Fellow members of the Politburo, respective Party Organs, Party members in good standing, Party members in decent standing, Party members forced to stand in a pool of their own urine, Party members slated to meet Vince Foster in the hereafter, and, of course, Todd from accounting (and his lyfe-partner Jim):
What in the bloody blue state hell is going on around here? We are losing, people! We lost the surrender date in the surrender bill. We lost the battle to hand this country over to Meh-he-ho. We lost both Mama Moonbat and Rosie - not to mention Willy Jefferson who was caught with his hand in the cookie jar! I also have the Congressional Black Caucus breathing down my neck and angry nutroot hacks lighting up my phones with nasty comments! Comrades, things are falling apart... and what are you doing about it?
Look at me! The stitches that hold my breast up are popping under stress! My face, my gorgeous and lovely face, is melting off my head due to the blaring media lights and the perturbed looks I get from the activists! My coalition, my People's Congress and my LEGACY are almost ruined! Now what, comrades?
~ Is there any good news our there anymore? How are our poll numbers looking and how many people died in the Illegal War today? Huh? How many? I'm desperate for some good news, especially after seeing the Democrat master-debators on CNN... yeah, not looking good. Not looking good at all. The Reps make us look like greasy children! Children, dammit!
Ugh, I need a vacation... maybe go someplace where I can make some deals before I'm ejected out of office by an angry mob of unwashed activists. Yes, vacation sounds good... but not until you people give some suggestions on how to improve our current situation!
Our New Direction for AmeriKKKa is going in circles! Someone fetch me a freakin' compass and a damn map! I WISH I WAS ABORTED!!!
Nancypies, it could be worse - a lot worse. Your Congress could be suffering from low approval ratings... thank goodness it's not. If you would like, I can always send in the ATF to pull a Waco for you. Oh my,forget what I said about low approval ratings.
I would love to help you, Nancypoo, but I'm currently too busy pulling strings to keep that rich white girl in jail. Uhh, whats her name... Paris is it? Yeah, too busy to call Fitzgerald right now to line up another Rep. for trial. I would like to see Miss Hilton deported to Cuba or given the death penalty... one of the two will work for this vile kulak.
With that said, I just want everyone to remember that legal (can't say "illegal") Meh-he-cans are allowed to drive drunk without a license... that is perfectly legal. And so help me if you throw them in the clinker! But having a rich white girl do it (who probably doesn't vote the Party ticket) is, indeed, illegal. She should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law without mercy. Jail time is for non-violent criminals... not violent criminals - the Party wills it so.
But look on the bright side, Nancykins. This story will trump William Jefferson and the immigration debate... our media allies are seeing to it.
Making you smile without cosmetically altering your face,
We need to give Paris a sensual massage after she gets out of jail (again). I think Hillary would enjoy that, Janet... I really do. She has $$$ doesn't she!?! Hmm, and she lives in Hollywood. Well now, if she wants any work she will have to take up a progressive cause like the rest of the Useful-Idiots there. Maybe PETA or conflict diamond awareness... Global Warming works too. Someone get Fitzcluck on the phone! Lupe, bring me my Flintstone's phone... Mama Nancy has to get a little birdy out of jail.
Comrade Space Dog - Get off of the Krissy Keefer crap! The broad is washed up! No one is taking my Congressional seat! NO ONE!
Ka-Ching - I'm still waiting for you to visit me. I miss you. I miss your money. I miss... uhh... OK, I just miss your money. Don't give it to Keefer, she smells bad!
Comrade Premier - WATCH IT, MISTER! I'm still having trouble with my bowel movements... you know what that means!
Someone get this Jack Sparrow hack to D.C... what? He's a character from a movie? I DON'T CARE! Get him over here and gimme' that magic compass! <stomps foot> I want his magic compass! I want it now! Give to Nancy! Give to Nancy now!!!
Nice picture of Krissy. Recent events have certainly proved her right.
Here's what one of this century's greatest socialist thinkers has to say about this terrible recent debacle:
Is Legally and Peacefully Still an Option by Alva Goldbook
...So I have to wonder...when are the Dems going to stop trying to win over Reich wingers by being Republican-lite and start working for OUR interests? Suppose for a moment that Bush declared himself dictator for life and the barricades went up. How much opposition do you think you can count on from the Dems?
I don’t think jumping ship to the Greens will help any. I don’t think getting “better” Dems into office will help. What we are looking at is the complete breakdown of the representative theory of government.
