyone holds moral standards and fails, that renders all moral standards absolutely useless and unnecessary for everybody else.

ImageKen Layne, Wonkette guest blogger:
We generally prefer our idiots to be more useful. This slipshod, slapdash effort with Malkin's head was so pathetic that we must re-assess the cost-benefit ratio of our covert operations.

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Dan Rather:
I will get to the bottom of this and promise to be the first to report to the American people if is this accurate picture is a forgery.

Whenever we can pinpoint the smallest right-wing hypocrisy, it absolutely redeems anything we on the Left have ever done in the same area. It stimulates our prefrontal cortex and amygdale even better than cocaine (or OxyContin). Sometimes, however, we need to kick the habit of immediate gratification (and hope it doesn't turn us into conservatives). If we had waited long enough, Mark Foley's Republican hypocrisy would be our well-deserved delayed gratification - without the need to make mock apologies to Malkin.

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And although Marxist ethics of class struggle completely justify defaming right-wing reactionaries such as Malkin with fake pictures, the People's Cube takes an uncompromising stand against unprofessional photo manipulation and would never stoop to such debased chicanery and parlor trickery, which is the purview of capitalist amateurs. A full investigation of this dismal failure is being spearheaded by our agents at Reuter's news service. The guilty shall be purged. Our efforts shall be quadrupled. Resistance is futile!

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​​​​​​​Eric Muller,
UNC Law Professor and blogger:

Our best propaganda efforts fail mostly because many Americans suffer from a degenerative brain disorder that affects them on a massive scale, resulting in such anomalies as morals, patriotism, or Republicanism. For a moment we hoped that placing Ms. Malkin's head on someone else's bikini-clad body would create a revolutionary situation and we could finally re-educate our stupid compatriots into believing that morality is, in fact, an archaic bourgeois concept that has no place in a progressive multiculturalist society. Oh well. There's always the next time.

Before this affair can turn around to bite us, we better confess that many on the Left have also had their moments of youthful indiscretion. Therefore, not only must we preemptively and proactively expose our shortcomings of overexposure - it is also our chance to turn a scandal into cash for the Revolution. Be the first to see the upcoming release of "Leftist women gone wild: check out our appara-chicks!"

You'll get:

  • Janet Reno, feeling a little Waco whacko, she has a burning desire for you
  • The sultry intonations of Susan Estrich. Talking naughty like you've never heard her before
  • Barbara Streisand nose what her man likes
  • The expose of Hillary you've always wanted! Ken Starr, here's a Clinton bust you'll never get
  • This Marxist morsel from Air America Radio will make you want to Garofalo all over yourself
  • With a name like Bella Abzug you know she's a hottie. We have her bikini shoot, circa 1956.
  • The infamous Madeleine Albright and Helen Thomas lingerie-clad, playful sorority girl pillow fight.

All this and much, much more!

No more will the progressive heterosexual males have to suffice on the paltry conservative offerings of Bo Derek, Raquel Welch, Kim Alexis, Laura Ingraham, and others!

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Reporting by Red Square & Mr. Snuggle Bunny

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To further the cause of the revolution we must all have as much unprotected sex with strangers (preferable of the same gender) as possible. Comrades; let the orgy begin!

Is there anything of Margaret Thatcher with a horse?


EDIT: For propaganda purposes of course.

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Kommissar Vodkov wrote:To further the cause of the revolution we must all have as much unprotected sex with strangers (preferable of the same gender) as possible. Comrades; let the orgy begin!

Agreed, Comrade! The San Fransicko constituency will be up in butts ERRR arms if this is overlooked!

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Comrade Commissar wrote:Is there anything of Margaret Thatcher with a horse?


EDIT: For propaganda purposes of course.

Of course we must include the Beastiality faction of the People's State of Washinkton!!

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It is truly wonderful to see that the influence of our beloved comrades, Dan Rather and Mary Mapes continues to filter into this chaotic, bourgeois "internet". Perhaps beloved Comrade Mapes herself can step forward to defend this photo as "false but accurate". By spreading such falsehoods... uh, "alternate truths", we sow doubt amongst the Proletariat and advance the concept that "freedom" always leads to deception and nothing they see or hear from such "free" sources can be trusted.

Forward comrades! Forward to revolution!

Workers!

we sit silently (okay, except when we are really drunk and start to sing cowboy songs) in an undervasser boat and smell good strong proletariat cabbage farts.

then we return to the surface and while waiting for a tow, and use our cell phones

"false but accurate". "alternate truths" "false"

ive been away. when was M promoted to commissar? why would he/she/it/them use decadent "quotation marks" around the verbal weapons of the endless struggle?

