"The Pentagon released the results of their secret research despite our strongest objections," said Bill Keller, the executive editor of The Times, in an urgent statement. "It can seriously damage our ability to gather and publish information that is harmful to the United States."
"This is clearly a retaliation for our recent exposure of the US surveillance of foreign bank transactions, as well as our diagram revealing weak spots in US military gear," Keller continued. "But the both stories presented a great public interest. We are an international paper serving the world community, and if al-Qaeda subscribers of the New York Times are interested in how they can inflict the most damage on imperialist Western crusaders, it is our obligation to provide them with a diagram."
Original NYT diagram reveals US armor vulnerabilities
"It's a disgrace," retorted Keller in his statement. "Only we can decide what the world has the right to know. It is our God-given monopoly. The Pentagon ought to think harder whether a public's right to know might overwrite somebody's right to work against this country and its government."
"The Times have long been acting like spoiled brats that kick their parents in the shin knowing full well that the parents won't retaliate and will still protect them," the Secretary of Defense concluded. "We thought we might teach them a little lesson in responsibility by walking away and just leaving them alone in the street for a while."
US military retaliates by researching weak spots in reporters' body armor
On a side note, is the NYT going to receive medals on behalf of the People because of their glorious efforts to inflict defeat on the capitalist Amerikkkans?
Che BaabaabooieMy only concern is why isn the New York Times investigating Global Warming a little more. I mean both coasts could be under water in a manner of minutes!!!!! Then ManBear Pig will be the Overlord the United States and Al Gore will be sad. He was the only voice of reason man!!!!!
I agree, comrade. We need to listen to Comrade, I mean President Gore more. Few things scare me more than ManBearPig being supreme Overlord. After all, he is half man, half bear, and half pig. This combination frightens me alot. And yes, I am being super, super serial. Maybe the Times can publish one of their famous exposes exposing that the Bush regime had a plan to wage war on the environment.