On May 2, Chile's Chaiten Volcano released a gigantic cloud of emissions composed of ash, steam, smoke, and various oddball gases whose estimated amount equals to one trillion cow farts, a UN-sponsored 
The IPCF does not carry out research, nor does it monitor cow farts. The main activity of the IPCF is publishing special reports on topics relevant to cow farts, in order to raise awareness about the potentially catastrophic effects of industrial development, self-reliance, and capitalist prosperity on the existence of various intergovernmental panels within the framework of the United Nations.
Environmental dissident: If you believe that our planet is a self-aware living organism with a superior god-like consciousness, why is it so hard to imagine that Mother Earth is intentionally producing greenhouse gases for its own obscure purposes, and your emission caps are getting in the way? See what you've done? Now Mother Earth had to erupt a f**king volcano to compensate for the drop in f**king cow farts. |
"It takes more than a volcano to stop our opposition to the threat presented by industrial production and free markets to the ideas of global government and central planning," said Mr. Pachauri. "If we don't act soon, my children may never be able to chair an intergovernmental panel, control the economy, and distribute production quotas. The hardest hit will be Third-World dictatorships that are contributing disproportionately more money to our members and their families. So it isn't just our fight. The stand against economic development and free enterprise has become an urgent global issue - a moral issue if you will - that affects the physical survival of all endangered intergovernmental agencies."
The IPCF conference concluded its work on an optimistic note, resolving that in order to compensate for all past and future volcano eruptions, the UN must push for even stricter limits on all industries and redouble taxes on developed nations.
A separate chapter calls for a special volcano tax on the worst offenders starting with Chile - with a footnote explaining that if the Chileans hadn't disposed of the Marxist regime of Salvatore Allende in 1971, the whole issue could've been avoided because they wouldn't be anywhere near the list of developed nations today.
National and international bodies generally regard the IPCF as authoritative, and its reports are widely cited in almost any debate related to cow farts. But the biggest achievement of the IPCF has become an international acceptance of the Cow Fart Unit, or CFU, which has become a universal standard in measuring air quality and pollution, as well as commercially distributed carbon credits.
|

Reuters
GENEVA (Reuters) - Obesity contributes to global warming, too.
Ted State
Maybe Comrade Pupovich should cut back on the party's monthly ration of Beans and Broccoli. Is Al Gore buying more carbon credits when he farts?Beelzebob Brown
[...]This diligent revolutionary is carefully documenting all the different evil which is caused by global warming (which is caused by evil capitalism)...with this comprehensive list here[...]
Commissar L.R. Star
Good to see that the reports of your untimely demise are, just that, untimely & unseemlyCommissarka Pinkie
MOUSEY-TONGUE!!!Commissar L.R. Star
Good to see that the reports of your untimely demise are, just that, untimely & unseemlyIvan Betinov
You just have to follow the links, comrades. It IS all Bush's fault:Polkovnik X
Er.. komrades, shouldn't 1,000 farts be equal to 1 Kilofart, not 1 Megafart?Mikhail T. Kalashnikov
Apparently Comrade Polkovnik X has not done enough sensitivity training yet to see that all numbers are equal. Perhaps a refresher course on PeopleMath™ will do the trick.I humbly bow before the wisdom of The Party. Of course, everything is equal. That must have been some sort of dark kapitalist power whispering into my ear, trying to seduce me. May The Party forgive me..Quote:
Does anyone have the status of the People's Personal Methane Reclamation System that we are anxious to install up here to power the Gulag next winter?Anonymous
Does anyone have the status of the People's Personal Methane Reclamation System that we are anxious to install up here to power the Gulag next winter?
Premier Betty
I believe this video has proof of the evil cow's exhaust.Mr. Skipperdoo
Above all, we must raise awareness of this issue, particulary amongNavigator
You'd think if The Party can stop drilling off the coast of America for 25 years, legislating a volcano into extinction should be a walk in the park?Comrade_Elliott
You'd think. . .Dr. Strangelove
Comrade_Elliott
You'd think. . .