Premier Betty, i call upon your "central committee" to use some of the frozen food to verify the rank and polictial correctness of our "comarde."

all workers are happily subject to the greater good

confirm distance to target

one ping only

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Comrade One Ping Only, I am but a humble servant of The People. I have long toiled in the more decandent corners of the internet. My trusty Tokarev has helped me cleanse various forums of incorrect thought and capitalist trolls who spam said forums with ads for various unregulated products.

As a Commissar and humble servant of The People on other boards, I was thilled to discover a like-minded collective here at The People's Cube. I offer myself to the service of The Greater Good and the Beloved Leader of this humble People's forum in spreading our glorious People's Revolution. The use of "quotation marks" is certainly acceptable in service to The People, although precise explaination as to why should not be neccessary to explain amongst true Party Members. Da, comrade?

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one ping only wrote:good strong proletariat cabbage farts
Are you sure comrade you didn't mean to say "good strong proletariat cabbage Arts?" See, a Liberal Arts program at the Columbia University here in NY has an opening and I'm sure they'd love to have a good strong proletariat educator like you to fill the position.

Commissar M wrote:I have long toiled in the more decandent corners of the internet. My trusty Tokarev has helped me cleanse various forums of incorrect thought and capitalist trolls who spam said forums with ads for various unregulated products.
Welcome to the Gulagosphere, comrade! Relax and enjoy being a mote of a vast collective! (Don't mind the barbed wire).

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Comrade Red Square, I feel humbled and honored to receive welcome from you, the Glorious Leader of this great People's Collective. Thank you! The barbed wire does not concern me because there is obviously a good reason for it to be there. Obviously, it helps to protect The People from invasion by vile, fascist-rightist reactionaries.

I appreciate the invitation to relax and enjoy. However, as a humble servant of The People, there is little time for such things. My service to The Greater Good is enjoyment enough... along with my occasional rations of vodka. Although it is decadent western vodka (Skyy) rather than good Russian vodka, it IS at least still bottled in the glorious People's Republic of San Francisco (had to check the label... *WHEW*).

Forward to Revolution, comrades!

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Sickening, absolutely sickening display of right-wing skin that demoralizes our brave heros of the revolution who are currently breaking rocks at Gulag № 26 (and making glue). Give me Helen in a G-string anyday!

But there is a more sinister undertone to this picture. Obviously we have agent provacteurs in the Nutroots commune and the whole Gulagosphere® respectively. This picture is..... BLANTANT RACISM!! INTOLERANT, INSENSITIVE RACISM!!! These saboteurs at Wankette and whoever the hell those other nobodies are have implied that all persons of Asian descent look alike. This is intolerable, that is of course unless they are registered Democrats, then and only then can this observation be deemed acceptable. "Remember the Macaca™!! Remember the MACACA™!!"

--Chairman Meow

commisar M !

Da, comrade?

da most surely. double good duck speak


confirm distance to target

one ping only

The "Wonkette" is a known dog molester. I have photos of her with her latest conquest, an underage bitch named Sally:

<img src="https://www.nickdenton.org/image/wonkette_and_dog.jpg">

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Dog molester?? Oh, I see. THREE STANDING OVATIONS FOR THE DOG MOLESTER!

Chairman Meow S. Pun wrote:Dog molester?? Oh, I see. THREE STANDING OVATIONS FOR THE DOG MOLESTER!

I speak for Big Brother and all the other comrades of Glorious Oceania when I see your heroic exposure of yet more reactionary capitalist perverts and sex fiends!

In Oceania we have defeated the orgasm thru the leadership of Big Brother.

---Comrade Winston Smith of the Ministry of Truth

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Oceania? Hell, I cant find North Amerika on a map much less that place. Any who, abandon your false faith in Big Brother (which is offensive to womyn) and come embrace the mighty benevolence of Her Red Majesty, Hillary. And then and only then may you have all the orgasms your heart desires with all the various persons/animals/plants/oatmeals and small appliances Her Excellency has to offer! LIBERATE YOURSELF COMRADE SMITH, BREAK THE CHAINS OF SEXUAL OPPRESSION AND CAPITALIST EXPLOITATION, FLEE TO THE WEST! FLEE TO SAN-FRANCISCO! Oh Comrade Smith! Come into the light of the Demokratic Party and see the progress we are going to make!!!!

3 Standing Ovulations then for Citizen Sobaka Stroker, Comrade Winston.
Say hi to Julia in room 101 for me, will ya?

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Chairman Meow S. Pun wrote: Come into the light of the Demokratic Party and see the progress we are going to make!!!!