In short, the overwhelming majority of the American populace has just been spat upon by the very people we just put into power just a short 6 months ago. I think we need to figure out some way to get the Dems to represent and work for OUR wishes and OUR demands. And I’m beginning to wonder if there really is a legal and peaceful way to do that.
Comrade Goldbook understands something that weak liberals don't, false bourgeois democracy is good so long as it works our way, when it doesn't work our way we need to take a lesson from the Glorious Revolution of 1917. Strong Communism cures weak Liberalism.
Even comrade Goldbook - a staunch and committed hard communist - has turned his back on the Party as well. This truly is a shame and a tragedy! Why, if I didn't know any better I would say we need another raid on Nitwitia... but given the current circumstances I am convinced that not even the Nitwitians can be saved now. :-(
Faith is dwindling, comrades. Peace activist like Mulva are fed up and are considering jumping ship... possibly with the magic compass like Jack Sparrow did in that movie. Hmm...... maybe Mulva has the magic compass!? SEIZE HIM! BRING HIM AND THE COMPASS TO *ME*!!
Mr. Murtha! Set us a new course for Nitwitia! Full speed ahead! Hardy-har-har and bottle of Botox!
Good call, Madam Speaker. If you were to say "Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum", you would be discriminating against womyn everywhere and would be Don Imused immediately for mentioning the word "ho". I know, we're Democrats and should be able to get away with such language... this is true, however, we must set a good example and ensure that little girls across the world are not subjected to any more Don Imus hate-speech. Their self-esteem is at risk, Madam Speaker. I think you'll understand.
On the other hand, rappers, the MSM and others with special Party Clearance are still permitted to say "ho" on the airwaves. Everyone else is forbidden to say such a word and should instead stick to words that belittle men. Pray to it that we don't catch you using that word... especially if you are a White Male and do not go by the name Eminem. You have been warned... pigs.
Keeping our pages free of politically-incorrect speech and/or thoughts,
Ah....the unimpeachable moral authority of Krissy Keefer. Jack may have his Magic Compass but Krissy has her "Green Tambourine".
I don't know about her "Green Tambourine," her skirt didn't ho high enough to see that nasty thing - but what I can clearly see are the man-legs and man-feet in addition to the previously seen man-boobs, man-shoulders, and man-arms holding what seems to be a collection plate for her anti-Nancy impeachment campaign.
Krissy's Congressional campaign website has been closed down - it's good that we had saved a lot of its content here. But there still are references to Krissy and her campaign on the web -
I don't know about her "Green Tambourine," her skirt didn't ho high enough to see that nasty thing
Ummmmmm! Comrade Red Square said the "H-word"! I'm telling on you like a good communist should!
I would really like to know what Krissy is holding in her other hand... looks like a door knob or a rock of some kind. Let me get my glasses on....... still can't make out what that thing is? Is it a baby doll's head torn off or something?? Is she celebrating her 35th abortion holding a torn off baby doll head?? No, couldn't be... she would have to get laid first BEFORE having the abortion... unless she's A-sexual, which could be a possibility.
[I would really like to know what Krissy is holding in her other hand... Is she celebrating her 35th abortion holding a torn off baby doll head?? A pixel-by-pixel analysis of the object in Krissy's hand revealed that it's a modified folding coat hanger she often uses as a prop while performing a descriptive social-justice number called "Family Planning on Demand Dance Paid for by Amerikkkan Taxpayers." I hear it's a very progressive performance but I still don't want to see it. Instead, we're lobbying to make it mandatory for all schoolchildren K-10 to see Krissy Keefer's performance in their respective schools. It is absolutely necessary if we want to eradicate Amerikkkans as a nation and have them replaced by the influx of progressive and more tractable Third-Worlders.
Speaker of State Pelosi, in regard to William Jefferson, just say the truth- he learned corruption by watching the evil RepubliKKKans! We Democrats are incapable of being corrupt! He was freezing his money for paying his taxes...no one wants spoiled, moldy money given for the common good! We treat it like this: we live in a police state, where we are not allowed to disagree. Proof of this is our freedom fighters in Guantanamo.. they dislike Bush and they were thrown in detention camps! So why can't the Party just claim that what happened to Jefferson is only a start in BusHitler's plans to take out every Democrat?
