Margaret

Premier Betty
The proof is undeniable.
Komissar Blogunov
Pearl Harbor was an inside job! Bush knew! The evidence advanced by LooseScrews is absolutely conclusive. And why did Bush declare war on Germany!? Germany had nothing to do with Pearl Harbor, no alliance with Japan (another Bush lie!), and was only looking for their place in the sun. That niggardly Chamberlain only allowed them the Sudetenland; of course it wasn’t big enough! Oh, how different the world would be if the Supreme Court hadn’t stolen the 1940 election from Algore!
Komissar Blogunov
Oh yeah, Reelect Gore in '44!
Branish
The sinking of the USS Maine in Havana harbor was an inside job too. Bush planted explosives, and blamed the sinking of the battleship on the Spanish, so he could mislead Amerikka into a war in Cuba for cigars!
I have been working on my own theory, that Bush sank the Titanic as well. Think about it! Why did only the wealthy capitalists survive?! Because Bush made sure the poor third class passengers would go down with the ship! And he purposely led the ship on a route that he knew was full of icebergs! As Rosie O'Donnell and other 9/11 Truth people know, fire can't melt steel. So why are we taught that an ice cube can break through a steel ship? NO! BUSH PLANTED EXPLOSIVES IN THE TITANIC!
Red Square
Comrade Branish -
These are some of the soundest conspiracy theories I have ever heard. We must nurture and cultivate every solid, healthy, useful, and politically correct conspiracy theory that serves the Greater Good™!
Chairman M. S. Punchenko

Let us not forget the Hindenburg either, comrades! Of course there is proof that the Joooooooo played a hand in both the Titanic inside job as well as the Hindenburg inside job! How do I know this? Easy... notice "Berg/Burg" in both "Ice-Berg" and "Hindenburg"... both are clearly Jooooooooooo surnames, the connection is there! And what about Hurricane Katrina and the levees??? Hmmm? What about levees??? Once again, we know Bush/Cheney/Rove planted explosives ALONG with Mossad members... "Levee" can also be "Levi"... another Joooooooo surname and a good enough reason for me to petition to total taxation of Big Levi Jeans and other companies that profit off of what we wear!
Let me see... hmmmm, Hindenburg is also German, so naturally Bush/Cheney/Rove/Mossad were conspiring with the Nazis to usurp People's Power in some odd way or another!
(I still haven't figured out WHY they did this... but I'm sure it had something to do with oil, blood, war profits and stealing an election!)
Coincidence? Ha! I think not, comrades! We must keep digging for truth! SPEAK TRUTH TO POWER, EVEN IF IT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!