Comrade Chairman, your words have filled me with an almost dizzying degree of hope and joy... oddly, not much different than the sick feeling I would have were I a vile facsist-rightist reactionary. It reminds me that it will not be long now before our DnC comrades retake POWER from... uh, FOR The People and are restored to their rightful and just place as the sole Party of The People and the exclusive holders of all political power. Forward to the polls! Vote early, vote often, vote Demokrat! Forward to the glorious Revolution of Progressive Democracy, open borders, world peace and everlasting Demokrat rule!

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As a physician, I am sworn to patient confidentiality. However, I can tell you that I have examined a certain red-headed blogger and that she has had more "Dicks" in her than the phone book. In addition, she has herpes, anal warts, syphillomidia, crabulous vaginitis and the simian AIDS virus. Of course, this is all between all of you and me.

Commissar M wrote:
Chairman Meow S. Pun wrote: Come into the light of the Demokratic Party and see the progress we are going to make!!!!

Comrade Chairman, your words have filled me with an almost dizzying degree of hope and joy... oddly, not much different than the sick feeling I would have were I a vile facsist-rightist reactionary. It reminds me that it will not be long now before our DnC comrades retake POWER from... uh, FOR The People and are restored to their rightful and just place as the sole Party of The People and the exclusive holders of all political power. Forward to the polls! Vote early, vote often, vote Demokrat! Forward to the glorious Revolution of Progressive Democracy, open borders, world peace and everlasting Demokrat rule!

Comrades! In our Grand&Glorious Oceania of 1984, Big Brother has ended the reactionary capitalist practice of voting. Instead,when it comes time for an election, BB, simply asks all comrades to flush their toilets. If the water pressue drops, BB and THE PARTY of INSOC wins yet another election.

It seems the Democratic Party's efforts to provide free government education through the glorious institution of the Community College has paid off. With the wondorous degree known as "Graphic Design," scores of young, unskilled Progressives have "done what it takes!" to "skyrocket their career!" into unchartered waters of media manipulation...err, photoshopping, to remove unsightly photographic *dust marks.*

Michelle Malkin in the bikini (and seemingly unproportionately tiny head) looks almost as good as this austere Canadian solider grieving for the U.S. occupation of Iraq.

Praise to the spirit of Liberalism! All hail Progress!!

BeHtty can weh cee zee woh-man froome zee buhrrgur kink coh -mur-shell wif zee sew-vee-ette moo-dell in beech vere ....Plees tell Cher-Man Meow zat vee ar dingink dee-ches heer at Gulag not brake-ink roks...

I have heard that one of the people most annoyed at Ms. Malkin is "Flat Gareth," who lives by the "sluttification principle". Indeed, one must admit that Michelle is working against the "greater good" for men like Gareth, and for fraternities everywhere.

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I find Ms. Malkin the farthest thing from visually appeasing, she couldnt hold up a light to Her Grace Madeline Albright (PBUH). Dearest friend General Ivan (Ret.) ditches work, I would much rather burn all the files that link Party officials to sweet-heart deals and the Foley dirt we've been sitting on, but burying them might be just as good, opps, did I just make that public?? We are going to need someone to edit that statement... Oh, and Ivan. If you see Comrade Yaakov there at the Gulag, tell him I am working hard to get him out early, he is a dear old friend who took the fall for me a number of times. Tell him I am looking after his wife while he is away (among other things if you are catching my drift, heh heh heh ;-))

For the Glory of Wealth Re-Distribution,
Chairman Meow S. Pun PCVA

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Hey, I see this going on at my skool all the time, only it's with guys instead of girls.

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Premier Betty wrote:Hey, I see this going on at my skool all the time, only it's with guys instead of girls.

And a good and right thing it occurs amongst our younger male comrades! Well, as long as there aren't any old gay RepugliKKKans around to interfere with their natural and Progressive behaviour. Then it would foul and disgusting.

This will show the capitalists! We use photo editing software (that is sold for profit) to make pictures that never existed! This is the greatest progressive offensive against capitalism since the first Che shirt clad college students discovered Starbucks!