But I think a better solution is to turn attention back to RepukliKKKan "culture of corruption" We get our comrades in the NEA to push for all SAT tests to have a question like "Republicans are to corruption as dark is to ? (answer: night).
Fear not, comrade Branish! I have made a detailed explanation of just why Rep. William Jefferson is innocent and why the Bushitler Administration is solely to blame. Yes, I used progressive logic, and I'm damn proud of it too.
You can find my post on this subject at the People's Blog... please bring a credit card when you visit.
I hear it's a very progressive performance but I still don't want to see it. Instead, we're lobbying to make it mandatory for all schoolchildren K-10 to see Krissy Keefer's performance in their respective schools.
I don't want to see it either, and I don't have to since I'm affiliated to the right Party and have oodles of cash on hand. But I do agree with you, The Children™ should see this breathtaking artistic expression - for as many times as we can charge them, of course. We should also extend the requirement to pre-K children as well - not to mention senior citizens.
Senior citizens (or Social-suckers as we call them at HQ) should be strapped to their walkers and have their eyes pried open to enjoy this progressive feat of body contortion... we will charge them too, of course. I'm thinking of charging the seniors double though, you know, to pay for all those trips we have to make to Florida when we con them into thinking the Repukes are going to cut their Social-Security (Social-suckers, hahahaha!).
I think you all are being unnecessarily mean to Madame Speaker Pelosi.
After all, just like Hillary, she means well, and if she says that we all need to "sacrifice" for "the common good," then my God (Clinton) we need to do so. Resistance truly is futile.
Madame Pelosi has enough on her hands, what with balancing the rabid leftooned "peace" activists in Congress, with those dastardly Blue Dogs, and holding her grandchildren all at the same time.
Chairman, I urge you to consider The People's good, and stop urging Americans to act as those rugged individuals of lore. Those days are long gone. We're all in this together now. The common good and all that.
<sigh> Oh, those wonderful thunder thighs. <moan> I'd give all my cattle futures for one night of scissoring with Krissy. I love the Elsa Lancaster hair-do too. I wonder who her stylist is?
A-hem...back to business. Nancy darling, I checked out Krissy's YouTube link Red posted and she was full of wonderful progressive ideas such as creating a law that only allows people to drive automobiles two days a week. Why didn't you think of this? I may have to reconsider her charges against you in your aborted purge. Maybe the Cube rushed to judgment in being lenient on you. In doing that, maybe we failed you also in making you a better proletarian. Maybe we're all to blame for not listening more closely to Krissy.
I would really like to know what Krissy is holding in her other hand... looks like a door knob or a rock of some kind That looks to me like a very long nail on a crooked pinky. And take it from a man with eyes used to such an analysis: that body has more testosterone than the average female body. There may be a green tambourine; who knows? But wearing a jock strap and with that hair under a cap, that thing could figure prominently in some videos for alternative tastes.
Mine Empress, the thought of you and Krissy scissoring together warms the cockroaches of my old socialist heart. Perhaps there is a pas de deux for you in her work, "The Revolutionary Nutcracker Sweetie"? With lots of tambourines, of course. Good for making an irritating noise and to mask the sound of squamous skin rubbing together. And also as collection for the wallets of the audience. Who will be shorn, utterly shorn, before they leave.
Janet, could you join in too, in a production of "Cave Women"? This would be the perfect time for the deployment of the Hildo Hydra 7.1, and the dedication of the Maxine Waters Wing to Johns Hopkins' new college of Spelunking and Gynecology.
I'm afraid that we couldn't do it down here in the home of the Bushitler; Baylor would not cotton to it.
Theocritus? Do you know where I can get a "Vulva suit"? I want one dammit! Just like Krissy's, only bigger. Thank Marx for food stamps or we'd never have had a Dance Brigade. I've got to get a hold of the MacArthur Foundation and let them know about true genius. http://www.dancebrigade.org/article.htm
Nancy darling, I checked out Krissy's YouTube link Red posted and she was full of wonderful progressive ideas such as creating a law that only allows people to drive automobiles two days a week. Why didn't you think of this? I may have to reconsider her charges against you in your aborted purge. Maybe the Cube rushed to judgment in being lenient on you. In doing that, maybe we failed you also in making you a better proletarian. Maybe we're all to blame for not listening more closely to Krissy.
<grunt> I love it when you talk tough to me, Hill! Yes! Oh, smack my bottom, Big Mama, smack my bottom! I've been a bad Speaker!