Father Prog Theocritus
Comrades, a new translation of Nostradamus has just revealed that it would be proven by The New York Times in 2008 that at the conflux of the Tigris and Euphrates rivers in Mesopotamia the American soldiers would find evidenced that the serpent who tempted Eve was George W. Bush. With an apple covered by Alar manufactured by Bush family interests, when they weren't burning down orphanages.
George W. Bush is also the man who made sure that it is impossible to divide by zero, and since there is no such thing as the log of 0, it is mathematically impossible to prove that it doesn't matter how much money of others' you take because what you want is all that matters. George W. Bush is not a friend to Socialism.
Comrade Otis
Father Prog Theocritus
Comrade Otis, if you wish, you may join me in sequestering scientists in my little Colorado valley, called after the man I bought it from, a fellow with the peculiar name of Galt. Odd fellow with gray eyes. After world socialism reigns there will be, of course, no more medical advances save those for information retrieval and crowd control, but there are things of interest to me which fall outside that.
I have already gotten the top researchers at Merck and Glaxo, and the best doctors from Baylor in Houston. Do you have any others to add?
Zampolit Blokhayev
This explains the strawberries too!!! BUSH IS THE ONE WHO STOLE THE STRAWBERRIES
Ahh, but the strawberries that's... that's where I had them. They laughed at me and made jokes but I proved beyond the shadow of a doubt and with... geometric logic... that a duplicate key to the Politboro icebox DID exist, and I'd have produced that key if they hadn't of pulled out of Czechoslovakia. I, I, I know now they were only trying to protect some fellow kulaks...
Coincidence, comrades??? I think not!!!
--
Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev
Grand Inquisitor for the Reformed Chuch of Latter Day Climatology (The Goremons) and Defender of the Strawberries
Komissar Blogunov
Branish
Father Prog Theocritus
Yes, comrades, all must have the same opinion and march in lockstep one with another to the same tune. The only problem is who controls the piper. Reid is toast.
Comrade Otis
Burnt toast.
I've been thinking about this place in the Colorado valley you mentioned, brother Theocritus. When it all hits the fan that valley will need a Karl Marx Treatment Center.
Father Prog Theocritus
Ah, Comrade Otis, herein we need to be sophisticated in our analysis. It will not do, of course, to apply the same medicine to all, for some of us are so highly tuned to progressive analysis that it would be selfish--quelle horreur!--of us to keep it all for ourselves. The intellectual engine of our control, er, benefaction, is too good to keep all to ourselves.
Never forget the Edwardian English noblewoman who said that sex is too good for the masses. Think of what she meant, but turn it round in two different ways.
A Karl Marx Treatment Center might be a good idea, to help those of us in Galt's Gulch detox from the outside. For do we really want to keep all the Marxism for ourselves? We, and this is heretical, want things to work. For us.
Chairman M. S. Punchenko

Father Prog Theocritus
Chairman, chairman! Relax. Your suite is ready, with en suite Lucullan bath and an entire seraglio. Yes, we were in preparation for the end times, when the invisible hand of Adam Smith knocks the shit out of everyone and everything, and we've delayed it so long that the destruction will be total and absolute. There will be rioting and people will worship animals and trees. Oh. Has that happened? Otis, are we perhaps ahead of our schedule on the revolution or behind our schedule on Galt's Gulch? Under no circumstances do we want to be out in the cold on Der Tag.
Our Many Titted Empress, stalwart soul that she is, has decided to ride it out in the world herself. She knows it's a high-risk game, for although her power will be absolute, when cannibalism starts up, she will have to ensure an army of vagitarians as her bodyguards, or the masses, who have cleaned out the Midwestern meat-packing plants, will be aiming for her next.
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
Enemies.... enemies are everywhere! Yes, I can hear them in shadows conspiring, conspiring of awful reactionary things! We must be vigilant <rocks back and forth, smells fingers> they're after my money, yes, they want it all for themselves! <pulls out pistol> I won't let them get to me, no, I won't let them! I have a list... a long list of those who have failed! They have all failed and that is why Her Excellency is not getting the support that rightfully belongs to her! Weeds are popping up everywhere, choking the life of our beautiful red socialist roses! Yes! Who sent you!? What do you want from me!? Get away! Get away from me! I know nothing! NOTHING I TELL YOU! NOTHING AT ALL! <scurries away>
Father Prog Theocritus
Since I do not have an avatar, which might be rectified since I've taken delivery of the new Photoshop, no one knows my appearance, which is how I like it. Do you recall the first Bond Movie Dr. No? I look somewhat like Dr. No, with his, shall we say, interest in world domination. But on my mother's side is Jaba the Hut.
I am the spider in the middle of the web, knowing everything, seeing everything, and everything that happens wobbles my web. Do not worry, Meow; for your invaluable services to the Party I shall make sure that you are well taken care of. And not in the way that I took care of Craig Livingstone, either.
$.$. Halliburton

