
leave your tongue and the nation's memory sparkling clean and ready for your leadership. PeopleSpeak™ mouth detergent and word-replacement formula works by filtering out inappropriate statements, automatically replacing them with nurturing words that reach into people's hearts and establish the positive model of care, motherhood, breastfeeding, and unconditional handouts. To prove its effectiveness, our scientists took some of the most vulgar statements made by Hillary Clinton over the years - and, by using the PeopleSpeak™ automated transformation process, converted them into a product suitable for the Good Morning America show with Diane Sawyer.
The chart below illustrates how this revolutionary formula helps
to frame the debate in the most favorable terms for our customers.
| Hillary Clinton's documented statements | The PeopleSpeak™ Version |
"You f**king idiot." | You are a disadvantaged victim of the unenlightened society. Have a candy. |
"Get f**ked! Get the f**k out of my way!!! Get out of my face!!!" | How do you like my healthcare proposal that would include free facelifts? I want to make sure that all needy Americans can socialize more effectively and find adequate sex partners. |
"Where's the miserable c*ck sucker?" | Where's the happy activist for Rainbow Coalition whom I hired out of respect for alternative lifestyles? |
"Where is the G-damn f**king flag? I want the G-damn f**king flag up every f**king morning at f**king sunrise." | Oh say can you see the poor people's flag? I want it up by the dawn's early light! It gives me proof through the day of my benevolent power o'er the land of the sick and the home of the uninsured. |
"You sold out, you mother f**ker! You sold out!" | It is a disgrace that mothers in this country are forced to sell their children to keep up with the growing gasoline prices. |
F**k off! It's enough that I have to see you shit-kickers every day, I'm not going to talk to you too!! Just do your G*damn job and keep your mouth shut." | Did you take that free colonoscopy test I recommended? One day I'll make the diagnostics for gastrointestinal disorders a free mandatory procedure for all working Americans. No exceptions! |
"Put this on the ground! I left my sunglasses in the limo. I need those sunglasses. We need to go back!" | Fly faster! I must get to a TV camera before every middle class citizen in this great country dies of hunger, desperation, and lack of affordable housing. Americans can't wait for me to look them in the eye and give them hope! |
"If you want to remain on this detail, get your f**king ass over here and grab those bags!" | I think this heavy bag has just pulled my arm out of its socket. But never mind me, run quickly and feed those starving children! |
"Stay the f**k back, stay the f**k away from me! Don't come within ten yards of me, or else! Just f**king do as I s ay, Okay!!!?" | With my arm out of the socket I'm slowing down your steady progress. Leave me here to die, I implore you! I'm ordering you as your future president! The American people must be taken good care of, with or without me! |
A right-wing network was after his presidency...including perverting the Constitution." | Doesn't the Constitution say that every American regardless of race, gender, or sexual preference has an inalienable right to a rationing coupon? |
"What are you doing inviting these people into my home? These people are our enemies! They are trying to destroy us!" | Of course we welcome everyone to partake in our collective effort to build an equitable, sustainable campaign fund, open to donations from every single person on the planet. |
"Come on Bill, put your dick up! You can't f**k her here!!" | Bill, why don't you write a check to Make-A-Wish Foundation? Let's teach this dying child the value of delayed gratification. What do you mean she's not dying? There, she's dying now! |
"Why do I have to keep proving to people that I am not a liar?!" | Lie is a non-word devised by the right-wing network to distract me from redistributing their wealth for the Common Good. All words are equal, so I can choose any words I want as long as they get me to the Common Good faster. |
Don't start your political campaign with a filthy mouth!
Maintain a steady progress towards the Common Good™ with PeopleSpeak™!
LISTEN TO WHAT OUR SATISFIED CUSTOMERS ARE SAYING...
| John Edwards: By preventing embarrassing dirty-mouth moments and covering up existing blemishes, the PeopleSpeak™ double-action formula will give you that spotless legacy you always wanted, driving your ratings up all the way to the public office. |
| Diane Feinstein: I voted for appropriations worth billions to my husband's firms, but thanks to PeopleSpeak™ all the voters could hear was that I care about the children and that I'm willing to sacrifice my personal interests for the Common Good. |
| Harry Reid: Every time someone mentions my lack of spine, duplicity, or shady land deals, a generous application of PeopleSpeak™ eliminates any traces of wrongdoing and restores a healthy balance of power. |
| Rev. Al Sharpton: With PeopleSpeak™ I can say anything I goddamn want - and all you dummies will hear is how sensitive I am to your goddamn pain. Hell, if it weren't for PeopleSpeak™ I might actually have to work as a minister in some goddamn church and speak from a filthy pulpit instead of posh TV studios! |
| Barney Frank: I used to have a male prostitution ring run from my home, but an application of PeopleSpeak™ made it sound as if I supported sexual minorities in their struggle against oppression. It pays to be a dedicated PeopleSpeak™ user! |
| John McCain: When I was PeopleSpeak™user the media loved me. I was always on TV with celebrities, speaking against torture and stuff. Then I skipped a dose... The media dumped me and I became just another Republican nobody. I thought they liked me - but it was PeopleSpeak™ in me that they liked! |
| Ted Kennedy: The great people of Massachusetts are increasingly getting spoiled, asking me to cuddle with them when I'm not in the mood. That's when I let PeopleSpeak™ talk for me. I have discovered that a mix of PeopleSpeak™ and scotch is the greatest invention since scotch! |
| George Soros: With my billions of dollars I don't even have to use PeopleSpeak™, but I tried it just for kicks - and now I'm addicted. It makes me commiserate with the downtrodden! To sit on a golden toilet and commiserate with the downtrodden is a thrill you've got to experience for yourself in order to understand it. |
PeopleSpeak™ Mouth Detergent
Carefully formulated for the dirtiest People's Leaders