How about me, you and Janet get a room at the Four Seasons and have a little purge of our own with a bottle of the bubbly? I'll bring the hot chocolate and the batteries too!
This Keefer womyn has no money... she's poor, Hill. I don't care how much she can dance, she's poor! Our corporatist donors are not going to deal with some dancing gutter queen that smells of mold and years old Fritos! They won't do it! Besides, you need me if you want Cali. Babs and Diana are in my posse... you need me, Hill - and I need your rough shrill voice. OH! SCREAM AT ME, BIG MAMA!
And I have a left-over arc welder from the time that Rosie stayed at Rancho del Rio Grande. I'll be right over. And just to show my appreciation for my favorite femmes fatales, I'll even set it up before hand.
Uh, what suite will you be in? I need to know that to make sure that it's wired right, yeah, that's right. Make sure the wiring is fine.
...Lupe? Where the hell is that catalog of one-way mirrors?...
Janet, when you finish, would you come down to the Rio Grande? I've got to admit it but I'm getting rather sick of Bruno, that silly queen. I bought him some Prada shoes, well, got them by other means, fell off a retailer's shelf, you know, and after a year they still didn't have any scuff marks on the bottom. I have to put exercise weights on his ankles to keep him from floating when he walks. At times I take them off though, but for walking, yes.
Also, could you teach him how to walk? I don't mind him swishing a little bit but he doesn't move his shoulders at all, only his ass, and even Rosie couldn't educate him with her three-phase cattle prod.
No I can't, Commissar Theocritus, I hate men - period. Instead I have decided to put you on assignment. Yes, I want you to open a hair salon, a trendy one at that, packed full of gay men with magic hands and gossiping mouths. Yes, that will lure the pretty womyn in, the womyn with money and the primped nails. Mmmmm... yes... and you will bring them to me. Make sure this hair salon in set up in Beverly Hills and do be kind enough to send over as many blondes as possible. I will supply you with the funds.
P.S - I want everyone to contribute at least 500$ to the HillRaisers fund this weekend. Failure to comply will result in a bubble bath with me. Yes, with the lights on. That is all.
Alright! That is ENOUGH! We are supposed to be talking about what we should do about fixing the Party - not our sexual appetites. Janet, go back to your dungeon now and wait till you are called for further..errhmmm... services.
OK...back to business... THINK PEOPLE! What should we do to fix this mess we're in... and no we're not getting Krissy Keefer. She's finished! She's a hack and a has-been and will never work in this town again, no sir! She is DONE. Alright, lemme' see... we got Paris in the news. OK, this is bad; Scooter Libby should be in the news, NOT PARIS FREAKIN' HILTON! Dammit, I thought we had the media on our side. Josef H. Stalin, people! We are done as a national party at this rate; we are what Mulva said, "Republican-Lite". Dammit! DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT! Ooo, another stitch popped out of my boob job. Piss... Lupe, get the car... I need to see the doc now and get this fixed.
Si, Mees Nancy, si! Lupé fetch de car immeditately! Lupé suggest dat Mees Nancy use de fishing line Lupé purchased at bodega to fix de stitch dat popped out of Mees Nancy boob. Lupé call Senor Hindengergenflunf and schedule Mees Nancy appointment. Mees Nancy need sleep, si, Mees Nancy look sooooo tired. Would you like Lupé to sing you old Mehecan folk song?
No... I rather choke on your lousy cooking than listen to a Mehecrap folk song. Now make yourself useful and get outside and start waxing down the car, I refuse to see Dr. Hindengergenflunf in a dirty car. And while you're at it, bring me another scotch... Mees Nancy has a headache. Where the hell is Hong Lee? I told that whore an hour ago to get over here to file down the calluses on my feet. Lupe! Get Hong Lee over here right this minute! I swear to Stalin I got damn critters growing on my feet.... good Gaia, look at them, Lupe! Just look at them! I don't know what the hell that is but it sure is bigger than those crabs I got last season... dinner crabs, mind you... alright, ya got me, they weren't dinner crabs. Stop looking at me like that Lupe and get me that damn scotch.... MOVE IT!!! Bring me a rake too... I'm going to have to scrap this crap off growing on my feet. Where is Hong Lee!?!?