Red Square
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
Does this mean I have to "sacrifice"? What does sacrifice mean anyways? Hmm, this word is foreign to me; I don't recall ever having to "sacrifice" - not even in the Glorious Soviet Union! No, my position allows me to go around this "sacrifice" everyone is speaking of. And speaking of speaking; is my SUV almost done, Ka-Ching? You promised me a bigger gas guzzling engine c/o the Halliburton Eco-Armageddon Division (and can I get couple hundred mercenaries as well? Some of my proles have been uprising and I don't have enough hired guns to quell the insurrection).
Thanks!
-- Meowsevich S. Punchenko
P.S - Put all of the above mentioned on my Credit Card. That stock option you gave me has been most generous lately, especially with Wall Street doing so well these days. My secretary (the one I'm currently sleeping with) will give you the number.
Father Prog Theocritus
$.$., you have opened my eyes. I had not known the power of literalism before and had needlessly complicated my life, and I thank you for my enlightenment.
Now that I know that gravity affects only an apple, I can quit my diet. Thank god Isaac Newton wasn't sitting under a tree with a fat queer in it. But then he might not have lived.
Chairman M. S. Punchenko

<sigh> I know you are playing for the other team, Commissar Theocritus, and that you are a protected minority class with special priviledges. But please, if you are to use the offensive Q-word, it would be best if you add "theory" at the end to make it legitimate as opposed to the bigoted form which you revel in. Right now, as I speak, about a billion active participants of alternative lifestyles are now marginalized and have no self-esteem after your blatant use of the Q-word. Right now, as I speak, Rush Limpballs is merrily laughing in his lair upon reading your bigoted hate-speech. Now then, I want you to say "People of Larger Girth Who Happen to be Queer Theory" instead of saying "fat queer". OK? That is all I ask of you.
We must be tolerant, even if that means being extremely intolerant to the point that we summarily execute anyone who offends another. We are, afterall, progressive minded people who must nurture the feelings of others - even if it entails death. Stalin would ask no less of us.

Father Prog Theocritus

Ah yes, Meow; I have sinned. I should be tolerant of everything except those who disagree with me. That is the Progressive Way. Recall the 19th Century English vegetarian who determined that it was barbaric to eat the flesh of animals and then went on to advocate murdering people who did not agree with him about murdering animals. Such purity of purpose, such fixity of will.
And we can look to people like him as role models--get an idea and then murder all who disagree with it. For after all, the only thing that matters in life is my concept of it, and if reality disagrees, then reality must change. I am in the process of cutting off Adam Smith's Invisible Hand. For if Adam Smith had not created it, then the glorious USSR would never have fallen, would it? Ned Ludd would be king of England. We would never have to fear that actions have consequences, would we?
So I shall deny the existence of Adam Smith's Invisible Hand, just as I shall deny the applicability of gravity to anything but an apple.

Chairman M. S. Punchenko

Exactly! Nothing matters and everything can be redefined! All you need is a few worthless credentials, a fancy title, and the Party's blessing! We ARE Science, History, Religion, Ect. We SAY what is white, what is black and what is gray. And the best part of it is we can take whatever we want whenever we want by simply making some random excuse.
Ex: My parents use to yell at me and my mind (backed by Science, wink wink, nudge nudge) has not fully developed. I'm weak and stupid.... gimme ur damn money!
Another Ex: I'm the product of a male dominated society that thrusted capitalism and the horrors of free-markets on me at a young age... even though I'm a male myself.... gimme ur damn money!
And if they so choose not to "gimme their damn money", I can then in turn sue them for even more money by crying discrimination, getting the media to pity me, and by starting a Political Action Group that will advocate for me and people like me. Progress is a wonderful thing! Simply because anything goes in our utopian paradise!

Father Prog Theocritus
A man educated by the credo of self-esteem prays only to himself and is a monster of ego, controllable by people who know how to work him. We get back to Rand. Again.
Chairman M. S. Punchenko

We need a forum where we can muse on our wonderful ideas for Global Workers' Revolution, Theocritus. Yes, we need more space, living space that is; to talk about how brilliant we are while pulling out nonsensical solutions to mankind’s suffering out of our bloated asses. A think-tank section, if you will. And if we so happen to accidentally come up with an idea already coined by someone else... well, we'll just take credit for it anyways and call it our own! THERE IS NO OWNERSHIP! WHAT IS YOURS IS MINE! I believe the time has come for the Cube to start creating People's Policy, policy that goes above and beyond the conventional thinking of what communism is and what it could become (if implemented correctly... or incorrectly... it really doesn't matter since both would yield equal outcomes). I noticed the CFK delved into some degree of where the Party stands on certain issues (Healthcare, Choice, Ect.) and maybe we should bring that to the Cube so that all of Gaia's children can become enligtened by OUR solutions to their problems.

