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A scandal is haunting America

9/4/2017, 8:44 pm
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A scandal is haunting America, the scandal of an express lane on I-575 north of Atlanta. This scandal is worse than anything being covered in the news. This is worse than Melania's heels, worse than Tr*mp's USA themed baseball hat, and is destined to eclipse all other scandals. For nothing more clearly captures and illustrates the Current Truth™ about class warfare in America than the I-575 express lane currently under construction as we speak!
[attachment=0]I-575 Marxist Version.jpeg[/attachment]
In the past, there was an equal distribution of misery during the rush hour. Everybody, freeman and slave, patrician and plebian, lord and serf, Jaguar driver and Prius driver, in a word, oppressor and oppressed were equally inconvenienced by high volumes of traffic during the rush hour. But that wasn't good enough for the wealthy, upper class, bourgeoisie.

No! They had to have their own lane, a toll lane, a lane which could only be afforded by the wealthy, a lane which seizing an unequal share of asphalt denies its existence to the construction of lanes for the poor and downtrodden proletariat condemned to sit for ages in rush hour traffic.

This express lane, exclusively reserved for the privileged, exists for two reasons: first, so the wealthy can flaunt their affluence in the face of the toiling masses; second, so the wealthy can use the homeless to test the shocks on their Lincoln Navigators.

But, comrades, I have hope. I take solace in the writings of that great visionary, that “greatest thinker” as Comrade Engels once called him – Karl Marx. Guided by Marx's wisdom and a century of experience with communist revolutions and dictatorships, we can be sure that someday the system would actually work with the right people in charge.

But let us look ahead into the future and see what that great prognosticator, that great genius of humanity predicted, and apply it to the future of this ghastly, but destined to be short lived express lane.
1.There will be discontent among the proletariat upon whose blood and toil the express lane is being constructed.
2.The proletariat will become scattered and disorganized, taking a sledge hammer to the dividing wall that protects the express lane here, casting a brick at a Lexus there.
3.Bourgeois construction foremen, the slave task masters of modern times, will organize the proletarian workers into regiments of workers with specific jobs.
4.As the proletariat attains a sense of a common cause, individual acts of protest will blend together into a unified struggle extending the whole length of the express lane corridor.
5.The bourgeois construction company bosses will begin to cave into the demands of the proletariat, and unwittingly empower the workers and sow the seeds of their own destruction.
6.Some of the petty construction foremen will join the construction workers thus empowering the workers even more.
7.Finally, the express lane will be abolished. The walls separating the privileged from the downtrodden will be destroyed. The express lane will run red with the blood of Tahoe owners, and will be aflame with rivers of burning gas. The debris and the rubble will cause all lanes, express and otherwise, to become likewise impassible, and equality will have been restored.
Now that the conditions for class antagonisms have been swept away and the dictatorship of the construction worker has been ushered in, there will no longer be any class struggle. All will equally have to walk to work, and the distinctions between rich and poor will no longer exist.
The Communists disdain to conceal their views and aims (really, we're just kidding there). They openly declare (unless lying works better) that their ends can be attained only by the forcible overthrow of all existing social conditions. Let the Bugatti owners tremble at a construction worker revolution. The proletarians have nothing to lose but their jackhammers. They have an interstate to win. Construction Workers of All Nationalities, Unite!
Epilogue: So, what really happened after the revolution? Those selfless laborers for the People, known as Party Members, realized they were in need of an express lane to continue their selfless laboring for the Greater Good™. The Party quickly established a group of specialized foremen to encourage the workers to rebuild the express lane. Some workers resisted, but they were shot, found guilty, and given a fair trial. Others didn't work quickly enough, and they were justly and humanely reeducated or retired with dignity. Eventually, the new express lane exclusively for Party members who alone can see the way forward to Next Tuesday™ was constructed. It was called the People's Lane and a great mandatory spontaneous celebration was held when it opened. It was also heavily guarded to protect the People's work from counter-revolutionary elements. As for the other lanes, it was necessary to use what material was available from them for the construction of the People's Lane as our brilliant Party leaders led the way in saving the planet through recycling.
Finally, everybody was told they were living happily ever after, so much better than before the Revolution began. And if anybody tried to spoil the mood of ebullient enthusiasm by saying otherwise, they were kindly reeducated until they agreed they were better off than anybody else in the world, thanks to the wisdom of their Party leaders.
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9/4/2017, 8:50 pm
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Ushanka tip to social media comrade, Deanna Carter, who inspired the idea.
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9/5/2017, 10:10 am
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Oh, the inhumanity! Your ideas are truly groundbreaking and egalitarian, Comrade.
Perhaps there is also a way to promote the much more Progressive Traffic Policies currently in use in Portlandia, in the People's State Of Oregon, where bicyclists and pedestrians are the Most Equal of all residents?
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9/5/2017, 10:52 am
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Dear Komissar al-Blogunov,
Here is a link to Portlania's Bicycle Master Plan, which I humbly submit for your Most Intelligent Consideration: https://www.pdx.edu/ibpi/sites/www.pdx. ... tory_1.pdf .
Thank you for a most informative and thought provoking essay.
Your Comradelately
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9/5/2017, 1:07 pm
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Comradelately wrote:Dear Komissar al-Blogunov,
Here is a link to Portlania's Bicycle Master Plan, which I humbly submit for your Most Intelligent Consideration: https://www.pdx.edu/ibpi/sites/www.pdx. ... tory_1.pdf .
Thank you for a most informative and thought provoking essay.
Your Comradelately
This is Next Tuesday on Earth! Taxpayer money is spent to indoctrinate the masses on the benefits of spending taxpayer money and, at the same time, reinforcing korrekt opinions. Brilliant!
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9/5/2017, 1:09 pm
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Wait. A voter registration card as a Democrat should be all you need to use the "FORWARD!" lane. As long as the Rethugglikkans are paying for it, it will help Party Loyalists to transit into the Peoples urban paradise with efficiency while the Kapitalists sit in traffic

it works in Austinabad...
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9/6/2017, 9:10 am
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Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:Wait. A voter registration card as a Democrat should be all you need to use the "FORWARD!" lane. As long as the Rethugglikkans are paying for it, it will help Party Loyalists to transit into the Peoples urban paradise with efficiency while the Kapitalists sit in traffic

it works in Austinabad...
Well, here's a plan: we rebuild the middle "FORWARD!" lane and allow only Party members to travel on it. The rest can walk since they don't daily toil for the Greater Good.
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10/2/2017, 6:22 am
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Comrades, it was necessary to finish out this story with an epilogue about the glorious progress of the Revolution™. Reach for gently used Party issued Kleenex and read on.
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