Premier Betty
PeopleSpeak chugging contest!Komrade Zarkof
Yes, this may present the Party with the means to generate hard cash for Party approved projects. Like any good heroin pusher, we can charge these politicians a lower price to begin with and the closer to the election, we can charge a higher price for People Speak™. I put it out for the consideration of the Party.Komrade Zarkof
Yes, this may present the Party with the means to generate hard cash for Party approved projects. Like any good heroin pusher, we can charge these politicians a lower price to begin with and the closer to the election, we can charge a higher price for People Speak™. I put it out for the consideration of the Party.Red Square
Excellent suggestions, Comrades Hasan and Vodkov! I only wish I had your help when I compiled a similar list for Pajamas Media -Quote:
Is there a similar product to correct this sad sorry state of affairs?AbecedariusRex
Or perhaps some sort of vapor rub?Comrad Bubalasky
Premier Betty
PeopleSpeak chugging contest!
AbecedariusRex
Comrad Bubalasky
Premier Betty
PeopleSpeak chugging contest!




Comrade TankoGrad
You know that will just get them started again right?
pr3m13r b377y
7H47 15 4 \/3RY 3DUK4710N4L P1K7U3R, 8U7 1 D1D 54Y 8008Z, N07 455 & L3G5. 833R D053N'7 H4\/3 2 8 1N 73H P1C, 8U7 1 51LL R353R\/3 73H R1GH7 70 H0LD 0U7 4 80085.
Ivan Betinov
Teacher! Betty's makin' terroristic thre-yats!
Premier Betty
Yes, but that picture has already served its purpose, if I ever choose to hold another topic ransom I will require fresh material.


Quote:
I hate the term "Swiftboating." I hate how the name of the boats we honored when we were in uniform in Vietnam has become a verb for the twisted politics of Karl Rove.Quote:
We can't let the right-wing steal another election with lies and distortions.Maksim Maksimovich
More pathetic whining from non-person K.Quote:
We can't let the right-wing steal another election with lies and distortions.
Quote:
TheCommissarka Pinkie
Commissarka Pinkie

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