Father Prog Theocritus

Ah, Meow, I do concur that we need a think tank, because it from it we can issue encyclicals, bulls, and diktats disguised as the sort of chin-pulling musings that are so influential among the braying classes. After all, where would be we without the Brookings Institute? It is true that once or twice, lately, they have done one or two things which have not been utterly control-the-sun loony left moonbat, but by far and large their influence has been much greater than the actual assemblage of learning and neurons.
Which leads me to posit Theocritus' General Bozon Theory. Bozo is the god of stupidity and the elemental particle is the Bozon. Whenever useful idiots get together they set up a bozon flux, which distorts reality. When three or more particuarly good exobozonic sources are gathered in Our Name, then a calculator will not give the same answer twice to the same problem.
So a think tank, yes, for you and me, but that one is not to be public. It is instead to feed a think tank which will be recognized by policy wonks and those sort of governmental officials who cannot tell the difference between fingering their tiny private parts and running an Excel spreadsheeet to winkle away others' money.
Meow, I detect a slight slipping on your part. Bear in mind that if we actually believe this and actually are in those think tanks, then that means that the world really could be like that, and I cannot bear the thought that there is not some sort of intelligent, evil and nasty, out there doing it. For Rand's idea that there is no devil with a sword but that the devil is mean, smutty, many and small is beyond my powers to bear.

Komissar Blogunov
Father Prog Theocritus
Glorious: resplendent, chryselephantine, diamantine, lapidary, ascendant, eschatological (and I mean that in a nice way)
Margaret

Father Prog Theocritus
Oops! I wet 'em. Margaret, you could change my luck. I am in thrall. I do a good line in sarcasm and flights of fancy; abuse simple and complicated, objurgation, contumely, billingsgate, clapperclaw and just plain simple nastiness but would never pick up the phone and assault one of the morons. Beneath me, I suppose.
My hat's off to you.
Red Bubba
"Interned"? As in, gave them opportunities like Komrad Klinton did for Monica Lewinski? Or "interred"? As in, I swallowed the ring, but later found it interred in commode?
Father Prog Theocritus
Interred, it is possible. But what about Christpher Hitchen's favorite, immerded? Particularly apropos regarding a toilet.
Hitchens is, by the way, an honorable leftist, which is not quite a contradiction in terms, but then since he had a shit-fight with the Stalin-suckers at The Nation, Katha Pollitt, who wrote the lapidary "Put Out No Flags" when her daughter wanted to do just that after 9/11, cannot mention his name without spitting. And who just became an American citizen on April 13, Thomas Jefferson's birthday, at the Jefferson Memorial.
Which begs the question if he's still a leftist. Bear in mind that Reagan started out as a union leader, and Irving Kristol, the father of the neo-cons, described himself as as a liberal mugged by reality. No chance of that with this sorry lot.
Zampolit Blokhayev
I too was lost! I voted for Reagan in 1980 and 1984.
But now I am found! Since then I was assimilated into the The Party(tm). Today, I lack identity as all good Socialists do, but I have purpose! A purpose to stand with the non-working peoples of America and the the world and to further the cause of our glorious revolution.
So there is hope!
Oh! Goody! It's time for my Latte. LUPE!!!!
--
Father Prog Theocritus

Comrade Blokhayev, I agree wholeheartedly with your stance of standing shoulder-to-shoulder with those who do not work, but let us never forget that someone, somewhere, has to work. Or else nothing would get done. But they must never know that they are as important as they really are for I've found, as all good socialists have before me, that if we tell them that they are doing a good job then they might notice that we are in fact not.
So we can never let up on the sneers, the accusations of being mean-spirited, which cannot be said without a hiss, and always the guilt, the guilt for achievement, for being white, for being male, and for being heterosexual. I do a rather nice line in looking down my nose at that. Although it quite ignores the fact that my parents were, in fact, straight.
But the secret of our success is to politicize facts, which ought to be neutral. But if we can make them charged with meaning, that means that we can subvert them and use them to our benefit, and deny, deny, deny, or finding recondite meanings when none are there.
And so lives the revolution!