Lupe, are you moonlighting for Nansky? Don't I give you enough to do? You know I don't like the way anyone else does the leather after a few sessions in the basement. Meow, do you mind if I borrow the place on loan to you? Recall that I have installed drains in the center.
But when next you come, remember to look out. I had to enlarge them to get all of Rosie's, er, well, Rosie's stuff down it. But I got it too large and some of the stuff that came out of Rosie tried to climb back out of the drain. That was before I got the Grainer Three-phase Garbage Grinder, and so I had to get the John Deer combine--thank you Janet for the loan of that--and knock down the wall.
Nancy-poo, I don't think we've milked all the Dubya-is-an-idiot that we can. After all, my agents are searching for a paper he did in college. My spies told me that he took an advanced calculus class and he missed a problem on a test! Do you know what that means? It means that we can say that every Republican is a fascist and everythng they say is a lie and they poison puppies and make terrines out of babies. And if I can just get that one paper.
Damn it. I'm told it doesn't exist. Well, that's okay. Dan Rather is on retainer and he's an expert on documents that are not in fact true but are in substance.
And after that I'm going to get him started on the Da Vinci code.
A little birdie flew into my window this morning and I ate it. I just wanted to share that with the collective. Nancy, I will be more than happy to scrap the barnicles off your feet... so long as it is not Mike Barnicle growing on them.
The misspelling was intended… bubble bath with me enforced if anyone points that out.
and no we're not getting Krissy Keefer. She's finished!
Really Nancy! Sometimes you just don't get it! The overwhelming majority of hyphenated San Fransicans no longer think you're the Treat. No Tricks, No Treat! You and that little worm Hairy Dweeb have squandered our super colossal humongous gigantic enormous behemoth mandate with the American people! In less than six months! Well, Krissy was right! She called me though last night and I said let's chat, let's have a dialogue. I must say she's brilliant. She has an idea to raise funds for the party and raise awareness of the social issues dear to our hearts plus raise awareness for HillRaisers. I said "You go girl!" Here it is.....Scissoring for Socialism, an interpretive dance depicting the class struggle and sexism within our society. Guess what? In an effort to heal party wounds and to make amends she has chosen you Nancykins to co-star in her production! Isn't that great! Krissy will direct and do the production and Janet is on board with the technical assistence. She already printed the tickets and the first three months have sold out. That's a lot of cash Nancy and all you have to do is act naturally. Scissoring for Socialism.....I can see Broadway and a movie in the works. Genius, pure genius.
This Summer's Sizzling Sensation: Scissoring for Socialism. Starring Krissy Keefer and Nancy Pelosi in the roles of a lifetime. Salacious Sex. Surreal Songs. Struggling Socialists. Scorching Slicing Scissoring. The Butch Blockbuster Braking Barriers and Boners.
Get your tickets today. All proceeds go to the HillRaiser Foundation for a Global Village.
And the tickets will be sold by the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence--roller-skating bearded queens in nun drag.
Playing at the Transgressive Theater. Where you are issued a plastic bib, as in a mud-wrestling match, but to protect you from the lube, diesel and bodily fluids coming from the stage, and from the projectile vomit coming from behind.
I've got it! For MC we can have Sir Elton John in his huge boots as in Tommy. George Michael can give tips on pleasuring himself in a public bathroom in Los Angeles, and then passing out in a public park in London with drugs, and did you see the picture of the man he did it with? That's worse than where he did it.
And Rosie O'Donnell can come on and shoot hoops without using her hands. Anyone in the audience catching one of the basketballs wins a two-week tax reprieve, but if he doesn't bring gloves to keep the contamination off, it won't matter for he'll be dead.
I would LOVE to Scissor for Socialism, Hill! Although I am a bit disappointed with you... Mhmmm... mighty disappointed. You just don't seem to be yourself lately, not with this moderate thing you got going on. I stick to my guns, Hill, I stick with The Children bit... I play nice with our Syrian masters... and, now this is important, I don't walk around in an Elvis outfit. You need to come home to the far hard communist left - your roots, Hill. You need to stop acting like your estranged husband because face it, Hill - you don't have a willy... neither do I.
I know, we wish we did have a willy, but we don't. And nothing short of surgery is going to change that ( I scheduled an appointment in '09 to get one). Right now you have a fellow New Yorker, a bald one, beating you in the polls. And let us not forget Mr. Hussien Obama and the *buzz* he is getting.... Hill, he's the new Bobby Kennedy... I think we all know that now. And Edwards? Please, he has more appeal on the redistribution of other people's money issue.