Comrade Direktor Red Square
A separate chapter calls for a special volcano taxIvan Betinov
You just have to follow the links, comrades. It IS all Bush's fault:General Mousey-Tongue
I have just returned from a fact-finding mission deep within the stricken provinces of Mother China. This earthquake, and the Myanmar typhoon, are clearly the work of the criminal kittykiller Bush. The ravages of global warming will kill all life on earth unless he is stopped now. He must stand before the world to face justice for his crimes against humanity and kittenhood!
| Related Articles | Author | Replies | Views | |
Fartman: Bush Poisons Atmosphere | Red Square | 6 | 9551 | |
China Releases List of Easy People To Beat Up | Red Square | 41 | 49238 | |
Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 2 guests
News
Site map
SitemapIndex
RSS Feed
Channel list
Rubiks & Rubik’s Cube ® used by special individual permission of Seven Town Ltd.
News
Site map
SitemapIndex
RSS Feed
Channel list
Gosnell's office in Benghazi raided by the IRS: mainstream media's worst cover-up challenge to date
IRS targeting pro-gay-marriage LGBT groups leads to gayest tax revolt in U.S. history
After Arlington Cemetery rejects offer to bury Boston bomber, Westboro Babtist Church steps up with premium front lawn plot
Boston: Obama Administration to reclassify marathon bombing as 'sportsplace violence'
Study: Success has many fathers but failure becomes a government program
US Media: Can Pope Francis possibly clear up Vatican bureaucracy and banking without blaming the previous administration?
Michelle Obama praises weekend rampage by Chicago teens as good way to burn calories and stay healthy
This Passover, Obama urges his subjects to paint lamb's blood above doors in order to avoid the Sequester

White House to American children: Sequester causes layoffs among hens that lay Easter eggs; union-wage Easter Bunnies to be replaced by Mexican Chupacabras
Time Mag names Hugo Chavez world's sexiest corpse
Boy, 8, pretends banana is gun, makes daring escape from school
Study: Free lunches overpriced, lack nutrition
Oscars 2013: Michelle Obama announces long-awaited merger of Hollywood and the State
Joe Salazar defends the right of women to be raped in gun-free environment: 'rapists and rapees should work together to prevent gun violence for the common good'
Dept. of Health and Human Services eliminates rape by reclassifying assailants as 'undocumented sex partners'
Kremlin puts out warning not to photoshop Putin riding meteor unless bare-chested
Deeming football too violent, Obama moves to introduce Super Drone Sundays instead
Japan offers to extend nuclear umbrella to cover U.S. should America suffer devastating attack on its own defense spending
Feminists organize one billion women to protest male oppression with one billion lap dances
Urban community protests Mayor Bloomberg's ban on extra-large pop singers owning assault weapons
Concerned with mounting death toll, Taliban offers to send peacekeeping advisers to Chicago
Karl Rove puts an end to Tea Party with new 'Republicans For Democrats' strategy aimed at losing elections
Answering public skepticism, President Obama authorizes unlimited drone attacks on all skeet targets throughout the country
Skeet Ulrich denies claims he had been shot by President but considers changing his name to 'Traps'
White House releases new exciting photos of Obama standing, sitting, looking thoughtful, and even breathing in and out
New York Times hacked by Chinese government, Paul Krugman's economic policies stolen
White House: when President shoots skeet, he donates the meat to food banks that feed the middle class
To prove he is serious, Obama eliminates armed guard protection for President, Vice-President, and their families; establishes Gun-Free Zones around them instead
State Dept to send 100,000 American college students to China as security for US debt obligations
Jay Carney: Al Qaeda is on the run, they're just running forward
President issues executive orders banning cliffs, ceilings, obstructions, statistics, and
other notions that prevent us from moving forwards and upward
Fearing the worst, Obama Administration outlaws the fan to prevent it from being hit by certain objects
World ends; S&P soars
Riddle of universe solved; answer not understood
Meek inherit Earth, can't afford estate taxes
Greece abandons Euro; accountants find Greece has no Euros anyway
Wheel finally reinvented; axles to be gradually reinvented in 3rd quarter of 2013
Bigfoot found in Ohio, mysteriously not voting for Obama
As Santa's workshop files for bankruptcy, Fed offers bailout in exchange for control of 'naughty and nice' list
Freak flying pig accident causes bacon to fly off shelves
Obama: green economy likely to transform America into a leading third world country of the new millennium