Comrade Otis
Father Prog Theocritus

Of course we must politicize the personal, but facts too. For we are heavily invested in Global Warming™ as an avenue of control, are we not? The seas will lap the ski runs at Aspen if normal people continue to drive what they want, even though Laurie David, one of our moles, is permitted to charter a Gulfstream. Some people who are not on the A list have amassed a goodly number of facts which show that the sea will rise 7 to 21" at most in the next century. But that fact cannot be true for it is inconvenient and therefore it must be politicized.
To those of us in the Inner Circle, facts, if permitted to stay neutral, have the power to subvert and therefore each fact must be weighed as to whether it is a threat or a weapon. Or how it can be used, no matter what it is. A fact that is allowed to stand, unchallenged, without spin, might be dangerous. After all, that is the power of the Big Lie. And politicizing the personal is the means of attacking the facts--provenance is all. If George Bush says that 2 and 2 are 4, it is suspect. If Hillary Clinton, our Empress, says that National Health Care will work, then it will, and if she says that it will be paid for by Little Green Men from Mars, that will happen too.
The ideologues that we employ know, at some level, that facts cannot remain facts and must be used or denied, and that is the secret of the Big Lie, the very source of our strength.

Red Bubba
Father Prog Theocritus

Or, and this will set the world on fire, the lie that Obamarama is actually black for his mother is a white woman from the Midwest; he was raised, if I recall, principally by his white grandparents; he traveled to Africa to meet his father who had made many other little half-Obamas, scattering the African countryside. Not only does the world insist on people being in slots, it insists what slot you're to fit in. Tiger Woods, to his eternal credit, and there is much to give him credit for, resisted the siren call to trumpet black achievement. This on the idea that a qualifier diminishes the achievement. Calling Jane Austen the best woman's novelist relegates her to Barbara Cartland land--a low achievement. Absent the qualifier, she stands atop all novelists, which is her rightful place.
The brave and tireless Ward Connerly was castigated for refusing to be in on the con of "Affirmative Action" and that because he seems to have some black blood.
One experience with another man does not make a man gay, any more than one experience with a woman makes a gay man straight--I know this. On deciding to come out, I had some worries about being excommunicated from the right, but that has not happened. This is not 1973. But an expected delight is the outrage from the left that I have wandered off the reservation, and--get this--am no longer in on it.
By all means let us assign people to as many boxes as we may for they are easier to control that way. That strips them of individuality, which must be done, and forces them to adopt the lines of thought which are accepted. And when a spokesman for one of the five-star victim groups manages to dance just the right dance and be given a smile by The New York Times, and he is permitted to speak for that group, he is permitted to advance only in Party approved lines, for if he strays from the party line, as did Ward Connerly, then he is dangerous to us for how can we control independent actors and thinkers?
So, to ease our consolidation of power, everyone must be in a group, the group may have only a few spokesmen, who toe our line, and anyone who thinks independently or refuses to go into a group must be dealt with, and I propose the old-fashioned remedies of re-education camps and psychiatric hospitals.
Let there be no more Ward Connerlys, nor another Tiger Woods. Let there be no gay conservatives. To the wall with them all for thinking is a threat.