What I'm trying to say to you Hill is that I'm worried about '08. I'm worried that you are going too far to the center... I know, it's all a fake, it's phoney and you're doing it to appeal to independent swing-idiots. Fine, but you will suffer for it, and I along with you. The activist want a hard communist, not a moderate bag lady.
We need to talk, Hill. You need to apologize to the AmeriKKKan people for authorizing and supporting (whole heartedly) Bush's Illegal and Immoral War for Blood and Oil. Think about it, Hill. Think about it before it is too late.
I love you,
P.S - Janet skipped out on her meds... wanna come over and ride her!? She's shaking, Hill! SHAKING! Mmmmmmmmm!
Can I change my vote? I mean, can we have a do-over on last years Great Socialist Mandate? I really would like to have comrade Keefer represent the good people of San-Francisco - especially after what Nancy is doing to us.
Also, do I have to attend the Scissoring for Socialism performance? Its bad enough that I have to sit next to Amy Goodman at the Socialism 2007 conference in Chicago.
(By the way, make sure $.$ Halliburton doesn't get his hands in the Scissoring for Socialism performance... last time we asked him to throw his hat in he screwed us all out of food and beverage profits. He also had the soft-drink fountains replaced with fountains dispensing cat piss. The cat piss was a success other than the slap on the wrist we got from the health inspector. But still, I don't want him profiting off this event.)
Meow, I am shocked, shocked, SHOCKED, that you will not give you all for the Party. After all, you do not really have to watch the Scissoring for Socialism performance. Do what I do and get some glasses which project television images. I have a video iPod with transcriptions of home movies taken at Dachau that I lifted off Herman G's widow and I merely watch them.
But like all good socialists that gets me hot and steamy and so when I have to stand up, I touch the click wheel and get a speech of Ronald Reagan's. But one time I by accident twirled it the wrong way and got a picture of the gold in Fort Knox and I ripped the zipper out of my pants.
I tried this when I got home at the Rancho del Rio Grande to impress Bruno but the silly queen was so fascinated with the Gucci shoes I stole, er, bought for him that he didn't pay any attention at all.
I'm always giving my all for the Party. Why just the other day I gave 10 cents to a wandering heroine addict on the street... I do my part, Commissar Theocritus. But the question is not how much I do for the Party, but instead how much average Joe/Jose/Josephine AmeriKKKan is doing for the Party. When was the last time he/she/it made a donation? How much money are they giving to the government? And have they denounced any family members as thought criminals? Those are the people you should question, Theocritus. They are the ones who do so little to advance progress.
Now don't get me wrong, I love Krissy Keefer and find her dance to be inspiring. There is something about a woman who wishes to be a man while denying that man his role in life which makes me feel warm and mushy inside. Yes, her witch ways and her insistence that all 300+ pounds of her lovely progressive body sitting atop some man's face (or womyn, I'm sure she is a bulldyke) makes me love the Party that we serve, Theocritus. Mmm, makes me feel ashamed that we allow Nancy to hang around.
After the revolution and after womyn become men and men become womyn, we will live in a society free of war, crime, poverty and toaster cozies. We, as men, will become the nurturers… we will stay at home, raise the children, cook, clean and do all the things that womyn liberated themselves from years ago. Yes, we must suffer now, and Krissy Keefer will ensure that… it is fair… and we progressives know all about fairness. And just imagine how happy we will be when our “old lady” walks in the door late at night after I slaved over the stove cooking that chicken she likes. Yes, I can see it now… me bawling my eyes out because I worked so hard cooking that chicken only to find out that my wife, the father of my children, is sleeping with her slut secretary Stacy. I will then run to my bedroom, call my mother, and put on old Patsy Kline records while the pig downstairs pops open a beer and sits in front of the television all night. Ugh, I don’t know why I married her! She is so lazy! All she does is scratch her crotch and belch! I should’ve married that doctor like mother wanted me to. Yes, I should’ve listened to mom, he always knows what to do. My father, yeah, now she is a real piece of work. Always slapping my mother around and barking orders at him to run down to the store and pick her up a box of tampons. <sigh> I hate my father, she just doesn’t understand what its like to be a man in today’s world. Why, I’ll never make the kind of money my husband or father ever made… not with these feminine elitist holding me under the glass ceiling, those pigs! Oh my, I have to go… that pie I was baking is done now.