Speakink ovf pro-fit vee ar makink pleenty ovf gluhe (for North Korion See -cret weh-ponds Proh-gram). Vee receve Sheep-mint ovf Poh-stirs ovf Helleen Toe-Moss Miny Sanks To BeHtty ...Zee Coomandont ovf Gool-ag sayz nu ree-ed-ewe-ka-shun bee-coz zere iz no sim-pathy For North Kor-ions. Hevry won at Gool-ag haz tewe go tewe Columbia Uni-Vur-City phor spee-tch froom zee grate Jon KeRRi. Vee ar awl Lookink phor-word tewe 37 our Bohs Cahr Rihde . Theen vee vill take 12 day rihde on Chinese joonker to grate sity of San Fran-ceas-co...Coomrad Yaakov ant zee veel-age -eediot haf not been ceen in veeks???Vood Lieke tewe fine A woh-man vile visitink U.S. she must be abl to deeg awl day haf meeny rec-i-peas for Poh-Tahe-Toes ant Bee as Pruty az Hell-een Toe-mos ... moost hone colt veather cloe-think and peek ant Showe-vel Plees cind Peek sheer ovf peek ant show vel ...Beehtyy vee wood Lieke to vee-zit yoor Skool ivf zee ar plenty ovf goot Deemo-cratik pee-poles to speek zeer ovf glori-fide Hate Mon-Gore-ink leedrs orh May-bee a Bi-Bill burnink wif AMeriKan FLag zat wood bee very Pleec-ink phor ewes..

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General Ivan wrote:Speakink ovf pro-fit vee ar makink pleenty ovf gluhe (for North Korion See -cret weh-ponds Proh-gram). Vee receve Sheep-mint ovf Poh-stirs ovf Helleen Toe-Moss Miny Sanks To BeHtty ...Zee Coomandont ovf Gool-ag sayz nu ree-ed-ewe-ka-shun bee-coz zere iz no sim-pathy For North Kor-ions. Hevry won at Gool-ag haz tewe go tewe Columbia Uni-Vur-City phor spee-tch froom zee grate Jon KeRRi. Vee ar awl Lookink phor-word tewe 37 our Bohs Cahr Rihde . Theen vee vill take 12 day rihde on Chinese joonker to grate sity of San Fran-ceas-co...Coomrad Yaakov ant zee veel-age -eediot haf not been ceen in veeks???Vood Lieke tewe fine A woh-man vile visitink U.S. she must be abl to deeg awl day haf meeny rec-i-peas for Poh-Tahe-Toes ant Bee as Pruty az Hell-een Toe-mos ... moost hone colt veather cloe-think and peek ant Showe-vel Plees cind Peek sheer ovf peek ant show vel ...Beehtyy vee wood Lieke to vee-zit yoor Skool ivf zee ar plenty ovf goot Deemo-cratik pee-poles to speek zeer ovf glori-fide Hate Mon-Gore-ink leedrs orh May-bee a Bi-Bill burnink wif AMeriKan FLag zat wood bee very Pleec-ink phor ewes..

I find it amazing that you people think I butcher the language...

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No George. You murder the language. Can't you even get that right?

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George W. Bush wrote: I find it amazing that you people think I butcher the language...

You people!? What is that supposed to mean? I am OFFENDED. Racist warmonger!

Cher-man hu Iz Zis Jorge Buesch Vi doos He Hate me Sew Much!!!???


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General Ivan wrote:Cher-man hu Iz Zis Jorge Buesch Vi doos He Hate me Sew Much!!!???

There there General Ivan (Ret.), Its ok, he doesnt like you because you were once great Soviet Marshall of the glorious Motherland who trampled on millions of dissidents, and he was'nt. He is a WHITE CHR***IAN MALE! Hissssss! Oh and he is just a warmongering oil thirsty bad man! No Blood for [insert cause]!

General Ivan,

I personally love the way you speak. It's very sexy. How about we meet for some vodka later, babushka?

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Yes, I am really turned on by that. Thank You Red Square!!!

P. Brezhnev, leader of CCCP

Dearest Ivana ,
I would Love to meet and have Vodka and Now that I have this new software program that allows me to speak plane EnGlish Ican also invite you to watch my personal archives of dissident putdowns...they have just been upgraded to 8mm black and white still no sound but I can explain the events for you as they unfold...

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Comrade Nokky wrote

has anyone read comrade malkins brilliant book defending the internment of enemies of the state?

naturally it has upset the anti-state capitalist pigdogs at reason magazine

Hear Hear! Of course it was Rovian trickery to use an Asian-American to defend the horrible Gulags in KKKalifornia during the Great Patriotic War. Roosevelt, the Warmonger!
Not to mention those poor German illegal immigrants who washed up on shore in civilian clothes and should have been afforded full US Constitutional rights and never held in captivity. Why? Why, I ask? Military tribunals? No, they should of had somebody like Lynne Stewart defend them and only charged with a misdemeanor.....after all, they didn't blow anything up.
Thank goodness for "Reason".


 
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