O'Brien

Father Prog Theocritus
O'Brien, let me suggest as a site for the Ministry of Love the Museum of Sex, in New York City. They are the ones displaying the bust of Our Many Titted Empress, and the sculptor, a man much advanced in our agenda, gushed that it showed her strength and sexiness, and posited that men were afraid of her sex. I don't know about you, but I just shit my pants thinking about it. About sex with her.
Lupe! Has that shipment of Prussic acid come in yet? I'll take it straight. To keep from becoming that...
And the bust itself. Have you seen it? The sinews in her neck, taut, vibrating--show a power and strength of purpose, and no chickens were harmed in the production of that bust.
Red Bubba
I am but a poor farmer, so I do not understand all that you say about labels, but I think I get the gist; some accomplishments should not be diluted by labels. For example, if Roseanne were not famous for being a fat stupid uneducated talentless lesbian, she would still be known as a great progressive thinker.
Komrade Hillary has told me not to fill in the mass grave, though, as it could come in handy.
Chairman M. S. Punchenko

I don't think it is a good idea to fill in the mass graves yet... not with it being the rainy season and all (can't have them bodies floating to the top, mind you).
Correction...
The Musuem of Hope has been put on the back burner because....uhhh....ummmm... I pissed through all the donations on hookers, booze, new furnishings and.... uhhhh... a few cars. Ummm, Dr. P had some gambling debts and I had to repay Commissar T. for drinking all of his choice wines... and...uhhh... I too had some gambling debts (I lost big at the Kentucky Derby and that swine Queen kept talking in my ear the whole time... stupid whore). Fear not though, O'Brien. Raising taxes will cover the cost of the museum and then some... I'm sure the Wealthiest 1% can foot the bill (as always)!
Oh piss, I forgot, Dr. P and I torched some fancy eatery in Tuscany because they refused to accept our welfare debit cards. Ahh yes, they cut them up I believe and said our stolen OPM is no good there.... HA!... We showed them, alright! You should have seen their faces when their life’s work was burning to the ground! $500 a plate my Soviet ass! I told them we only eat $800 a plate meals and that they BETTER accept our debit cards! I TOLD THEM, didn't I Dr. P? So yes, we had to pay for the meals as well.... all twelve of them (we had friends with us).

Father Prog Theocritus

Red Bubba, you do understand about labels. For example I could be awarded the label of being the best left-handed, blue-eyed, gay progressive living in West Texas, west of the Pecos, at an elevation of 2600 feet--2620 at the new house a quarter mile away--with 120 GB of ripped CDs on my 24" iMac, and my neighbor across the street could be the best unmarried swimming coach teaching at the high school across the street where I was valedictorian (not much of an achievement; no competition) in 1973. And so you see that everyone feels empowered, no one can feel threatened, and all feel entitled. To everything.
Whereas the truth is I am a red-of-tooth-and-claw, wallet-snatching, pogram-inducing, concentration-camp building nasty bit of work, the worst in AmeriKKKa, and T. across the street the most sullen, stupid, demanding, man-hating, even me, diesel dyke in the known universe who could crush a Coke bottle in her cooze and one day J. appeared with a cast on her arm.
So you see how useful labels are.
Chairman, the money that you gave me for the wines I thank you for. But it was really unnecessary as I'd gotten them from someone else who keeps a very good cellar. Or kept a very good cellar. I had one of my pool boys rub him just the right way while another of the pool boys with a natural flair for photography took some art shots, and I published them on a website needing a password to enter:
http://www.paytheocritus.gov, and emailed him the password. At the bottom of every page is a donation box and once I'd maxed out his Visa, MC and Amex, Platinum and Red, I went after his cellar. Silly fool; after he was cleaned out, I threw the website open to the public and emailed his wife the site, and the splash page shows him with a very contented and surprised look on his face and standing behind him is, well, let's say that that pool boy is not called Paolo but Caballo.
He had nothing more to give me, but I did it
pour encourager les autres, as that Froggie king said.
But your repayment did not go to waste. I have dedicated a wing in my psychiatric hospital to you.