Meow, I wondered where that case of Jack Black at Rancho del Rio Grande had gotten to, and to think that I executed, er, questioned a family of wets about it. Who when they could not answer to my satisfaction were sanctioned.
But consider yourself well served if you cook chicken for the Mr. Mrs. at night. When I come home what do I see? Dirt, dirt, dirt, and Bruno's footprints all over the ceiling.
And he's no good in a fight either. Once he tried to tell me that something was wrong over my shoulder but his eyes rolled so much that I shot a 747 out of the air, and the assassin shot Manuel instead.
Yeah, well at least Bruno doesn't come home from the "job" to smack you in the face. My husband is ferocious! She's about 5'8 105lbs and smacked me right in the face because I misplaced her Playboy magazines! I called the cops and had her locked up for the night... the kids were bawling their eyes out and asked me when daddy was coming home. I didn't pay any attention to them and decided to drink wine coolers all night while watching some Bruce Willis movies. Now there is a womyn that I can respect! I bet Bruce Willis doesn't let his husband treat him like crap! I bet he makes her do all the yard work on Sunday instead of laying around watching television! When are we going to have equal rights, Theocritus!? WHEN!!?? Oh, you wouldn't know... you're a lesbian. Oh well... I guess I better get upstairs and scrub them toliets before she get backs. If she sees that them toliets aren't scubbed she might beat me again although its her fault that the toliets are never clean... she never lifts the damn seat when she squats! Ugh... where is my wine cooler? I better get in the kitchen too and call my friend down the street... his husband left him for some investment banker womyn. He's absolutely irate and in tears... poor man still has her wedding tux in the closet. <sigh> I think I might go upstairs and put on my wedding dress and remember the time of how happy me and her were when we first tied the knot.
What's that Meow? Sorry; I was paging through my Lillian Vernon catalogue and running my feet over my scrapbooking. I'm now doing a series with Hallmark based on Rosie the Riveter. Those biceps, those quads. Those glutes, those huge glutes.
Which reminds me, where is Our Many Titted Empress? If we could get her drunk, say by feeding her all of Bill Gates' fortune, she might tell us how Bill Clinton actually got away with things for you know our Hillary. She doesn't put up with anything and her voice, when in full throat, can shoot doves out of the air and peel the paint off planes in flight.
I think Her Excellency, Janet and Nancy are at the Four Seasons riding Janet. She skipped her meds again and we know how she gets. Why, she becomes her own vibrator... so yes, I'm sure they're together for the night... and morning... and afternoon... and the next night.
I like it when Janet's eyes roll back in her head--I can't tell if it's a repeat of The Excorcist or merely a Charley McCarthy inpersonation. The blockhead bit fits, but then we can't rule out possession for after all, a gallon or two of pea soup would be lost in the Mazola and bodily fluids.
Have you seen them do Mikulski tossing off Rosie's stomach?
Have you seen them do Mikulski tossing off Rosie's stomach?
HOLY STALIN!!! Is there any video of that on YouTube? I would LOVE to see that.
I think I know what's wrong with Nancsky. Look at the picture at the begining of this. Harry Reid has his hand up her ass!!! WTF???
I just got back from a fact finding trip last week to see how the toiling proletariat are coming along in their struggle against neo-con kapitalist oppression, in the hills of Pennsylvania's Appalachia. Click here for the pictures from last weeks mission.
As for Mulva ... I have something special in mind for that TRAITOR! Let me deal with this class enemy since he/she/it lives somewhat close to me.
Is Krissy Keefer a d00d? I mean ... DAYUM!!! WWE wrestlers are not that hopped up on steroids.
Oh! Theocritus, my younger brother (the gay one) just sent me an I.M. in response to a question I had asked him on your behalf about Bruno's footwear. He said that now that summer is here, something by Franco Sarto like a sandal with a backstrap is all the rage where he lives. Do they make a Franco Sarto sandal that would fit that silly queen's size 15 feets? That question could best be answered by Comrade Janet. She wears a size 15 shoe.
Zampolit, yes Bruno does have size 15 feet--I think. They block out the ceiling.
Janet, thank you for neighing in; I'm just assembling my May Day list, albeit a bit late. Do you have two hooves or four? I can't recall. But I think that I can get Donna Karat to make some rather fetching shoes in just the shade of Ivory that Babs wears. You know, the one that makes her nose look like an ice-cutter on frozen piss.