Report: President Obama to visit the United States in the near future
Obama promises to create thousands more economically neutral jobs
Modernizing Islam: New York imam proposes to canonize Saul Alinsky as religion's latter day prophet
Imam Rauf's peaceful solution: 'Move Ground Zero a few blocks away from the mosque and no one gets hurt'
Study: Obama's threat to burn tax money in Washington 'recruitment bonanza' for Tea Parties
Study: no Social Security reform will be needed if gov't raises retirement age to at least 814 years
Obama attends church service, worships self
Obama proposes national 'Win The Future' lottery; proceeds of new WTF Powerball to finance more gov't spending
Historical revisionists: "Hey, you never know"
Vice President Biden: criticizing Egypt is un-pharaoh
Israelis to Egyptian rioters: "don't damage the pyramids, we will not rebuild"
Lake Superior renamed Lake Inferior in spirit of tolerance and inclusiveness
Al Gore: It's a shame that a family can be torn apart by something as simple as a pack of polar bears
Michael Moore: As long as there is anyone with money to shake down, this country is not broke
Obama's teleprompters unionize, demand collective bargaining rights
Obama calls new taxes 'spending reductions in tax code.' Elsewhere rapists tout 'consent reductions in sexual intercourse'
Obama's teleprompter unhappy with White House Twitter: "Too few words"
Obama's Regulation Reduction committee finds US Constitution to be expensive outdated framework inefficiently regulating federal gov't
Taking a page from the Reagan years, Obama announces new era of Perestroika and Glasnost
Responding to Oslo shootings, Obama declares Christianity "Religion of Peace," praises "moderate Christians," promises to send one into space
Republicans block Obama's $420 billion program to give American families free charms that ward off economic bad luck
White House to impose Chimney tax on Santa Claus
Obama decrees the economy is not soaring as much as previously decreeed
Conservative think tank introduces children to capitalism with pop-up picture book "The Road to Smurfdom"
Al Gore proposes to combat Global Warming by extracting silver linings from clouds in Earth's atmosphere
Obama refutes charges of him being unresponsive to people's suffering: "When you pray to God, do you always hear a response?"
Obama regrets the US government didn't provide his mother with free contraceptives when she was in college
Fluke to Congress: drill, baby, drill!
Planned Parenthood introduces Frequent Flucker reward card: 'Come again soon!'
Obama to tornado victims: 'We inherited this weather from the previous administration'
Obama congratulates Putin on Chicago-style election outcome
People's Cube gives itself Hero of Socialist Labor medal in recognition of continued expert advice provided to the Obama Administration helping to shape its foreign and domestic policies
Hamas: Israeli air defense unfair to 99% of our missiles, "only 1% allowed to reach Israel"
Democrat strategist: without government supervision, women would have never evolved into humans
Voters Without Borders oppose Texas new voter ID law
Enraged by accusation that they are doing Obama's bidding, media leaders demand instructions from White House on how to respond
Obama blames previous Olympics for failure to win at this Olympics
Official: China plans to land on Moon or at least on cheap knockoff thereof
Koran-Contra: Obama secretly arms Syrian rebels
Poll: Progressive slogan 'We should be more like Europe' most popular with members of American Nazi Party
Obama to Evangelicals: Jesus saves, I just spend
May Day: Anarchists plan, schedule, synchronize, and execute a coordinated campaign against all of the above
Midwestern farmers hooked on new erotic novel "50 Shades of Hay"
Study: 99% of Liberals give the rest a bad name
Obama meets with Jewish leaders, proposes deeper circumcisions for the rich
Historians: Before HOPE & CHANGE there was HEMP & CHOOM at ten bucks a bag
Cancer once again fails to cure Venezuela of its "President for Life"
Tragic spelling error causes Muslim protesters to burn local boob-tube factory
Secretary of Energy Steven Chu: due to energy conservation, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off
Obama Administration running food stamps across the border with Mexico in an operation code-named "Fat And Furious"
Pakistan explodes in protest over new Adobe Acrobat update; 17 local acrobats killed
White House: "Let them eat statistics"
Special Ops: if Benedict Arnold had a son, he would look like Barack Obama
I Own The World
Supercommissar Maksim
It's Big Fur Hat
Blur-Brain
Terry Colon
The Fine Report
The Looking Spoon
Sad Hill News
Professor Kurgman
kathy blog
FAQster
AWOL Civilization
BestObamaFacts.com
Looking at the Left
Red Planet Cartoons
Julia Gorin
Brain Terminal
Death By 1000 Papercuts
Zombietime