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Reid Offers Burris The Three-Fifths Compromise

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The Supreme Court's decision to review the refusal by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (who is white) to allow a seat in the Senate to appointed Illinois Senator Roland Burris (who is black) has caused Mr. Reid to offer a compromise in the form of "separate but equal facilities for colored senators" and 3/5 of a vote for Mr. Burris. "My offer is backed by not only legal precedent and a long-standing tradition of the Democrat Party which I represent," said Reid, "but also by Article I of the Constitution which I revere. If that's not progressive generosity, nothing is."

When asked whether this demonstrated racist attitudes in the Democrat Party, Reid angrily fired back, "No one has done more for people of color than the Democrats. Burris ought to have the intelligence to recognize that and show a little gratitude by going away."

Bristling with disgust, Nancy Pelosi joined her Senate counterpart in refuting the charges of Democrat racism. "These allegations are utterly false because we once had a black maid and a Hispanic lawn worker. It's Republicans (hello!) who mistreat minorities by assuming they're as capable as anyone else."

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"We all want a peaceful resolution," said Reid. "An acrimonious court case would only distract us from the important business of imposing more legislation on minorities to keep them in their place for their own good. Accusations of us being racist and uncaring are especially hurtful given the fact we just passed a bill authorizing the purchase of a new water fountain devoted solely to people of color in our senate chamber."

Roland Burris did not respond to any media inquiries since none were made. However, he did later state "off the record" that 3/5 of a vote was better than nothing, and that he was looking forward to the day when blacks will be treated as equals in the US Senate.

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Ssssssshhhhhhh Komissar! You have let the cat out of the bag there! We all support affirmative action although it automatically assumes that the recipients are inferior because they can't take care of themselves without tax dollars from the evil middle class. This is all about taxing the middle class to death, not minorities. We couldn't care less about them. They are only our tools. But this is a secret because we Care. Socialism is caring and we love minorities who are oppressed by ... uhhh the middle class! Yes, we are punishing the middle class for oppressing minorities, that's it!

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Reid neglected to mention that Burris will also have to ride in the back of the Senate's underground trolley car and yield his seat to the full (5/5) voting members. This is because George Bush told Dick Cheney to hold all the TARP funds hostage unless the Senators acquiesed. When asked to comment, Bush replied, "Hoo hahahaha" and clasped his hands like Snidely Whiplash.


What, Comrade Reid is checking to see if the "stimulus" package works on hemorrhoids as well as the USSA??

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Thank goodness Harry is the Senate's leader...
Can you smell that? It's the smell of victory in Iraq!
Soon Harry will be wearing the laurels since he and General Petreaus agreed on the surge!
We must wait for his O'liness to be annointed first, then we'll begin re-writing history.
To quote Harry: "So it's, it's—historians will have to talk about what the war in Iraq did. But I think historians today indicate, as I have, the outline that I've given."

Remember Comrades!
If The Party™ said so, it is so!

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Kommissar Vodkov wrote:Ssssssshhhhhhh Komissar! You have let the cat out of the bag there!

Do I detect some specieism there Kommissar? Your statement implies that allowing this news out is in someway bad because a cat is evil or.... Er.... never mind, carry on Dear Kommissar.


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3/5 compensation is the approved rate for comrades of color per Central Party Progressive Payment Computations Committee. That is the traditional rate of reparation @ cotton communes & Congress alike & there is no need for revision now, imho.


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Marshal Pupovich wrote:
Kommissar Vodkov wrote:Ssssssshhhhhhh Komissar! You have let the cat out of the bag there!

Do I detect some specieism there Kommissar? Your statement implies that allowing this news out is in someway bad because a cat is evil or.... Er.... never mind, carry on Dear Kommissar.

I admit it comrade. I don't like cats. However, I love dogs. Not small yapping dogs or bulldogs but most other dogs.

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I see that I am surrounded by kunobrotophiles. I'm an ailurophile myself. The cat is the perfect progressive animal: concerned with its own comfort, quite selfish, determined to do what it wants. The only problem though is that it buries its own shit, which no progressive would ever do.

We shit all over the place and leave it to the Rethuglicans to take care of while we mock them.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:I see that I am surrounded by kunobrotophiles. I'm an ailurophile myself. The cat is the perfect progressive animal: concerned with its own comfort, quite selfish, determined to do what it wants. The only problem though is that it buries its own shit, which no progressive would ever do.

We shit all over the place and leave it to the Rethuglicans to take care of while we mock them.

Commissar Theocritus, you are wise in the ways of the Collective! Your words are true and show great insight. I must advise you, however, that progressive felines in China have abandoned the anal-retentiveness of their species. Since the great Cultural Revolution, feces are freely left for others to deal with. And since I joined Chairman Mao's Inner Circle, I have had people to come behind me to clean up my messes. Sort of like Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi, except my people knew their shit.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:The cat is the perfect progressive animal: concerned with its own comfort, quite selfish, determined to do what it wants.

I agree with you 110% Commissar, which is the reason I have always been shocked, yet wondering about his true beliefs, when confronted with the insane, "alleged" conservative, Rush Limbaugh's love for cats.

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Commissar Theocritus wrote:I see that I am surrounded by kunobrotophiles. I'm an ailurophile myself. The cat is the perfect progressive animal: concerned with its own comfort, quite selfish, determined to do what it wants. The only problem though is that it buries its own shit, which no progressive would ever do.

We shit all over the place and leave it to the Rethuglicans to take care of while we mock them.

Ah, yes, besides being a Texan, being an ailurophiliac will work to your favor some day my dear Commissar.

Afterall, when felines are no longer worshipped and put first by the humans, we will finally get around to implementing our plan of world domination. Right now, things aint too bad.

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Back to the topic at hand...


Wait a minute, wait a minute....dammit, Neo took the wrong pill again!!!
I thought THE ONE was gonna have this movie edited and take his rightful title!



Sorry, back to the topic at hand....

What the hell is wrong with being offered a three fifths comprimise?

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Especially a fine russian potato vodka such as this Treasure of Russia.

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Citizen's

When I saw the "header" for this discussion, I wrongly assumed that Reid was going to reduce his drinking because of an "intervention" by Burris. I now understand that only "devine intervention" will save Reid at this point! I will remove Reid from the collective Kidney donor list!


Drink up Comrades!
Publius


 
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