Do you have two hooves or four? I can't recall. But I think that I can get Donna Karat to make some rather fetching shoes in just the shade of Ivory that Babs wears.
Two hooves, Commissar Theocritus. That is why I wear long skirts down to my ankles or a pantsuit - I don't want people to know my little secret. "Fetching shoes" aren't my thing either. I'm not a lady nor will I be treated like one. I want everyone to treat me like "one of the guys", this will ensure a relaxing and comfortable stay for me here at The People's Cube. But if you must know, I happen to wear specially fitted and designed jackboots created by the master himself, Michael Kors. My jackboots come complete with hidden razor blades, electro-shock prods, a three speed blender (for when I need a daiquiri) and, as you probably guessed, a vibrating Hildo 1.0 with ten different head attachments (all in neon colors).
Oh, and by the way, don't mention Babs to me ever again. She turned down my passes at her one to many times when she came to visit Bill at the WH.
Mr. Reno, I would have thought that Babs' nose would have been perfect to ferret out the fleas in the collops of your skin. Of course with eyes that narrow-set, she has no depth perception and might not know when the stop and thereby tender you a lethal wound.
You like Michael Kors? I had him down here for some martinis one long weekend and while he was here I had his head sculpted and I use it for a bowling ball. The fun part is that his eyes stick out so much that the ball wobbles down the lane. That's the one I give to special guests, after I get them drunk and make bets with them.
Mr. Reno, my mechanic here, a diesel dyke named Crunchy, swears by an immersion blender with the housing removed. Have you tried that?
Mr. Reno, my mechanic here, a diesel dyke named Crunchy, swears by an immersion blender with the housing removed. Have you tried that?
I don't know if Janet has tried it, but I sure the hell have! My goodness, time of my life! Who is this Crunchy, Theocritus? I would like to meet her. Yes, I'm sure Hill would like to have a "dialogue" with her as well. Send her on down to San-Franny, pack some pacthouli with her too. And for Darwin's sake, leave Janet alone! You poke and prod her with too many questions, sweety. She can't handle all this poking and prodding from a man... makes her angry. You don't want to see her when she angry <whispers> Wa-co! WACO!
Hmm... I got the grand kids coming over at 8. Damn, I hate getting stuck with the kids... I hate kids! Maybe I can put on some cartoons and leave them unsupervised for, oooohhhh I don't know, the next three days? Yeah! That'll work. Lupe! Get the Barney tapes! Gotta keep them brats preoccupied while I get my Brazilian done... might take a few days Lupe, so make sure you have the tape on a loop or something. What? Oh I don't know... find a way for it to work! I'm sure the VCR has a loop feature or something on it! Forgive me, everyone. Lupe is a damn idiot when it comes to cutting edge technology. Just the other day she was giving little Tony Jr. a haircut with a chainsaw... I had social service up my ass for hours! HOURS, I TELL YA! Told them who I was and they still didn't care! Oh well, the IRS has got them now, heh heh heh.
Nancy-kins, haven't you been in touch with Hill lately? You know how she loves children, and you know how she loves baking. And she has a house in the woods, too. Just ship the kiddies over to Hill and she'll bake some cookies. Be sure to send a 55-gallon barrel of blood, too: some of these kids fed on vegetables just don't have enough of it for a really good batch, you know?
You ARE feeding the kids Big Macs, aren't you? I know that Dr. Idi is quite the connoisseur of human blood, and he says that the Big Mac really is the best. Once he ate some French explorers and thought that the snails and frog legs gave an off taste but I said, "Idi, old man, you know that you shouldn't have eaten them with a salad made with a wooden bowl. The oil just gets rancid. It would make even two-year-old blonde Swedish baby girl taste bad and you know how you like that."
Idi finally agreed with me that the Big Mac is not the best vintage but it's the most reliable. And Hill, who is, as you know, not normally prone to taking others' advice, why the other day she died and the Devil sent her back after she criticized the lake of fire too much, but even Hill said "That Idi really knows his chops."
Send the kids to Hill, Nansky. She'll help you out.
The uncontested absurdities of today are the accepted slogans of tomorrow. They come to be accepted by degrees, by precedent, by implication, by erosion, by default, by dint of constant pressure on one side and constant retreat on the other - until the day when they are suddenly declared to be the country's official ideology. ~ Ayn Rand