Chairman M. S. Punchenko

I'm honored to have a wing named after me, Commissar Theocritus. Thank-you... thank-you! Although I do have a request(s)... I really don't want to see my donation squandered on ensuring that these "patients" have a "safe" and "comfortable" stay in MY wing. No, I want them all to be basket cases... literally. Saw off them arms and legs, it's for the Greater Good™! Why throw money, and not just any money, but my money, into purchasing expensive restraints and mind-altering medications!? Now don't get me wrong, I do believe in stocking up on Valium and other fun drugs... so, please, stock away ( why should I have doctor shop when I can get freebies from your hospital?). With that said, just make sure these "patients" don't have access to the good stuff.
And since these "patients" will become basket cases, there is no need, no need what so ever, to build rooms in my wing of the hospital. No, it's too costly and union labor is hard to find these days. So instead, my wing shall be composed of a towering wall of cubby holes where these "patients" in their "baskets" can be placed. Yes, we can get a very good discount on Iranian made wicker baskets since our benevolent People's Congress is in negotiations with appeasing the Mullahs. You can thank me later, Commissar Theocritus, for saving you a bundle in charitable donations. Now go out and buy yourself that gas guzzling SUV you always wanted... you deserve it!

Father Prog Theocritus
Chairman, I like your idea of the basket cases. And I can compost the sawed off legs and arms. What's left after I render the bones to the Chinese to make china. There's a reason it's called bone china.
But have you considered the screams? There was a sect in, I believe, Rumania which believed that all the ills of the world are caused by sexual urges and to avoid those, men who consented to becoming clean eunuchs--that is nothing at all between their legs--and for their trouble they were given two horses and a cab. Skoptskis, I believe they were called. Why not go further and merely cut the spinal column, leaving only enough for autonomic responses?
And Chairman, I always love charitable donations. I donate a great deal to many charities, all of my choosing, and devising. And one of them is even a real laundry, making it a double entendre.
Zampolit Blokhayev
Father Prog Theocritus
Comrade Blohkayev, I accept anything except responsibility or blame. Those go to the RepubliKKKans. However, I have decided, and quite recently too, to make another wing to my psychiatric hospital, named in honor of you, Comrade: the Zampolit Blokhayev Punning Penal Wing. People who are sentenced to that will hear, 24/7 the following pun.
There was a man on a sinking ship who was muttering to himself. The man next to him asked what he was muttering about.
"I just wish I had a rabbit to blow in my face."
"Why, when we're about to die, do you want a rabbit to blow in your face?"
"Haven't you ever heard of being saved by a hare's breath?"
Repeat offenders have it tattooed on their foreheads.
Can I make it any plainer, Comrade?
Zampolit Blokhayev
Comrade Theocritus,
It is indeed a high honor to have a wing of your prestigious institution named after me! Thank you! My hear swells with pride! My eyes are welling with tears of joy! Like all progressive people who strive to bring the paradise of Socialism to the non-working masses, I am humbled.
And it is indeed the RepubliKKKONS who must except the blame and responsibility for the wealth and prosperity that this country is experiencing today. Wealth that is NOT being redistributed. This is why fellow travelers like the Democrats must continue to stand firm with the non-working peoples!
Why just the other day I told Miguel, the illegal immi - er - I mean ... a member of an oppressed class, that The Party(tm) and I stand shoulder to shoulder with him in his struggle for his right to have a life in which AmeriKKKan Tax Payers foot the bill for his Welfare Debit Card .... just as soon as he finished washin my Hummer H2!
--
Zampolit B. S. Blokhayev
Father Prog Theocritus

Ah, Comrade Blokhayev, I too have a Miguel working for me, and a fine fellow he is too. But for some reason I cannot interest him in the class struggle, for he is always interested in fixing things, and now he'd laying tile in my cabanas. Miguel comes from the Old Country and has not yet learned the AmeriKKKan way.
His son, Bobby, though, has enrolled at Berkley and has become a wonderful American for he realizes that he has been oppressed by the white man, and that he is capable of doing nothing whatsoever on his own, without our help. In fact I had to forbid him to see his father, who insisted that Bobby could learn a trade and that he'd teach him, and that he could use the help over summer break on the cabanas, but Bobby is marching on Washington on Monday, on the Citadel on Tuesday, at the South African Embassy on Wednedsay (that's actually just to laugh at Mary of Peter, Paul and Mary, who fell there 20 years ago and is so fat that she can't get up and is still singing, "Puff the Magic Dragon", which looks and sounds like Jaba the Hut being harpooned.)
Bobby is a great American, but I can't let him see Miguel because I want those cabanas finished.

Comrade_Tovarich

Comrades,
I am currently in Pyongyang to present my paper, "Reverse Frankenization for Detastifying Kimchee for the Oral Propagation of Kim Il Sung Juche Brand 'Kimchee' and Tasteful Ideology to the Proletarian Palates of Korean-Ethnicity-Challenged Workers in the Bland Capitalist Underworld," for the Korean Peoples' 43rd Annual Summit of Lysenkoist Genetics and Bioengineering. Accordingly, my time is at a premium. Were it not for failure of the No. 1 Pulkogi Conference Center's TRS-80 computer cluster, the work of Zionists my Syrian co-presenter has assured me, I would have no time to compose this missive.
The content of this proletarian article has me incensed over the Red State Terrorist Bush's incarceration of Japanese. Not only is it an egregious assault on the citizens of a country often envioulsy but mistakenly referred to (by anyone who has had the privilege to visit DPRK) as "the world's only successful Communist country," it disobeys UN directives promoted by Comrades Mugabe, Castro, and Chavez. Moreover, it is distinctly derivative of the North Korean people's limited but uniformly successful attempts to liberate individual Japanese from the tyranny of their US-occupied exploitation zone and immoral capitalist playground; that Bush has failed to acknowledge receiving his enlightenment from the pioneering North Korean juche techniques of personalized alien worker liberation shows how low lie the bellies of the capitalist snakes.
Yet, just as the radiance of Marxism-Juche ideology penetrates the dark fog of oppressive Reason, so this suggestion that Bush has begun to study juche. For how else, Comrades, could the Red State Terrorist have learned how to abduct and imprison Japanese, if not from us? Where we liberated them to the Worker's Paradise, however, Bush has shanghaied them (Comrade Meow, if you are reading, it is only a figure of speech) for forced labor, forced feeding and experimentation with transfats, and other unspeakably inhuman exploitative acts. But the larger point is, Bush's eyes, long blinded with individualist power and greed, are undeniably at last being pried open by the two inviting nurturing mammaries of Kim Il-Sung: justice and equality. Though the open eyes struggle to remain shut, so shall they be blinded by the superior luminance of Marxist-Leninist thought.
Ah, a French attendee's laptop has been willingly surrendered at gunpoint to replace the TRS-80. The conference will resume shortly, so I will go, dear Comrades, back to--pardon the inside joke among us Lysenkoists--back to "the collared Greens."

Father Prog Theocritus

Comrade Tovarich, I did not know that you had escaped from the Penal Punning Wing of the Rancho del Rio Grande Psychiatric Institute. I see that the medications that you were prescribed were not strong enough. You survived.
But still, you are reprived for taking the French attendee's laptop, but be warned--every day it crashes at around noon and takes three hours to reboot. Then it's off for cinq à sept at the flat of another laptop, and if there is a whisper of there being another laptop brought in, there will be barricades in the streets. In other words, that laptop is the last one you will ever have. Unless you get the Germans to march through the Arc de Triomphe again. After all, they last did so in 1940 and isn't it about time again?
But perhaps that is impossible. The Germans, with their negative fertility and their addiction to their welfare state, and their work ethic now conforming to the work ethic of the True Believer, except when he's figuring out a way to liberate property, and countries, are not capable of mustering the troops to do it, and since the Mercedes field test for the class before last failed, they may not have the technology, unless they use some old Deux Chevaux taken from French peasants in Provençal.
Of course they could hire the Poles to march through the Arc, those who are not working as plumbers in England. And the Poles would be very glad indeed not to have the Germans marching through Poland again. As would I be glad not to have them marching through Texas.
Ah. It seems that you have the last computer that you will ever have. And since it was French, does it use the Internet or that nationalized service that they made up, which is static and cannot be readily improved? Such a shame if it does--Members ought to have the best technology to complement our natural abilities.